Concerned about my drinking

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mkipp

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I am concerned for myself as I consume about 6 beers a day, every day. I am not sure why I do it other than to relax but I am concerned that it may be developing into a problem. I am able to do all the things that I need to do and it has not affected my life and I consume the alcohol after work in the evening. I just don’t know if this is normal or too much. I feel embarrassed personally about it, also it has made me gain a lot of weight. I feel guilty about it.
 
My friend,

I’ve been sober from my addiction for about a year and 4 and a half months. It was not alcohol, but I can sense addiction in other people-it sounds like your leaning towards it. You need to be very, very careful about your drinking. If you google Alcoholics Anonymous they have a “self test”-it’s about 15 questions you can ask yourself-if you answer a certain way, it might show that you have a problem with drinking. I strongly, strongly recommend you take that test.
 
I am concerned as it is not healthy for me, but I enjoy it. I just look at myself as I get out of shape, drink, and feel as though I am not long for this earth and I am 31. I have an 11 month old daughter and want to be around for her and my wife. My wife and I have a few drinks after work when our daughter is a sleep, but I cannot seem to have just 2 beers and call it quits.
 
6 beers a night WILL interfere with your life, and in your daughters life, especially considering “home after work” is when you and she will be around each other the most for most of her childhood. No question about it. Enjoying it isn’t a good enough reason to play with fire. Surely you’re aware of the destruction that can come from people drinking too much or at the wrong times. Whether it’s behind the wheel or behind your curtains (or behind the curtains of your daugther’s house if she grows up and marries someone who drinks too much), lives are ruined every day because of drinking. And it’s often by a person who didn’t start out having a problem, but who probably didn’t recognize the line when they crossed it. Why do you need to enjoy six beers? Why not just one? Heck, why every day? Why not one beer only on the weekends? If that’s not enjoyable, then you have a problem. Your daughter is worth stopping for, and even if it’s not a problem now, I would nip it in the bud while you still can.
 
I think that the reason that I approached the subject is that I am concerned that I may have a problem. It seems that I think about stopping or only drinking on weekends during the day, and then after work I just go home relax, and have a beer that leads to more. I need to occupy myself with other things. I am just concerned, and thanks for the help and thoughts all of you.
 
This is going to sound weird but I found a really nice hot drink I like called Bonox.
http://www.kraft.com.au/NR/rdonlyres/2F07D263-3E88-4061-A685-FE54E38AF312/0/Bonox_Jar_230g.jpg
Its a kind of hearty beef flavoured drink. So while I am relaxing (otherwise called sloth) I drink Bonox instead of beer and so I have cut down my alcohol intake. I have not missed the beer since doing this. I recommend not having those one or two beers after the daughters are in bed. If you don’t start your evening with beer then you won’t end it with beer either. Just go straight into the Bonox.

The other comment is that beer and sloth are dastardly bedfellows. So cut down on sloth and your beer intake will drop commensurately. Then again if sloth is unavoidable it is better to put sloth to bed with Bonox than with beer. The other thing is that beer will keep you up drinking whereas Bonox will tuck you early into bed so that you can get up early to do your prayers. Beer and prayer does not go together. Bonox and prayer does.

You have heard it said that the fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much, but verily I say unto you that prayer and Bonox availeth more than prayer alone.
 
mkipp said:
I . I am able to do all the things that I need to do and it has not affected my life and I consume the alcohol after work in the evening. I .
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This is called “denial”. As if somehow drinking in the evening, when your family life will be more directly affected than your job, is somehow better. No it is not normal to “need” to drink any amount of alcohol. If you love your family more than beer you will get help now, preferably through AA which is tried and true. If not, not. If you are as your thread title says, concerned enouth to post here that is all you need to know, get help now before further damage is done. signed: child of alcoholics
 
I’ve been sober/alcohol free for 13yrs and 9 months. Alcohol is a problem when it becomes a problem. You may still be able to function, but sounds as though it is waring on your self-esteem. That’s a problem.

Alcoholism is a progressive disease. “small problems” can quickly become BIG PROBLEMS. Get to AA.

I’ll keep you in my prayers.
 
Alcohol has been part of hanging out with friends, and it seems to have progressed to drinking every day. I am embarrassed that I have created my own problem. :banghead:
Were there any saints that were reformed alcoholics? Just wondering for some to look to.
 
Something else to consider: You have an 11 month old. 11 month olds through 3 year olds are notoriously getting infections out of the blue (like ear infections and croup). What if, after your 6 beers, you had to drive your infant to the hospital-would you be unimpaired enough to do this? Would you have the wherewithal do deal with the hospital staff, or even to realize there is a problem in the first place? Or will all of this fall to the mother of the 11 month old? (and a new mom having a “couple of drinks” every night is not only somewhat impaired herself, she is significantly raising her risk of breast cancer)
After 6 beers, unles you have an extraordinarily high tolerance (also sign of a problem), you are no longer a present partner to your wife.

I am happy for you and your family that you seem to recognize there is a problem. PLEASE follow through on your insightful inner voice.
 
Philomeena said:
Something else to consider: You have an 11 month old. 11 month olds through 3 year olds are notoriously getting infections out of the blue (like ear infections and croup). What if, after your 6 beers, you had to drive your infant to the hospital-would you be unimpaired enough to do this? Would you have the wherewithal do deal with the hospital staff, or even to realize there is a problem in the first place? Or will all of this fall to the mother of the 11 month old? (and a new mom having a “couple of drinks” every night is not only somewhat impaired herself, she is significantly raising her risk of breast cancer)
After 6 beers, unles you have an extraordinarily high tolerance (also sign of a problem), you are no longer a present partner to your wife.

I am happy for you and your family that you seem to recognize there is a problem. PLEASE follow through on your insightful inner voice.
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Thank you Philomeena, what you mention about being impaired if something happened to my daughter is what I was thinking about this morning. I am ashamed that I have got myself in a position of possibly being dependant on alcohol. I want to be good father and husband, and by being impaired that is not what I am doing. Also as a side note, my wife may have a drink or glass of wine in the evening but not every night. She has mentioned that I cannot just have 1 or 2 and that it has to be more, and that I also am putting on weight and am unhealthy and she is worried that I won’t be around long.
 
You need to replace this bad habit with a good one. Instead of having the beers go to the gym would be my advice, or if you are like me and can’t afford to go to a gym go for a walk/run, do some callisthenics like jumping jacks etc and buy yourself some weights to use in the house, all you need is one dumbbell and a few plates.

If you cannot just have one or two then the only solution is to have none.
 
If you think it’s an issue, than it’s an issue. Does six beers a day mean you are an alcoholic. Maybe and maybe not. See a counselor and tell him or her how much you drink, when you drink, why you drink and they can give you an honest answer.
 
mkipp said:
I am concerned for myself as I consume about 6 beers a day, every day. I am not sure why I do it other than to relax but I am concerned that it may be developing into a problem. I am able to do all the things that I need to do and it has not affected my life and I consume the alcohol after work in the evening. I just don’t know if this is normal or too much. I feel embarrassed personally about it, also it has made me gain a lot of weight. I feel guilty about it.
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A person can have a problem whether its six beers a day or just one. When you find yourself having to do something, even when you don’t want to, then it’s a problem.

You are going to want to nip this in the bud. You don’t want it to take hold of you so much that it ruins your family. Look into counselling (maybe they can help you discover why you feel you need to drink to relax?) and maybe go to a few AA meetings.

Rememeber, admitting you have a problem doesn’t make you weak. We all have problems, and we are all struggling with something. This is why God gave us his strength and grace. Seek him in all you do!

I wish you all the best. 🙂
 
Good for you!! You’ve been blessed with insight. You don’t know why you do it and you think it is a way to relax. Find something else to do…exercise. Get rid of the beer belly, you’ll be nicely tired and relaxed, you’ll save $$. Go to AA and listen to the stories. Many wish they had stopped at the point you are at. Put some non-alcoholic beer in the frig in case you are tempted. Your a good man. God bless.
 
It is a sign of wisdom that you recognize your situation, but be careful not to over analyze or become to scrupulous with yourself. Alcohol itself is not evil until it is abused and causes problems, of which the numbers are astronomical and as varied as the individuals themselves. But even though 6 beers a nights sounds like child’s play to a really seasoned alcoholic, this is where many problems can start. You have the ability to nip the situation in the bud before the situation has a chance to get out of hand, heaven forbid.

As a recovering alcoholic myself (sober now 3 years) and drug addict (pot smoker), I can tell you that the situation that I went through was progressive and slow. It lasted for 25 years–non-stop. It had a great deal to do with my genes and environment and mental makeup, but there were many times during the period when I could “cut-back”. This really was just a self delusional ploy to tell myself that there was not a problem. The violence, foolish acts and sometimes very dangerous activities I would engage in were more than a sign that there was a problem.

I tried the typical AA, support groups and other help that is offered, but it just seemed to make things worse for me, as too many secular groups and medical professionals shun speaking about religious feelings too openly. It does work for some, not others. The key is to use that which you are best familiar with, in my case it was the Church. Talk to a good priest and if you must deal with a psychiatrist, make certain they are Catholic in philosophy of practice. The path of addiction often branches out into a million other roads until one is so confused they must refer to the road map to find their way.

That road map is Christ.

Our Blessed Mother, as well, will be there with you on the rocky road, if only you ask. You have to ask for help first. You have to be willing to sacrifice and change many things. If you fall into the situation of waiting until the problem get so bad it becomes seemingly uncontrollable, then the act of maintaining sobriety becomes even more difficult. It is easy to tell you my story, but absolutely impossible for anyone to really know what it is like. We are are individual, and it is too often believed that it is uniform in nature by many medical and psychological circles today.

Often addiction has other underlying factors that even the sufferer is unaware of. Discover those, confront them and that is what give you an advantage in battling it. It is the key to “self-help”, which is a contradiction in terms to an addict. Christ becomes the physician and Our Lady is more than happy to have you ask her to help in any problem you have. Remember to offer up to Christ any suffering you may experience in the course of the process of becoming sober, or when you experience anxieties over the situation.

Prayer is usually the only strength we have in any situation. Pray for wisdom, be patient, and remain aware of what you are doing and how it affects your immediate and internal situation. Go to Confession, Mass and receive the Holy Eucharist as necessary and this will be the greatest help you could ever imagine. God Bless You and I will pray for you.
 
mkipp said:
Alcohol has been part of hanging out with friends, and it seems to have progressed to drinking every day. I am embarrassed that I have created my own problem. :banghead:
Were there any saints that were reformed alcoholics? Just wondering for some to look to.
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St. Augustine, St. Monica, and Ven. Matt Talbot are saints who can intercede for you. Each of these saints had issues with immoderate drinking.

I totally understand your problem. Until just recently, I had a problem with immoderate drinking. I drank at least 4 beers a night and I am a light-weight female. I had a problem with limiting my drinking. Basically, once I started drinking for the day, I wouldn’t stop until I went to bed. I drank for relaxation purposes as well. I never felt “drunk.”

Recently, I experienced a miracle through the intercession of the aforementioned saints, Saint Mary, the Rosary, frequent confession (i.e., once every month), and a blunt comment from a priest during confession. About a month ago, I went to confession and, when confessing my immoderate drinking, the priest asked, “how much do you drink a day?” I responded with the 4 beers a night. He looked shocked and started talking about AA. I couldn’t believe it! Was I that bad off??? I then asked, what was moderate drinking? He then responded saying no more than 2 drinks. Since then, I have successfully limited myself to no more than 2 drinks a night. Praise God!

Here is my observations for you.
  1. You do have a problem with immoderate drinking. Six beers a night is immoderate no matter how one can justify it otherwise.
  2. I don’t know whether you have committed a grave sin because I don’t know whether you’ve had a “complete loss of reason” during your drinking episodes. However, you are definitely bordering on venial sin here. Keep in mind that addictions can sometimes mitigate one’s culpability for sin. I cannot say in your case.
  3. The fact that you posted this means that you care about this situation. You probably have regrets each morning when you think about the night before (I did!). You probably want to overcome this bad habit but you feel you don’t have the discipline or resolve to do so. Does this sound about right?
The good news is with God all things are possible! Here is what I suggest you do:
  1. Go to confession frequently and be specific in your confession. Say you drink 6 beers a night and that you have a 11 month old daughter. Mention whether you’ve driven while intoxicated, etc. Be plain and direct. Also confess that you want to overcome this problem.
  2. If the priest in confession acts like it is no big deal, try to go to another priest for confession. This is a big deal! It’s taking away your peace and, deep down inside, you know something isn’t right with your situation (I knew this myself when I thought of my own situation - priest after priest would downplay my confession of immoderate drinking. I knew something wasn’t right with my situation! The Holy Spirit was speaking to me!).
  3. Pray to Jesus, Mother Mary, and the saints. You may even do penance and/or pray the rosary with the intention of overcoming your addiction.
  4. You are probably afraid to give up drinking altogether. What else will you do, you might be thinking? This was/is my strategy with my drinking situation. I delay drinking for as long as possible during the day (i.e., I start after 9 pm and I go to bed at 10:30 or 11pm). I drink/eat other caloric things to replace the beer. I eat chocolate and I’ll drink hot chocolate before I start drinking beer. You might be a “salty” person and prefer potato chips, nuts or other salty foods. The key is to replace the beer with something that tastes good (i.e., comfort foods are perfect!) This way you don’t feel as much of a loss when you decide not to drink.
  5. Your weight issue is a separate concern. First, try to overcome the alcohol addiction. That’s why I recommend that you replace the drinking with other tasty snacks. You’ll be less likely to “fall off the wagon.”
  6. Regarding increasing your exercise, I don’t recommend replacing drinking with exercise - that’s no fun! And, you will more likely “fall off the wagon.” Tackle your exerise commitment separately from your drinking problem.
  7. Once you succeed with moderate drinking for one day, thank the Lord, Mother Mary, and the saints for their help and continue to ask them each day for the strength to overcome your addiction.
Lastly, believe that you can overcome this with God’s help. I totally relate to your situation. It’s been almost a month now that I have been successful with moderate drinking. Praise God! I will be praying for you. Please feel free to send me a PM if you want to talk further.

God bless you! Btw, I might have to try that beef drink the other poster recommended!😉

houston1
 
I don’t think there’ any better advice than Houston 1’s.

Another motivator might be considering the guilt you feel now, and how bad you feel in the morning (even if you didn’t get drunk) then think about how much better you would feel if you didn’t have those feelings.

Our Mother - The Blessed Virgin Mary can and will work a miracle for you. Give her a bouquet of flowers every night for this intention (rosary) and try giving up a few drinks at a time. Instead of 6 tonight - go with 4. Offer up the drinks you didn’t have for Our Lady’s intentions so that she can work some good or save some sinner with your sacrifice. She’ll repay you and you’ll earn merit in Heaven. Then maybe the following week try 3 beers… etc.

P.S. I heard a doctor on the radio say that two beers a night (or one hard drink - equivalent to a shot) is considered normal.
 
Being a college student myself, sometimes I worry about how much I drink. When it looks like it might become an issue for me, I just force myself to stop for a week. I figure it’s not an addiction as long as I can choose to stop it for a set period of time.
 
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