M
mercygate
Guest
Well, that’s the first step. In Sacramental Confession you do not need to fll in “all the lurid details,” all you need to do is state the case clearly and honestly wthout the “lurid details.”
- Status
J
Jimdandy
Guest
Before confession, spend some time before the Tabernacle reflecting on the suffering and the many wounds that Jesus endured during His scourging-specifically undertaken by Him for the reparation of sexual sins.
Pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet for your partner(s) in crime (if any)
Then speak to the priest, knowing it is Jesus who is listening.
And then may you be Blessed with His Peace.
Pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet for your partner(s) in crime (if any)
Then speak to the priest, knowing it is Jesus who is listening.
And then may you be Blessed with His Peace.
C
CentralFLJames
Guest
This may be a bit off topic - but I feel compelled to say it:
It is said that one can not be truly sorry and repentant of grave sins unless one comes to shed tears over the sinful deeds and feels real remorse. Anything short of that is just imperfect contrition and fear of hell. I think this is why many people do not go to confession since they don’t often feel genuinely sorry for their sins and for some strange reason a sense of hypocrisy (insincere confession) seems to be the only last unconscionable vice most still commonly loathe in society. I never understood why. That is, most can intellectually accept that certain carnal acts are morally wrong - but many do not feel genuinely sorry for them since they also admit they enjoy them. But its still better to confess than not too since there is such as thing as sensual addiction. For those having problems with this category of sin (most of us these days) just tell the priest that you know these acts were wrong but its hard to confess since the acts were pleasurable and you feel vulnerable to caving in again. He will probably advise you to try to avoid the near occasion and be conscious of your weakness.
For those who have difficulty finding sincere remorse and sorrow in confessing the various “sins of the flesh” when your conscience and your teaching tells you these are all wrong but your mind tells you “hey you enjoyed it” (they are afterall by nature sensually pleasureable), I’d suggest trying to envision the dignity of Christ in every person one participated with (or fantasized participating with). Do this even when these other people may not not outwardly seem to value their own dignity and are themselves oblivious to the image of God in each of us.
This is the intrinsic evil with fornication and similar sins of the flesh - they degrade each another’s dignity in exchange for a simple and selfish pleasure. The illicit acts mask the natural remorse with the illusion of a fair equitable exchange in a consentual contract of convenience. In other words - the deed is rationalized to be a fair give-and-take pleasure for trade.
But most people just don’t “get it” that we are all greater or lessor works in progress growing (or stagnating) in grace toward a new divine-human nature that is Christ like. So the loss of dignity caused by such acts is an offense to the opportunity of eternity. This is how we need to see it. Its very dangerous and grave matter since it alienates God’s relation with each other. That is an unfathomable offense as well as an insult to the divine-human nature that we are all called to be.
So we must strive to SEE Christ in everyone and know that we dare not defile that image and potential in each other. For men who can’t abstract this vision and see past gender to envision Christ in the women they commit sin with - try instead envisioning Mary and her dignity in the women you meet. This will change forever your outlook on each other and make it very very easy to respect everyone you meet; more importantly it will make you feel remorse and shame for defiling another’s dignity.
Seeing Christ in everyone we meet makes life less self-centered, less selfish and instead it becomes Christ centered. And this is ultimately our objective since we all are to here to be just as Christ is. Using this perspective will also make it easy to get past the conflict of admitting to the pleasure of carnal acts but not being able to admit remorse for acts that were sensually enjoyable. Trust me, if you see Christ or Mary in the image of the other person you WILL feel genuine remorse for all casual or imagined carnal encounters. You will feel shame in lowering the other’s basic dignity and stealing their potential of divinity. You will feel sorrow for disgracing (loss of grace) them and lowering them to the status of a mere sensual animal. Also imagine of the other person does not repent. Imaging them in eternal hell because of your participation of sin with them. That too should be a compelling way to wake one up to sorrow and regret if one has even an ounce of human compassion.
This works even when one or the other party does not recognize or value their own self dignity - and will in fact raise them up and improve the relationship. After forgiveness pray daily for the other person you caused to sin and if possble talk to them and explain to them your sorrow for using them. In this way the occasion of sin and its forgivness can become a very powerful opportunity to convert somone to Christianity or to rediscover their original beliefs. This will gain much love in heaven and extra grace.
Frankly, the failure to see Christ in each other is the root cause of why the sin of fornication is so rampant in modern society. Everyone is selfish and looking for their own pleasure. Few have any sense of true self respect or dignity - thus everyone wants to use the other for selfish purposes. Too few see the divine nature and human dignity in each other anymore since they can not see it in themselves.
Also people need to call to mind that every sin seriously harms and wounds the individual, others, all of creation and The Church. Conversely every good deed or repentant act repairs and merits the Church, Creation, others and self. If people consciously thought in terms of causing harm to others instead of their own pleasures they would not sin.
It’s time we changed society and rediscovered how to respect each other again and rediscover the basic goodness in each other and start raising each other up rather than using each other.The entire world could be transformed over night if we could get people to repent and start praying in a state of grace for each other.
James
It is said that one can not be truly sorry and repentant of grave sins unless one comes to shed tears over the sinful deeds and feels real remorse. Anything short of that is just imperfect contrition and fear of hell. I think this is why many people do not go to confession since they don’t often feel genuinely sorry for their sins and for some strange reason a sense of hypocrisy (insincere confession) seems to be the only last unconscionable vice most still commonly loathe in society. I never understood why. That is, most can intellectually accept that certain carnal acts are morally wrong - but many do not feel genuinely sorry for them since they also admit they enjoy them. But its still better to confess than not too since there is such as thing as sensual addiction. For those having problems with this category of sin (most of us these days) just tell the priest that you know these acts were wrong but its hard to confess since the acts were pleasurable and you feel vulnerable to caving in again. He will probably advise you to try to avoid the near occasion and be conscious of your weakness.
For those who have difficulty finding sincere remorse and sorrow in confessing the various “sins of the flesh” when your conscience and your teaching tells you these are all wrong but your mind tells you “hey you enjoyed it” (they are afterall by nature sensually pleasureable), I’d suggest trying to envision the dignity of Christ in every person one participated with (or fantasized participating with). Do this even when these other people may not not outwardly seem to value their own dignity and are themselves oblivious to the image of God in each of us.
This is the intrinsic evil with fornication and similar sins of the flesh - they degrade each another’s dignity in exchange for a simple and selfish pleasure. The illicit acts mask the natural remorse with the illusion of a fair equitable exchange in a consentual contract of convenience. In other words - the deed is rationalized to be a fair give-and-take pleasure for trade.
But most people just don’t “get it” that we are all greater or lessor works in progress growing (or stagnating) in grace toward a new divine-human nature that is Christ like. So the loss of dignity caused by such acts is an offense to the opportunity of eternity. This is how we need to see it. Its very dangerous and grave matter since it alienates God’s relation with each other. That is an unfathomable offense as well as an insult to the divine-human nature that we are all called to be.
So we must strive to SEE Christ in everyone and know that we dare not defile that image and potential in each other. For men who can’t abstract this vision and see past gender to envision Christ in the women they commit sin with - try instead envisioning Mary and her dignity in the women you meet. This will change forever your outlook on each other and make it very very easy to respect everyone you meet; more importantly it will make you feel remorse and shame for defiling another’s dignity.
Seeing Christ in everyone we meet makes life less self-centered, less selfish and instead it becomes Christ centered. And this is ultimately our objective since we all are to here to be just as Christ is. Using this perspective will also make it easy to get past the conflict of admitting to the pleasure of carnal acts but not being able to admit remorse for acts that were sensually enjoyable. Trust me, if you see Christ or Mary in the image of the other person you WILL feel genuine remorse for all casual or imagined carnal encounters. You will feel shame in lowering the other’s basic dignity and stealing their potential of divinity. You will feel sorrow for disgracing (loss of grace) them and lowering them to the status of a mere sensual animal. Also imagine of the other person does not repent. Imaging them in eternal hell because of your participation of sin with them. That too should be a compelling way to wake one up to sorrow and regret if one has even an ounce of human compassion.
This works even when one or the other party does not recognize or value their own self dignity - and will in fact raise them up and improve the relationship. After forgiveness pray daily for the other person you caused to sin and if possble talk to them and explain to them your sorrow for using them. In this way the occasion of sin and its forgivness can become a very powerful opportunity to convert somone to Christianity or to rediscover their original beliefs. This will gain much love in heaven and extra grace.
Frankly, the failure to see Christ in each other is the root cause of why the sin of fornication is so rampant in modern society. Everyone is selfish and looking for their own pleasure. Few have any sense of true self respect or dignity - thus everyone wants to use the other for selfish purposes. Too few see the divine nature and human dignity in each other anymore since they can not see it in themselves.
Also people need to call to mind that every sin seriously harms and wounds the individual, others, all of creation and The Church. Conversely every good deed or repentant act repairs and merits the Church, Creation, others and self. If people consciously thought in terms of causing harm to others instead of their own pleasures they would not sin.
It’s time we changed society and rediscovered how to respect each other again and rediscover the basic goodness in each other and start raising each other up rather than using each other.The entire world could be transformed over night if we could get people to repent and start praying in a state of grace for each other.
James
F
FrDavid96
Guest
A necessary clarification: The role of the priest is most certainly to be a judge. A judge in persona Christi, which means that he is to be both a merciful and just judge. But judge he must.
If I may, I believe that what you were getting at was to say that the priest is not to be judgmental. The sense of what you’re saying is correct, but Catholics do need to understand that one of the necessary roles of the priest in confession is indeed to be a judge.
F
FrDavid96
Guest
workingmomof3:
I’ve given a lot of thought to your question lately. There simply is no one answer to your question, other than to remind you to honestly confess the sins, and not to try to add unnecessary details. Remember, chances are extremely good (and I mean extremely good) that however you choose to phrase it (or them) the priest will understand what you mean.
I think that one of the issues here might be that of vocabulary. That might be the case with you, or it might not. But I’m going to offer a few suggestions for the sake of our reading public (and for you if these suggestions apply)
Use the words found in the Catechism and the commentary that accompanies the articles (depending on the source, of course), or books written about the Catechism.
Pick up a good, solid Catholic catechism book written for mature students. Look at the words in the book, and consider using those words to describe your own sin. Often, books written in a more genteel (frankly, less vulgar) age than our own will use words whose meaning is clear, and which do not embarrass the speaker (since they’re specifically chosen not to embarrass the reader) Imagine Sister Mary So-and-so in the 1950s trying to explain what constitutes sexual sin to a high school class. She certainly wouldn’t have used embarrassing words, and at the same time, she certainly would not have provided bad or insufficient instruction.
Often, words that sound “clinical” or “legalese” are easier for us to speak than words that sound more like “slang” (even though the slang words are most likely what we are actually thinking). Although ironically, outside the confession, slang tends to roll off our tongues quite easily!
Ask yourself this: “if I were saying this to my best, closest, most trusted friend, who knows everything about me, in absolute confidence, how would I say it?” Think about it, that’s just what you’re doing in confession.
If you have access to a Catholic college library, pick up a “Penitential” book (you don’t have to check it out, just look through it). These books are no longer printed and they’re rare today, but they used to serve as a guide for priests in assigning a penance. Look up your own sin and say the words you find there. Just don’t pay any attention to the penance part, accept out of curiosity. You won’t get the penance found there, and if you ever read one, you’ll see what I mean!
Do not be at all concerned about embarrasing or shocking the priest. You won’t.
Do not be concerned about elaborating the sin(s). Simply confess the sin itself. Chances are very very good that the priest understands exactly what you mean, and if he needs more information he will gently guide you along in being more specific. Remember that he won’t ask questions unless he truly needs to do so.
C
CentralFLJames
Guest
I want to correct an error in the above. The correct Catholic teaching is if after repenting after a long lapse in the faith and one is forgiven of all their past sins if they later recollect specific grave sins they must confess these later recollected sins to a priest at their next confession. This is how the Holy Spirit works. A person who repents from a prior state of grave and habitual sin will more often than not be unable to recollect every past grave sin. The priest know this and will usually extend mercy and forgive us of all such past sins with general absolution. But as the Holy Spirit works in such a repentant sinner He will slowly reveal specific past sins that we should confront and confess. This is the HS prompting to help us gain the extra graces necessary to fully heal from the concupesence of those sins. This will help us attain to a high state of grace and avoid purgatory completely if we persevere in the faith all the way to the end.
James
M
mercygate
Guest
Uh-huh. God only gives us as much as we can handle at any given time. As our relationship with him develops, He gives us more . . .
W
workingmomof3
Guest
I want to sincerely thank you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut. I am definately having a problem with the correct vocabulary but also with the idea of speaking of this particular sin aloud. I am a cradle Catholic, but I had stay away from confession for 10 years until a few years ago. I made a New Years resolution 4 years ago that I would go to confession at least every 2-3 months if not more. This is the only New Years resolution in my life that I can honestly say that I have kept (although some lapses have been closer to 4 months). However, I agree with the earlier post about how the Holy Spirit works. I have never had the courage to be completely honest in confession, and I realize that knowingly holding back is also a sin. I do feel that God understands my weakness and has graciously allowed me to be more honest and open over time. I am so incredibly (sp?) grateful and feel so blessed to be Catholic and to have this wonderful sacrament. Please pray for me tomorrow (Saturday has rolled around already!) as I try one more time to put my pride aside and to allow my soul to be healed!
Thank you all - I will let you know what happens!
Thank you all - I will let you know what happens!
C
CentralFLJames
Guest
Tomorrow (Sat) is All Saints Day. This is an excellent day to get all your sins confessed and be in a state of grace so you can gain the amazing plenary indulgences associated with All Saints Day. All Souls Day is right behind it as well as its octave. You can gain a FULL plenary indulgence each day if you have gone to confession and received communion, prayed for the pope and your own intentions! Look into these indulgences.
James
J
Junebug999
Guest
Dear workingmom and those who answered her thread – Thank you for your careful and thorough responses. Workingmom’s questions were mine as well and since I am going to First Confession tomorrow you have helped me so much as well.
You are in my prayers.
You are in my prayers.
W
workingmomof3
Guest
THANK YOU TO ALL
I finally did it - after 4+ years of trying, I actually said in confession what I needed to say…
I was feeling sick to my stomach all day and now I feel so much better!!!
God Bless each of you for your well-thought response, encouragement and prayers. I am eternally (literally thankful to each of youl!!!
And most of all THANK YOU to our wonderful priests and to the most loving Father!!!
I finally did it - after 4+ years of trying, I actually said in confession what I needed to say…
I was feeling sick to my stomach all day and now I feel so much better!!!
God Bless each of you for your well-thought response, encouragement and prayers. I am eternally (literally
thankful to each of youl!!!And most of all THANK YOU to our wonderful priests and to the most loving Father!!!
C
CentralFLJames
Guest
God bless you Workingmom!
So much better to avail oneself of God’s Mercy through His priesthood during this period of mercy and life rather than to later face Jesus in the radiance and holiness of His full glory as Just Judge.
Adam & Eve after committing the one sin in the garden felt shame and nakedness before God and tried to hide from His face. Can anyone not imagine then why it is said that impenitent souls when coming face to face with God’s profound purity and holiness see the extent of their naked shame and then instantly leap of their own accord straight way into hell to escape the radiance of God’s Holy Face?
Give thanks to God and pray, pray, pray. Now that you are repentant and in a state of grace you are an extremely potent spiritual warrior for God and His Church. I’d recommend showing your thanks and your love for God and Church by working some plenary indulgences both for yourself and for others during this All Souls Octave.
Use this high state of grace you are in to pray for your friends and your family. Pray too for those who you may participated with in past forgiven sin or previously caused to sin. Now that you are forgiven the occasion of your forgiven transgressions can now be occasions for others to receive grace. That’s spiritual warfare at its finest - returning good for evil. This is one of the reasons why God’s kingdom can not fail. Thus repentant and transformed sinners are one of the principal instruments by which God 's Divine Providence operates to bring forth a greater good from a sinful and fallen humankind.
No one enters heaven alone - God’s children always bring friends with them - so pray them in with you.
James
So much better to avail oneself of God’s Mercy through His priesthood during this period of mercy and life rather than to later face Jesus in the radiance and holiness of His full glory as Just Judge.
Adam & Eve after committing the one sin in the garden felt shame and nakedness before God and tried to hide from His face. Can anyone not imagine then why it is said that impenitent souls when coming face to face with God’s profound purity and holiness see the extent of their naked shame and then instantly leap of their own accord straight way into hell to escape the radiance of God’s Holy Face?
Give thanks to God and pray, pray, pray. Now that you are repentant and in a state of grace you are an extremely potent spiritual warrior for God and His Church. I’d recommend showing your thanks and your love for God and Church by working some plenary indulgences both for yourself and for others during this All Souls Octave.
Use this high state of grace you are in to pray for your friends and your family. Pray too for those who you may participated with in past forgiven sin or previously caused to sin. Now that you are forgiven the occasion of your forgiven transgressions can now be occasions for others to receive grace. That’s spiritual warfare at its finest - returning good for evil. This is one of the reasons why God’s kingdom can not fail. Thus repentant and transformed sinners are one of the principal instruments by which God 's Divine Providence operates to bring forth a greater good from a sinful and fallen humankind.
No one enters heaven alone - God’s children always bring friends with them - so pray them in with you.
James
A
acadian
Guest
Awesome! thanks for updating!
P
psr13
Guest
I became Catholic just about a year ago. My Godfather is a priest. I confessed to him sexual sins. Now that was uncomfortable. He knew it was me. It is uncomfortable, but you just have to make yourself do it.
M
mommyof4
Guest
If it would help, go to another parish and go behind the screen.
M
mommyof4
Guest
Good for you!THANK YOU TO ALL
I finally did it - after 4+ years of trying, I actually said in confession what I needed to say…
I was feeling sick to my stomach all day and now I feel so much better!!!
God Bless each of you for your well-thought response, encouragement and prayers. I am eternally (literally
And most of all THANK YOU to our wonderful priests and to the most loving Father!!!
W
workingmomof3
Guest
Mass this morning had so much more meaning for me. I am truly full of joy! Have a great day all!
J
jmcrae
Guest
In solidarity with you, I went to Confession last night, and I had a similiar experience - everything seemed brighter, and there was a kind of “glow” to the Mass.
S
Simon_X
Guest
Good to hear you made it…God bless…
M
mercygate
Guest
:extrahappy: :dancing: :tissues:THANK YOU TO ALL
I finally did it - after 4+ years of trying, I actually said in confession what I needed to say…
I was feeling sick to my stomach all day and now I feel so much better!!!
God Bless each of you for your well-thought response, encouragement and prayers. I am eternally (literally
And most of all THANK YOU to our wonderful priests and to the most loving Father!!!
:hug3: :flowers:- Status