Confirmation candidates who want to abstain

[fastenatingguy]

I am a Catechist of 8th graders from public schools in our parish. During Easter season our Confirmation class (60 from the parish school and 35 from local government schools) receives the sacrament.

In my prior four years I’ve been instructor to about fifty students. Only one student declined to complete studies. In that case it was very specific: this young lady Was so troubled by the denial of women to the priesthood that she withdrew. Although dismayed by her decision, I agreed that if she did not freely accept church teaching, and would cease being Catholic, that it would be better for her to delay reception of the sacrament until she was ready and accepting.

In my current class, there are two children who are unsure about whether they want to ultimately receive the sacrament. They are sincere in that neither has immediate famiily practicing the faith or attending Sunday mass. Each has extended family that are practicing Catholics, especially grandparents.

There is another young man who is a behavior problem. He wants to be anywhere but Catechism on Sunday morning. He is very close minded and immature, unlike the other two mentioned above. He says his parents make him come to class but he will “NEVER go to mass!”

I would appreciate any suggestions and especially wisdom on how I should approach this. Unfortunately, our pastor is on a six month sabbatical and our DRE is retiring because of her husband’s illness. thank you.

 

[7_Sorrows]

I don’t think anyone should feel pressured or forced to be confirmed.

I was baptized in the Episcopal church, but by the time I was 13 or 14 I wanted to learn more about the Catholic faith and Judaism.
I was mortified at 15 to be told I needed to the confirmation classes in the Episcopal
church. I had not even been a regular churchgoer for 4-5 years.
I felt like I was being a hypocrite because I was not sure I totally believed in Christianity.

I would not have anyone be confirmed if they were having any doubts.

Even after being confirmed at 15 in the Episcopal church, I became a non churchgoer for over 25 years. I later learned more about Judaism in my 50’s and Catholicism and converted to the Catholic faith at 56.

 

[pianistclare]

This should be brought to the priest so that he can tell you to let them withdraw from the class.
My pastor interviews all the Confirmandi each year, and if they indicate they do not wish to be confirmed, fine.
There is nothing to be gained by forcing them. What is the point of the classes then?

A person can always return at a later date and go through with it. Indeed, we have many adults who come forward and ask to be Confirmed each year, and Father teaches them in a separate adult class.

Stop fretting over it. You were available to teach, and the people declined.
Pray for their return to faith

 

[peter26]

Its worth bearing in mind that confirmation is not essential to salvation in the way that baptism is. Confirmation is a commitment, and part of that commitment is regular Mass attendance. If someone does not want to commit to that, they shouldn’t be confirmed. Of course, its possible to be confirmed as an adult as I was. As far as the two children who are unsure are concerned, do they not want to attend Mass, or would they like to attend, but just wouldn’t be able to get there? If the later, could their grandparents or someone else take them to Mass and sit with them? It seems a shame if children want to be confirmed and attend Mass and just can’t because their parents don’t attend.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I am a Catechist of 8th graders from public schools in our parish. During Easter season our Confirmation class (60 from the parish school and 35 from local government schools) receives the sacrament.

In my prior four years I’ve been instructor to about fifty students. Only one student declined to complete studies. In that case it was very specific: this young lady Was so troubled by the denial of women to the priesthood that she withdrew. Although dismayed by her decision, I agreed that if she did not freely accept church teaching, and would cease being Catholic, that it would be better for her to delay reception of the sacrament until she was ready and accepting.

In my current class, there are two children who are unsure about whether they want to ultimately receive the sacrament. They are sincere in that neither has immediate famiily practicing the faith or attending Sunday mass. Each has extended family that are practicing Catholics, especially grandparents.

There is another young man who is a behavior problem. He wants to be anywhere but Catechism on Sunday morning. He is very close minded and immature, unlike the other two mentioned above. He says his parents make him come to class but he will “NEVER go to mass!”

I would appreciate any suggestions and especially wisdom on how I should approach this. Unfortunately, our pastor is on a six month sabbatical and our DRE is retiring because of her husband’s illness. thank you.

It’s important to keep focused. And easy to follow the patents lead here. If the parents are insisting on confirmation then you confirm, if the parents decide otherwise then you don’t. Your job is to instruct as best you can, not take the place of the primary educators if the faith, the parents.

Unless you are the parents, the pastor, or the bishop you don’t really have any power here…

 

[Bookcat]

Yes they need more evangelization.…

To encounter Jesus Christ anew.

His death and resurrection…true life in him. The joy of the Gospel.

To realize the reality of being in Christ…of true life in him …of the life of grace…of salvation etc etc.

Difficult though to suggest how to approach each of course. One must pray and continue to seek practical advice as you have been doing…perhaps the work of Fr. Barron will be helpful …for teens can readily open up more quickly perhaps to media…

And of course there is the Franciscan University …their programs for youth …their events etc.

A few quotes from Pope Benedict and Pope Francis

““To gaze upon Christ!” If we do this, we realize that Christianity is more than and different from a moral code, from a series of requirements and laws. It is the gift of a friendship that lasts through life and death: “No longer do I call you servants, but friends” (Jn 15:15), the Lord says to his disciples. We entrust ourselves to this friendship. Yet precisely because Christianity is more than a moral system, because it is the gift of friendship, for this reason it also contains within itself great moral strength, which is so urgently needed today on account of the challenges of our time. If with Jesus Christ and his Church we constantly re-read the Ten Commandments of Sinai, entering into their full depth, then a great, valid and lasting teaching unfolds before us. The Ten Commandments are first and foremost a “yes” to God, to a God who loves us and leads us, who carries us and yet allows us our freedom: indeed, it is he who makes our freedom real (the first three commandments). It is a “yes” to the family (fourth commandment), a “yes” to life (fifth commandment), a “yes” to responsible love (sixth commandment), a “yes” to solidarity, to social responsibility and to justice (seventh commandment), a “yes” to truth (eighth commandment) and a “yes” to respect for other people and for what is theirs (ninth and tenth commandments). By the strength of our friendship with the living God we live this manifold “yes” and at the same time we carry it as a signpost into this world of ours today.”

~ Pope Benedict XVI 8 September 2007

““I want them to understand that it is beautiful to be a Christian! The generally prevailing idea is that Christians have to observe an immense number of commandments, prohibitions, precepts, and other such restrictions, so that Christianity is a heavy and oppressive way of living, and it would therefore be more liberating to live without all these burdens. But I would like to make it clear that to be sustained by this great Love and God’s sublime revelation is not a burden, but rather a set of wings—that it is truly beautiful to be a Christian. It is an experience that gives us room to breathe and move, but most of all, it places us within a community since, as Christians, we are never alone: first of all, there is God, who is always with us; secondly, we are always forming a great community among ourselves: a community of people together on a journey, a community with a project for the future. All of this means that we are empowered to live a life worth living. This is the joy of being a Christian: that it is beautiful and right to believe!””

~Pope Benedict XVI 2005

(quotes snipped from Vatican website: vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/homilies/2006/documents/hf_ben-xvi_hom_20060108_battesimo_en.html

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/audiences/2012/documents/hf_ben-xvi_aud_20120516_en.html

“I invite all Christians, everywhere, at this very moment, to a renewed personal encounter with Jesus Christ, or at least an openness to letting him encounter them; I ask all of you to do this unfailingly each day.”

~ Pope Francis (The Joy of the Gospel)

“Christian joy thus springs from this certainty: God is close, he is with me, he is with us, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as a friend and faithful spouse. And this joy endures, even in trials, in suffering itself. It does not remain only on the surface; it dwells in the depths of the person who entrusts himself to God and trusts in him.”

~ Pope Benedict XVI Anglus 16 December 2007

“Being Christian is not the result of an ethical choice or a lofty idea, but the encounter with an event, a person, which gives life a new horizon and a decisive direction.”

~ Pope Benedict XVI Deus Caritas Est

“Faith opens us to knowing and welcoming the real identity of Jesus, his newness and oneness, his word, as a source of life, in order to live a personal relationship with him. Knowledge of the faith grows, it grows with the desire to find the way and in the end it is a gift of God who does not reveal himself to us as an abstract thing without a face or a name, because faith responds to a Person who wants to enter into a relationship of deep love with us and to involve our whole life.”

~ Pope Benedict XVI (Sunday, 14 August 2011)

 

[7_Sorrows]

It’s important to keep focused. And easy to follow the patents lead here. If the parents are insisting on confirmation then you confirm, if the parents decide otherwise then you don’t. Your job is to instruct as best you can, not take the place of the primary educators if the faith, the parents.

Unless you are the parents, the pastor, or the bishop you don’t really have any power here…

but should a young person be confirmed if they are doubting what they profess in the Nicene Creed? at 15, if you are professing a belief, you want to make sure you believe it otherwise it feels like a lie.
I think at 15 or 16 the teen should be able to make their own decision. I agree they should be able to sit down with a priest and discuss what their reasons are for wanting to abstain and perhaps be able to answer any questions.
for me, being confirmed was as important as a marriage vow. not to betaken lightly and being sure of the commitment you are to make.
some teens might be more mature than others or some teens have had a strong foundation in their faith from the time they are small. others are still trying to figure things out.

 

[jediliz]

I am so glad that in my diocese, we confirm children in the 5th grade and NOT when they are teenagers.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

but should a young person be confirmed if they are doubting what they profess in the Nicene Creed? at 15, if you are professing a belief, you want to make sure you believe it otherwise it feels like a lie.
I think at 15 or 16 the teen should be able to make their own decision. I agree they should be able to sit down with a priest and discuss what their reasons are for wanting to abstain and perhaps be able to answer any questions.
for me, being confirmed was as important as a marriage vow. not to betaken lightly and being sure of the commitment you are to make.
some teens might be more mature than others or some teens have had a strong foundation in their faith from the time they are small. others are still trying to figure things out.

Confirmation is not the Catholic equivalent of the Protestant altar call. It’s an extension of baptism. Many people are confirmed before the teen years. In fact some catholic rites do so at infant baptism. So, the sacrament is not really supposed to be used as a checkpoint during a time in life when rebellion, confusion and figuring out life is most prevalent. (The teen years). Some diocese are moving the age limit lower. Others, think it’s fine where it is. To answer your question should they believe the creed? Sure, they should. But they may not even care. The power of administration of the sacrament and who receives it belongs to the clergy and the parents. Some clergy choose to delegate these decisions to the laity and that is not really a pastoral approach.

Many confirmants have no idea about the creed at all, especially those who are infants or very young.

 

[JimG]

Confirmation is not the Catholic equivalent of the Protestant altar call. It’s an extension of baptism. Many people are confirmed before the teen years. In fact some catholic rites do so at infant baptism. So, the sacrament is not really supposed to be used as a checkpoint during a time in life when rebellion, confusion and figuring out life is most prevalent. (The teen years). Some diocese are moving the age limit lower. Others, think it’s fine where it is. To answer your question should they believe the creed? Sure, they should. But they may not even care. The power of administration of the sacrament and who receives it belongs to the clergy and the parents. Some clergy choose to delegate these decisions to the laity and that is not really a pastoral approach.

Many confirmants have no idea about the creed at all, especially those who are infants or very young.

It may be that the sacrament of Confirmation is needed much earlier in life, even immediately following Baptism.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

It may be that the sacrament of Confirmation is needed much earlier in life, even immediately following Baptism.

I’ve always taken that view as well. Wouldn’t it better serve teens to have the graces of confirmation working in thier lives than navigating thier world and faith without them?

 

[e_c]

Here is at least some of what the law says:

Can. 889 §1. Every baptized person not yet confirmed and only such a person is capable of receiving confirmation.

§2. To receive confirmation licitly outside the danger of death requires that a person who has the use of reason be suitably instructed, properly disposed, and able to renew the baptismal promises.

Can. 890 The faithful are obliged to receive this sacrament at the proper time. Parents and pastors of souls, especially pastors of parishes, are to take care that the faithful are properly instructed to receive the sacrament and come to it at the appropriate time.

Can. 891 The sacrament of confirmation is to be conferred on the faithful at about the age of discretion unless the conference of bishops has determined another age, or there is danger of death, or in the judgment of the minister a grave cause suggests otherwise.

Also note…

Can. 843 §1. Sacred ministers cannot deny the sacraments to those who seek them at appropriate times, are properly disposed, and are not prohibited by law from receiving them.

§2. Pastors of souls and other members of the Christian faithful, according to their respective ecclesiastical function, have the duty to take care that those who seek the sacraments are prepared to receive them by proper evangelization and catechetical instruction, attentive to the norms issued by competent authority.

And…

885 §1. The diocesan bishop is obliged to take care that the sacrament of confirmation is conferred on subjects who properly and reasonably seek it.

 

[e_c]

I am so glad that in my diocese, we confirm children in the 5th grade and NOT when they are teenagers.

Just one more reason why Lincoln is booming!

 

[Blessedwithfive]

I’ve always taken that view as well. Wouldn’t it better serve teens to have the graces of confirmation working in thier lives than navigating thier world and faith without them?

I have said this for years. Sometimes kids need the grace and they don’t even know it…

 

[7_Sorrows]

Confirmation is not the Catholic equivalent of the Protestant altar call. It’s an extension of baptism. Many people are confirmed before the teen years. In fact some catholic rites do so at infant baptism. So, the sacrament is not really supposed to be used as a checkpoint during a time in life when rebellion, confusion and figuring out life is most prevalent. (The teen years). Some diocese are moving the age limit lower. Others, think it’s fine where it is. To answer your question should they believe the creed? Sure, they should. But they may not even care. The power of administration of the sacrament and who receives it belongs to the clergy and the parents. Some clergy choose to delegate these decisions to the laity and that is not really a pastoral approach.

Many confirmants have no idea about the creed at all, especially those who are infants or very young.

In the Episcopal church one needs to be confirmed before you are able to receive
communion so it definitely is not the equivalent of the protestant altar call. I was confirmed in 1967 or 1968 so I don’t know if one can be confirmed at a younger age.
in the Episcopal church.

 

[7_Sorrows]

I’ve always taken that view as well. Wouldn’t it better serve teens to have the graces of confirmation working in thier lives than navigating thier world and faith without them?

I did feel “different” after being confirmed. I felt something important (special) had happened to me.

 

[fastenatingguy]

Its worth bearing in mind that confirmation is not essential to salvation in the way that baptism is. Confirmation is a commitment, and part of that commitment is regular Mass attendance. If someone does not want to commit to that, they shouldn’t be confirmed. Of course, its possible to be confirmed as an adult as I was. As far as the two children who are unsure are concerned, do they not want to attend Mass, or would they like to attend, but just wouldn’t be able to get there? If the later, could their grandparents or someone else take them to Mass and sit with them? It seems a shame if children want to be confirmed and attend Mass and just can’t because their parents don’t attend.

I expected to address each student at class individually this morning. Unfortunately, we didn’t have class due to a school holiday Monday. Guess I had a senior moment.

These two are sincerely unsure about their decisions. It is not a matter of ability to attend mass as each lives within one mile of our church, and it is a very safe area. I think it is more of them questioning whether they can practice the faith without parental example.

More next week.

 

[fastenatingguy]

I don’t think anyone should feel pressured or forced to be confirmed.

I was baptized in the Episcopal church, but by the time I was 13 or 14 I wanted to learn more about the Catholic faith and Judaism.
I was mortified at 15 to be told I needed to the confirmation classes in the Episcopal
church. I had not even been a regular churchgoer for 4-5 years.
I felt like I was being a hypocrite because I was not sure I totally believed in Christianity.

I would not have anyone be confirmed if they were having any doubts.

Even after being confirmed at 15 in the Episcopal church, I became a non churchgoer for over 25 years. I later learned more about Judaism in my 50’s and Catholicism and converted to the Catholic faith at 56.

I would not have anyone be confirmed if they were having any doubts

Yes, that is what our DRE said yesterday. She will be discussing this with our acting pastor next week.

 

[fastenatingguy]

Yes they need more evangelization.…

To encounter Jesus Christ anew.

His death and resurrection…true life in him. The joy of the Gospel.

To realize the reality of being in Christ…of true life in him …of the life of grace…of salvation etc etc.

Difficult though to suggest how to approach each of course. One must pray and continue to seek practical advice as you have been doing…perhaps the work of Fr. Barron will be helpful …for teens can readily open up more quickly perhaps to media…

And of course there is the Franciscan University …their programs for youth …their events etc.

A few quotes from Pope Benedict and Pope Francis

““To gaze upon Christ!” If we do this, we realize that Christianity is more than and different from a moral code, from a series of requirements and laws. It is the gift of a friendship that lasts through life and death: “No longer do I call you servants, but friends” (Jn 15:15), the Lord says to his disciples. We entrust ourselves to this friendship. Yet precisely because Christianity is more than a moral system, because it is the gift of friendship, for this reason it also contains within itself great moral strength, which is so urgently needed today on account of the challenges of our time. If with Jesus Christ and his Church we constantly re-read the Ten Commandments of Sinai, entering into their full depth, then a great, valid and lasting teaching unfolds before us. The Ten Commandments are first and foremost a “yes” to God, to a God who loves us and leads us, who carries us and yet allows us our freedom: indeed, it is he who makes our freedom real (the first three commandments). It is a “yes” to the family (fourth commandment), a “yes” to life (fifth commandment), a “yes” to responsible love (sixth commandment), a “yes” to solidarity, to social responsibility and to justice (seventh commandment), a “yes” to truth (eighth commandment) and a “yes” to respect for other people and for what is theirs (ninth and tenth commandments). By the strength of our friendship with the living God we live this manifold “yes” and at the same time we carry it as a signpost into this world of ours today.”

~ Pope Benedict XVI 8 September 2007

““I want them to understand that it is beautiful to be a Christian! The generally prevailing idea is that Christians have to observe an immense number of commandments, prohibitions, precepts, and other such restrictions, so that Christianity is a heavy and oppressive way of living, and it would therefore be more liberating to live without all these burdens. But I would like to make it clear that to be sustained by this great Love and God’s sublime revelation is not a burden, but rather a set of wings—that it is truly beautiful to be a Christian. It is an experience that gives us room to breathe and move, but most of all, it places us within a community since, as Christians, we are never alone: first of all, there is God, who is always with us; secondly, we are always forming a great community among ourselves: a community of people together on a journey, a community with a project for the future. All of this means that we are empowered to live a life worth living. This is the joy of being a Christian: that it is beautiful and right to believe!””

~Pope Benedict XVI 2005

(quotes snipped from Vatican website: vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/homilies/2006/documents/hf_ben-xvi_hom_20060108_battesimo_en.html

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/audiences/2012/documents/hf_ben-xvi_aud_20120516_en.html

“I invite all Christians, everywhere, at this very moment, to a renewed personal encounter with Jesus Christ, or at least an openness to letting him encounter them; I ask all of you to do this unfailingly each day.”

~ Pope Francis (The Joy of the Gospel)

“Christian joy thus springs from this certainty: God is close, he is with me, he is with us, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as a friend and faithful spouse. And this joy endures, even in trials, in suffering itself. It does not remain only on the surface; it dwells in the depths of the person who entrusts himself to God and trusts in him.”

~ Pope Benedict XVI Anglus 16 December 2007

“Being Christian is not the result of an ethical choice or a lofty idea, but the encounter with an event, a person, which gives life a new horizon and a decisive direction.”

~ Pope Benedict XVI Deus Caritas Est

“Faith opens us to knowing and welcoming the real identity of Jesus, his newness and oneness, his word, as a source of life, in order to live a personal relationship with him. Knowledge of the faith grows, it grows with the desire to find the way and in the end it is a gift of God who does not reveal himself to us as an abstract thing without a face or a name, because faith responds to a Person who wants to enter into a relationship of deep love with us and to involve our whole life.”

~ Pope Benedict XVI (Sunday, 14 August 2011)

Thank you Bookcat. Your suggestions would be very helpful for my students of previous years who had a better foundation to build upon. it’s sad that my current class and these children in particular have shallow roots (Mt 13:5). They are just coming to knowledge of God in their lives. Their attention spans are shorter than ever. I’ll try to incorporate some of the content into my lesson. Embarrassed to say I have to dumb it down, but if that works…

 

[SyroMalankara]

In the Episcopal church one needs to be confirmed before you are able to receive
communion so it definitely is not the equivalent of the protestant altar call. I was confirmed in 1967 or 1968 so I don’t know if one can be confirmed at a younger age.
in the Episcopal church.

This was changed decades ago, now EC in many places one need not even be baptized