Complimenting women

[JanR]

The implication is that she doesn’t look good without make-up, and has to apply cosmetics in order to look good. In other words, she can’t be appreciated or admired for herself, without having to artificially embellish her appearance. That’s why it would be offensive.

 

[strita]

I haven’t read the 200 responses to the initial question. My opinion is to advise you to pass by the whole subject, because it involves judging someone. The lady might agree that her appearance is above some standard, but at the same time, what concern is it of yours? It is a personal remark, 100%, and it might be considered intrusive and offensive and off-limits.

 

[JulianN]

I see no problem with saying that to a man.

I’m having a difficult time imagining a straight man saying that to another straight man in an office. And if he’s not comfortable saying it to another man, he shouldn’t be comfortable saying it to a female coworker.

Because if the standard is different, it’s flirting.

 

[RuthAnne]

The implication is that she doesn’t look good without make-up, and has to apply cosmetics in order to look good. In other words, she can’t be appreciated or admired for herself, without having to artificially embellish her appearance. That’s why it would be offensive.

There’s no such implication. That’s just some people’s insecurity. What’s so hard about accepting a compliment for what it’s worth?

 

[RuthAnne]

I’m having a difficult time imagining a straight man saying that to another straight man in an office

Well, maybe it’s just different in the South. My husband gets such compliments and doesn’t consider them to be gay at all.

 

[Mi_Rose]

I always accept any compliment with a simple thank you but if I look good with makeup how do I look without it? I would say great.
That eye shadow looks good on you is a compliment.

 

[RuthAnne]

I always accept any compliment with a simple thank you but if I look good with makeup how do I look without it? I would say great.

Then what’s the problem?

 

[Mi_Rose]

No problem except I don’t like being called a snowflake.

 

[Servant31]

I personally don’t see the implication myself, but I think others can see it that way. I think it’s possible to be over sensitive too. We all probably do it to some point but sometimes a compliment has is that…a compliment.

 

[Aquinas11]

I’m having a difficult time imagining a straight man saying that to another straight man in an office. And if he’s not comfortable saying it to another man, he shouldn’t be comfortable saying it to a female coworker.

Kind of like women shouldn’t say anything to a man she wouldn’t say to a woman, like “can you lift this for me?”

 

[LilyM]

JanR:

The implication is that she doesn’t look good without make-up, and has to apply cosmetics in order to look good. In other words, she can’t be appreciated or admired for herself, without having to artificially embellish her appearance. That’s why it would be offensive.

There’s no such implication. That’s just some people’s insecurity. What’s so hard about accepting a compliment for what it’s worth?

Except that a whole multi-billion dollar cosmetics.industry is based on folks deliberately playing on what you call ‘some people’s insecurities.’ Which means that it is way more.than just SOME people who.are insecure.

And also means that a heck of a lot of people quite consciously do say such things fully intending to make the women they say them.to feel like they need makeup to be attractive.

So there is a heck of a lot less innocent but maybe awkward communication going and a heck of a lot more deliberate ‘negging’ thn you think. Look up the term - plenty of people are well aware of the tactic and deliberately teach it to each other anduse it. There are loads of books and classes on the topic.

 

[RuthAnne]

Except that a whole multi-billion dollar cosmetics.industry is based on folks deliberately playing on what you call ‘some people’s insecurities.’

That is not what I suggested at all. I don’t consider it an insecurity that someone uses makeup to improve their looks. I call that a natural desire. The insecurity is when someone thinks, as I previously said, that the corollary to “you look good with makeup on” is “you don’t look good without makeup on”. That’s insecurity. The objective of makeup is to look nice. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

 

[LilyM]

LilyM:

Except that a whole multi-billion dollar cosmetics.industry is based on folks deliberately playing on what you call ‘some people’s insecurities.’

That is not what I suggested at all. I don’t consider it an insecurity that someone uses makeup to improve their looks. I call that a natural desire. The insecurity is when someone thinks, as I previously said, that the corollary to “you look good with makeup on” is “you don’t look good without makeup on”. That’s insecurity. The objective of makeup is to look nice. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Of course it is insecurity. Why would people waste so much time and money putting coloured goop on their faces - which is mostly bad for their skin, thus requiring continued use to cover up the resulting blemishes - if they were secure?

Given how rarely we actually see our own faces, we clearly wear.it for the benefit of others - or the impression it creates on them.

 

[NoelFitz]

Is it good for young men to compliment a woman on her appearance?

I would extend the compliments.

It is good for young and old people to compliment the appearance of others, whether they be young or old, male or female.
People like to hear they are looking well, even if the compliment is really not sincere.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

People like to hear they are looking well, even if the compliment is really not sincere.

No we don’t.

 

[Servant31]

Idk Im a person and I like someone to say your looking well… I hope they mean it… but hey it’s better than walking up saying you look like trash what happened in your life… lol.

 

[RuthAnne]

Of course it is insecurity. Why would people waste so much time and money putting coloured goop on their faces - which is mostly bad for their skin, thus requiring continued use to cover up the resulting blemishes - if they were secure?

For the same reason we choose clothes that we think look nice on us.

I don’t often wear makeup but when I do it has nothing to do with insecurity.

 

[LilyM]

LilyM:

Of course it is insecurity. Why would people waste so much time and money putting coloured goop on their faces - which is mostly bad for their skin, thus requiring continued use to cover up the resulting blemishes - if they were secure?

For the same reason we choose clothes that we think look nice on us.

I don’t often wear makeup but when I do it has nothing to do with insecurity.

I see my own clothing (or.glimpses.tthereof) a heck of a lot more.often than I see my face, I can tell you. So do most pepple. And arguably clothing also comes into insecurity.

Put it this way - if you were the only person left on the planet, or you knew everyone else was blind, you would almost certainly very quickly cease to care about makeup and fashion. In fact you might cease to bother with clothing at all.

We are all, to a greater or lesser degree, are insecure. True confidence would be no makeup and a hessian sack or PJs for clothing, since our raw unadorned (or minimally adorned) selves would be enough to face the world with.

 

[RuthAnne]

We are all, to a greater or lesser degree, are insecure

I think you should speak only for yourself.

 

[Irishmom2]

Of course it is insecurity. Why would people waste so much time and money putting coloured goop on their faces - which is mostly bad for their skin, thus requiring continued use to cover up the resulting blemishes - if they were secure?

If I wear makeup because I am older and my eyebrows have thinned out, it is not because I am insecure. It is because a face looks odd without eyebrows. People use makeup to brighten their appearance, hide circles under their eyes, and even out skin tones. It may have nothing to do with insecurity. Just because someone thinks their face looks better with enhancements does not make them insecure. As someone already mentioned, how is that any different than choosing clothing that is flattering for us?