B
BRZ
Guest
Alright well, this is quite a unique situation so I was hoping to get some opinions here. Well, I have been dating my girlfriend for approximately 3 years, although there were times when we were on and off so to say. Either way, we have been together for quite some time and doing very well and we want to get married. This is where the problem starts haha.
Okay well first of all, I am living in a foreign country in Asia, I was born in the US. So I am a Catholic and she is sort of an agnostic/buddhist. Well, that is what she grew up into, her whole family is that way and I really feel she would probably fall into the invincible ignorance bracket but of course I am trying to slowly bring Jesus into her life which will take time. Anyway, that isn’t the problem because she knows about my faith and about what is necessary for me to do regarding my religion and future family, etc. At first it was a little rough because she couldn’t understand things like being celibate, not living together, etc. but we have worked past all of that.
So here is where the problem starts. (sorry for the long post) We want to marry soon as we have been together for a long time and we are fully ready to take our relationship to that place and are ready to be married. She agreed that we could marry in a Catholic Church as long as we had a separate ceremony at a later time (most likely next year) that her family, extended family, friends, etc. could attend. The reason being that they wont want to come to a Church (well some will, but it will be a small number) The problem is not with her, its with my mother hahaha.
Anyway, I know how my mother is, she is a difficult woman to deal with. I love and respect her very much but the truth is I am very different from my parents and unfortunately it is very hard for them to accept that I guess. So I mentioned to my mother that we were discussing getting married and we would have to do it here. Actually it just isn’t feasible to get married in the U.S. as I don’t know exactly when I will return there, maybe the end of next year but I am not 100% certain. Also, we just don’t have the money or opportunity to marry in the U.S. Marrying in the U.S. is expensive and we would have to buy plane tickets, etc. It just isn’t something that can be easily done and may in fact just not be possible without extreme hardship for my girlfriend and I. My parents refuse to come to here so thats out of the question. So I figured we could have some kind of wedding celebration at the end of next year for my family to attend. Well basically she got angry and started arguing with me, really I didn’t want to argue with her and I tried to tell her to try to understand me and that she was acting sort of selfishly. It did get a little heated even though I did not want that but it is really hard to not get angry when someone is yelling at you. Look, I know she is my mother and of course she wants to be at my wedding but I need to think of what is best and I just don’t think we can do it any other way which prompted her to just say to do whatever I want, she doesn’t care, she doesn’t want anything to do with it.
It is a difficult situation for me because I want to respect my mother but I just don’t see how I can do it any other way. To be perfectly honest, if I were to have a wedding in the U.S. I would probably have to wait another 2 years of saving up money and planning from a long distance to get everything ready. My girlfriend wants a relatively nice wedding of course, as any woman does and she deserves something decent. I am not talking about luxurious here but a normal decent wedding. Of course someone can have just a real cheap wedding but that isn’t how I want to start my life with someone, and even that way it would still get expensive with airplane fare, etc. I can afford something good for her here in the country I am in as it is much cheaper as salaries are much lower and also we don’t want to wait another 2 years to get married. I also might end up deciding to live here permanently, that wont go well with my mother I am sure but I am an adult now and I need to make decisions for my self and for my own future family.
Anyone have any good advice?
Okay well first of all, I am living in a foreign country in Asia, I was born in the US. So I am a Catholic and she is sort of an agnostic/buddhist. Well, that is what she grew up into, her whole family is that way and I really feel she would probably fall into the invincible ignorance bracket but of course I am trying to slowly bring Jesus into her life which will take time. Anyway, that isn’t the problem because she knows about my faith and about what is necessary for me to do regarding my religion and future family, etc. At first it was a little rough because she couldn’t understand things like being celibate, not living together, etc. but we have worked past all of that.
So here is where the problem starts. (sorry for the long post) We want to marry soon as we have been together for a long time and we are fully ready to take our relationship to that place and are ready to be married. She agreed that we could marry in a Catholic Church as long as we had a separate ceremony at a later time (most likely next year) that her family, extended family, friends, etc. could attend. The reason being that they wont want to come to a Church (well some will, but it will be a small number) The problem is not with her, its with my mother hahaha.
Anyway, I know how my mother is, she is a difficult woman to deal with. I love and respect her very much but the truth is I am very different from my parents and unfortunately it is very hard for them to accept that I guess. So I mentioned to my mother that we were discussing getting married and we would have to do it here. Actually it just isn’t feasible to get married in the U.S. as I don’t know exactly when I will return there, maybe the end of next year but I am not 100% certain. Also, we just don’t have the money or opportunity to marry in the U.S. Marrying in the U.S. is expensive and we would have to buy plane tickets, etc. It just isn’t something that can be easily done and may in fact just not be possible without extreme hardship for my girlfriend and I. My parents refuse to come to here so thats out of the question. So I figured we could have some kind of wedding celebration at the end of next year for my family to attend. Well basically she got angry and started arguing with me, really I didn’t want to argue with her and I tried to tell her to try to understand me and that she was acting sort of selfishly. It did get a little heated even though I did not want that but it is really hard to not get angry when someone is yelling at you. Look, I know she is my mother and of course she wants to be at my wedding but I need to think of what is best and I just don’t think we can do it any other way which prompted her to just say to do whatever I want, she doesn’t care, she doesn’t want anything to do with it.
It is a difficult situation for me because I want to respect my mother but I just don’t see how I can do it any other way. To be perfectly honest, if I were to have a wedding in the U.S. I would probably have to wait another 2 years of saving up money and planning from a long distance to get everything ready. My girlfriend wants a relatively nice wedding of course, as any woman does and she deserves something decent. I am not talking about luxurious here but a normal decent wedding. Of course someone can have just a real cheap wedding but that isn’t how I want to start my life with someone, and even that way it would still get expensive with airplane fare, etc. I can afford something good for her here in the country I am in as it is much cheaper as salaries are much lower and also we don’t want to wait another 2 years to get married. I also might end up deciding to live here permanently, that wont go well with my mother I am sure but I am an adult now and I need to make decisions for my self and for my own future family.
Anyone have any good advice?
