Dazzi, if it’s any comfort, some women struggle with these kinds of things, too. It’s not just younger guys – many if not most of us tend to be weak in the flesh. You’re not alone in your battle here, even though it’s a very private thing for each person who suffers with this.
A wise priest once told me that confession helps us to receive the grace from God to stop sinning. So many times we can’t stop it ourselves, but God working through us can do anything! The devil wants us to believe that we are hopeless, that we are in bondage to our “pet sins,” but Jesus can and will heal us! Sometimes we have to just give up and turn the whole thing over to Him. So keep on going to confession! Victory over this will likely come in baby-steps, but as long as those steps are in the right direction, that’s great!
If you are worried about sinning again on Saturday between the time you go to confession and the time of Sunday Mass, maybe you could go to the Saturday vigil instead? Keep yourself busy on Saturday afternoon between the time of confession and Mass, and you won’t have the opportunity to fall into sin before you receive the Eucharist. If for some reason you must wait until Sunday (like you have to go with your family or something), the same thing applies, just you’ll have to keep busy for a longer period of time. Physical activity helps – and if you can get out in public and get some exercise, that will keep you out of your room alone where you might tend to slip up.
It is absolutely OK, and in fact a very good thing, to find other things to occupy your mind and distract you from your flesh. Our Lady’s Rosary is a powerful weapon in these struggles. If you don’t think you are up to saying the whole thing, start with one decade and work up from there. If your mind wanders, just bring your focus back to your prayers and don’t get upset over it. This wandering-mind stuff happens to all of us at times. It might help to have a visual aid to keep your mind focused – I like the virtual rosary found here:
www.virtualrosary.org. You can download it and run it anytime.
As far as those bad thoughts about God and the Church, that’s the devil at work. He isn’t happy that you are trying to live a pure and holy life, so he is giving you evil thoughts, even blasphemous ones at times. But it says in the Bible, “Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” When one of those thoughts pops into your mind, say to yourself, out loud if you have to, “Blessed be the Name of Jesus” or another short prayer, and say it over and over until the thoughts go away. God loves you and knows that you are not thinking these things on purpose! Remember, for a sin to be mortal, there has to be full consent of the will, and you are
not consenting to these thoughts.
May God and His holy angels help you, strengthen you, and give you the grace to lead a holy and pure life. St. Michael, pray for us!
some of us women indeed - and in the interests of helping others I don’t mind admitting I’m one of them. And more-or-less come through the other side of the struggle too, God willing.