C
cgemma333
Guest
This one is long, but I really need some advice.
My boyfriend (soon to be ex) and I have been dating for almost two years now. We love each other deeply and our relationship has really grown spiritually this last year. We go to Mass together every week, we go to adoration together, and we pray and fast together too. We are also each others best friends. We both even share the same dreams of owning a small farm/homestead together and raising a good Catholic family. I feel I have never dated someone that I’m so compatible with. However, some things have happened that I’m just not so sure I can get past.
The first major thing is when I discovered that my boyfriend had been looking up inappropriate pictures of women for over a year via his facebook. The particular incident that I discovered, he looked at over 300 pictures on a Wednesday evening and then he later admitted he had been struggling with that for a while. I was able to forgive him, but now I get nervous every time he is online.
The second major thing happened about a month ago, I discovered that my bf had been hiding his ex-gf’s number under a man’s name, which he had to have been doing for at least six months because her number used to be under her own name. He apologized and explained that he only did that so I wouldn’t get upset whenever she would randomly text him (he unfortunately hasn’t told her it’s inappropriate for her to still be texting him) but that it was nothing more. I believe him to an extent but I hesitate to not believe there was nothing more going on. He promised the next time she texts him, he would tell her it’s inappropriate and do that in front of me as a means to gain my trust again. It hasn’t happened yet, but I don’t know how often she texts him anyway.
The third major thing, which happened this past weekend, was the worst of them all. We went over to one of his friend’s house to hang out and have some drinks. However, my bf had too much to drink and that’s where things started heading south. It all started with an inappropriate joke that he made about a girl we were talking about; he said “I’d still put it in.” An argument quickly started between us. To understand the next details, I have to explain that I’m currently in between jobs so he used that against me a lot that night. In front of his friends he said, “I’m not the one with no job or money.” I was very embarrassed and I didn’t want it to progress anymore in front of his friends so we left. On the drive home, he started insulting me even more. He told me that I have nothing going for me, that he’s a much better Catholic than I am, that I don’t know anything about the Catholic faith (I converted to the faith when I was 14 and have been a practicing Catholic for almost 10 years now), that I have no job or money, and that no good Catholic man would ever love me. Again to understand the next details, I have to explain that I experienced a car accident about two weeks ago and so had to purchase a new car. My bf was kind enough to loan me some money until the settlement from my insurance came through, which I would pay him back as soon as it did. Because he helped me, he used that against me as well that night. When we finally got to his driveway, I got my stuff from his house and then got back into my car to drive home. My bf ran out of the house towards my car and told me to “open the door or else he will break my window”. He then said “I own this car so don’t think I won’t hesitate to break the window.” He repeated that threat many times and I was scared to open the door for him so I tried to leave the driveway. As I was pulling out of the driveway, my boyfriend punched my window as many times as he could before I could finally drive off. The next day, my bf apologized and begged for my forgiveness. He said he was drunk and that he is terribly sorry for what he put me through. However, I am so hurt and traumatized by his actions that I have not been able to talk to him for the past three days.
I know I have to forgive him as a Catholic, but I’m not sure I can go back with him. He has NEVER done anything like that before to me. He has never threatened me or used violence so I am very confused where this all came from. It was all just so unprecedented and unexpected. He promised to never drink like that again and that he would never do anything like that again to me but now I worry what more is he capable of. He said he would do anything to gain my love back, but I just don’t think there is anything he could do. Was this all just the alcohol? I love him and am considering working together to get past this, but it saddens me deeply and scares me when I think about that night. A part of me feels I am not being very forgiving and compassionate, but another part of me feels I am not being prudent by considering getting back together with him. I am considering talking to a priest together with my bf to try and resolve this but I’m still not sure if I should even bother.
My boyfriend (soon to be ex) and I have been dating for almost two years now. We love each other deeply and our relationship has really grown spiritually this last year. We go to Mass together every week, we go to adoration together, and we pray and fast together too. We are also each others best friends. We both even share the same dreams of owning a small farm/homestead together and raising a good Catholic family. I feel I have never dated someone that I’m so compatible with. However, some things have happened that I’m just not so sure I can get past.
The first major thing is when I discovered that my boyfriend had been looking up inappropriate pictures of women for over a year via his facebook. The particular incident that I discovered, he looked at over 300 pictures on a Wednesday evening and then he later admitted he had been struggling with that for a while. I was able to forgive him, but now I get nervous every time he is online.
The second major thing happened about a month ago, I discovered that my bf had been hiding his ex-gf’s number under a man’s name, which he had to have been doing for at least six months because her number used to be under her own name. He apologized and explained that he only did that so I wouldn’t get upset whenever she would randomly text him (he unfortunately hasn’t told her it’s inappropriate for her to still be texting him) but that it was nothing more. I believe him to an extent but I hesitate to not believe there was nothing more going on. He promised the next time she texts him, he would tell her it’s inappropriate and do that in front of me as a means to gain my trust again. It hasn’t happened yet, but I don’t know how often she texts him anyway.
The third major thing, which happened this past weekend, was the worst of them all. We went over to one of his friend’s house to hang out and have some drinks. However, my bf had too much to drink and that’s where things started heading south. It all started with an inappropriate joke that he made about a girl we were talking about; he said “I’d still put it in.” An argument quickly started between us. To understand the next details, I have to explain that I’m currently in between jobs so he used that against me a lot that night. In front of his friends he said, “I’m not the one with no job or money.” I was very embarrassed and I didn’t want it to progress anymore in front of his friends so we left. On the drive home, he started insulting me even more. He told me that I have nothing going for me, that he’s a much better Catholic than I am, that I don’t know anything about the Catholic faith (I converted to the faith when I was 14 and have been a practicing Catholic for almost 10 years now), that I have no job or money, and that no good Catholic man would ever love me. Again to understand the next details, I have to explain that I experienced a car accident about two weeks ago and so had to purchase a new car. My bf was kind enough to loan me some money until the settlement from my insurance came through, which I would pay him back as soon as it did. Because he helped me, he used that against me as well that night. When we finally got to his driveway, I got my stuff from his house and then got back into my car to drive home. My bf ran out of the house towards my car and told me to “open the door or else he will break my window”. He then said “I own this car so don’t think I won’t hesitate to break the window.” He repeated that threat many times and I was scared to open the door for him so I tried to leave the driveway. As I was pulling out of the driveway, my boyfriend punched my window as many times as he could before I could finally drive off. The next day, my bf apologized and begged for my forgiveness. He said he was drunk and that he is terribly sorry for what he put me through. However, I am so hurt and traumatized by his actions that I have not been able to talk to him for the past three days.
I know I have to forgive him as a Catholic, but I’m not sure I can go back with him. He has NEVER done anything like that before to me. He has never threatened me or used violence so I am very confused where this all came from. It was all just so unprecedented and unexpected. He promised to never drink like that again and that he would never do anything like that again to me but now I worry what more is he capable of. He said he would do anything to gain my love back, but I just don’t think there is anything he could do. Was this all just the alcohol? I love him and am considering working together to get past this, but it saddens me deeply and scares me when I think about that night. A part of me feels I am not being very forgiving and compassionate, but another part of me feels I am not being prudent by considering getting back together with him. I am considering talking to a priest together with my bf to try and resolve this but I’m still not sure if I should even bother.
