Confession?!?

[baltobetsy]

Did you tell the priest how much you suffer from your scruples? That was the most important thing you needed to do in this confession, not because to omit it would invalidate your confession, but because you need the priest’s help to get better.

Betsy

 

[S_V7]

I did mention my scruples, many times throughout my confession, and the preist said many helpful things, the problem was that I just can’t get them to stay in my head:banghead:. I felt much better after the nearly 3 hr appointment, but a few hrs later I began to doubt it’s validity because of what I wrote above. I remember saying that I postponed the Confession because I was preparing for it and he seemed to take that as the whole reason, probably that I was diligent and spend about a week examining my conscience, which I didn’t. It was mostly stress and anxiety that kept me from barging through his office door. I have the faintest of faintest impression that I did mention my anxiety about it but again I’m unsure because I was babbling and didn’t want to dwell on it too much. So if I did display myself in false colors because of this, would it invalidate my Confession?

I’m finally readng those Scrupulous Anonymous newsletters which have calmed my down but I’m still a filled with scrupules.

 

[baltobetsy]

If you spent nearly three hours with the priest “babbling,” as you say, surely, surely, he’s gotten the idea that anxiety about your confession played a part in your delay. You have shown your true colors. Not to worry.

Now, can you sit down quietly and think back over the helpful things he said and write them down? You can look back on them and work on putting into practice the suggestions he made. You know they came directly to you from the Holy Spirit through the priest.

Betsy

 

[S_V7]

Now, can you sit down quietly and think back over the helpful things he said and write them down? You can look back on them and work on putting into practice the suggestions he made. You know they came directly to you from the Holy Spirit through the priest.

Betsy

That seems like very good advice, I just hope I can remember the things he said. He did mention that my Confession didn’t have to be perfect and such, which I know but can’t seem to put into practice. It’s just the doubting that is very hard for me, the ‘if’s’ in situations make me distrust my judgements and other’s counsel. Like now, I’m thinking ‘It’s just my scrupules, the Confession was good.’ and then there’s ’ but what if it wasn’t and you made a horrible mistake by assuming it was the scrupules’ and back and forth. I read many things that describe my situation very well but I frequently doubt the verdict of ‘It’s just the scruples’.

 

[baltobetsy]

Let me tell you a very special secret. It is the “magic” of obedience. When you obey someone (like your priest) who has spiritual authority over you, God is very pleased with you every single time, and any responsibility for errors in judgement is transferred from you to the person to whom you owe obedience. St. Philip Neri put it this way:
“He who always acts under obedience may rest assured that he will not have to give an account of his actions to God.”
Wasn’t that kind of God to give us a framework within which we can know for certain that we are doing the right thing. So you can always, always, always trust what the priest tells you. I know this goes against every scrupulous instinct you have, but please believe me, it is true. I think you will find the same idea in the Scrupulous Anonymous articles as well. You just have to act against your anxiety and make yourself trust.

If, for some reason, God permits your priest to advise you incorrectly, you will still do the right thing by obeying. God will deal with the priest, and He will make sure that you receive right guidance at the right time.

So you are relieved of the obligation to analyze what the priest tells you, to check the priest’s “orthodoxy” credentials, and all the rest. All you have to do is obey.

And please, please, try to shift your focus from fear to love. God loves you and wants your love in return. That’s what this whole thing is really about, you know.

Betsy

 

[S_V7]

 

[valient_Lucy]

Try spending some time before the Blessed Sacrament, and tell God how much you love Him thank him for His blessings and His graces.

Here are some prayers if you can’t find the words.

Prayer of Love
Loving Jesus, sweetness of my heart,
Your magnetic love draws me to You.
You taught me the meaning of true love
By mercifully forgiving all my sins
And dying on the Cross for my salvation.
Teach me to embrace such Divine love,
That my actions be the fruits of Your Spirit.
Transform my soul into pure abounding love,
Enabling me to always walk in righteousness.
Your endowment of love is priceless;
Being sought out by all living souls.
Repeatedly, inundate me with Your love!

Amen.

Prayer of Thanksgiving
Thank You, O God,
For hearing my prayer and granting my request.
Thank You for all the kindness
You have shown me.

Thank You, Father,
For Your great love
in giving me my life,
for Your great patience
in preserving me despite my sinfulness,
for Your protection in the past
and for the opportunity to serve
and honor You in the future.

Thank You, Lord Jesus
for keeping me numberless times
from sin and death by the toils of Your life,
the suffering of Your Passion,
and by Your victorious Resurrection.

Thank You, Holy Spirit of God,
for bestowing so many graces upon my soul
and having so frequently renewed Your life within me.

May my life, from now on,
be a sign of my gratefulness.

Amen

 

[Listener]

I always thought that after Vatican II there was much less emphasis on confessing the number of sins and more emphasis on focusing on one sin so you could root it out of your life.

One thing I would like to point out is that a priest is hearing your confession “In Persona Christi,” or in the person of Christ. Each priest is part of a direct “chain” that goes all the way back to the apostles. Even if a priest is very liberal, he still has the power to forgive sins. There are many very conservative people on these forums who like to go around accusing people of sin. Guess what! They have zero power to forgive sin, and they have absolutely no knowledge of the state of the soul of another person. A liberal priest is still a priest, and he has this power! If a priest absolved you from your sins, you are forgiven!

We can’t be held responsible for sins that we can’t even remember to confess.

 

[S_V7]

I did mention my scruples, many times throughout my confession, and the preist said many helpful things, the problem was that I just can’t get them to stay in my head:banghead:. I felt much better after the nearly 3 hr appointment, but a few hrs later I began to doubt it’s validity because of what I wrote above. I remember saying that I postponed the Confession because I was preparing for it and he seemed to take that as the whole reason, probably that I was diligent and spend about a week examining my conscience, which I didn’t. It was mostly stress and anxiety that kept me from barging through his office door. I have the faintest of faintest impression that I did mention my anxiety about it but again I’m unsure because I was babbling and didn’t want to dwell on it too much. So if I did display myself in false colors because of this, would it invalidate my Confession?

Maybe I should mention this. When the preist nodded when I said I postponed the confession because I was ‘preparing for it’ I thought about mentioning how much more anxiety played a role in the delay but decided it wasn’t all that necessary and should just move on to the next sin on the list. Now I regret doing that. Would this invalidate the Confession, that I may have lied?

 

[jmcrae]

Maybe I should mention this. When the preist nodded when I said I postponed the confession because I was ‘preparing for it’ I thought about mentioning how much more anxiety played a role in the delay but decided it wasn’t all that necessary and should just move on to the next sin on the list. Now I regret doing that. Would this invalidate the Confession, that I may have lied?

1. If you don’t know whether you lied or not, then you didn’t. It is not a sin to mis-speak. (It’s Confession - it’s not like he is depending on the information to be accurate for some future decision that he has to make. God knew what you meant to say.)
2. I am certain that the priest could tell that you were nervous; you did not actually have to tell him that.

 

[puzzleannie]

mommyof4 has given good advice, please heed it, you will not benefit from discussing your confession here or with any third party. Find one confessor, stick with him, follow his spiritual direction and advice. if he assigns you a spiritual director, stay with that spiritual director. if confession is causing you this much anxiety you need prayer to accept the theology of the sacrament, and spiritual direction to assist with the problem of scrupulosity. You do not need monday morning quarterbacking of your confessions, this habit will harm you gravely.

 

[S_V7]

mommyof4 has given good advice, please heed it, you will not benefit from discussing your confession here or with any third party. Find one confessor, stick with him, follow his spiritual direction and advice. if he assigns you a spiritual director, stay with that spiritual director. if confession is causing you this much anxiety you need prayer to accept the theology of the sacrament, and spiritual direction to assist with the problem of scrupulosity. You do not need monday morning quarterbacking of your confessions, this habit will harm you gravely.

That’s just it, I’m not sure I could get one whenever I resonably could (no driver’s liscence :crying , even thoug both priests at my parish could do a great job. My family seems to just about had it with me and my scrupules and give me that ‘not again’ look when I don’t go up to Commuion or say that I’d like to go to Confession again. It’s like they don’t really get how big this is for me. And so, I’m left with this site as a last resort. Although I agree, I would LOVE to have weekly visits with an advisor. I’m trying to convince my family to go to an evening Mass tomorrow so that at the earlier youth meeting I could hopefully sneak a word with a preist. And yes, this habit is harming me, there are times when I feel very depressed and hopeless, that whole ‘if I die I could go to hell’ feeling is overwhelming.

 

[LilyM]

That’s just it, I’m not sure I could get one whenever I resonably could (no driver’s liscence :crying , even thoug both priests at my parish could do a great job. My family seems to just about had it with me and my scrupules and give me that ‘not again’ look when I don’t go up to Commuion or say that I’d like to go to Confession again. It’s like they don’t really get how big this is for me. And so, I’m left with this site as a last resort. Although I agree, I would LOVE to have weekly visits with an advisor. I’m trying to convince my family to go to an evening Mass tomorrow so that at the earlier youth meeting I could hopefully sneak a word with a preist. And yes, this habit is harming me, there are times when I feel very depressed and hopeless, that whole ‘if I die I could go to hell’ feeling is overwhelming.

Please please please

a) trust your priests if they tell you not to worry and

b) realise it’s THEIR fault and THEY will answer for it if they’ve told you the wrong thing! You will in no way be condemned for taking your priest’s advice - not unless he’s completely and utterly and obviousy unreliable, like if he tells you murder is OK or something.

c) the ONLY thing that will invalidate your confession is if you DELIBERATELY OMIT a mortal sin. Even if you misstate something it doesn’t matter! You’re not confessing to the priest so he doesn’t have to understand you perfectly. You’re confessing to God, who always knows exactly what you’re trying to say and that you desire to confess all to Him

Remember the prodigal son didn’t EVEN finish speaking before the father forgave him, that’s how much God knows our hearts and forgives us.

And here’s a secret - if you approach a spiritual director, or any priest, and are in serious need they will talk to you on the phone if necessary - or else arrange to see you quickly.

And if they don’t want to either talk to you on the phone or see you quickly it will be because the things you’re worrying about AREN’T worth worrying about :newidea: And again, if they’re wrong they will be held to account for it, not you.

 

[S_V7]

I’m not sure I understand all this correctly. It’s bad if I deliberatly lie. Well, (I think) I deliberatly held back a big chunk of the truth about my sin, thinking that it wasn’t all that necessary and wanted to move on. Isn’t that a lie

I’m beginning to just forget about this and hope that I’m just being scrupulous but all those ifs are still floating above my head.

 

[jmcrae]

I’m not sure I understand all this correctly. It’s bad if I deliberatly lie. Well, (I think) I deliberatly held back a big chunk of the truth about my sin, thinking that it wasn’t all that necessary and wanted to move on. Isn’t that a lie

If you had lied, you would remember for certain that you had lied.

It seems to me that you misspoke, which is not the same thing as lying. God understood what you meant.

I’m beginning to just forget about this and hope that I’m just being scrupulous but all those ifs are still floating above my head.

Follow your priest’s advice. If it’s wrong, he’s the one who will go to Hell; not you. On the other hand, if you go out on your own and make up your own stuff, and you turn out to be wrong, you’ll be the one responsible, and you’re the one who will go to Hell.

It’s the same as on a job. If the manager tells you to do something a certain way, and the boss doesn’t like it, he doesn’t fire you; he fires the manager. But if you disobey the manager and do things your own way, and the boss doesn’t like your way, then you’re the one that gets fired.

Makes sense?

 

[S_V7]

what I’m going for right now is to hope I’m just being scrupulous, so if I end up being wrong, does that mean I’m going to hell?

The preist did tell me not to worry if I forgot something, but I don’t really remember if he said anything about not worrying about the validity of my Confession. After all, doesn’t he base his judgement on the information I provide? So if I don’t try and give him the complete picture about what he asked for, isn’t that bad?

 

[LilyM]

what I’m going for right now is to hope I’m just being scrupulous, so if I end up being wrong, does that mean I’m going to hell?

The preist did tell me not to worry if I forgot something, but I don’t really remember if he said anything about not worrying about the validity of my Confession. After all, doesn’t he base his judgement on the information I provide? So if I don’t try and give him the complete picture about what he asked for, isn’t that bad?

There are much worse things.

Bear in mind that it is not the priest who is judging you, nor the priest who is absolving you, nor the priest to whom you are confessing. It is Christ himself.

It IS, however, the priest who is advising you, not Christ directly. Though some priests do seem to receive extra gifts from above in this regard, not all do. I can and have been to confession numerous times where the priest won’t even say a word except to tell me my penance and absolve me! That is nonetheless a complete and valid confession. So that advice isn’t an essential part of the sacrament. Sometimes I’ve been given advice that was entirely off the planet and wrong. But as long as the absolution was correctly done it is still valid too.

Again, you will most certainly misstate things in the confessional, we all do, but unless your intent is to deceive there’s no problem. There’s no way you can ever make another person understand you perfectly, and no matter what you did or how much detail you gave there would still be occasions where the priest misunderstood. Christ, however, understands perfectly even if you don’t say a word!

 

[Greg27]

Personally I think everyone has a certain set of actions which they recoil from if they think about actually doing them, because they are so awful. While I don’t consider myself a Catholic, I think a ‘mortal’ sin is doing precisely the thing a decent and virtuous person recoils from, with deliberate consent with a clear and healthy mind. If you could murder someone in cold blood for example, or commit adultery with someone’s wife or husband with no feeling or regard for the terrible pain that act inflicts on them, or you betray the trust of someone who trusts you absolutely, or you throw someone who loves you dearly in the trash when they need you the most, or you torture and maim someone to hurt them, or you rape someone, or mercilessly beat someone to the point of death, with a clear and healthy mind and a will which consents to this, these are surely ‘mortal’ sins which would demand some kind of punishment from a just God, if he existed.

Working out what is gravely wrong is not that hard really, if you reflect using your innate sense of good and evil. If you do these sorts of things and you are a practicing Catholic, clearly you should seek confession immediately.

 

[jmcrae]

what I’m going for right now is to hope I’m just being scrupulous, so if I end up being wrong, does that mean I’m going to hell?

God loves you very dearly. There is no possible way that you could go to Hell by accident. If you intended to make a good Confession, then as far as God is concerned, the attempt was good enough. Remember the lost coin, the lost sheep, and the Prodigal Son. (Luke 15)

The preist did tell me not to worry if I forgot something, but I don’t really remember if he said anything about not worrying about the validity of my Confession.

If he gave you the Absolution, that means that he thought your confession was valid. You have to just trust him on that.

After all, doesn’t he base his judgement on the information I provide? So if I don’t try and give him the complete picture about what he asked for, isn’t that bad?

Keep in mind, the priest is not a robot or a computer. If he thinks he is lacking information, he will certainly ask you for more information. If he didn’t ask, that means he had all the information that he needed.

 

[RainDown]

I’ve been a scrupulous person when it comes to confession lately. After looking at the 10 Commandments for the Scrupulous I found out I’ve been doing a lot of those! Especially the one about not repeating past sins that I’ve confessed/forgotten, but my priest said if I would like to renew my sorrow for these sins, I should acknowledge that they are past sins so he knows what he’s dealing with. I’m a little confused…he said I don’t have to confess forgotten sins (even mortal ones) but I think I saw in Ask an Apologist Michelle Arnold said we owe it to Jesus to confess these past sins. Thats what I felt. I felt like I was cheating God out of a good confession.