Confession

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nicthelost said:
I didn’t feel the need to rush back into the Sacraments, but decided to contemplate my call back to church through Mass attendance and daily prayer. Today I received a blessing at Communion for the first time (I have anxiety and agoraphobic behaviour, so walking down in line was a huge step for me).
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I struggled with that too! (Anxiety/agoraphobia I mean.) It took me almost 2 years to get comfortable in church, before I could get to confession.

But then, I could look back and see how much progress I made; from being unable to enter the building, all the way to attending mass every week and receiving communion. It felt great! And I felt awesome after that first confession!! (And every confession since, lol.) 👍
 
I have not been to confession in about 30 years. I was taught by extremely conservative nuns, headed up by a pastor who was outright mean. As a child I would go to confession & be yelled at, in the confessional, because our pastor didn’t like what I was confessing.
There are things that I have done over the last 30 years that are considered mortal sins. Now I was taught by the nuns that you can be thrown out of the Catholic Church for committing mortal sins. I do not want this to happen so therefore, instead of going to confession & simply not mentioning some of the things I have done, I don’t go at all. I have confessed my sins to God directly, I have pleaded for forgiveness & have recognized the severity of the sins. I am scared to death to go to confession. I’m not even sure what I’m asking in this post…maybe some advice on how to move forward? How do I enter a confesional when I know I will have a panic attack so severe that I may pass out?
 
It sounds like the Holy Spirit is working hard in your life to lead you to consider going to confession.

No priest should ever yell at you and the vast majority never will. But there’s always the exception who forgets that he is supposed to be Jesus for you.

Is there a priest you know and trust? Perhaps the pastor of your parish or another priest you’ve encountered? Call and make an appointment with him. Tell him how scared you are and ask him to help you.

Reread the story of the Prodigal Son. Know that the Father is looking for you with his arms open, aching to hold you.
 
nicthelost said:
This thread has certainly made me feel a little better about my own position. I returned to the Church 6 weeks ago after 22 years and have yet to make confession.

I didn’t feel the need to rush back into the Sacraments, but decided to contemplate my call back to church through Mass attendance and daily prayer. Today I received a blessing at Communion for the first time (I have anxiety and agoraphobic behaviour, so walking down in line was a huge step for me).

The next step is Confession. My worries are so similar to the ones outlined in previous posts, but with the addition of having been away for so long. I have actually forgotten how to make a confession. Are there set protocols and/or prayers which I need to be familiar with? Where do I start with recollection of sins? I lived in doubt of God for so long that I paid no heed to the concept of sin. Some are obvious, but when I try to call them to mind, the list doesn’t seem as long as it should be. I feel I must surely have forgotten many of them!
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Start with the Ten Commandments. Really meditate on what they mean. You will be amazed at what you have forgotten (I was!). I returned to confession after over 30 years and now attend every month or two. I talked my 24-year-old son into going with me recently (he hadn’t gone in 8 years) and he was thrilled with the experience. Keep in mind, priests have heard it all and some have DONE it all. But the most important thing to keep in mind, as another poster said, is that it is Jesus waiting for you in that confessional.
 
Thank you for your post. I have thought of doing exactly that in the past & then talked myself out of it. I need to take this step. I will work hard to make it happen.
 
Lent starts tomorrow. It’s the perfect season to be thinking about this. Prayers for you.
 
misfitjacq said:
I have not been to confession in about 30 years. I was taught by extremely conservative nuns, headed up by a pastor who was outright mean. As a child I would go to confession & be yelled at, in the confessional, because our pastor didn’t like what I was confessing.
There are things that I have done over the last 30 years that are considered mortal sins. Now I was taught by the nuns that you can be thrown out of the Catholic Church for committing mortal sins. I do not want this to happen so therefore, instead of going to confession & simply not mentioning some of the things I have done, I don’t go at all. I have confessed my sins to God directly, I have pleaded for forgiveness & have recognized the severity of the sins. I am scared to death to go to confession. I’m not even sure what I’m asking in this post…maybe some advice on how to move forward? How do I enter a confesional when I know I will have a panic attack so severe that I may pass out?
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Courage and heart, my friend. Confession is scary for all who attend, as it is direct casting out of our pride to admit we have done wrong. You have been scarred by unGodly actions of those who superceded their role. The actions of the priest are to be counselor and confessor and to guide us into proper penance and willful action against sin, as well as to give absolution. That role does NOT include shouting down the person confessing.

Go to confession. You need to see that it is not the event you think it is. Your nuns were wrong, grave matter seperates us from the sanctifying grace through the church, but confession is where that grave matter is absolved and you are returned to a state of grace. Go, go, go! Your fears are paper tigers, they look fierce though they are not real. I think you will also find that the act of REAL confession is infinitely more satisfying than “confessing it to God and letting Him sort it out.” Don’t let the sins of one confessor affect your walk with God.
 
Our pastor told us if a priest ever yelled at us or was in any way abusive in confession, we would be perfectly correct to say, “I came here today for looking for God’s mercy. I guess you don’t have any to give.” Then leave without any further discussion. He said, “What he does with that is on his head. There is no excuse for abusing a penitent. Find someone else, and do not feel a bit guilty about it.”

For most priests, hearing the confession of someone who has been away from the Church or has been carrying guilt about something serious for a long time is about the best thing that can possibly happen to them. It is like the parable about the woman who found her lost coin. It is a rare and extremely beautiful thing to be a part of. They are thrilled to be chosen for it.
 
misfitjacq said:
I do not want this to happen so therefore, instead of going to confession & simply not mentioning some of the things I have done, I don’t go at all.
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First, I agree with the others that God is gently calling you back to Himself in the sacrament of Penance. Good for you for responding.

What I want to mention is that you have inadvertently done exactly the right thing here. It is a serious abuse of the Sacrament to not mention some of your sins on purpose. If you had done this, none of your sins would have been forgiven, and you would have added the sin of sacrilege to the others. So, even though you have been away from confession for a long time, at least you have not gotten yourself into a more serious and complicated mess by making bad confessions.

When you do come back (and I know you will, with all the graces you’re getting already and all the prayers of those who read this thread), please be sure to tell all your serious sins. I’m sure that 99.9% of priests would be thrilled to hear your “coming home” confession. The rest may be having a bad day, and the odds are greatly against your coming across one of them. The more sins you admit, the more you are entitled to God’s mercy.

God bless you!

Betsy
 
That’s great that the person finally went to confession, because I was a little worried about a statement that was made (and I didn’t notice if anyone else picked up on it):

“I am trying to get up the nerve to go this Saturday. I hope I don’t chicken out. Of course, each time I go to communion with a mortal sin on me, I guess that is another mortal sin added on top if it! So I guess I better go sooner rather than later!”

I hope folks realize that if one is in a state of mortal sin, they *should not *be receiving Holy Communion until they’ve gone to confession.
 
I just want to thank all of you who have been posting on this thread.

I was confirmed in the Church through RCIA at Easter Vigil in 2004 (almost my five-year anniversary!), and I’ve had varying degrees of “devotion” to the Church. Recently, I felt frustrated with my local parish and let that bleed over to frustration with the whole Church. Thankfully, after much prayer, I feel closer now to the Church than I have in a long time.

I have not been to Confession since my first confession in 2004. I always made excuses before, but I feel the pull of the Church, and now I’m nearing a point that I want to go to Confession regularly.

Reading these posts of everyone’s personal experiences has encouraged me greatly, and helped me see that I’ll be closer to God by going to Confession! Thank you all so so much for sharing your experiences! It’s amazing to see how much the Lord is at work on this forum!
 
Priests love people like you. They are so happy to bring someone back. It shouldn’t take more than five minutes. Go through the commandments and precepts of the Church. If you accidentally omit a mortal sin, mention it at your next confession, although having a mortal sin on your soul usually naws at you if you haven’t suffocated your conscience over the years. You will leave the confessional feeling light as a feather. Don’t let it happen again that you stay away when conscious of grave sin. Go at the first opportunity and get rid of it. Treat it as you would a tumor of the body. When you know you are in the state of grace, you are not worried about what will happen if you die unexpectedly without the sacraments and hope you can make a last minute act of perfect contrition.

Write back after you’ve gone and let us know how things went.

Acuddymar
 
I came into the Church through RCIA at Easter Vigil in 2007. My first confession included a whole 50+ years’ worth of sins!! I was both nervous and embarrassed. Going through an examination of conscience, as others have suggested, that follow the Ten Commandments, especially those that include a list of questions - many available online - has been helpful. And, yes, I, too, went in with a written list the first time!! Now, I make going to confession a regular practice.

Today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent. There is no better time for reflection and reconciliation than this. Every time I leave the confessional, I feel as though a great weight has been lifted from me.

My biggest difficulty in the beginning was in being able to forgive myself. But, some very patient priests, Father Corapi, Mother Angelica and others on EWTN, along with scripture passages describing God’s mercy served to remind me that God’s forgiveness far exceeds our sins.

Several priests have said they are blessed with a sense of forgetfulness that they don’t remember the confessions they hear. It is good to remind ourselves that we are sharing our sins with Jesus and that He is absolving them.

Have a blessed Lent and find God’s peace in the sacrament of Confession.
 
Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I have an appointment with my pastor tomorrow at 11AM. I know I will probably walk in & immediately start crying but I’m ready to talk to him. This past week I have discovered there are serious problems in my marriage. I need the confession, I need to clear my soul of the black spots it carries. I feel I need to be as close to God as possible right now so He can give me the strength to move through this crisis. In order to be closer to Him I must go to confession. Your responses have given me the courage to do this, so again, thank you.
 
misfitjacq said:
Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I have an appointment with my pastor tomorrow at 11AM. I know I will probably walk in & immediately start crying but I’m ready to talk to him. This past week I have discovered there are serious problems in my marriage. I need the confession, I need to clear my soul of the black spots it carries. I feel I need to be as close to God as possible right now so He can give me the strength to move through this crisis. In order to be closer to Him I must go to confession. Your responses have given me the courage to do this, so again, thank you.
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I admire your courage in taking this important step. May God give you the grace you need to make a good, complete, sincere confession, and may He keep you very close to Himself thereafter.
 
I’am in the same boat as misfitjacq.It’s been many years since confession. I started watching EWTN 3yrs ago and realized how much I loved the Catholic Church. I was taught by very strict nun’s growing up. I share alot of your fears after living in grave sin all these years , it’s scarry. I to have talked myself out of confession also but I know in order to recieve Holy Communion I have to confess.I have prayed for the courage, but so far haven’t taken that step.
 
babsie said:
I’am in the same boat as misfitjacq.It’s been many years since confession. I started watching EWTN 3yrs ago and realized how much I loved the Catholic Church. I was taught by very strict nun’s growing up. I share alot of your fears after living in grave sin all these years , it’s scarry. I to have talked myself out of confession also but I know in order to recieve Holy Communion I have to confess.I have prayed for the courage, but so far haven’t taken that step.
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Make an appointment with your pastor - tell him exactly that you’ve not been to confession in years and are very nervous about coming back. He’ll probably be happy to try to help, and talk you through it. It may be helpful if you don’t go to the confessional but see him in his office or something.
 
babsie said:
I’am in the same boat as misfitjacq.It’s been many years since confession. I started watching EWTN 3yrs ago and realized how much I loved the Catholic Church. I was taught by very strict nun’s growing up. I share alot of your fears after living in grave sin all these years , it’s scarry. I to have talked myself out of confession also but I know in order to recieve Holy Communion I have to confess.I have prayed for the courage, but so far haven’t taken that step.
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Step. Step step step. Like i told misfitjacq, be bold because what you went through is not a norm at all. Satan has placed a stumbling block before you. Are you going to let it hold you back or even slow you down? Leap over it.

I agree with Lily. Talk to your priest and let them know why you’re nervous and how long it’s been. you can even explain that in the confessional as well. Just go in, kneel, and say “Bless me Father, for I have sinned, it has been X years since my last confession.” The priest will ask you to confess. At this point, explain why you’ve not gone to confession in detail, so that the confessor is aware of your situation. If you’re not comfortable with jumping straight to that, see your priest in his office and talk with him about it. You may even decide that you should get comfortable enough with your priest and have a “face to face” confession (one in which the priest and you sit across from each other).
 
I DID IT!!! I met with my pastor today at 11AM. I started out by explaining my fear of confession through tears. He then asked if I would like him to open up the sacrament of confession to which I said yes & then I said the things I have been carrying around with me for soooo long now. I know the words will not do it justice but God was there in that room with me! I felt a rush move through my body, this power, this movement & the weight of all of it was GONE.
To the people out there who are in the same boat as myself I advise you to go! Find someone you are comfortable with & make your confession.
I am a new person…thank you all again for your support & suggestions.
 
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