Confession - Can the priest be rude to you?

[theistgal]

Personally, I would go back to confession with the same priest and confess to having uncharitable thoughts about a priest that was rude to me when I had come to him for a Sacrament of Reconciliation. He may be rude again, in which case I would say “Make that 2 times…”

Post of the month!!

 

[damooster]

I went to Confession a few weeks ago and the priest told me to stop being stupid. I didn’t care, but I can see how this particular situation may have been nerve wracking.

 

[Brendan_McCabe]

He had no chance to finish his confession because the priest ended the confessions before he could return to it.

And some people smile or laugh when they are nervous, so for the priest to assume he was not taking the confession seriously was a stretch.

The priest ended the confession because the penitent was in his judgement not adequately prepared to receive the sacrament.

The priest was available to hear the penitents confession after morning prayers which if they are the morning prayers I am thinking of I am guessing took between 15 and 30 minutes, a length of time the penitent was unwilling to wait because the penitent felt they had something better to do with their time than spend an extra 15/30 minutes preparing for confession.

The priest is the only person who can accurately make the judgement of whether a penitent is correctly prepared to receive the sacrament of penance as he was the person there who witnessed the demeanor of the penitent, and he is the person with the authority to do so. It should be noted the penitent was not refused absolution but rather was told to go and spend more time preparing for the sacrament and then come back.

Some people do not know how lucky they are to have a priest willing to hear their confessions, or how lucky they are to have one who will come back after morning prayers rather than just tell them end of confessions come back next week, which is much worse imo and also much more common.

 

[Jack_Bauer]

Find another confessor.

 

[Bookcat]

One caution before I comment in general. We need to be careful in our conversations and posts etc in regards to what a priest may have done in confession…for we want to of course avoid detraction (someone may know us and guess the priest…etc) and if such becomes known…there are serious difficulties for the priest in being able to defend himself or answer for himself etc…for he is under the seal…

Ok…now have I encountered Priests over the years who have taken an approach that I would think not good …being in a bad mood…gruff…etc…bad days…yes. I do not usually go back to them.

(and of course God can make use of even such times …for our good…)

Priests are human…and as one Priest told me …they need our prayers too.

Should he be rude etc…no of course not. (neither should I …and sometimes…well…oh maybe I will save that for Confession…)

Also note that there can be other human things which do not jive…such as temperments can not mix etc.

And I should add I love the Sacrament of Confession… since became Catholic (years now) I have gone frequently and l love it and have encountered many many wonderful Priests! Some quite saintly.

I hope your upcoming approach to the Sacrament will be very wonderful …

Know that Jesus the Good Shepherd loves you and in him and thus in this Sacrament we have true life

 

[JimG]

Have you ever read anything of St. Padre Pio? He was not always known for being nice in the confessional. He chased many people out of the confessional, encouraged weekly confession, and after refusing absolution to one person, he told him not to seek another priest for absolution as both would go to hell. He said this meaning that people who are not serious about the confession and not wanting to change their lives make the sarament profane. So this priest’s actions are not unheard of…

As another poster said, this is a great opportunity to reflect on your sins once again and ask how serious you were about confessing to God.

God bless.

When I read the thread headline I immediately thought of Padre Pio, who was rather renowned for his rudeness to penitents and yet had long confession lines.

My second thought was, of course a priest can be rude to you. I’ve really never experienced a rude priest, although a few were a little stern. Perhaps a priest might even be obligated to be rude, if he considered it for the benefit of a penitent’s soul.

Have you ever met a Marine who in subsequent years thought that his original Drill Instructor was too rude to him?

 

[Mark_David]

I skulked out of the confessional box with my tail firmly between my legs. I had a look at this scuffy piece of paper that was on the pew before I went in but why wasn’t the pamplet in the box so that you could read the Act of Contrition from it? **The previous priest had all the details on a laminated sheet in the confessional box. So you didn’t have to rely on your memory. **

Personally I think that this should be the norm; it is at my church. It’s about how sincere you are, and about being forgiven - not about memorizing the Act of Contrition. Of course it’s a great thing to memorize it… it helps to show that you really care. But it’s somewhat unreasonable to demand that one does. Some people have terrible memory, or are newcomers, or are very busy, etc. And this is coming from someone who tries to memorize as many prayers and Bible and Catechism passages as possible.

Then the priest come out and announced abruptly that confession was over and you would have to wait until after morning prayers.

That wasn’t really nice. The priests at my church always whisper “Can you come back at… [insert time]?” when they need to be elsewhere - which is awkward enough. But, don’t forget: one must swallow their pride - we are Catholic, and, on top of that, in a state of mortal sin. Plus the priest is giving you a gift - the gift of forgiveness. It’s not something we deserve.

Can I now go to communion, even though the procedure was not completed?

If I must go again, I will not go to him. I will go to another church, but it does seem unfair when I have made the effort to go in the first place.

No. It’s not about fairness, it’s about what’s right. If you didn’t receive absolution, then you need to before receiving communion. As some other posters have suggested - maybe you should consider how serious you are about all this. Maybe the priest could sense that you weren’t really concerned, which is why he came off as being rude. If you’re not concerned, then what’s the point in going to confession anyhow? It displays a lack of faith.

 

[Matthew_Holford]

… they have a hard job and life.

That phrase may apply to many of us. No one would forgive me for being rude to them because of this. I do not know why people are so tolerant of bad attitudes from priests. They have no right to behave in this way towards people. Some people may counter argue that they are in positions of authority. Well, to behave in this manner is an abuse of that authority. Priests should be setting good examples, not bad ones.

 

[Joannm]

That phrase may apply to many of us. No one would forgive me for being rude to them because of this. I do not know why people are so tolerant of bad attitudes from priests. They have no right to behave in this way towards people. Some people may counter argue that they are in positions of authority. Well, to behave in this manner is an abuse of that authority. Priests should be setting good examples, not bad ones.

I agree. The poster was, it sounds, sincere in his desire to go to confession. When a person is away from the sacrament for awhile he or she may need some assistance, and what they need is a caring priest, not someone who will yell at them. I had a priest like that once and it upset me so much that I stayed away from the sacrament for 9 years because I was so traumatized. A priest does not know the disposition of the person sitting across from them.

I giggle when I get nervous. It doesn’t mean that I think something is funny, but it is my unconscious way of dealing with anxiety.

As far as the act of contrition, I would say the priest was not prepared for people who come to confess after a long time who may not know one (and you don’t have to recite a formal one but can make one up one). The priest should have guided the OP and helped him along.

I would say to the OP that you made a sincere effort to go to confession. The priest should have absolved you and not asked you to come back after getting an act of contrition that was outside the confessional. He should have copies inside for just this reason. I would go to another priest.

 

[Brendan_McCabe]

That phrase may apply to many of us. No one would forgive me for being rude to them because of this. I do not know why people are so tolerant of bad attitudes from priests. They have no right to behave in this way towards people. Some people may counter argue that they are in positions of authority. Well, to behave in this manner is an abuse of that authority. Priests should be setting good examples, not bad ones.

A Christian should forgive you for been rude to them without even needing a reason. Christians are tolerant of the faults of others because they are humble enough to recognize the greatness of their own as was pointed out several times to us by Christ.

“And why seest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye; and seest not the beam that is in thy own eye?” Christ, Matthew 7:3

However I would not consider a father telling of his child to be guilty of a bad attitude, sometimes children need to be corrected in such a way.

“Amen I say to you, unless you be converted, and become as little children, you shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.” Christ, Matthew 18:3

 

[jesuspsr]

Did I miss something? Who said that the poster was in a state of mortal sin?

I’m not trying to be argumentative, either the poster never said that or I missed it.

If you are in a state of grace, you are not required to confess, though it’s certainly a good idea in any case, at reasonable intervals.

On the other hand, most any priest will tell you that hearing confessions in the worst part of his schedule, so cut the guy a little slack.

I agree, I also agree with Therealjuliane and MissRose73. Many are not going to agree with me, but priest or no priest there is some behavior I won’t tolerate. I’m to quick to re-action. A character defect I’m working on.

God bless

jesus g

 

[JimG]

Jesus sometimes called the scribes and pharisees a “brood of vipers,” i.e. a bunch of snakes. This was rude behavior of him, and they didn’t like it. But perhaps they needed to hear it, and maybe some even changed their own behavior as a result of his rudeness.

 

[Corki]

Did I miss something? Who said that the poster was in a state of mortal sin?

I’m not trying to be argumentative, either the poster never said that or I missed it.

If you are in a state of grace, you are not required to confess, though it’s certainly a good idea in any case, at reasonable intervals.

On the other hand, most any priest will tell you that hearing confessions in the worst part of his schedule, so cut the guy a little slack.

Well, at best the person is in no better shape than when she started.

Also, she admitted she hadn’t been to confession in a few years. Considering that we are required to confess our sins at least once a year, she has at least that one on the “check list”.

Yeah, this guy was rude. That’s inexcusible.

I have never heard a priest say that hearing Confession was the worst part of his schedule. In fact, I have heard many, many priests say just the opposite. That to absolve someone, especially someone who has been away for a while it the most reaffirming thing they do.

 

[Sir_Knight]

Have you ever read anything of St. Padre Pio? He was not always known for being nice in the confessional. He chased many people out of the confessional, encouraged weekly confession, and after refusing absolution to one person, he told him not to seek another priest for absolution as both would go to hell. He said this meaning that people who are not serious about the confession and not wanting to change their lives make the sarament profane. So this priest’s actions are not unheard of…

With all due respect to this great saint, he does not have the authority to damn anyone to hell especially a fellow priest who might extend absolution to someone – which, would be within his authority to do so.

 

[Sir_Knight]

What do you do if a Priest cuss’s you in the confessional? Is that abuse??

No priest should ever curse at you. Stern? Yes. Rude? No! Jesus didn’t die on the cross to condemn you. We were already condemned. Jesus suffered and died on the cross to reconcile the world to His Father. The priest is there as BOTH judge AND physician established by God as a minister of divine justice AND mercy (see Catholic Church Canon 978 §1).

 

[Sir_Knight]

And some people smile or laugh when they are nervous, so for the priest to assume he was not taking the confession seriously was a stretch.

Yeah, this guy was rude. That’s inexcusible.

The priest obviously felt you were not taking the sacrament seriously and he sensed you did not have true contrition

The priest ended the confession because the penitent was in his judgement not adequately prepared to receive the sacrament.

The priest is the only person who can accurately make the judgement of whether a penitent is correctly prepared to receive the sacrament of penance as he was the person there who witnessed the demeanor of the penitent, and he is the person with the authority to do so.

 

[Samson01]

No priest should ever curse at you. Stern? Yes. Rude? No! Jesus didn’t die on the cross to condemn you. We were already condemned. Jesus suffered and died on the cross to reconcile the world to His Father. The priest is there as BOTH judge AND physician established by God as a minister of divine justice AND mercy (see Catholic Church Canon 978 §1).

Thanks…I think there is something seriously wrong with this Priest. Being called what I was called has hurt my belief in “persona Christi”, or at times makes me feel condemnded. Not a good memory at all.

 

[april32010]

On the other hand, most any priest will tell you that hearing confessions in the worst part of his schedule, so cut the guy a little slack.

every priest i know doesn’t feel this way.