Comparing illness to a mortal sin

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Oh, I wish I could be there to give you a big hug.

As a serverly disabled woman, I cannot FATHOM my parent saying such a cruel thing. Honestly, it sounds as if you need to work toward independence. Are you in the US? I know that the US, Canada and the UK have robust support systems in place for people with disabilities.

HUD has housing that is accessable and income adjusted. There is paratransport, many resources.

The Church has teaching about the inclusion and dignity of the disabled.

I am here to talk if you ever need it 😦
 
Perhaps your dad sees how much you’re suffering and was trying to use humor to lighten the tension.

I’m not saying it wasn’t a severe case of foot-in-mouth, but I think it’s likely his heart was in the right place.

My advice would be to calmly discuss it with him and say you know he probably didn’t mean for it to come across the way it did, but that it really upset you and you’d prefer if he didn’t joke about that stuff in the future.
 
I will do that. I told him about the nature of mortal sins. We’re fairly new Catholics so he probably didn’t know what he was saying.

Comparing the times that I’ve fought with my parents about my disability, I don’t blame them. It cost me a lot to be diagnosed, to get the genetic testing that I needed, and then I’m potentially getting a muscle biopsy. It’s very taxing on my parents; I cannot deny.

@TheLittleLady Thank you. I’ve been only 3 years into the neuromuscular progression, so not much has happened. I wish you peace and happiness! Thankfully, my parents are supportive of my education abroad. It’s just the tension and struggle we face as I’m the only person with a disability in the immediate family. I’ll pray to Saint Joseph about it, and ask for his guidance on how to love my father more.
 
Sometimes dads say things that they shouldn’t.
Sometimes they say these things because they’re not sure how else to convey their feelings.
I don’t know what your illness is, obviously, but I can imagine that your dad is suffering in his own way. There may have been a wall of tears behind the joke.
 
I understand. He has suffered a lot because of me.

I would be glad if he just blamed me outright. I mean, I really deserve his words.
 
My thought is he is like the ancient Jews who thought this way.
Remember when the Disciples ask Jesus whose fault it was for the mans blindness? His parents or his own? And Christ said it was not anyones sins but so that God could be manifested through him.
He goes on to heal the man.

I would weed this self righteous person out of your life if I were you.
I don’t know him obviously, maybe he just has a sick sense of humor and thought he was close enough with you that he didn’t think you’d take offense?
 
pulchraesamicamea said:
I understand. He has suffered a lot because of me.
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No. No, no, no, no.

He doesn’t suffer because of you. I don’t mean to put words into his mouth, but don’t think for an instant that he would trade you for anything else in the world.
 
I’m so, so sorry your father said that to you. You have a much better heart than me to not be angry and blame him. But please don’t blame yourself. You have nothing to blame yourself for, you do not deserve for him to speak to you in that way.

May I suggest you surround yourself with supportive people, who do not think for a second you deserve to be treated so cruelly because of something you are not responsible for.
 
pulchraesamicamea said:
Here’s the thing, everyone. It’s actually my dad who has said it. That is why it made me feel so hurt.
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For me, that actually makes it worse.

You did not ask to have an illness. Nor, do I imagine, did you do anything to deserve an illness.

Honor your parents, yes. But you do not have to take abuse.
 
The fact that it was your father and that now you have these self loathing or blaming sentiments is indeed worse. I won’t further bag on your father, I do want you to know two things.
  1. The command to honor thy father does not extend beyond what the actual words say. You honor your father by being close to God and Holy. You do not honor him or God by imitating or even accepting the errant hurtful things people do.
  2. God Our Father, is a perfect example of fatherhood. It is important to remember to cling to your True Father in Heaven. He does not have the weaknesses of an earthly father. He would never say such a thing to His child. And you are indeed loved by Him in a perfect way.
 
If you’re new Catholics, he may not have understood the gravity of his remark. Dads say bumbling things sometimes, so do kids. Tell him it hurt you and if he doesn’t do it again, and is otherwise a good dad, I’d let it go.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
If you’re new Catholics, he may not have understood the gravity of his remark. Dads say bumbling things sometimes, so do kids. Tell him it hurt you and if he doesn’t do it again, and is otherwise a good dad, I’d let it go.
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It’s nice that you, and many others on this thread, want to cut this fellow some slack, but even if he hadn’t thrown in the mortal sin aspect, he told her that her disability is bothering her parents and that she is a burden to him due to things beyond her control. And now she is blaming herself and feeling like a burden. That is not okay. At all.

@pulchraesamicamea as someone who has been hurt repeatedly by both of my parents, my heart goes out to you and I wish I could enfold you in my arms and take away your pain. There’s no excuse for what your father said to you. Even if he didn’t mean to hurt you or didn’t understand the gravity of what he said, it is not okay. Please, please don’t blame yourself or feel like a burden. Honoring your parents doesn’t mean allowing them to hurt you.
 
pulchraesamicamea said:
I would be glad if he just blamed me outright. I mean, I really deserve his words.
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No, you don’t deserve his words. The fact that you think you deserve them makes my heart physically hurt for you. Please put these thoughts out of your mind.
 
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Hello friends,

So I talked to my dad. He wanted me to go back to school and he said that he sometimes says things because he feels angry that I’m sick. He’s not angry at me, but he’s angry at my illness.

I also am trying to talk to him about mortal sins. It seems that he doesn’t understand it fully yet. I guess we’re still new Catholics and we have a lot of room to grow.
 
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