Concerned about my husbands affection with pet dog

[Chantal25]

For the ones that find this behavior IS normal, did you read this part in bold below?

allowing and encouraging the dog to kiss him all over his head, face, and mouth, and he kisses her back a lot. Many times he spends lengthy amounts of time (up to an hour or more) petting all over her, especially around her lower half, and lets her mouth his fingers, and moves her body close to his. He appears to be way too intimate with her like if she were a woman, similar to how he is with me; his wife.

 

[DexUK]

Not in my mind, but I am quickly learning that people actually do this, along with having pets in their bed and on their furniture, getting their pets spa treatments like massages, buying them clothing, including them in family portraits, feeding them from the dinner table, allowing destructive or gross behavior… It’s a brave new world! So maybe this guy is more “normal” than we think.

I’m sure the way we kept dogs when I was young would be considered abusive now because they were not permitted inside the house. They seemed happy, though!

Well I certainly don’t buy my dogs spa treatments or clothing, but until I bought a new sofa they were allowed on the old furniture. It’s not good practise to feed a dog from the dinner table though as that encourages begging and can make the dog think they’re higher up in the pecking order than they are (all humans should be regarded as ‘alpha’ to the dog). My dogs aren’t destructive or gross, but that doesn’t mean I don’t snuggle with them. Dogs react positively to that - they feel pleasure just like we do when stroked or caressed and that adds to the bonding and fits in with the instincts a dog has as a pack animal. And the feeling of a dog’s soft fur under one’s hands is well known to have a therapeutic relaxing effect. Dogs are frequently used as therapy animals in hospitals for example, and are often important in helping people with depression.

 

[DexUK]

For the ones that find this behavior IS normal, did you read this part in bold below?

I know plenty of people who let their dogs lick their faces - male and female (both dogs and people!).

Personally I wouldn’t, because I’m somewhat obsessed with hygiene, but a friend would let her dogs lick her ice cream and then continue to eat it herself… didn’t do her any harm! (Not that I’d recommend it!) Provided a dog is properly inoculated/vaccinated and isn’t allowed to eat poo, then the risk isn’t likely to be terribly high.

Nothing I’ve read about this chap’s behaviour with his dog leads me to believe that there’s anything untoward whatsoever.

 

[Lisa1967]

Please help! I am struggling with a strange and unexpected dilemma in my marriage since I got my husband a puppy for Christmas. I was happy at first that he loved his gift, but am now feeling frustration, regret, and concern for him spiritually. At first, he seemed to have the normal affection most people do with a new puppy, but soon, his affection became what appears and feels to me as overboard. Getting down to the dogs level on the floor, letting her up in the bed and anywhere, and allowing and encouraging the dog to kiss him all over his head, face, and mouth, and he kisses her back a lot. Many times he spends lengthy amounts of time (up to an hour or more) petting all over her, especially around her lower half, and lets her mouth his fingers, and moves her body close to his. He appears to be way too intimate with her like if she were a woman, similar to how he is with me; his wife. Although, I am having to share close time with the dog and for past couple months have been feeling very neglected. There have even been quite a few times where it seemed he wanted to be alone in the house with the dog. He usually drinks most evenings also, which correlates with his unusual behavior. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I am constantly having to fight jealousy and anger feelings and am getting really tired of missing our closeness. He is not easy to talk to about anything that has to do with what he is doing or isn’t doing (lots of pride), even when approached with I statements. Thank you

I think his behavior is excessive because it seems to be shutting you out. I had cats growing up, and have one now. I was affectionate with them but never to the point where it interfered with other relationships I had.

I’m concerned about the drinking as well. Have you tried Al-Anon? That might help you cope.

I’d also suggest counseling with a Catholic professional; go yourself if he won’t go with you.

 

[aspirant]

For crying out loud, the man likes his pet and he’s giving it affection and rubbing its belly. It doesn’t mean he’s about to commit bestiality.

Most of this behavior is normal, if not a bit over the top…
I think this is being blown WAY out of proportion.

I know plenty of people who let their dogs lick their faces - male and female (both dogs and people!).

Agree with all of this. I’ve never been a dog owner, but pretty much everyone I’ve ever known who owns a dog does most of this stuff-- allowing the dog on the bed or other furniture, scratching the dog’s belly, kissing the dog, allowing the dog to lick one’s face, etc. Among the dog owners I know, yes, this is all perfectly normal (and it’s certainly not sexual). In fact, many folks recommend spending time petting animals and looking into their eyes as a big time stress reliever.

 

[kelvinf]

Not in my mind, but I am quickly learning that people actually do this, along with having pets in their bed and on their furniture, getting their pets spa treatments like massages, buying them clothing, including them in family portraits, feeding them from the dinner table, allowing destructive or gross behavior… It’s a brave new world! So maybe this guy is more “normal” than we think.

I’m sure the way we kept dogs when I was young would be considered abusive now because they were not permitted inside the house. They seemed happy, though!

They did be surprise to hear what Pope Francis has to say about such behaviour. As Cardinal, in an interview with EWTN, he said people are spending unnecessarily on pets and are idolising pets.

 

[kelvinf]

Agree with all of this. I’ve never been a dog owner, but pretty much everyone I’ve ever known who owns a dog does most of this stuff-- allowing the dog on the bed or other furniture, scratching the dog’s belly, kissing the dog, allowing the dog to lick one’s face, etc. Among the dog owners I know, yes, this is all perfectly normal (and it’s certainly not sexual). In fact, many folks recommend spending time petting animals and looking into their eyes as a big time stress reliever.

There are those who say that their pet is their child. Others say, their pet is like their child. So it becomes normal because of what these (many) people say or think? No, it can’t be normal.

 

[mary_bobo]

There are those who say that their pet is their child. Others say, their pet is like their child. So it becomes normal because of what these (many) people say or think? No, it can’t be normal.

That is your opinion. I have seen as a volunteer at hospice how much comfort a pet can be to a dying patient. Personally, since I lost my husband, I have found great comfort in my dogs. They provide unconditional love and they give one a perpose. You may not think it normal to love a pet, but I find it offensive to say that it cannot be normal.

 

[polki]

I think people are reading way too much into the puppy petting part. It’s a puppy! All they do is play, cuddle, and lick everything in sight! lol

Why don’t the two of you go to puppy training classes together? It would be an activity you could do together, the dog would get trained to behave, your husband wouldn’t be at home drinking every night, and the trainer could instruct your husband better ways to interact with the dog.

You should also plan a date night without the dog every week. Don’t get jealous of a dog though. It’s not about the dog, it is about you and your husband.

Watch an episode of “It’s Me or the Dog.” It is a TV show where the trainer goes in to train the dog, but what she is really doing is training the people. Often, she ends up fixing their marital problems, because they have projected their issues onto the third party, the dog. It’s really quite interesting.

 

[Chantal25]

I know plenty of people who let their dogs lick their faces - male and female (both dogs and people!).

Personally I wouldn’t, because I’m somewhat obsessed with hygiene, but a friend would let her dogs lick her ice cream and then continue to eat it herself… didn’t do her any harm! (Not that I’d recommend it!) Provided a dog is properly inoculated/vaccinated and isn’t allowed to eat poo, then the risk isn’t likely to be terribly high.

Nothing I’ve read about this chap’s behaviour with his dog leads me to believe that there’s anything untoward whatsoever.

I know certain dog owner allow their dog to leak them but not necessary in the matter of this man. What he is doing seem like crossing the line. (Did you read the part what they do on the bed beside kissing?). A dog could be a wonderful companion and friend but they are animals and need to be respected in this way. Setting boundaries with them, isn’t being cruel to them but healthy. He is married to his wife, not this dog. The dog needs to keep out of the bedroom if this bother his wife.

p.s Cat poo, rabbit poo is a candy to them. They eat very discussing stuff if they can. Mine is on parasite medicine and God knows how much i am try to keep her out of stuff like this, but you cannot always control them.

 

[Lisa1967]

That is your opinion. I have seen as a volunteer at hospice how much comfort a pet can be to a dying patient. Personally, since I lost my husband, I have found great comfort in my dogs. They provide unconditional love and they give one a perpose. You may not think it normal to love a pet, but I find it offensive to say that it cannot be normal.

Well said. I am single, and I love my cat. He is a great companion to me. He was a stray and I adopted him from a bad situation. I think pets are wonderful. St. Francis of Assisi clearly valued animals. I used to go to a parish where they blessed animals on his feast day.

 

[Soren_Itenu]

In my opinion, you’re making a big deal out of nothing. He has storge for the dog, not eros. He’s not going to have sex with the dog. However, he might like the dog more than he likes you.

 

[kelvinf]

That is your opinion. I have seen as a volunteer at hospice how much comfort a pet can be to a dying patient. Personally, since I lost my husband, I have found great comfort in my dogs. They provide unconditional love and they give one a perpose. You may not think it normal to love a pet, but I find it offensive to say that it cannot be normal.

Did you really read my post? Where did I say that it isn’t normal to love a pet?

So for you, a dog is a child?

I don’t think an animal is capable of showing unconditional love–like a mother’s love for her child. She is not trained to do that. It’s unconditional love. An animal behaves the way it has been trained to behave or mistrained to misbehave. Like a standard pet dog or a fighting dog. What they do is not unconditional love. I don’t think a hungry dog would show you “love” if you don’t feed it regularly. Just the other day, a 14-year-old British girl was killed by her friend’s dogs and it seems like it had to do with food.

State of the art humanoids look like humans and try to act like humans: showing emotions, smiling and saying I love you. These are robots that have been programmed to act like humans. What they do is not love.

Love is a choice and an animal cannot make the choice to love someone unconditionally. It only does what it has been trained to do. I wouldn’t call it love.

 

[LaSainte]

Did you really read my post? Where did I say that it isn’t normal to love a pet?

So for you, a dog is a child?

I don’t think an animal is capable of showing unconditional love–like a mother’s love for her child. She is not trained to do that. It’s unconditional love. An animal behaves the way it has been trained to behave or mistrained to misbehave. Like a standard pet dog or a fighting dog. What they do is not unconditional love. I don’t think a hungry dog would show you “love” if you don’t feed it regularly. Just the other day, a 14-year-old British girl was killed by her friend’s dogs and it seems like it had to do with food.

State of the art humanoids look like humans and try to act like humans: showing emotions, smiling and saying I love you. These are robots that have been programmed to act like humans. What they do is not love.

Love is a choice and an animal cannot make the choice to love someone unconditionally. It only does what it has been trained to do. I wouldn’t call it love.

Have you ever heard of a dog losing the will to live when its owner dies, refusing to eat or play or anything until it too dies? Do you think dogs are trained to do that? It seems to me that if a dog wasn’t capable of love, it would simply move on to the next food source and be perfectly fine.

Have you ever seen Coco the gorilla interact with her kitten, and how she responded when she was told that her kitten had died using sign language? She was inconsolable.

 

[john78]

I wana see a gorilla in a suit and bowlers hat an perhaps teach it to walk with a cane and then go walking with it down a side walk in downtown NY, that would be sweet.

 

[Soren_Itenu]

You won the forumz for today.

 

[haedron]

It was asked but I didn’t catch it if it was answered: Do you have any children, and if you do, are they grown and out on their own?

Just my N=1, but I’m friends with several childless couples who also have pets and treat them this way. Personally, I find it disturbing that otherwise “normal” people treat their dogs like children. They sleep with them, dress them up in clothes, tote them around to all sorts of places, “kiss” them, etc.

I don’t get it, but I’ve noticed that it does seem kind of normal for these people. I often wonder if it’s because the dog is filling some sort of void.

 

[kelvinf]

Have you ever heard of a dog losing the will to live when its owner dies, refusing to eat or play or anything until it too dies? Do you think dogs are trained to do that? It seems to me that if a dog wasn’t capable of love, it would simply move on to the next food source and be perfectly fine.

Have you ever seen Coco the gorilla interact with her kitten, and how she responded when she was told that her kitten had died using sign language? She was inconsolable.

If all dogs can do what you say without ever having an owner or a trainer or irrespective of the owner or trainer, then it would mean they have some skills.

Humans can love anyone (any creature) if they choose to. No animal can do this.

 

[JackieMom]

It was asked but I didn’t catch it if it was answered: Do you have any children, and if you do, are they grown and out on their own?

Just my N=1, but I’m friends with several childless couples who also have pets and treat them this way. Personally, I find it disturbing that otherwise “normal” people treat their dogs like children. They sleep with them, dress them up in clothes, tote them around to all sorts of places, “kiss” them, etc.

I don’t get it, but I’ve noticed that it does seem kind of normal for these people. I often wonder if it’s because the dog is filling some sort of void.

I agree. I’ve heard the term “fur baby” or “four legged child” more than once from childless couples. The ones with kids tend to call their pets “damn dog” or “mean old cat.”

 

[gh4]

I agree. I’ve heard the term “fur baby” or “four legged child” more than once from childless couples. The ones with kids tend to call their pets “damn dog” or “mean old cat.”

I am a widow, and my children live 2000+ miles away.
I have dogs and they are why I get up in the mornings. I love my dogs. I pet my dogs and rub their bellies and I kiss my dogs. I kiss them on the snout and one of them kisses back.
They don’t sleep in my bed because 1 is old and one is too young and I’m kind of a restless sleeper. But if the oldest one wanted to, I would let her.

3 days ago I had to put one of my dogs to sleep, and it broke my heart. I will miss her terribly.

You know pets are good for people. Older people tend to live longer and healthier lives if they have pets.

And yeah, I have called my dogs my fur babies. And yeah, I refer to myself as mommy. And yeah, when my kids were growing up we had dogs and cats and birds. I never called them the darn dog or darn cat or darn bird. We loved our pets and they were part of our family.
No, I don’t dress my dogs up. But I do make them pretty collars, but I do that for a living and I probably don’t make them new collars often enough.
And yes, I can love on my pets for long times, rub bellies and cuddle with them, nothing wrong with this at all.

Now if this man is loving on his pup and not on his wife, I agree that they is probably a problem, but I really don’t see that it’s sexual towards the dog in nature. Sounds like some talking and counseling might be in order.