Confirmation requirements

[babochka]

I was recently looking at the website of a parish that I will visit while on vacation. In this particular parish, it seems that they generally confirm in the junior year of high school, so around age 16. The requirements are daunting: two years of preparation, missing no more than three meetings in the two-year period, write an essay at the beginning of year 1 and at the end of year 2, complete 25 hours of community service over the two-year period, complete all homework assignments with better than 90% , participate in a weekend retreat, participate in a parent/sponsor/candidate meeting, be willing to participate in an on-going service ministry of the parish… The list goes on and on.

For this same parish, however, if you wait just two years until you are 18, the only expectation is that a candidate attends five hour-long Confirmation preparation sessions prior to receiving the sacrament?.

Is this a common approach? How is such a difference in preparation/requirements justified?

 

[punisherthunder]

That sounds incredibly daunting.

I was confirmed when I was 23. Of our class, I was the only cradle Catholic there, the rest were all converts.

Ours took place in Jan-Easter. It was an hour before Mass on Sundays. The instructor meant well, but it was mostly a topic and then brief discussion. We were assigned a sponsor and it was kinda awkward because mine didn’t do much. My wife’s actually made her a stained glass crucifix hanging which was super nice and we have it to this day.

The only “field trip” we took was to another parish where the Bishop came to celebrate Mass and give us his blessing. We were given two books to read, and there were no essays or worksheets. It was more group discussion than anything. I was exempt from the retreat because I was a cradle Catholic.

The best part was the fellowship in knowing others. Also learning about some saints to pick a confirmation name. But now, I know of one parish who makes you go the whole year every Sunday to prepare

 

[mVitus]

My parish had a yearlong-ish program. There was a field trip to do community service. A second one to hear a speaker who was known for talking to teens. After that I think it was meeting once every two Sundays or so. Something like that. Though truth be told, perhaps the most beneficial of those was towards the end with a Q&A, which IMO would probably have been better-placed at the beginning. The only essay we had to write was a short one in regards to our pick as a confirmation saint, however it was more geared towards making sure you read up on them rather than being serious academic writing.

Though I must admit that parish’s requirements do sound very daunting, especially completing all homework with 90% or better. (Imagine the one kid that gets an 89.4% on one homework assignment.) It makes me wonder how many people wait until 18, though I’m gonna trust those on site that know the parish.

 

[babochka]

I understand that it is fairly common for parishes to have service requirements, long preparation periods, retreats, etc… I disagree strongly with this approach, but I accept that it exists.

But if it is believed at a particular parish that such requirements are necessary practical and spiritual preparation for the sacrament, why is such preparation not also considered necessary for adults receiving the sacrament? Is there an adult Confirmation program or RCIA program anywhere that requires service hours, writing a letter to the bishop, written reflections or essays, a saint project, mandatory participation in parish ministries, or whatever local requirements parishes have for teenagers?

What is the difference in philosophy at work?

 

[MaryT777]

Interest in responses,…

 

[Blessedwithfive]

I found this not too long ago

catholic.com/qa/when-can-confirmation-be-denied

It was the most interesting link I have read in a long time. The basic idea is that there can be “no requirements for Confirmation” Classes can’t be required. Parents can (and should) prepare their kids. People get Confirmed when they are ready…

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I was recently looking at the website of a parish that I will visit while on vacation. In this particular parish, it seems that they generally confirm in the junior year of high school, so around age 16. The requirements are daunting: two years of preparation, missing no more than three meetings in the two-year period, write an essay at the beginning of year 1 and at the end of year 2, complete 25 hours of community service over the two-year period, complete all homework assignments with better than 90% , participate in a weekend retreat, participate in a parent/sponsor/candidate meeting, be willing to participate in an on-going service ministry of the parish… The list goes on and on.

For this same parish, however, if you wait just two years until you are 18, the only expectation is that a candidate attends five hour-long Confirmation preparation sessions prior to receiving the sacrament?.

Is this a common approach? How is such a difference in preparation/requirements justified?

Here is a little secret of youth ministry.
You say everything is mandatory. It’s not.

 

[babochka]

Here is a little secret of youth ministry.
You say everything is mandatory. It’s not.

So they lie? Or is it more nuanced than that - like there are broad exceptions to the mandatory policies based on individual circumstances?

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

So they lie? Or is it more nuanced than that - like there are broad exceptions to the mandatory policies based on individual circumstances. And what is the point?

For the sake of math, let’s say you have 100 kids being confirmed. You have a full time youth ministry team and they plan on running the program from sept-June, following the school year. If it’s not mandatory, then you maybe get 25 kids… the rest show up a week before confirmation. The retreat is a common and powerful event. And the bishops usually demand at least one letter, ( ours reads them all personally diocese wide). But even with all that, “mandatory” stuff you have, homeschoolers who don’t feel religious ed is adequate or perhaps it’s even contrary to thier home catechisis, parents who don’t want kids out of sight overnight for the retreats, parents who think sports, music or any other activity is more important, elitists who think sending thier kid to private school is enough. Parents who don’t practice the faith… parents who have kids with special needs, kids who are shy, kids who live in divorced families and spend half the time away, families who just think of it as a cultural issue, etc… and yes, I fall into a couple of these categories.

Even with the “mandatory” rules a small minority could comply with all of it.

So instead of 25 percent participation you have maybe 75 percent participation in the program. But yet I guarantee you still 100 will be confirmed.

These types of programs are led by the laity but you can bet father gets lots of calls and you can bet thebsqueeky wheels get oiled.

It’s an old education/ teacher trick.

It works, I mean you think the rules are rigerous right!?

Yet at the end of the day 100 kids confirmed, and it’s still a mess.

It’s the reality of youth ministry.

 

[Oneofthewomen]

In my diocese, confirmation prep is a 2 year process that starts no earlier than 8th grade.

Candidates are required to have 25 hours of instruction, on a variety of topics from Church history to Catholic morality. The are required to have service hours, which vary as many of our school districts require them also and we allow our kids to use those service hours so long as they write a reflection on their experiences.

Included in those 25 hours each year is a day long (at least 5 hour) retreat day that includes the opportunity for the Sacrament of Reconciliation. There are are 3 sessions where the sponsor is required to attend.

This is all fairly new. We got a new Bishop a few years ago, after 33 years. Prior to that, Confirmation was prep was not standardized, each Pastor did what he believed best for his flock. We ran the gamut from restored order to confirmation for 10th graders, to everything in between.

I have been helping my parish get the program rolling. There are mixed feelings about it, but ultimately, it is the Bishop’s decision and I am doing my best to comply with his wishes, and help the candidates to want to develop a relationship with Jesus and His church.

 

[pianistclare]

These guidelines come from the Bishop. There isn’t a single parish in our Archdiocese that can waive them. A Pastor has to be able to say, truthfully that they have complied with every directive.

People really get me. On the one hand, let’s lament how the young people don’t come to Mass, don’t receive Sacraments regularly…but oh no! Let’s not actually teach them!

We only ever have about one person every other year who says the requirements are too stiff:
2 years instruction, one year supplemental monthly Confirmation prep classes, 20 hours community service, Mass attendance, Reconciliation during Advent and Lent.
And in each scenario the complaining mom was preferring that her child got his Eagle Scout on a certain time-frame. Great. Do it. Bye.
If boy scouts are more important than your spiritual life…I don’t need to bang my head against the wall to try to teach him.

Our kids LOVE the time they spend prepping. They LOVE serving the homeless, meeting disabled folks, working the soup kitchen. They don’t have any problems with any of it. They bond. They come back to lead the younger kids the following year. I actually have to ask some of them to let the other kids have a chance at service projects that have limited space. I’ve had kids ask to go on the 3 day retreat AGAIN
in the next year after they are confirmed.

People complain mightily that Catholics don’t know their faith.
I guess you’re just supposed to get it by osmosis? Because many of these kids have not been back to church since their First Holy Communion. That’s 7 years in which to forget all your rote prayers, never crack open a Bible and sketchy Mass attendance.

And yeah, the 3 kids that didn’t complete their requirements? They passed their interview with the Pastor, so yes, they are getting confirmed. But they missed out on a real growth experience. Their loss. If all you want is to get your card punched? You can do that. But it doesn’t make it a meaningful experience. That does count for something.

 

[CradleJourney]

The 2 years plus requirements are what were just implemented in our parish.

And yes, my son is not doing it because (among other reasons - boy scouts).

I have no idea if “exceptions” will be allowed. I follow the rules and never thought to ask. But since they stated so adamantly that it was all required and I knew we’d never be able to manage it, we simply let it go. It doesn’t mean our son is not doing service work or learning about his faith - but the burden this would have put on him while trying to keep up with his activities and studies combined with the conflicts with other children’s schedules and our work would have driven us all crazy. Don’t judge till you’ve stood in my shoes.

There’s just no way we could commit to Sunday mornings (for religious ed) plus Sunday nights for confirmation, every Sunday for two years. We struggle enough to focus on making it to mass every week (work schedules) - sometimes that mass is Sunday evening at another parish. God knows we do what we can do - and this wasn’t something we could do. Never even considered asking for allowances since it was stated so clearly how mandatory it all is - and it seemed crazy to start something knowing we’d be “out” at some point or another.

If it were an option to start next year once he has his own driver’s license then that might work, but my understanding is they are only doing it every two years so it’s either start this year or wait till year after next - when he’d be leaving for college half-way thru anyway. So what else is there to do but let it go until he finds (at college or at home thru RCIA) a program that is possible

 

[MaryT777]

The 2 years plus requirements are what were just implemented in our parish.

And yes, my son is not doing it because (among other reasons - boy scouts).

I have no idea if “exceptions” will be allowed. I follow the rules and never thought to ask. But since they stated so adamantly that it was all required and I knew we’d never be able to manage it, we simply let it go. It doesn’t mean our son is not doing service work or learning about his faith - but the burden this would have put on him while trying to keep up with his activities and studies combined with the conflicts with other children’s schedules and our work would have driven us all crazy. Don’t judge till you’ve stood in my shoes.

There’s just no way we could commit to Sunday mornings (for religious ed) plus Sunday nights for confirmation, every Sunday for two years. We struggle enough to focus on making it to mass every week (work schedules) - sometimes that mass is Sunday evening at another parish. God knows we do what we can do - and this wasn’t something we could do. Never even considered asking for allowances since it was stated so clearly how mandatory it all is - and it seemed crazy to start something knowing we’d be “out” at some point or another.

If it were an option to start next year once he has his own driver’s license then that might work, but my understanding is they are only doing it every two years so it’s either start this year or wait till year after next - when he’d be leaving for college half-way thru anyway. So what else is there to do but let it go until he finds (at college or at home thru RCIA) a program that is possible

The requirement noted in the OP sounds absolutely completely unreasonable. How is any family with several children supposed to pull of this feat with two working or even one working and stay at home parent with schedules people have now?

I’d write the Bishop or whoever to explain why your young man is not attending. If more parents did so perhaps they’d find a more reasonable and flexible approach to confirmation.

Good grief!~

Mary.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

These guidelines come from the Bishop. There isn’t a single parish in our Archdiocese that can waive them. A Pastor has to be able to say, truthfully that they have complied with every directive.

People really get me. On the one hand, let’s lament how the young people don’t come to Mass, don’t receive Sacraments regularly…but oh no! Let’s not actually teach them!

We only ever have about one person every other year who says the requirements are too stiff:
2 years instruction, one year supplemental monthly Confirmation prep classes, 20 hours community service, Mass attendance, Reconciliation during Advent and Lent.
And in each scenario the complaining mom was preferring that her child got his Eagle Scout on a certain time-frame. Great. Do it. Bye.
If boy scouts are more important than your spiritual life…I don’t need to bang my head against the wall to try to teach him.

Our kids LOVE the time they spend prepping. They LOVE serving the homeless, meeting disabled folks, working the soup kitchen. They don’t have any problems with any of it. They bond. They come back to lead the younger kids the following year. I actually have to ask some of them to let the other kids have a chance at service projects that have limited space. I’ve had kids ask to go on the 3 day retreat AGAIN
in the next year after they are confirmed.

People complain mightily that Catholics don’t know their faith.
I guess you’re just supposed to get it by osmosis? Because many of these kids have not been back to church since their First Holy Communion. That’s 7 years in which to forget all your rote prayers, never crack open a Bible and sketchy Mass attendance.

And yeah, the 3 kids that didn’t complete their requirements? They passed their interview with the Pastor, so yes, they are getting confirmed. But they missed out on a real growth experience. Their loss. If all you want is to get your card punched? You can do that. But it doesn’t make it a meaningful experience. That does count for something.

:yup:

Never were two emoticons more appropriate.

 

[Blessedwithfive]

Once again, according to this site a parish can not have REQUIREMENTS for Confirmation

*Religious Education/Faith Formation programs run by a parish cannot be required for the reception of the sacrament of confirmation. A child properly educated by his/her parents in the faith who regularly attends Mass must be permitted to receive the sacrament of confirmation.
*

Also note:

A pastor cannot deny the sacrament based solely on lack of service hours, attendance at parish programs or activities, lack of knowledge of the faith beyond the child’s years, occasional lack of Mass attendance, etc.

These are quotes from THIS website by Father Grondin.

Here is the link:

catholic.com/qa/when-can-confirmation-be-denied

Parents can (and in my opinion should) educate their children on the faith.

 

[JanetF]

Most parishes in the Archdiocese of St. Louis have confirmation during 7th grade for younger kids and adults have RCIA that starts in the Fall and continues through to Easter. I believe the kiddos have service requirements, but I don’t remember them being too daunting for my daughter.

 

[pianistclare]

Once again, according to this site a parish can not have REQUIREMENTS for Confirmation

*Religious Education/Faith Formation programs run by a parish cannot be required for the reception of the sacrament of confirmation. A child properly educated by his/her parents in the faith who regularly attends Mass must be permitted to receive the sacrament of confirmation.
*

Also note:

A pastor cannot deny the sacrament based solely on lack of service hours, attendance at parish programs or activities, lack of knowledge of the faith beyond the child’s years, occasional lack of Mass attendance, etc.

These are quotes from THIS website by Father Grondin.

Here is the link:

catholic.com/qa/when-can-confirmation-be-denied

Parents can (and in my opinion should) educate their children on the faith.

The Bishops and Archbishops can provide parishes with guidelines, and the Pastors have to comply.
I’ve never seen so many people OPPOSED to Faith Formation.
Wow.

 

[Blessedwithfive]

The Bishops and Archbishops can provide parishes with guidelines, and the Pastors have to comply.
I’ve never seen so many people OPPOSED to Faith Formation.
Wow.

I never said I was OPPOSED to Faith Formation. I am concerned about who teaches my children the faith. In our Archdiocese all one needs to do to teach is watch the Virtus videos and be fingerprinted. NO formal faith education. When my oldest daughter was Confirmed I was unable to teach her (I had four younger children to take care of). She told me her teacher told her that it wasn’t “really Christ” in the Eucharist…that would be gross. She also told her that if they just waited to college to have sex, that would be good. He children openly attended coed sleepovers (without parents, before college). Our values and beliefs just were not the same.

After that, I promised my self that I would never allow another person to teach any of my children the faith. It would come from me. (and my husband).

Just because the parish has a program, does not mean it is a “good” program. ** I am so happy your parish is vibrant and succeeding. ** If ours was, maybe we wouldn’t be closing so many parishes.

I have faithful children, by the Grace of God, and through hard work.

Let’s pray for all parishes to have faithful Catechists and Priests!

 

[babochka]

The Bishops and Archbishops can provide parishes with guidelines, and the Pastors have to comply.
I’ve never seen so many people OPPOSED to Faith Formation.
Wow.

I am not opposed to faith formation, but I have my doubts about tying it to the reception of the sacraments so directly. St. Bernadette, who was not allowed to receive her First Communion because she could not learn her catechism, comes to mind. I’m particularly sensitive to this issue because I have a child struggles with leaning disabilities and severe social anxiety. Requiring her to write two essays and achieve greater than 90% on all homework assignments would cause a tremendous amount of anxiety and stress. You can say that exceptions will be made for those will special needs and I’m sure they will, but your catechists are likely not educators who have been trained in dealing with learning disabilities, and an overwhelmed child who struggles with academics who refuses to complete homework can look a lot like apathy.

I’ve seen parishes require that sponsors attend several “faith sharing” workshops. They are told they need to choose a sponsor who can attend. This excludes sponsors who live out of town. Canon law has a preference for the sponsor being the Godparent of the candidate. What takes precedence - the preference of canon law or the requirement of the parish?

In some cases, these requirements seem to take away from the primary position of the family. For example, I’ve seen parishes that require attendance at a particular Mass (usually the Sunday evening “Youth Mass”), regardless of the needs of the rest of the family. (For example, I do not take my toddlers to evening Masses if I can possibly avoid it.)

Obviously, if the primary catechesis and faith formation were taking place within the family, as it should be, parishes wouldn’t feel the need to have all these requirements in a one-size-fits-all program. This is all a moot point for us, as my children received the sacraments as infants, but it is a topic that interests me.

This system of catechizing our children in this way has been in place for a long time and I certainly don’t know how to change it. It is good that the desire to have children receive the sacraments is so strong that nominal Catholics who don’t usually come to church will come and put their children in faith formation classes. I think every single requirement that parishes come up with is well-intentioned and comes from a desire to truly impart the faith in a limited time in a less-than-ideal environment. Perhaps the approach could be different: Like another poster said, I’m a rule follower. If someone says, “These are the rules” I don’t assume an exception applies for me. I assume that if I can not comply with the rules then I can not complete the program. If you say that the fee for something is x-amount of money, I decide that we can afford it or we cannot. Perhaps something as simple as a statement that if any of the requirements present a hardship for a family to please talk to the DRE.

It sounds as if your parish does a fantastic job with faith formation. It is wonderful to hear that the kids love your program and come back for more. What opportunities do you have for your youth who are not in the Confirmation program? Since you serve a largely Hispanic population, you must run into some who were Confirmed as infants and young children in Mexico. Is there a place for them in all of this during the two years their peers are preparing for Confirmation?

**Regardless, my question in this thread was about the discrepancy in requirements for Confirmation of adults vs. the Confirmation of teens. Are we requiring too much of the teens or short-changing the adults?
**

 

[Oneofthewomen]

Obviously, if the primary catechesis and faith formation were taking place within the family, as it should be, parishes wouldn’t feel the need to have all these requirements in a one-size-fits-all program.

It would be AWESOME if this happened.
In my diocese, however, we have had 40 years of insufficient catechesis, so the parents & grandparents don’t know what or how to teach their children.

Then, there is also the idea that it is the “Chruch’s job”, to catechise.
I was actually asked, by more than one parent this year, ***“Why do you expect us to do this at home, that’s why we send him to you twice a month. We don’t know or care about this stuff, this is what you get paid for.” ***

Well, no, I don’t get paid, I am a volunteer and you made the promise to do so when you baptized your child.

It’s a sad state of affairs and the burn-out rate among catechists in my diocese is very high. You can only bang your head against the wall for so long. :blackeye: