Confirmation DENIED

[Helen31]

My confirmation was denied many years ago, and it’s been bugging me ever since. No one ever told me why I was denied. I was very involved with the church at time, but I had a hard time with my academics and a couple of close family members were in the hospital, and so I know I missed a few classes. Can you really be denied just like that? Our DRE didn’t even call me to see what was going on or if I could make up the classes. I feel kinda burned, like after getting the church youth group together and being active in the music ministry, it was like no one even noticed me missing till confirmation time came up and I was denied. My mom reassured me and said I could go back and get it later, and it wasn’t going to be a big problem until it was time for marriage (which Holy Matrimony never crossed my mind). Now, many years later, I feel like a got a permenant “incomplete” in sacramental life, as all the priests I know of or have talked to about it say I don’t need it. Anyways, I’m currently exercising my right to conscience objection to the sacrament of reconciliation, until I can figure out how to get confirmed, or until one of the priests can just break it down real “barney style” (no big words) for me as to why I wouldn’t need it.
I don’t know, I’m just lost and confused. I know my priests will marry me to a Muslim, or an atheist, so confirmation isn’t for marriage. Can someone please help me?

 

[1ke]

How to get confirmed:

Go to your pastor and tell him you want to be confirmed. Either he will obtain permission from the bishop to confirm you or he will find out when the bishop is doing adult confirmations and you will be confirmed by the bishop.

I don’t know why a priest would tell you that you do not need to be confirmed. I cannot speak to why you were not able to proceed and since it was so long ago there is really no way to backtrack and find out. I don’t even think any of that matters at this point, what does matter is getting confirmed.

Staying away from the sacrament of reconciliation is only hurting YOU.

 

[LilyM]

How to get confirmed:

Go to your pastor and tell him you want to be confirmed. Either he will obtain permission from the bishop to confirm you or he will find out when the bishop is doing adult confirmations and you will be confirmed by the bishop.

I don’t know why a priest would tell you that you do not need to be confirmed. I cannot speak to why you were not able to proceed and since it was so long ago there is really no way to backtrack and find out. I don’t even think any of that matters at this point, what does matter is getting confirmed.

Staying away from the sacrament of reconciliation is only hurting YOU.

This. There are many reasons why you might have been denied the sacrament - maybe you weren’t progressing well even in the classes you did attend? Perhaps there were non-class requirements such as community service that you did not fulfil? Perhaps your understanding and attitude were a little immature (nothing wrong with that, everyone matures at different rates).

As has been said, it is far too long ago now and almost certainly only the priest who refuse you could tell you exactly why. That’s if he can even remember that far back.

Treat it as water under the bridge and go get yourself instructed and confirmed ASAP. Your priest should gladly arrange ghos for you whether he feels you need it or not.

And do not abandon the sacrament of reconciliation by any means - it is second in importance only to the Mass in terms of your spiritual life.

 

[Helen31]

Thanks 1ke, I feel kinda bad about avoiding reconcillation but what’s the point of it. Every time I’ve talked to a priest (mine or someone else’s), they’ve told me I don’t need to receive the sacrament confirmation, and why bother with it anyway? Well…why continue with the endless cycle of reconcillation if I’m never going to get to the next sacrament?
I hate being a pain in their neck.
Maybe I should just be like “You know Father, if you won’t help me get confirmed, I’ll find someone else who can!” I’ve missed out on 3 adult confirmation classes since I’ve moved to this diocease, my old diocease didn’t have adult confirmation classes. I’m starting to think the Orthodox Christians may be a better bet, but I hear they’re expensive.

 

[Jennifoo]

While it may have been frustating and painful to have been denied Confirmation there was most likely a solid reason like not being informed enough in the Faith. And so in instances such as these we submit ourselves to the discretion of those God has placed over us and trust their decisions unless there is good reason not to.

This is called obedience and we practice obedience because Christ did and we are called to follow Him. This includes obeying when it is difficult, just like our Lord.

After all it is our Lord Jesus Himself Who established the Catholic Church and continually guides Her. He established the Sacraments-they are channels of His Grace. How can we boycott any of them? It’s like a slap in the face to our Lord. Being denied one Sacrament due to imcomplete preparation doesn’t justify boycotting another.

You do need to be confirmed-don’t let anyone tell you differently. Contact a priest ASAP and he will help you.

As you prepare I suggest praying everyday to the Holy Spirit and reading a good Catholic Bible like the Revised Standard Version.

Hope this helps. God bless you.

 

[LilyM]

Thanks 1ke, I feel kinda bad about avoiding reconcillation but what’s the point of it. Every time I’ve talked to a priest (mine or someone else’s), they’ve told me I don’t need to receive the sacrament confirmation, and why bother with it anyway? Well…why continue with the endless cycle of reconcillation if I’m never going to get to the next sacrament?
I hate being a pain in their neck.
Maybe I should just be like “You know Father, if you won’t help me get confirmed, I’ll find someone else who can!” I’ve missed out on 3 adult confirmation classes since I’ve moved to this diocease, my old diocease didn’t have adult confirmation classes. I’m starting to think the Orthodox Christians may be a better bet, but I hear they’re expensive.

Oh my!

Reconciliation, my dear friend, is certainly not something you will stop doing after you are confirmed. The two are entierely separate things. You will keep sinning, and so keep needing reconciliation, even after being confirmed.

For the rest of your life you will be required to confess at least once a year. Confirmed or not.

Were you not taught this about the sacrament when you were prepared for your first confession?

 

[babochka]

Thanks 1ke, I feel kinda bad about avoiding reconcillation but what’s the point of it. Every time I’ve talked to a priest (mine or someone else’s), they’ve told me I don’t need to receive the sacrament confirmation, and why bother with it anyway? Well…why continue with the endless cycle of reconcillation if I’m never going to get to the next sacrament?
I hate being a pain in their neck.
Maybe I should just be like “You know Father, if you won’t help me get confirmed, I’ll find someone else who can!” I’ve missed out on 3 adult confirmation classes since I’ve moved to this diocease, my old diocease didn’t have adult confirmation classes. I’m starting to think the Orthodox Christians may be a better bet, but I hear they’re expensive.

I have no idea why a priest would tell you that you don’t need the sacrament of Confirmation. That’s really strange. It does seem that at least 3 times you’ve been directed toward adult confirmation classes, so at least someone has taken your need for the sacrament seriously. If a priest actually tells you that you don’t need confirmation, I would contact the bishop. I’m not usually one to say things like that, but actually discouraging you from pursuing confirmation and telling you that you don’t need it is contrary to the faith. It has nothing to do with marriage, and it is not strictly required for marriage. It is for the completion of your baptism.

If you find yourself unable to attend the classes for some reason, ask the priest (or other person) who referred you to the classes if there is another way you can prepare.

I’m not quite sure how to read your comment about converting to Orthodoxy. They would certainly require a period of preparation before your chrismation.

 

[1ke]

Thanks 1ke, I feel kinda bad about avoiding reconcillation but what’s the point of it.

Forgiveness of your sins, your salvation

Every time I’ve talked to a priest (mine or someone else’s), they’ve told me I don’t need to receive the sacrament confirmation, and why bother with it anyway?

I am very sorry that you have received this sort of incorrect information. Please go talk to your pastor and tell him you want to be confirmed. Go to your bishop directly if you must. Your bishop should know that his priests are guiding his flock incorrectly.

Well…why continue with the endless cycle of reconcillation if I’m never going to get to the next sacrament?

Maybe you do not properly understand the sacraments or their role in bringing grace into our lives.

You go to reconciliation because you need it. Confirmed or not, you will go to reconciliation as often as you need to be absolved of sin.

Sacraments are not like levels in a video game. Confirmation is not the “next” sacrament in that sense. Yes, confirmation completes baptism, is necessary for marriage, and gives us additional graces of the Holy Spirit. But you must still go to confession when you sin.

I hate being a pain in their neck.
Maybe I should just be like “You know Father, if you won’t help me get confirmed, I’ll find someone else who can!” I’ve missed out on 3 adult confirmation classes since I’ve moved to this diocease, my old diocease didn’t have adult confirmation classes. I’m starting to think the Orthodox Christians may be a better bet, but I hear they’re expensive.

Just GO to the adult confirmation classes and get confirmed. Don’t dwell on past hurts or information.

Going to the Orthodox Church is not “better”. They are not in full communion with Rome.

 

[billcu1]

My confirmation was denied many years ago, and it’s been bugging me ever since. No one ever told me why I was denied. I was very involved with the church at time, but I had a hard time with my academics and a couple of close family members were in the hospital, and so I know I missed a few classes. Can you really be denied just like that? Our DRE didn’t even call me to see what was going on or if I could make up the classes. I feel kinda burned, like after getting the church youth group together and being active in the music ministry, it was like no one even noticed me missing till confirmation time came up and I was denied. My mom reassured me and said I could go back and get it later, and it wasn’t going to be a big problem until it was time for marriage (which Holy Matrimony never crossed my mind). Now, many years later, I feel like a got a permenant “incomplete” in sacramental life, as all the priests I know of or have talked to about it say I don’t need it. Anyways, I’m currently exercising my right to conscience objection to the sacrament of reconciliation, until I can figure out how to get confirmed, or until one of the priests can just break it down real “barney style” (no big words) for me as to why I wouldn’t need it.
I don’t know, I’m just lost and confused. I know my priests will marry me to a Muslim, or an atheist, so confirmation isn’t for marriage. Can someone please help me?

DId you have a sponsor? I don’t know if that is required or not but I had one.

 

[Allegra]

I can’t think of any reason why a priest would tell you that you don’t need confirmation either. You don’t need it for what? To get married? To recieve the Eucharist? Maybe that’s what he was saying, but that’s not a good reason not to get it. If I were you, I would try again. That just doesn’t make sense. As to why you were told you couldn’t get it years ago, that could be any number of circumstances. Sadly, it could be as simple as the secretary accidentally letting you fall through the cracks. Perhaps your parents said they’d have you redo your last year of PSR since you’d missed so much and that never happened? I didn’t get my confirmation until I was an adult. I think it was well worth it though.

 

[aemcpa]

Well…why continue with the endless cycle of reconcillation if I’m never going to get to the next sacrament?

This is totally apples and oranges. Confirmation is not the “next sacrament” after reconciliation, because reconciliation is not one of the sacraments of initiation. Reconciliation forgives sin; confirmation completes baptism. You are required by the Church to confess your mortal sins at least once a year. Go to confession ASAP - you will be glad you did.

There is absolutely no reason why you should not be able to receive Confirmation either through RCIA or by another means. Tell your pastor you want to be confirmed and ask him how you can go about it. If you don’t get a straight answer, call the bishop’s office.

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

Thanks 1ke, I feel kinda bad about avoiding reconcillation but what’s the point of it. Every time I’ve talked to a priest (mine or someone else’s), they’ve told me I don’t need to receive the sacrament confirmation, and why bother with it anyway? Well…why continue with the endless cycle of reconcillation if I’m never going to get to the next sacrament?
I hate being a pain in their neck.
Maybe I should just be like “You know Father, if you won’t help me get confirmed, I’ll find someone else who can!” I’ve missed out on 3 adult confirmation classes since I’ve moved to this diocease, my old diocease didn’t have adult confirmation classes. I’m starting to think the Orthodox Christians may be a better bet, but I hear they’re expensive.

Seriously?

I was baptized as a baby…had first communion…but no confirmation.

I came back to the Church…went to reconciliation…then started receiving the Eucharist again. And KEPT going to reconciliation.

Now I can’t really explain it…I went with my husband through RCIA to get confirmed…as it had been a long time since CCD—thinking…I’ve check off the box. Confirmation was way more then that.

Your faith is not something to “shop” around with or put down your foot until you get your way! Go talk to a priest immediately…and start going back to reconciliation.

I am beinging to suspect that your attitude towards the sacrament might have had something to do with you being denied…

 

[Helen31]

"I am beinging to suspect that your attitude towards the sacrament might have had something to do with you being denied… " It may be a current barrier, yes. At that point in time I was really considering “the vocation.” But hindsight is 50/50. Marriage and children never crossed my mind until the past 10 years or so. Maybe you missed my previous post.** I’ve been told by 4 different priests in two different diocese that I don’t need the sacrament of confirmation, and the classes won’t benefit me. Which your priest has to allow you to take the class in this area, or believe me I’d be there.** According to each one of these priests, I should be looking to marry, and I haven’t met anyone yet.

 

[LilyM]

"I am beinging to suspect that your attitude towards the sacrament might have had something to do with you being denied… " It may be a current barrier, yes. At that point in time I was really considering “the vocation.” But hindsight is 50/50. Marriage and children never crossed my mind until the past 10 years or so. Maybe you missed my previous post.** I’ve been told by 4 different priests in two different diocese that I don’t need the sacrament of confirmation, and the classes won’t benefit me. Which your priest has to allow you to take the class in this area, or believe me I’d be there.** According to each one of these priests, I should be looking to marry, and I haven’t met anyone yet.

If you have been told classes won’t help you, then logically that means that you are ready for confirmation without them. In which case you should ask for confirmation without classes.

Give the priests one more try. If they will not assist, go straight to your bishop and ask again. No-one is to to be denied the sacraments who asks for them and is properly disposed - that is exactly what Canon Law says.

 

[JMJ_coder]

I don’t know, I’m just lost and confused. I know my priests will marry me to a Muslim, or an atheist, so confirmation isn’t for marriage. Can someone please help me?

You’re priest is going to marry you off…to a non-Christian…

I’m starting to think the Orthodox Christians may be a better bet, but I hear they’re expensive.

…and you have to pay…

According to each one of these priests, I should be looking to marry, and I haven’t met anyone yet.

…and the reason you don’t need confirmation is because you should be getting married…

Is it just me or does something not add up here?

 

[Helen31]

You’re priest is going to marry you off…to a non-Christian…

…and you have to pay…

…and the reason you don’t need confirmation is because you should be getting married…

Is it just me or does something not add up here?

Well the Orthodoxy thing was what I was reading about online from some church. I haven’t talked to the Orthodox part of my family about it to see what they say. And yea it doesn’t add up to me either, thats why I’m confused and discouraged. I’m holding out for a practicing Catholic, Roman or Othrodox Christian please , in the mean time my little boy’s been daddyless for 3 years now.

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

"I am beinging to suspect that your attitude towards the sacrament might have had something to do with you being denied… " It may be a current barrier, yes. At that point in time I was really considering “the vocation.” But hindsight is 50/50. Marriage and children never crossed my mind until the past 10 years or so. Maybe you missed my previous post.** I’ve been told by 4 different priests in two different diocese that I don’t need the sacrament of confirmation, and the classes won’t benefit me. Which your priest has to allow you to take the class in this area, or believe me I’d be there.** According to each one of these priests, I should be looking to marry, and I haven’t met anyone yet.

I have a hard time believing that four different priest told you that you don’t need the sacrament of confirmation.

Something is just not adding up here at all…

 

[Mike30]

My confirmation was denied many years ago, and it’s been bugging me ever since. No one ever told me why I was denied. I was very involved with the church at time, but I had a hard time with my academics and a couple of close family members were in the hospital, and so I know I missed a few classes. Can you really be denied just like that? Our DRE didn’t even call me to see what was going on or if I could make up the classes. I feel kinda burned, like after getting the church youth group together and being active in the music ministry, it was like no one even noticed me missing till confirmation time came up and I was denied. My mom reassured me and said I could go back and get it later, and it wasn’t going to be a big problem until it was time for marriage (which Holy Matrimony never crossed my mind). Now, many years later, I feel like a got a permenant “incomplete” in sacramental life, as all the priests I know of or have talked to about it say I don’t need it. Anyways, I’m currently exercising my right to conscience objection to the sacrament of reconciliation, until I can figure out how to get confirmed, or until one of the priests can just break it down real “barney style” (no big words) for me as to why I wouldn’t need it.
I don’t know, I’m just lost and confused. I know my priests will marry me to a Muslim, or an atheist, so confirmation isn’t for marriage. Can someone please help me?

I’ve never heard of a conscience objection to Reconciliation especially since it really doesn’t have much to do with Confirmation except that you have to be in a state of grace to receive Confirmation. Are you saying that because you were denied Confirmation you will not go to Confession? I hate to say it but that really sounds kind of childish. Soryy, but it does.

You are not an incomplete Catholic if you are not Confirmed. It is not 100% necessary that you get Confirmed. It is very good if you do so and highly desireable, but you will not be looked down upon or be in an incomplete status if you don’t get confirmed.

As far as it goes, just go to an RCIA program, tell them you want to get confirmed, they will put you through the program and voila, you’ll have it:thumbsup:

As far as being denied, yes you can be. I have been involved with RCIA for a long long time. If the RCIA team feels there is a problem, they will go to the Priest and let him know whats going on. It is up to him. Normally the RCIA Team could not unilaterally deny you. It would have to come from the Priest or higher, and would have to have some tangible reason behind it. And yes, missing classes or sessions,can be considered a tangible reason and can lead to not being confirmed.

Good luck!!

 

[minkymurph]

What’s the right to conscience objection to the sacrament of reconciliation?

 

[LilyM]

I have a hard time believing that four different priest told you that you don’t need the sacrament of confirmation.

Something is just not adding up here at all…

I agree something is not adding up - and it may be that there are other reasons the sacrament is currently being denied which the OP has misunderstood, or is not telling us about.