Confession Troubles

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Perrycool2

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So I have been struggling with sexual sin and I feel I need to go to confession once a week. The priest at our parish says you should go every 2 months. I just feel that every 2 months is not enough for my situation. At the confessional there is a screen but I think the priest tells when it is me and is getting annoyed when I go more than every 2 months and confessing the same sin in large numbers. What should I do? (btw I hope this is the right fourm this is my first time posting a new thread also please pray for me) God bless
 
The priest shouldn’t decide how often you go. Only you can decide that. You’re the only one that knows when you have mortal sin on your soul. Take his advice into prayerful consideration and avoid being overly scrupulous, but ultimately, he shouldn’t regulate how frequently you confess. I know it is uncomfortable, but if I truly needed the sacrament, I would go whether he agreed or not.

Is there another priest nearby you could confess to?
 
Also, have you sought out spiritual guidance from him or another trusted priest to help you overcome your struggles? Confession is an excellent start, but it’s likely not going to be enough to truly master the issue.
 
Perrycool2 said:
So I have been struggling with sexual sin and I feel I need to go to confession once a week. The priest at our parish says you should go every 2 months. I just feel that every 2 months is not enough for my situation. At the confessional there is a screen but I think the priest tells when it is me and is getting annoyed when I go more than every 2 months and confessing the same sin in large numbers. What should I do? (btw I hope this is the right fourm this is my first time posting a new thread also please pray for me) God bless
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There is no “limit” on how often you can go for Confession. The Church does have fixed precepts (at least once a year, and no receiving the Eucharist without un-confessed and absolved mortal sins), but she has not laid down a limit of 2 months or even 2 weeks.

You might need to look for another priest or confessor, true, but you might also need to look into other ways of curbing the particular sin that afflicts you. There are plenty of threads (and even a support group) on CAF that ought to point you in the right direction. 🙂
 
You haven’t mentioned whether, overall, he is a priest who is faithful to the magisterium and experienced in the confessional. Sadly, there are a small number of priests who disregard Church teaching on sexual sin, and give the faithful bad advice, however these are only a minority, and most priests in practice understand the objective gravity of the sins, but are also wise pastorally.

So, if after careful consideration you have to admit that he is not a priest you trust, overall, then I would say don’t trust him on this particular advice, ie. the two months, and try to find another confessor.

However, if, after consideration, you still think of him as (overall) a faithful and wise confessor, then I would recommend that you follow his direction. It seems as if he has done more than suggest that you only confess every two months - rather he is saying it quite forcefully. He probably has a good reason for this.

Put it another way. If he had instructed you: “You must confess weekly, while you are sinning weekly”, would you accept that on authority? If you would accept that, then you should also accept his instruction in the other direction.

Following a confessor’s advice is very much like following a doctor’s. It’s not our job to second guess his advice, unless we have serious reasons to doubt it, and we also need to consider firmness of the “advice”. eg. in the case of the doctor, “I suggest you ease up a bit, for the sake of your health” carries less obligation than “If you don’t quit that job, you’ll be dead in three months”.

Still, every two months does seem unusual. I’d be more inclined to accept this on authority if he had said just once-per-month.
 
If you commit a definite mortal sin, you need to go to confession. End of. No matter how often that is. If your confessor warns you you may be scrupulous, that is a different matter. Your use of the term “sexual sin” gives me a fair idea what you are confessing and these habits can be hard to break. I struggle with at least the same category of sins and my confessor tells me I should keep coming back whenever I need to, even more than weekly if necessary. It is far better that you confess regularly if you need to. If you have to, go to another priest. There is nothing wrong with that at all.
 
You go as often as you need to. If the priest gets annoyed, pray for him and offer any embarrassment you feel as reparation and to strengthen your resolve. Don’t give up because of a cranky priest. Your soul is worth more than his petty peeve. He may get a bit frustrated with your form of confession; too long; too detailed. We will never know, nor frankly care. He has a job to do. He acts in the person of Christ in forgiving you. Take his blessing and his irritation for he is only human. Don’t forget him at Christmas. Most of us do.
 
You’ve been given great advice.

I would only add that, unless the priest has told you he’s annoyed at you for sinning so much and for having to go to confession so often, please don’t assume annoyance on his part. And even if he is, it might be his way of trying to be firm.
 
Instead of finding fault with the priest, why is it that you have not worked on overcoming this sin?
We pray in the act of contrition: I firmly resolve…

Seek spiritual direction to conquer this once and for all instead of relying on absolution. Yes, go to confession, but a better question would be
What resources are there to to overcome sexual impurity?
 
Perrycool2 said:
So I have been struggling with sexual sin and I feel I need to go to confession once a week. The priest at our parish says you should go every 2 months. I just feel that every 2 months is not enough for my situation.
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It may be that he was recommending going every 2 months as a general recommendation to get people to get to confession more frequently.

Frequent confession of even venial sins is long practice in the Church. That could mean every week or every 2 weeks or every month etc. I go every week.

For mortal sin - well if one falls into such one goes right away!

And have a firm purpose of amendment not to commit a mortal sin again (even if one fears that one might- one decides on not falling again) and to avoid the near occasions of mortal sin (ie that which causes one generally to fall into such).

Let us remember Jesus of Nazareth is The Lamb and the Good Shepherd …

"Jesus is called the Lamb: He is the Lamb who takes away the sin of the world. Someone might think: but how can a lamb, which is so weak, a weak little lamb, how can it take away so many sins, so much wickedness? With Love. With his meekness. Jesus never ceased being a lamb: meek, good, full of love, close to the little ones, close to the poor. He was there, among the people, healing everyone, teaching, praying. Jesus, so weak, like a lamb. However, he had the strength to take all our sins upon himself, all of them.

“But, Father, you don’t know my life: I have a sin that…, I can’t even carry it with a truck…”.

Many times, when we examine our conscience, we find some there that are truly bad! But he carries them. He came for this: to forgive, to make peace in the world, but first in the heart. Perhaps each one of us feels troubled in his heart, perhaps he experiences darkness in his heart, perhaps he feels a little sad over a fault… He has come to take away all of this, He gives us peace, he forgives everything. “Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away sin”: he takes away sin, it’s root and all! This is salvation Jesus brings about by his love and his meekness. And in listening to what John the Baptist says, who bears witness to Jesus as the Saviour, our confidence in Jesus should grow. Many times we trust a doctor: it is good, because the doctor is there to cure us; we trust in a person: brothers and sisters can help us. It is good to have this human trust among ourselves. But we forget about trust in the Lord: this is the key to success in life. Trust in the Lord, let us trust in the Lord! “Lord, look at my life: I’m in the dark, I have this struggle, I have this sin…”; everything we have: “Look at this: I trust in you!”. And this is a risk we must take: to trust in Him, and He never disappoints."

~Pope Francis

vatican.va/holy_father/francesco/homilies/2014/documents/papa-francesco_20140119_omelia-parrocchia-sacro-cuore-gesu_en.html

"Jesus is the “Good Shepherd” who goes in search of lost sheep, who knows his sheep and lays down his life for them (cf. Mt 18:12-14; Lk 15:4-7; Jn 10:2-4, 11-18). He is the way, the right path that leads us to life (cf. Jn 14:6), the light that illuminates the dark valley and overcomes all our fears (cf. Jn 1:9; 8:12; 9:5; 12:46).

He is the generous host who welcomes us and rescues us from our enemies, preparing for us the table of his body and his blood (cf. Mt 26:26-29; Mk 14:22-25); Lk 22:19-20) and the definitive table of the messianic banquet in Heaven (cf. Lk 14:15ff; Rev 3:20; 19:9). He is the Royal Shepherd, king in docility and in forgiveness, enthroned on the glorious wood of the cross (cf. Jn 3:13-15; 12:32; 17:4-5)."

~Pope Benedict XVI

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/audiences/2011/documents/hf_ben-xvi_aud_20111005_en.html

"I invite all Christians, everywhere, at this very moment, to a renewed personal encounter with Jesus Christ, or at least an openness to letting him encounter them; I ask all of you to do this unfailingly each day. No one should think that this invitation is not meant for him or her, since “no one is excluded from the joy brought by the Lord”.[1] The Lord does not disappoint those who take this risk; whenever we take a step towards Jesus, we come to realize that he is already there, waiting for us with open arms.

Now is the time to say to Jesus: “Lord, I have let myself be deceived; in a thousand ways I have shunned your love, yet here I am once more, to renew my covenant with you. I need you. Save me once again, Lord, take me once more into your redeeming embrace”. How good it feels to come back to him whenever we are lost!

Let me say this once more: God never tires of forgiving us; we are the ones who tire of seeking his mercy.

Christ, who told us to forgive one another “seventy times seven” (Mt 18:22) has given us his example: he has forgiven us seventy times seven. Time and time again he bears us on his shoulders.

No one can strip us of the dignity bestowed upon us by this boundless and unfailing love. With a tenderness which never disappoints, but is always capable of restoring our joy, he makes it possible for us to lift up our heads and to start anew. Let us not flee from the resurrection of Jesus, let us never give up, come what will. May nothing inspire more than his life, which impels us onwards!"

~ Pope Francis

APOSTOLIC EXHORTATION
EVANGELII GAUDIUM

w2.vatican.va/content/francesco/en/apost_exhortations/documents/papa-francesco_esortazione-ap_20131124_evangelii-gaudium.html#I.%E2%80%82A_joy_ever_new,_a_joy_which_is_shared
 
Listen to your priest. He is trying to avoid you falling into the sins of scrupulosity, and despair.

This is what the CCC says to confessors about masturbation and mortal sin:
2352 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. “Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action.” “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of “the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved.”
To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety, or other psychological or social factors that lessen or even extenuate moral culpability.
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(my bold)

If it is indeed your case that your sin has become habitual, then culpability may be diminished and you may not be sinning mortally. It is the confessor’s job to determine this based on what you tell him, and how often you confess it. Rather than assume unorthodoxy, assume that he is taking the above passage to heart and is trying to help you.

Too frequent confession of a habit may actually make that habit harder to break. You get caught in a vicious circle of sin, confession, sin again, etc. It quickly becomes “it’s OK to sin, I will just confess it again on the weekend”, and contrition then deteriorates to something much less than perfect. The result is reinforcing the sin. Sexual sin in particular can be very habit forming; it’s literally a drug, the chemicals released in one’s brain are very addictive.

Listen to the priest. He gives good advice. He has seen many more people than just yourself with this problem. He wants you to break the habit, not just get caught into a vicious circle that makes it worse. Trust also in God and His mercy. He knows your struggle, and appreciates any efforts against it. He may simply be irritated the way my wife gets irritated when a patient doesn’t follow her advice, and keeps coming back for the same problem (she’s a family doctor).

I also agree with pianistclare that spiritual direction in addition to confession would be a big help. If that’s not possible, sometimes a regular confessor willing to work with you to overcome your issues could be helpful. I also strongly recommend a regular daily prayer discipline (Rosary, or Liturgy of the Hours; I particularly like the LOTH).

But don’t assume unorthodoxy by the priest. Some priests also have training in psychology; at the abbey there are monks with degrees in psychology, and he probably knows what works and what doesn’t for these kinds of temptations.

Also, take this sin one step at a time. I suggest instead of asking God in prayer to help you overcome this sin forever, ask Him to help you overcome it today. Don’t worry about tomorrow, only today. When we take medicine, we usually take it in digestible doses, otherwise the medicine can poison us. Just ask Him to keep you from sin today. I’m sure you can manage one day without this sin. Then repeat every day. Go to confession at the frequency your confessor recommended. Learn to trust God and that He’s there for you even when you fail. You may find that time between relapses grows longer. As my own confessor says, God rewards effort, not perfection. He knows humans are imperfect.
 
I go to confession once a week. My priest once assured me that when he sees people every week that he thinks to himself, “Thank God they are here!” rather than, “Oh no, her again!”.

I know of saints who went to confession weekly, and I believe the pope also confesses weekly, so you’re in good company.

If you truly feel unwelcome by the priest you confess to, please seek out another priest to confess to. We should seek out confession whenever we need its healing (or at least once per year whether we need it or not)-- not on some arbitrary schedule selected by someone else.
 
Perrycool2 said:
So I have been struggling with sexual sin and I feel I need to go to confession once a week. The priest at our parish says you should go every 2 months. I just feel that every 2 months is not enough for my situation. At the confessional there is a screen but I think the priest tells when it is me and is getting annoyed when I go more than every 2 months and confessing the same sin in large numbers. What should I do? (btw I hope this is the right fourm this is my first time posting a new thread also please pray for me) God bless
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Did he tell that to you specifically or everyone in the parish. If he told everyone that “two months” is the rule he wants to implement them that is an odd understanding of sin and the sacrament.
 
AKDee said:
I go to confession once a week. My priest once assured me that when he sees people every week that he thinks to himself, “Thank God they are here!” rather than, “Oh no, her again!”.

I know of saints who went to confession weekly, and I believe the pope also confesses weekly, so you’re in good company.

If you truly feel unwelcome by the priest you confess to, please seek out another priest to confess to. We should seek out confession whenever we need its healing (or at least once per year whether we need it or not)-- not on some arbitrary schedule selected by someone else.
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👍
 
Bookcat said:
It may be that he was recommending going every 2 months as a general recommendation to get people to get to confession more frequently.

Frequent confession of even venial sins is long practice in the Church. That could mean every week or every 2 weeks or every month etc. I go every week.

For mortal sin - well if one falls into such one goes right away!

And have a firm purpose of amendment not to commit a mortal sin again (even if one fears that one might- one decides on not falling again) and to avoid the near occasions of mortal sin (ie that which causes one generally to fall into such).

Let us remember Jesus of Nazareth is The Lamb and the Good Shepherd …

"Jesus is called the Lamb: He is the Lamb who takes away the sin of the world. Someone might think: but how can a lamb, which is so weak, a weak little lamb, how can it take away so many sins, so much wickedness? With Love. With his meekness. Jesus never ceased being a lamb: meek, good, full of love, close to the little ones, close to the poor. He was there, among the people, healing everyone, teaching, praying. Jesus, so weak, like a lamb. However, he had the strength to take all our sins upon himself, all of them.

“But, Father, you don’t know my life: I have a sin that…, I can’t even carry it with a truck…”.

Many times, when we examine our conscience, we find some there that are truly bad! But he carries them. He came for this: to forgive, to make peace in the world, but first in the heart. Perhaps each one of us feels troubled in his heart, perhaps he experiences darkness in his heart, perhaps he feels a little sad over a fault… He has come to take away all of this, He gives us peace, he forgives everything. “Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away sin”: he takes away sin, it’s root and all! This is salvation Jesus brings about by his love and his meekness. And in listening to what John the Baptist says, who bears witness to Jesus as the Saviour, our confidence in Jesus should grow. Many times we trust a doctor: it is good, because the doctor is there to cure us; we trust in a person: brothers and sisters can help us. It is good to have this human trust among ourselves. But we forget about trust in the Lord: this is the key to success in life. Trust in the Lord, let us trust in the Lord! “Lord, look at my life: I’m in the dark, I have this struggle, I have this sin…”; everything we have: “Look at this: I trust in you!”. And this is a risk we must take: to trust in Him, and He never disappoints."

~Pope Francis

vatican.va/holy_father/francesco/homilies/2014/documents/papa-francesco_20140119_omelia-parrocchia-sacro-cuore-gesu_en.html

"Jesus is the “Good Shepherd” who goes in search of lost sheep, who knows his sheep and lays down his life for them (cf. Mt 18:12-14; Lk 15:4-7; Jn 10:2-4, 11-18). He is the way, the right path that leads us to life (cf. Jn 14:6), the light that illuminates the dark valley and overcomes all our fears (cf. Jn 1:9; 8:12; 9:5; 12:46).

He is the generous host who welcomes us and rescues us from our enemies, preparing for us the table of his body and his blood (cf. Mt 26:26-29; Mk 14:22-25); Lk 22:19-20) and the definitive table of the messianic banquet in Heaven (cf. Lk 14:15ff; Rev 3:20; 19:9). He is the Royal Shepherd, king in docility and in forgiveness, enthroned on the glorious wood of the cross (cf. Jn 3:13-15; 12:32; 17:4-5)."

~Pope Benedict XVI

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/audiences/2011/documents/hf_ben-xvi_aud_20111005_en.html

"I invite all Christians, everywhere, at this very moment, to a renewed personal encounter with Jesus Christ, or at least an openness to letting him encounter them; I ask all of you to do this unfailingly each day. No one should think that this invitation is not meant for him or her, since “no one is excluded from the joy brought by the Lord”.[1] The Lord does not disappoint those who take this risk; whenever we take a step towards Jesus, we come to realize that he is already there, waiting for us with open arms.

Now is the time to say to Jesus: “Lord, I have let myself be deceived; in a thousand ways I have shunned your love, yet here I am once more, to renew my covenant with you. I need you. Save me once again, Lord, take me once more into your redeeming embrace”. How good it feels to come back to him whenever we are lost!

Let me say this once more: God never tires of forgiving us; we are the ones who tire of seeking his mercy.

Christ, who told us to forgive one another “seventy times seven” (Mt 18:22) has given us his example: he has forgiven us seventy times seven. Time and time again he bears us on his shoulders.

No one can strip us of the dignity bestowed upon us by this boundless and unfailing love. With a tenderness which never disappoints, but is always capable of restoring our joy, he makes it possible for us to lift up our heads and to start anew. Let us not flee from the resurrection of Jesus, let us never give up, come what will. May nothing inspire more than his life, which impels us onwards!"

~ Pope Francis

APOSTOLIC EXHORTATION
EVANGELII GAUDIUM

w2.vatican.va/content/francesco/en/apost_exhortations/documents/papa-francesco_esortazione-ap_20131124_evangelii-gaudium.html#I.%E2%80%82A_joy_ever_new,_a_joy_which_is_shared
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Really great stuff here! I could only add: after your penance say a prayer for others who are struggling with the same/similar sin. You might find that there are others doing the same for you.

Posted from Catholic.com App for Android
 
Bookcat said:
We do* not* know that…
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Christian charity requires we assume the best, not the worst. Priests take it on the chin a lot these days. They don’t need second-guessing on an Internet forum, anymore than my wife needs to hear conspiracy theories on how doctors are all in the grip of Big Pharma.

Let the priest do his job. He gave the penitent sound advice, the first step for the OP should be to try to heed it.
 
OraLabora said:
Christian charity requires we assume the best, not the worst. Priests take it on the chin a lot these days. They don’t need second-guessing on an Internet forum, anymore than my wife needs to hear conspiracy theories on how doctors are all in the grip of Big Pharma.

Let the priest do his job. He gave the penitent sound advice, the first step for the OP should be to try to heed it.
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Respectfully, we could turn your comment on it’s head and say we should apply charity to the OP that they indeed have a problem with mortal sin. It’s not scrupulous to want to confess regularly when you struggle with mortal sin. Scrupulosity is the anxiety that venial or even non-sins are mortal sins. The OP doesn’t specify the type of sexual sin they suffer from so I think we should take the OP at their word that it’s mortal in nature and that they need to confess more regularly. To advise them to not go to confession when they are in a known state of mortal sin is to risk their soul. That’s not a criticism of the priest because I don’t know what the priest actually said or the context in which he said it- perhaps the “every 2 months” thing is a guideline he brought up in a homily and it caused confusion for the OP. It’s just fact that Catholics should seek out healing in the sacrament of reconciliation as soon as possible when they are in a state of mortal sin. For any of us to advise otherwise is to risk the OP’s soul.
 
AKDee said:
Respectfully, we could turn your comment on it’s head and say we should apply charity to the OP that they indeed have a problem with mortal sin. It’s not scrupulous to want to confess regularly when you struggle with mortal sin. Scrupulosity is the anxiety that venial or even non-sins are mortal sins. The OP doesn’t specify the type of sexual sin they suffer from so I think we should take the OP at their word that it’s mortal in nature and that they need to confess more regularly. To advise them to not go to confession when they are in a known state of mortal sin is to risk their soul. That’s not a criticism of the priest because I don’t know what the priest actually said or the context in which he said it- perhaps the “every 2 months” thing is a guideline he brought up in a homily and it caused confusion for the OP. It’s just fact that Catholics should seek out healing in the sacrament of reconciliation as soon as possible when they are in a state of mortal sin. For any of us to advise otherwise is to risk the OP’s soul.
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Nothing of what I said is unorthodox. What I quoted concerning masturbation applies to any mortal sin. It is from a catechism that has been promulgated and signed by a saint. I am merely recommending that the OP follow the advice of his confessor. Not that (s)he stop going to confession. I never assumed less than charitable thoughts about the OP’s sincerity, just that perhaps (s)he shouldn’t second-guess the priest and showing a basis in the CCC for that. Others are quick to jump in however and cast doubts about the priest’s orthodoxy (see posts 4, 5 and 7 for instance).

The OP asked for a recommendation. I think that working with a regular confessor and/or spiritual director, following their recommendations, and a discipline of regular daily prayer are all sound, orthodox advice Catholic advice.

This is not all coming from a vacuum. I myself have a regular confessor who is a very orthodox, and very wise old Benedictine monk. When he says you don’t need to confess the same sin over and over, I respect his advice and try to heed it.

We certainly don’t know the state of mortal sin of the OP, but I’m willing to bet that his confessor has a pretty good understanding of it. I’m merely suggesting we don’t second-guess him.

Like I say to my kids, my advice is free, and you get what you pay for 😉
 
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