Confession Refused

[TerryPaul]

No where did the OP say that they were in the confessional with their child. No where did the OP state that he decided what sins his child needed to confess. It is rather possible that the child asked for forgiveness from the parents and then asked for confession, and that the priest put the parents in a very awkward position by asking this very inappropriate question.

I still say this is a blessing, if the kid had actually confessed disobedience and the priest told him it was not a sin, it could really harm his spiritual development.

Yes! You said what I guess I could not get across.

I am not perfect and wondered if I were at fault somewhere.

Some have twisted the event where I needed confession for trying to get my child to confession!

I also see that I have to give many details in order to get a complete reply and now I feel in my heart that I should have just kept my mouth shut and offered my confusion and hurt etc. to God.

But if I am at fault, keeping it to ourselves would never reveal where I went wrong and then would make the same mistake again…

It’s scary that all of this can happen from us going to Church and asking for forgiveness!

So again, please no more… ok?

 

[distracted]

Thank you.

You have a great answer.

When it happened today we were so upset and angry!

I felt like we were in the Twilight Zone! No Priest has ever asked us what are sins are before confession so that he can asses if we need confession or not!

My wife and I actually discussed if there were anyway the Priest were right! Until, "Honour thy mother and thy father " quickly popped into mind!

But these days so many people are re-writting the meaning of Jesus’ words that we can be tricked unless we know our Faith in such detail! And I do know the Faith well I think until something like this happens again.

You are so right, our son could have come out thinking that disobedience is not a sin and he might never have told us and carried on and we would not have known what were really going on inside of him and then he would have passed the mistake on to his brothers and sisters!

Thank you again!

God bless,
TJ
Hollywood, CA

i dont know why there are SO many liberal priests these days… who act like hardly anything is a sin anymore… who are very informal aobut confession… this priest was way off… but you already know that…

no respect was shown for one of the most important aspects of confession: confidentiality…

geeze… i thought i had it bad… :banghead:

 

[TheRealJuliane]

If the priest violated the terms of confession by asking the parents what the son had to confess, the parents should have told him, “That is between our son and God, and you can hear his confession in private.” Is the son disabled in some way?

I was away from the Church for 20+ years and I remember the terms of confession! No one has the right to tell the priest what I have done or have omitted. It is MY conscience of MY sin that drives me to confession.

How old is this boy?

Still say the parents should not have offered up anything on the son’s behalf, should have allowed the son to go into the confessional and unburden himself.

I was blunt in my first post but shocked that this situation was told as if the priest were totally at fault when the circumstances were suspect in the first place. Still do not know any priests who would approach the sacrament this way.

 

[FromTheAshes777]

Dear Friend, (the OP)

In this circumstance the Priest asked an inappropriate question and also one that you had no way of knowing the complete answer to. Instead of giving the Priest an incomplete answer to the inappropriate question I would have responded with, “I don’t know the details Father, he requested that we bring him to you for Confession, so I am sure that he can tell you more.”

It is my understanding that a Priest should always talk to the penitent about what his or her sins are and not another person, as only the penitent his or herself can honestly ever know what sins they’ve committed, and then, can only do this completely and honestly through the power of the Holy Spirit. Mortal and venial sins can be committed secretly as we all know.

On a side note, disrespect/disobediance to one’s parents can be a mortal sin depending on the circumstances, but the Priest has to listen to those circumstances and decide. Either way it is still a sin and would never hurt to be confessed mortal or venial either one.

I would probably try to bring your son to confession by making an appointment at another nearby Parish. God bless you and your family.

 

[dymphna57]

One parish we belonged to refused to allow any child under fifth grade to go to confession as they were too young to have ever committed a sin.

I am sorry that people are having to suffer this but it is happening.We are infiltrated by Modernists.
Thank God for Catholic Answers and EWTN and all the folks out there fighting.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

One parish we belonged to refused to allow any child under fifth grade to go to confession as they were too young to have ever committed a sin.

I am sorry that people are having to suffer this but it is happening.We are infiltrated by Modernists.
Thank God for Catholic Answers and EWTN and all the folks out there fighting.

Am I correct to assume that these children also didn’t receive the Holy Eucharist until they were 11 or 12??? Because in order to receive Christ’s Body and Blood, one has to be absolved of sins. Do they truly assume that children cannot sin??? and give them the Eucharist anyway??

 

[SummerSmiles]

Am I correct to assume that these children also didn’t receive the Holy Eucharist until they were 11 or 12??? Because in order to receive Christ’s Body and Blood, one has to be absolved of sins. Do they truly assume that children cannot sin??? and give them the Eucharist anyway??

in one of the neighboring parishes when I was growing up, children were given First Communion in 1st grade, First Reconciliation in 4th grade. I’m not sure why a parish would do this, but the situation dymphna57 has related is not unheard of. (This situation was happening a good 15-20 years ago, I’m not sure if it’s continuing the same way now.)

 

[LilyM]

No where did the OP say that they were in the confessional with their child. No where did the OP state that he decided what sins his child needed to confess. It is rather possible that the child asked for forgiveness from the parents and then asked for confession, and that the priest put the parents in a very awkward position by asking this very inappropriate question.

I still say this is a blessing, if the kid had actually confessed disobedience and the priest told him it was not a sin, it could really harm his spiritual development.

Yes! You said what I guess I could not get across.

I am not perfect and wondered if I were at fault somewhere.

Some have twisted the event where I needed confession for trying to get my child to confession!

I also see that I have to give many details in order to get a complete reply and now I feel in my heart that I should have just kept my mouth shut and offered my confusion and hurt etc. to God.

But if I am at fault, keeping it to ourselves would never reveal where I went wrong and then would make the same mistake again…

It’s scary that all of this can happen from us going to Church and asking for forgiveness!

So again, please no more… ok?

It’s got nothing to do with you going to Church, nothing to do with asking for confession for your son.

It’s got EVERYTHING to do with you (and not the priest) standing judge over your son’s soul and telling him and the priest that he is guilty of this or that sin. THAT is something only God, the priest and your son can be judge of.

Put yourself in the same boat - would you like your wife accompanying you to the confessional and telling your priest ‘my husband wants confession because he’s been lying/stealing/adultering/insert sin here …’

Can you not see the utter inappropriateness of her presuming to reveal any of your sins or alleged sins in this way? Even IF the priest asked her what sins you might be wanting to confess? Are you saying that you’d be willing and happy for her to do so if the priest asked?

 

[jilly4ski]

Yes! You said what I guess I could not get across.

I am not perfect and wondered if I were at fault somewhere.

Some have twisted the event where I needed confession for trying to get my child to confession!

I also see that I have to give many details in order to get a complete reply and now I feel in my heart that I should have just kept my mouth shut and offered my confusion and hurt etc. to God.

But if I am at fault, keeping it to ourselves would never reveal where I went wrong and then would make the same mistake again…

It’s scary that all of this can happen from us going to Church and asking for forgiveness!

So again, please no more… ok?

I am glad the situation has been resolved. The priest acted completely in the wrong by first asking you the question and then refusing confession. (If he was too busy he just should have said so and had your son set up an appointment). I would in the future avoid this priest for confession. (Sigh it is unfortunate that one must say things like that ).

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I am a scriptwriter in Hollywood and have little problem getting my points across except here for some reason.

So please, no more. Please just let this thread end. ok?

I feel like this has turned into the “Devil’s Playground” and no Godly thing will come of it now so please let’s stop…

God bless,
TJ

The Devil’s Playground??? Us?? We are telling you what you don’t want to hear and you are equating us with the Devil? Maybe that’s what living in Hollyweird will do to a person. I find your attitude amusing, in a way. You asked the question and based upon your post, we asked why YOU would be telling the priest what your son’s sins were. And all you have done since then is insist that the priest was at fault and you were blameless. And call us the Devil.

I will ask you politely - how old is your son, and is he disabled in any way? Why would the priest ask you what your son’s sins were? Is he under the age for First Eucharist? Has he made his First Confession?

I can see a liberal priest saying that disobedience to parents is not a sin, but I can’t see ANY priest taking another’s opinion (even parents) of what a child’s sins are. That doesn’t make any sense. Unless your son isn’t able to make his own examen of conscience? How old did you say he is?

 

[jilly4ski]

It’s got nothing to do with you going to Church, nothing to do with asking for confession for your son.

It’s got EVERYTHING to do with you (and not the priest) standing judge over your son’s soul and telling him and the priest that he is guilty of this or that sin. THAT is something only God, the priest and your son can be judge of.

Put yourself in the same boat - would you like your wife accompanying you to the confessional and telling your priest ‘my husband wants confession because he’s been lying/stealing/adultering/insert sin here …’

Can you not see the utter inappropriateness of her presuming to reveal any of your sins or alleged sins in this way? Even IF the priest asked her what sins you might be wanting to confess? Are you saying that you’d be willing and happy for her to do so if the priest asked?

If a priest came up to you and asked you something, could you rebuke the priest and tell him that his question is inappropriate? I know I would probably be completely befuddled and not know how to answer, and because of that say the truth as I know it.

It is the priest’s place to know these things, and he acted completely inappropriately by asking in the first place. A priest is supposed to know about these things. He is in a position of authority, where people are likely to obey and respond to him. After all he knows the rules of confession and this poster and many people don’t know all the ins and outs of the rules of confession, especially when they are on the spot.

 

[jilly4ski]

The Devil’s Playground??? Us?? We are telling you what you don’t want to hear and you are equating us with the Devil? Maybe that’s what living in Hollyweird will do to a person. I find your attitude amusing, in a way. You asked the question and based upon your post, we asked why YOU would be telling the priest what your son’s sins were. And all you have done since then is insist that the priest was at fault and you were blameless. And call us the Devil.

I will ask you politely - how old is your son, and is he disabled in any way? Why would the priest ask you what your son’s sins were? Is he under the age for First Eucharist? Has he made his First Confession?

I can see a liberal priest saying that disobedience to parents is not a sin, but I can’t see ANY priest taking another’s opinion (even parents) of what a child’s sins are. That doesn’t make any sense. Unless your son isn’t able to make his own examen of conscience? How old did you say he is?

They asked the priest if he had time for confession after mass (ie being polite). There is nothing wrong with this and if I had ever needed this as a child would have much preferred my parents asked then me, as I was shy. Then the priest (who should know better) asked a completely inappropriate question, in which taking the OP by surprise, he answered.

Indeed why would the priest ask them what the son’s sins were? Do you not see a problem with the very question, especially after a request of confession. If the priest thought that the parents were forcing the child to go he should have addressed that in the confessional (under the seal) rather than in front of the parents.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I see a problem all the way around. I do not think we are getting the entire story. The OP has recounted this event in a way that he wishes to highlight what the priest has done, but I think there is just more to it. I don’t see a priest asking parents what the kid’s sins are. I’m sorry, I just don’t. If the son is too young to have made his first confession, then the priest should have explained the situation, but if the boy had really wanted a confession, he might do it anyway.

Can you imagine any priest you know asking that question? I absolutely cannot!

 

[LilyM]

If a priest came up to you and asked you something, could you rebuke the priest and tell him that his question is inappropriate? I know I would probably be completely befuddled and not know how to answer, and because of that say the truth as I know it.

It is the priest’s place to know these things, and he acted completely inappropriately by asking in the first place. A priest is supposed to know about these things. He is in a position of authority, where people are likely to obey and respond to him. After all he knows the rules of confession and this poster and many people don’t know all the ins and outs of the rules of confession, especially when they are on the spot.

Heck yes. For me it’s more than enough to just LISTEN to some of the downright wrong things priests come out with these days (about homosexuality, contraception, womens’ ordination and the like) to know that they are far from an infallible authority on any topic, regardless of what ‘their place’ is meant to be.

Remember, too, it’s OUR place to educate ourselves as much as we can on the fundamentals of our faith, especially those parts that relate to the laity, such as our obligations and duties in regard the sacrament of confession, including the duty to not reveal the sins of others.

And your response to ‘not knowing how to answer’ is simply to blurt out whatever intimate details of the son’s sin come into your head? When the source of your confusion is obviously the fact that you don’t know that it’s appropriate to do so?

Whatever happened to answers such as ‘I don’t know if I should be telling you that’ ‘Why are you asking me when he’s the one who wants confession’ or the like? Why jump to doing something that you know full well may be the utterly wrong and inappropriate thing?

 

[zab]

This is now even more twisted than the actual event!

The Fact:

1. Went to Church for noon Mass.
2. After the Mass, our son asked us if he could go to confession.
3. So we asked the priest if he had some time to give one of our children confession.
4. The priest asked us outside of the confessional what our son had to confess which has never happened to us before.
5. We were shocked but out of our “obedience” we tried to give an answer; after all he is a Priest! And it is written, “let your “yes” mean “yes”.”
6. The priest then stated that “disobedience” etc. were not sins. I were taught they were and I were only asked last month in confession if I obeyed my parents even though I am 42 years old and my father has passed away! (It’s all part of the 4th Commandment.)
7. We were shocked and the priest said he would not give our son confession although he had other sins to confess besides “disobedience” and then the priest suggested that we ask another priest in the same church to give him confession.

In the end, we didn’t know what to think so I asked my question here but it’s been a mistake as my words, meaning, intent are all being twisted and poorly understood.

I am a scriptwriter in Hollywood and have little problem getting my points across except here for some reason.

So please, no more. Please just let this thread end. ok?

I feel like this has turned into the “Devil’s Playground” and no Godly thing will come of it now so please let’s stop…

God bless,
TJ

I’m just wondering if the priest had other commitments and really didn’t have time to hear a child’s confession and when he found out that it was nothing serious, he suggested that you ask another priest. But priests are not perfect. It was unfortunate and wrong for him to respond to your request in the way that you say he did.

P.S. I don’t know. Perhaps the priest was testing you and when you responded what your child sin was, he took that as a clue.

 

[paperwight66]

I see a problem all the way around. I do not think we are getting the entire story. The OP has recounted this event in a way that he wishes to highlight what the priest has done, but I think there is just more to it. I don’t see a priest asking parents what the kid’s sins are. I’m sorry, I just don’t. If the son is too young to have made his first confession, then the priest should have explained the situation, but if the boy had really wanted a confession, he might do it anyway.

Can you imagine any priest you know asking that question? I absolutely cannot!

I totally agree. The only way I can imagine it happening would be the priest saying, almost jokingly, as a little lad looked up at him with big innocent eyes,‘What sins could he have committed?’ in the sense of ‘Oh, just look at him, he looks angelic’.

The way the OP told the story makes it sound something else entirely. (Also, I’m not convinced that he is a scriptwriter. There’s something very odd about his use of English, - ‘I were taught’ ‘I were asked’ - and doubting that part of the tale makes me doubt the whole story, to be honest).

 

[jilly4ski]

Surely it’s enough to just LISTEN to some of the downright wrong things priests come out with these days (about homosexuality, contraception, womens’ ordination and the like) to know that they are far from an infallible authority on any topic, regardless of what ‘their place’ is meant to be.

And your response to ‘not knowing how to answer’ is simply to blurt out whatever intimate and potentially privileged information comes into your head? When the source of your confusion is obviously the fact that you don’t know that it’s appropriate to do so?

Whatever happened to answers such as ‘I don’t know if I should be telling you that’ ‘Why are you asking me when he’s the one who wants confession’ or the like? Why jump to doing something that you know full well may be the utterly wrong and inappropriate thing?

I luckily have never been in the OP’s position so I don’t know what I would do. (Though one priest did tell me in the confessional that what I did was not a sin when it clearly say it is in the CCC, and no I did not rebuke the priest, I remained silent). But I was taught from a very young age to respect people in authority. It doesn’t matter what stories I hear about some priests, the priests I deal with are still in authority, even if I don’t like them personally. So if someone in authority asks me a question I can say that I would probably try to answer it. Especially when put on the spot.

TheRealJuliane you cannot imagine a priest doing this, but this one apparently did. We have no reason to disbelieve the OP’s account that they asked if the priest had time and he asked them this question. (Maybe like zab alludes, the priest had good motives, like if he thought it was something serious he would put off what he had to do to give a confession, but if it was just venial sins they could wait for another time, when he wasn’t busy).

The parents did not approach the priest and just list off the sins they thought their son had committed. The priest probably wouldn’t know the child is too young for confession or whether he has or has not had the sacraments before. If they are asking after mass the most logical assumption would be that the child knows what confession is about.

I cannot imagine a priest I know doing what this priest did, but I have never been to confession outside a regularly scheduled time, so I don’t know how any priest responds to requests like this.

 

[SummerSmiles]

If a priest came up to you and asked you something, could you rebuke the priest and tell him that his question is inappropriate? I know I would probably be completely befuddled and not know how to answer, and because of that say the truth as I know it.

That may be the case. The priest asked, so the OP tried to answer truthfully. But the one main thing that I remember in planning to make my first reconciliation is that NO ONE should be discussing what may/may not/did happen inside the confessional. Yes, the priest’s question was very inappropriate. But for the parent to continue the conversation by telling the priest what he expected would be said in confession was inappropriate as well.

If the priest had asked the OP about his wife’s sins, would the OP have answered in the same manner? I tend to think not.

 

[LilyM]

If the priest had asked the OP about his wife’s sins, would the OP have answered in the same manner? I tend to think not.

Exactly my point. As for not rebuking an erring priest - ‘if your brother sins, rebuke him’. Is a priest not every bit as much our brother as everyone else, and thus liable to rebuke if erring?

And since when is pointing out to a priest what the Catechism says, or telling him that your understanding of what is appropriate differs from his, ‘rebuking’ him, jilly4ski? Especially if you simply put it in the context of ‘you say xyz, Father, but the Catechism clearly says abc - I don’t understand …’

This is a critically important thing to do, to seek for your own sake to understand why your priest is saying what he says and doing what he does, rather than just leave the apparent confusion and contradiction unresolved by not asking the question at all.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

If a priest came up to you and asked you something, could you rebuke the priest and tell him that his question is inappropriate? I** know I would probably be completely befuddled and not know how to answer, and because of that say the truth as I know it.**

It is the priest’s place to know these things, and he acted completely inappropriately by asking in the first place. A priest is supposed to know about these things. He is in a position of authority, where people are likely to obey and respond to him. After all he knows the rules of confession and this poster and many people don’t know all the ins and outs of the rules of confession, especially when they are on the spot.

But NOT someone else’s “truth!!!” It’s one thing if a priest comes up to me and asks me suddenly, “So where have YOU been the last couple of Sundays, hmmmmm?” and I gulp and answer him “Er, I just didn’t feel like coming to Mass, Father!”

But if the same priest asked me what my son’s sins were??? OMG. I would immediately say, “Father, please don’t ask me that question because I am not in an objective position and anyway it’s not my business!” Or something to that effect. I might just stand there with my mouth open for a minute and then say “Woops, sorry, wrong priest!” and run away.