Confession If I'm Not "Repentant"

[Soldier_Of_God]

To resolve is to make a conscious effort. In the context of reconciliation, one must make a conscious effort to avoid sin. We are asked (nay commanded) by Jesus not to sin again.

Perhaps this passage may help clarify:

If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
- 1 John 1: 8-9

 

[laszlo]

To resolve is to make a conscious effort. In the context of reconciliation, one must make a conscious effort to avoid sin. We are asked (nay commanded) by Jesus not to sin again.

Perhaps this passage may help clarify:

If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
- 1 John 1: 8-9

So, what is the answer to the questions:

In practice: should you break up with your girlfriend/boyfriend if you sinned with her/him? Should you flash the pills and the prescription for them?

 

[odhiambo]

So does that mean there is no point in going to confession? In the poster’s scenario.

Sadly Yes!:sad_yes:

 

[Khalid]

This is a serious problem, which cannot be resolved by quoting legalistic statements.

The reason for the exodus form the Church in the late sixties was the requirement against the contraception under the pain of mortal sin, and not the new form of the Mass.

Until the 20th Century the requirement that no sperm should be wasted meant the survival of the humanity, due to the high infant and childbirth mortality. Both problem was resolved, and it turned over that neither the individual families nor the humanity as community can afford the previous 10 childbirth for a woman. Also it is evident that in a sexually overcharged world requirement for the total chastity outside of the marriage is too strict standard.

Naturally the decision belongs to the Church, but he resolution could not be that the majority leaves the Church in the most important age, when families raise the new generation.

The probably resolution is that if someone humbles himself, and confesses his/her sins at least once a month, that is enough for repentance, even is one know that he will sin again. God does not wants impossible.

Meanwhile we should pray for the Church, that the emphasis be on the positive side: three or more children in a Catholic family, and not on the prohibition.

Absolute chastity outside of marriage is not too strict of a standard. Any standard allowing intimate relations outside of marriage is too loose of a standard, on the other hand.

I have a difference of mind with the Church - in theory - over artificial birth control (in such situations where parents could in no wise pay for even the feeding and clothing of a child, let alone education, and a 5% failure rate of natural birth control is not acceptable) and - again in theory - abortion in the rare cases (I believe in a woman’s choice in cases of incest, rape, severe congenital deformity, and surgeon’s prerogative when the mother’s life is threatened).

I say “In theory” for the first would apply to very few people - only those on welfare or less income - and the second apply to even fewer people, as enumerated in the clause itself.

On the other hand, there is absolutely no viable, valid, efficacious excuse or reason for intimate relations outside of marriage: no one’s life or livelihood is at stake, nor is any child’s misery or the quality of their upbringing and education (it is more important to bring intelligent children in to the world than of any other attribute). It is a case of the failing of the will, a type (in the Biblical studies sense) of the failure of will - and the jealousy and lust - that caused the Fall of Man.

However, I do not practise these things: I defer to the church.

And, in regards to “Woe to the Pharisees” (Matt), “Faith without works is dead” (James) - works are an outward sign of the faithful’s indwelling of the Holy Spirit: complete lack of outward works and constant mortal sin shows, in part, that there is very little or no faith.

 

[Soldier_Of_God]

So, what is the answer to the questions:

I presumed the questions were rhetorical. Well, there isn’t a single answer. There are many things one can do to avoid sin.

 

[laszlo]

And, in regards to “Woe to the Pharisees” (Matt), “Faith without works is dead” (James) - works are an outward sign of the faithful’s indwelling of the Holy Spirit: complete lack of outward works and constant mortal sin shows, in part, that there is very little or no faith.

Consider a young couple preparing their marriage. They sin. Is the confession valid w/o breaking up?

Also a women in childbearing age with 4 children is using pill. Is her confession valid w/o throwing away the pill and the prescriptions for refill?

These are real questions, what a priest had to face in the confessional. If he says that the penitent had to remove the occasions of the sin, the penitent has no choice but try a heroic life, and if he/she repeatedly fails, leave the church and come back only after certain age, so the children are raised outside of the Church. So the answer is struggle, and God will help you without breaking up, or throwing away the pill.

 

[Soldier_Of_God]

So the answer is struggle, and God will help you without breaking up, or throwing away the pill.

What does struggle mean?

If you mean for someone grapple with their problem by making an attempt to deal with your sin with a sincere effort to stop or mitigate the sin, I would agree. Struggle entails effort and making difficult choices. At times, we are asked to make difficult choices, not choices that are expedient. It’s evident from scripture that the person who sins is responsible for their own sin. Jesus teaches that the source of temptation that causes men and women to be lured into sin must be cut off from them by the individuals themselves.

Woe to the world for temptations to sin. For it is necessary that temptations come, but woe to the one by whom the temptation comes! And if your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life crippled or lame than with two hands or two feet to be thrown into the eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into the hell of fire.
- Matthew 18:7-9

In your examples, a couple does not have to break up to avoid having pre-marital sex, they can abstain until marriage. A woman with 4 children does not have use contraception pills but has NFP or abstinence as options. Can it be a struggle to avoid sin? Yes, absolutely. However, to not act nor feel guilt shows no such inclination or remorse.

To me, what you propose are not struggles but rationalizations, maybe to avoid taking responsibility for actions and justifying taking the easy way out. What struggle is there to continue to do what you do without guilt or a commitment to avoid sin? Furthermore, reconciliation isn’t sin extraction process; it’s a process in which you actively participate in and promise to avoid further sinning. Continuing to sin is not the answer.

What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it.
- Romans 6:1-2

You have a concern that if maintaining good standing proves to be too difficult for individuals, they may leave the Church. I can appreciate this stance. I would like to add no one is being asked to leave and no one is condemning them. No one on Earth has that power. Nonetheless, to allow someone to believe that reconciliation works in a way that it does not, does them a disservice.

The question the OP poses if he has no guilt or believes he has done no wrong, does reconciliation expunge sins? Well, does a hollow or insincere apology count? The answer I posit is no, it does not, thus in the OP case his insincerity renders the reconciliation invalid. When a real sin has been committed against someone, a real apology is needed and a real effort to avoid it doing it again in the future.

 

[dailey]

(Post 1 of 2)

you already got your answer from the other posters, but regarding “why they are wrong” i will tell you as simply as i can.

first of all, because it is not yours to take, God gave this gift of intercourse for the married, for those who are “one flesh”, and who are in union not just with each other, but with God, because marriage is really between 3, and the marriage act takes 3, husband, wife, and God, to create body *and *soul, and when you take it for yourself that way, you are separating the pleasure from the purpose,
the Catholic church teaches that the only ones who may have sex are “husband and wife, who are validly married to each other, and only in the natural manner, with their proper marriage partner, and only in a manner that leaves open the conception of a child.”
you have to consider here what harm you could be doing by committing this act outside of marriage, to yourself and others,
first to yourself - you are giving into lust, which is “An inordinate desire for or enjoyment of sexual pleasure. The desires or acts are inordinate when they do not confirm to the divinely ordained purpose of sexual pleasure, which is to foster the mutual love of husband and wife and, according to the dispositions of providence, to procreate and educate their children.”, and the reason that is so bad is, because it enslaves you to the flesh, and makes you turn away from God,
it can’t be helped, if you give yourself to lustful desires, you turn away from God whether you want to or not, “No man can serve two masters. For either he will hate the one, and love the other: or he will sustain the one, and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.” Matthew 6:24
you will either hate lust and love God, or love God and hate lust, you cannot do both.

and then what it does to others is, it drags them into hell with you…do you think that you are only risking your own soul? you cannot commit this act outside of marriage without hurting others, most of all by them losing their sanctifying grace, and also by corrupting them in mind, heart, and body,
and despite whether they were okay with that or not, you cannot say that you really love them and yet let them go to hell, love does what is best for the one loved, not what is merely desired or asked,
and that should give you an idea of why God commands us not to take part in the sexual pleasures(mind, heart, or body) outside of marriage, because, since He loves us perfectly, He does what is best for us for our own good, and not merely what we want or desire, since we are so inclined towards evil by our weak human nature, and clearly we don’t know what is best for us, either body or soul, and if you want to know how this can possibly be bad for us in mind, heart, and body, i will tell you,

first in mind, to become attached to these carnal pleasures and to dwell on them makes us perverted, you find yourself, inevitably, thinking of sex at every turn, whether you want to or not, and seeing others as objects of lust rather than of love,
secondly, in your heart, you find yourself always craving the things of the flesh, rather than God and the things of God, and you desire to use others, rather than to do good for them(or what is best for them),
and then thirdly of body, you are a temple of the Holy Ghost, but by this sin you desecrate that temple, and degrade yourself, and lower the dignity of your body to that of an animal. and by having sex outside of marriage, you commit an act of hate on yourself, and the one you are committing it with, and also on God.
and although by this sin we have hurt Jesus, but the reason God has forbidden it is not because it hurts Him, but because it hurts us, all sin is forbidden because of what it does to us, not God, it is for our own good, and by that alone we should see Gods great love for us, that He would forbid even the smallest sin, risking us hating Him and being angry with Him, not thinking of Himself but of us.
and if you wish to see why this sin is so bad, the best thing you can do is learn to love God, and grow in that love, which will both guide you to a true knowledge of good and evil, and motivate you not to commit those evils which so greatly offend the God you love.
**
(continued in next post)**

Well said!

 

[smichhertz]

I have a question about confession. Say I commit a mortal sin regularly, like ABC or premarital sex- am I absolved of my sins if I confess knowing that I’ll probably do them again(namely because I don’t see why they are wrong personally, but I defer to the Church?)

In all honestly, I will never feel sorry “inside” for these sins. I hear people on these forums claim that they regret losing their virginities before marriage, and write how such sins are excruciatingly painful to them. I on the other hand, do not feel any of this. However, in deferring to the Church am I absolved?

Hi joshman1!

Firstly, WELCOME! I hope you enjoy CAF and it aids you on your spiritual journey. I have found these forums to be an excellent resource for my faith and I have enjoyed the wonderful community as well.

Now on to your question:

Sometimes God deliberately hides an understanding of the Church’s teaching from us to see if we will follow them even when we don’t understand them as a test of our obedience. It sounds like that might be what you are going through. As an example, I have a friend that has openly said she does not understand the Church’s teaching on ABC, but she follows it anyway, because she recognizes the authority of the Church. It’s one thing to follow a teaching when God gives us a clear understanding, it’s another thing when we follow it and we don’t fully understand. After all, our Lord did say “Blessed are those who have not seen, and yet believe”. You are in a unique position to prove your faith to God!

In regards to being sorry, as long as you have some level of sorriness, than that is enough to make your Confession valid. We tend to view contrition in terms of a on/off switch. You are either sorry or your not. But in reality, it’s more like a stairway, as we grow deeper in our relationship with Christ, we understand more and more the evil effects of our sins and become more and more sorry for them. Sometimes, I think God deliberately does not allow us to see the full effect of our sins because otherwise, we would become paralyzed by our own guilt.

I strongly recommend that you talk about this with your priest. Explain what you are struggling with and ask him what he would suggest you do, and then do it! But I do not think that your confessions are invalid, as it seems to me you are sorry for what you did. But a priest would be able to judge that much better than any of us.

I will say a prayer for you. May the Holy Spirit inspire your mind and guide your actions. Good luck and God bless!

 

[Khalid]

Consider a young couple preparing their marriage. They sin. Is the confession valid w/o breaking up?

Also a women in childbearing age with 4 children is using pill. Is her confession valid w/o throwing away the pill and the prescriptions for refill?

These are real questions, what a priest had to face in the confessional. If he says that the penitent had to remove the occasions of the sin, the penitent has no choice but try a heroic life, and if he/she repeatedly fails, leave the church and come back only after certain age, so the children are raised outside of the Church. So the answer is struggle, and God will help you without breaking up, or throwing away the pill.

I answered only about premarital sex.** In the first case, if the betrothed resolve faithfully to not sin again - as they will be married - the confession is valid, according to my understanding.**

In the second case, I do not believe the confession is valid unless the woman does resolve to not use artificial birth control. Personally, as you may read in my previous post, I (may) have a difference of opinion with the church on this matter, as the situation, if it falls under the category of “if another child is born, parents will become destitute, or the children will not be able to be raised or educated properly”, I believe should receive oikonomia or a “dispensation” of some type, for the financial, social, emotional, physical/medical, and ultimately spiritual health of all parties involved.

However, I believe it is the intent to repent that counts, whether it be perfect (charitable) contrition or imperfect (fearful) contrition - if a person resolves to stop sinning, but commits the sin again anyways - “For the flesh is weak” - while feeling remorse for committing the act, the confession is valid, and one can receive Penance as many times as necessary for the same sin, considering the requirements aforementioned are fulfilled.

Remember that I am not a deacon, presbyter, or member of the Ecclesia, nor even a Roman Catholic, yet, so take what I say with a grain of salt or with clerical confirmation: I attempt to derive by analogy from the law I do know, when I may be deriving it incorrectly, or the method of derivation may be illegitimate.