Concerned about my husbands affection with pet dog

[aspirant]

There are those who say that their pet is their child. Others say, their pet is like their child.

While I don’t particularly care for such expressions personally, neither do I take them very seriously. I know lots of people who say of human children “He’s so cute I could just eat him up!” or who nibble at children’s “nummy toes” and such. I am not concerned that they have cannibalistic tendencies. Interpreting such expressions literalistically is, generally speaking, absurd.

 

[kelvinf]

I am a widow, and my children live 2000+ miles away.
I have dogs and they are why I get up in the mornings.

You can’t wake up without dogs or what do you mean be that?

You know pets are good for people. Older people tend to live longer and healthier lives if they have pets.

Not exactly. The explanation for the specific people concerned is very simple. They say that people who believe in God live longer than folks who do not believe in God. Or people who worry less live longer than worriers. The explanation is very simple: Anything that is responsible for ensuring a healthy mind – makes you stressless and gives you peace of mind etc – would improve your lifespan.

And yeah, I have called my dogs my fur babies. And yeah, I refer to myself as mommy. And yeah, when my kids were growing up we had dogs and cats and birds. I never called them the darn dog or darn cat or darn bird. We loved our pets and they were part of our family.
No, I don’t dress my dogs up. But I do make them pretty collars, but I do that for a living and I probably don’t make them new collars often enough.
And yes, I can love on my pets for long times, rub bellies and cuddle with them, nothing wrong with this at all.

You are free to call your pets whatever you want. But an animal can never be a child no matter how you call it or treat it or how it “calls” you or treats you.

CCC 2418: One can love animals; one should not direct to them the affection due only to persons.

 

[kelvinf]

While I don’t particularly care for such expressions personally, neither do I take them very seriously. I know lots of people who say of human children “He’s so cute I could just eat him up!” or who nibble at children’s “nummy toes” and such. I am not concerned that they have cannibalistic tendencies. Interpreting such expressions literalistically is, generally speaking, absurd.

I am not quite sure whether they are serious or not. But some seem to be serious about it when you look at the way they treat the animal.

 

[Jeremiah_29_11]

I am not quite sure whether they are serious or not. But some seem to be serious about it when you look at the way they treat the animal.

Have you seen the Christmas and birthday cards, “From the dog,” and “From the cat?”



As if a cat would EVER give ANYONE a card!!! LOL

 

[Forkfoot]

Except for the whole “seems like he wants to be alone with the dog” thing (which may just be him wanting to be alone period), this all sounds like relatively normal stuff for someone who loves dogs. I’ve seen pet owners do all those things. I’m sure there is a distance growing between you two, and he probably is coming to the dog for its unconditional affection cuz he’s cut himself off from yours, but your insinuation that there’s something sexual happening between him and the animal is most likely in your imagination.

Forget about the dog, it’s not the issue. See if he’ll agree to go to couples’ therapy.

 

[gh4]

You can’t wake up without dogs or what do you mean be that?

No, but I would probably sleep later and be lazier, but my dogs won’t let me do that. They are probably my antidepressant. They make me happy. Beats getting up to an empty house. I have to get up and let them out, and I must feed them and get them fresh water and such.

Not exactly. The explanation for the specific people concerned is very simple. They say that people who believe in God live longer than folks who do not believe in God. Or people who worry less live longer than worriers. The explanation is very simple: Anything that is responsible for ensuring a healthy mind – makes you stressless and gives you peace of mind etc – would improve your lifespan.
Yes, I believe that my pets keep me more relaxed and keep me happy and as stress free as possible. Without them I would be a lot less happy, so yeah, pets will help me to live longer.

You are free to call your pets whatever you want. But an animal can never be a child no matter how you call it or treat it or how it “calls” you or treats you.
Yes, of course I can call them anything I like, but I’m not saying they are my children by birth, and obviously I realize that, but I like my dogs better than most children I meet, they are better behaved.

CCC 2418: One can love animals; one should not direct to them the affection due only to persons.

I love my sons more than I love my dogs, so I guess I’m safe here.

Pretty much my point is that just because I love my dogs doesn’t mean that I’m doing anything wrong. I realize that my dogs have 4 legs and a tail and can’t talk the way humans do. But honestly, I will always have a dog in the house because they love freely and all they ask for in return is some affection, water, food and a nice place to sleep.

Doesn’t mean you have to like dogs like I do.

 

[severus68]

gh4:


BTW my view on that part from the CCC is about for example, ignoring your dependent kids and giving all your attention to your pets. I don’t see how even the Church would be able to or want to regulate our feelings.out

I see this thread has also become about people who don’t care for animals questioning those who do.

Where is the OP?

 

[severus68]

Did you really read my post? Where did I say that it isn’t normal to love a pet?

So for you, a dog is a child?

I don’t think an animal is capable of showing unconditional love–like a mother’s love for her child. She is not trained to do that. It’s unconditional love. An animal behaves the way it has been trained to behave or mistrained to misbehave. Like a standard pet dog or a fighting dog. What they do is not unconditional love. I don’t think a hungry dog would show you “love” if you don’t feed it regularly. Just the other day, a 14-year-old British girl was killed by her friend’s dogs and it seems like it had to do with food.

State of the art humanoids look like humans and try to act like humans: showing emotions, smiling and saying I love you. These are robots that have been programmed to act like humans. What they do is not love.

Love is a choice and an animal cannot make the choice to love someone unconditionally. It only does what it has been trained to do. I wouldn’t call it love.

That is your opinion, not the truth in my opinion. No human can love unconditionally. I know my dogs love to eat but they are still happy to see me when I am not bearing food and a lot more.

What I don’t get is people questioning others on their feelings towards their pets. Don’t like dogs, don’t have one.

 

[Soren_Itenu]

No human can love unconditionally.

Wrong.

I have three examples, two based on faith, the last based on observation. Jesus Christ is a human being, and he loves unconditionally. But, he’s also God, so let me highlight Mary, the Mother of God’s unconditional love. Third, my wife: I have firsthand knowledge of and have witnessed unconditional love from a human.

 

[kelvinf]

but I like my dogs better than most children I meet, they are better behaved.

Ok, this is huge. Why are you even comparing a human being with a nonhuman? It’s like comparing animals with plants. Like: one likes flowers more than animals because they smell better. It isn’t fitting. Isn’t it?

 

[kelvinf]

That is your opinion, not the truth in my opinion. No human can love unconditionally.

Ok, please tell me: what are the conditions that have to be in place for a mother to love her newborn for example? What are the conditions that have to be in place for us to love our neighbours? It seems hard for some people to grasp. But unconditional love is love without any particular condition (circumstance or requirement). How is this impossible for humans? Failing to love unconditionally does not mean one is incapable of unconditional love.

What I don’t get is people questioning others on their feelings towards their pets. Don’t like dogs, don’t have one.

You can have whatever feelings you want to have towards your pets. I am not sure if anyone has paid you a visit to question the feelings you have towards your pets. The OP came here to ask a question whether the situation in question is normal or not. And she is getting answers.

 

[Ms_Manners]

There have even been quite a few times where it seemed he wanted to be alone in the house with the dog. He usually drinks most evenings also, which correlates with his unusual behavior.

This is enough to make me wonder.
Do you really think the dog is in danger? Can you take the dog to a vet to see if anything inappropriate was done?
What he does when you are around can be interpreted in many ways, but the motives are what defines inappropriate here.

We have two adult dogs and two cats. The only places off limits are the surfaces where we prepare or keep food and toilets. We get kisses and we give kisses, they play with our hair and “chew” on our fingers. I have times when I feel the need to be alone with one of them, for a walk or a jog or similar stuff, for various reasons. (My older dog benefits from 1-on-1 time since the other 3 are new arrivals, our younger dog needs training, they both need exercise, and cats just take charge when they want attention. Or they just keep me company when I need some quiet outdoors time.)
They are part of our family, not partners and not children, but furry friends and companions. It’s hard to explain, I don’t need or want them to be my partners or children, they fit in differently.

OP, you are not the first person with a problem like this I’ve met or heard about. (I’ve been active in animal rights and animal protection for a long time.)
You need to make sure that your husband is not doing anything inappropriate with the dog, see what his motive is for spending time with the dog in such a way. It could be just a phase and he might get over it.

But there is something else I often notice. The other partner get jealous and turns the dog into the bad guy, the other man/women, generally the culprit. Sometimes they will treat the dog like another human themselves, they treat it harshly or coldly, like it is another human going after their partner on purpose, or they get rid of the dog like they would get rid of the other man/woman.
Please at all times keep in mind that, if there is a problem, the dog is a victim, and still needs attention and care. If it needs to be removed from your home, it is for it’s own safety and well-being, not just to save your marriage. In such a case, removing the animal to safety is only the beginning.

Also, if it turns out that your husband is being inappropriate, never again agree to have an animal in your home, yours or someone else staying with you with their own animal, be careful around other people’s animals (there have been too many sad cases where people have even stolen animals for such things, and sometimes killed them in horrible ways when they were done with them) and around children as well, your own or other people’s, to make sure he doesn’t switch to other things.

 

[Jeremiah_29_11]

The OP has not returned and this is frequently the profile of a troll post.

 

[Rico_S]

Ty CAF posters. Very entertaining thread.

You never let me down.

 

[SwizzleStick]

The OP has not returned and this is frequently the profile of a troll post.

Yes, it would seem so. Someone early on in the thread stated "This can’t be for real!’ The fact that the OP has not returned at all seems to support that conclusion.

 

[gh4]

Ok, this is huge. Why are you even comparing a human being with a nonhuman? It’s like comparing animals with plants. Like: one likes flowers more than animals because they smell better. It isn’t fitting. Isn’t it?

Hello? I have met children that are so out of control that it’s beyond annoying. I have met children that are so obnoxious that it’s difficult to be in the same room with them. My dogs are neither obnoxious nor annoying nor do they talk back nor are they disobedient. Do I meet the occasional child who is well behaved and who is nice to be around, sure, but they are pretty rare!

On the other hand, my dogs are very well socialized and very well behaved. I don’t like bedlam around me, I like things to be calm and without chaos.

You have NO RIGHT at all to lecture me about my feelings about children and pets or anything else for that matter.
Nor am I telling you or anyone else that they have to love their dogs and treat them like children. I have friends who don’t treat their dogs the same way I do, and I accept that and it doesn’t mean that I don’t love my friends, I do. As long as you are not abusing or neglecting your dog(s) then how you feel about them is none of my business.

My goal here was to say that cuddling your dogs and giving them kisses and wanting to spend time with them is not a bad thing, and it’s not proof of any kind of sexual abuse towards that dog.
Sheesh.

 

[Chantal25]

I think that i can speak for others that don’t feel this is a normal behavior from this man that we all agree that it is perfectly normal to love your pet and have a close bound with him. We also are fully aware that certain dog owners do kiss their pet without for this being abnormal. Without a doubt, dog or cat are wonderful animal to help human in so many ways.

This being said, I hope that you understand that the fact we find this isn’t right for this man to act this way, we aren’t against having a great bound with your pet. I am the first one to have a close bound with my animals. According to the description of this person and speaking for me, i find that this woman has all the right to find there is a problem with her husband. Also, he should respect her if she doesn’t want this dog on her bed or any furniture. The dog needs to find its place. If all member of the family are perfectly cool with the dog sleeping every where then that part wouldn’t be a problem.

Now the part to get overly affectionate with this dog when he has a wonderful wife that is patient with him, regardless his drinking, is not healthy to me for a marriage. He is putting this dog first. If the description is accurate, he is without question crossing the line in term of affection. His wife find it is a problem, then it is. I would feel the same if i was her.

Blessings!

 

[gh4]

I think that i can speak for others that don’t feel this is a normal behavior from this man that we all agree that it is perfectly normal to love your pet and have a close bound with him. We also are fully aware that certain dog owners do kiss their pet without for this being abnormal. Without a doubt, dog or cat are wonderful animal to help human in so many ways.

This being said, I hope that you understand that the fact we find this isn’t right for this man to act this way, we aren’t against having a great bound with your pet. I am the first one to have a close bound with my animals. According to the description of this person and speaking for me, i find that this woman has all the right to find there is a problem with her husband. Also, he should respect her if she doesn’t want this dog on her bed or any furniture. The dog needs to find its place. If all member of the family are perfectly cool with the dog sleeping every where then that part wouldn’t be a problem.

Now the part to get overly affectionate with this dog when he has a wonderful wife that is patient with him, regardless his drinking, is not healthy to me for a marriage. He is putting this dog first. If the description is accurate, he is without question crossing the line in term of affection. His wife find it is a problem, then it is. I would feel the same if i was her.

Blessings!

I totally agree with you.

 

[kelvinf]

Hello? I have met children that are so out of control that it’s beyond annoying. I have met children that are so obnoxious that it’s difficult to be in the same room with them. My dogs are neither obnoxious nor annoying nor do they talk back nor are they disobedient. Do I meet the occasional child who is well behaved and who is nice to be around, sure, but they are pretty rare!

On the other hand, my dogs are very well socialized and very well behaved. I don’t like bedlam around me, I like things to be calm and without chaos.

You have NO RIGHT at all to lecture me about my feelings about children and pets or anything else for that matter.
Nor am I telling you or anyone else that they have to love their dogs and treat them like children. I have friends who don’t treat their dogs the same way I do, and I accept that and it doesn’t mean that I don’t love my friends, I do. As long as you are not abusing or neglecting your dog(s) then how you feel about them is none of my business.

My goal here was to say that cuddling your dogs and giving them kisses and wanting to spend time with them is not a bad thing, and it’s not proof of any kind of sexual abuse towards that dog.
Sheesh.

You can compare how some kids behave with other kids. Again, comparing a child with a dog is like comparing a dog with a tree.

Peace.

PS: This is a discussion forum and not a lecture room.

 

[severus68]

Wrong.

I have three examples, two based on faith, the last based on observation. Jesus Christ is a human being, and he loves unconditionally. But, he’s also God, so let me highlight Mary, the Mother of God’s unconditional love. Third, my wife: I have firsthand knowledge of and have witnessed unconditional love from a human.

Christ is God. Our Lady is not God, while mother of Jesus, she is still human. I wont’t discuss your wife, not my place to do so.