Considering Doing the Thing I Said I'd Never Do

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I think, then, you have decided.

You want the nanny. Despite all the good in this Daycare and that your daughter seems to enjoy it, it is clear that you do not want her to be in daycare.

I think you’re going to have to let some of your philosophy go. Kindergarten isn’t an adjustment anymore. It’s pretty much just flat-out school.

Is it good? No. I believe the Montessori method is far superior, myself. I’ve re-arranged my life to make sure that my kids aren’t in a traditional western classroom until around 8 or 9. If they had to be, I’d of be preparing them before age 3, but again, that’s me.

You have your own little set of principles. They don’t make much sense to me, but I don’t have to live with them.

This daycare sounds like one of the better ones. I don’t see anything about “20-minute” segments and it seems strange that a “1:26” ratio would have the ability to do that. If that’s what they do, then well, that’s what they do.

If your nanny provides everything you want her to provide, then you should keep her, plain and simple. If you desire something different for your children–peers to play with, activities, social time, more time with dad, etc then you now have another option.
 
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Now you’re attributing things to me I didn’t say. I said the state ratio is 1:26 for classes of all five-year-olds. I said the school’s ratio was 1:8 for most of the day. And the 20 minute segments were at the old daycare center. I think I’m in a pretty good situation to assess whether or not kindergarten is an adjustment, since I’m one of the people who actually teach it in the actual school my daughter will attend. I know you’re an expert in how everything works everywhere in the world and all, but I feel like I’ve got at least my own little area of expertise covered.

Roughly a third of our incoming kindy class has never stepped foot in a preschool. Some of them were with SAHMs, others were raised by Big Bird on their great-grandma’s sofa because that’s the only childcare their parents could afford. Some of the rest were in high-quality Montessori/Reggio/or whatever preschools, others were in KinderCare or Jane’s Baby Basement. By Thanksgiving, it doesn’t make any difference behavior-wise. The kids know what is expected in the classroom. They really don’t have to be trained at the age of 3 on how to be 5 and 6 in order to be successful in kindergarten. And what’s more, when they move on to 1st grade, they adjust to the expectations of that area. And when they move on to 2nd grade, they adjust to life in 2nd grade. What studies show is actually effective is when 3 year olds are taught like 3 year olds and learn the skills they are wired to learn at the age of 3. Giving 3yos a kindergarten schedule is not giving them a “head start” in the long run.
 
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Yeah, I totally just said that is how I do things and you’re ignoring that whole part. Thanks.

Your old daycare was abusive. They terrorized your kid. Pretending all day cares are like that is silly. But again, if that’s want you want to believe about all daycares…

You are claiming expertise.

So why are you saying you want to go against that? Nothing should merit you giving up your principles.

Your daughter “having fun” in a classroom setting, therefore, should not in any way change how you have decided to parent since you’re the expert. If it won’t offer her any benefit then why would you do it?

You’re so dead set against starting formalized learning until Kindergarten. Again, you’re the expert on your life so why would you subject your children to something that goes against your very principals? You seem to be saying that everything that you’ve learned, that you know, that you want for your kids means you feel preschool will not benefit your child. If that’s your belief, live it. Keep the nanny and do what you believe in.

This thread is beginning to hurt my head.
 
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I’ve had a beer and am feeling lovey dovey. Just thought I’d swoop in and say you’re all doing great jobs mamas! It is obvious from the thread lots of thought and care has gone into your decisions. You are tending well to the little souls you have been entrusted with! ❤️
 
I don’t know a whole lot about kids or have much to offer in way of advice, but I will say that it might be good to get your kids into an environment where they’re pushed and encouraged to do things they wouldn’t usually do. You mention them being able to do whatever they want for as long as they want at home? Might it not be a good thing for them to be put in an environment where they’re exposed to new things so that they can begin to expand their interests?

Enforced time slots in an environment still focused mostly on fun and play might also be a good way of getting them used to the scheduling structure that they’ll be forced into when it’s time for them to start school.
 
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That’s one of the things that does make the daycare appealing. They do have a wide variety of activities for the kids that they wouldn’t necessarily get to do at home or the other places we go.
 
The timeslots and structure mentioned have helped me now that I’m staying home. I don’t exactly have the stay at home momming skills I would have had if I had stayed home with the first one and worked my way up to four. Running my house like a daycare and having them fall back on some of the procedures they learned in daycare is helping me survive right now.

Edit: whereas the one I left with grandma is as defiant as they come. Lots of kinks to work out.
 
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If considering multi-faceted issues and assessing the importance of different variables in a complex decision hurts your head, then maybe you should bounce. You’re starting to attribute things to me that I never said.

At no point did I say the previous daycare was abusive. I said their nap-policy upset my son tremendously. I also said that both children liked attending there, though I didn’t feel like they got enough play time or attention from their teacher due to the ratio. It was acceptable for the six weeks they needed to be there. If we needed temporary care again, we would certainly consider them, but that is not what we want for the long term.

I also said that the new daycare has lot of benefits. I’ve actually listed and discussed several of them. I just strongly disagree with your insistence that putting a 3 or 4yo on a kindy schedule is one of them. If you can’t handle that, then perhaps it’s best that you turn your attention to another thread where you can present opinions unchallenged. Or not. I’m cool either way.
 
Fortunately, I don’t have too much defiance on my hands. (knock on wood!) We do have appropriate procedures and boundaries in place in our home, just not the strict schedule. If I was homeschooling older children, there would definitely need to be a strict schedule in place for at least part of the day or we’d be sleeping in until noon by October! (or a few months in from whenever we started.)
 
I think you ought to read that las part again and take your own advice.

If you really believe that the lack of structure is healther for your child above all else, then your decision is made.
 
Personally I would go with the nanny. And the way you pay yours is how every nanny in my world is paid so don’t worry about that. Even those who have husbands with top secret security clearance are paid just as you stated with no worries or second thoughts. I work in a kindergarten class room and echo your thoughts on behavior. I’ve also noticed that many times the kids who have stay at home moms or in home sitters catch on quicker and are on better behavior to begin with. It’s a new thing for them where it’s just another year of normal to the day care/preschool kids. That being said, my own kids have been in day care with no long term traumas.
 
That’s consistent with every other kindergarten teacher I’ve ever worked with or talked to about it. Another possibility we’ve thought of is to put our kids in the daycare part time and have a nanny for the rest of the week. I’m not sure the scholarship they offered us would stand if they were part time though. I think what we’ve decided to do is try the daycare for the first part of the year. If, after a while, we think it’s too intense for the kids and they aren’t getting enough free play or we’re seeing behavior issues, we can discuss shortening the “school week”. It’s possible that the nanny we used to have might be able to come back if it’s only for two or three days a week.
 
Nannies can be flighty and aren’t always who they appear to be.

Mary Poppins: literally flies away when the winds change

Nanny Mcfee: gets progressively better looking and then leaves

Mrs. Doubtfire: is secretly not just a man but their own dad.

Frauline Maria: falls in love dad, gets embarassed and leaves. Thankfully it didnt end there. I often cite this film as an instructional video for my husband in the event of my untimely death. You may marry a good Catholic woman who teaches our grieving children to love music again.

Exception: Fran is exactly who she says she is and stays forever, but her only qualifications were “she had style, she had flair, she was there”

Can you tell I don’t know anyone with a nanny in real life? 😆
 
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Ha Ha! That’s the truth. We’ve had good luck with the nannies we’ve hired in the past. Even the one with the biting kid was good aside from that issue. We still go on playdates with her and her daughter. Most of the nannies I’ve encountered fall into a few categories. The vast majority of them are moms who are looking for a way to make close to a living wage without having to relinquish their own young children to a daycare which would cost more than they’d make. A large number of them are students who are interested in education or just like childcare and are looking for a job that fits with their school schedules. We had one of those for a year and she was awesome, but she ended up having to switch her class schedule to days. Then there’s the ladies from other countries who aren’t exactly legal to work above the counter. There aren’t too many of those in the area I live in, but I’ve encountered a few. And then there’s the lot who consider themselves “professional nannies” who consider themselves highly experienced and trained and believe they are entitled to make more money than the person they are trying to get the job from. Obviously, I’ve never met one personally, but I’ve seen their outrage online on the childcare pages. They get really upset when they find out that other nannies and families have arrangements for much less money. They say things like, “But I have lots of experience and education!” It’s hard for them to understand that lots of people have experience and education but that doesn’t mean they are rich and people can’t pay more for childcare than they make themselves! I guess “economics” wasn’t a required course in their PHD of babysitting.
 
I was going to ask you about doing both part time…that might be the answer you are looking for, and the best of both options. Good luck!
 
I realized it was you who started the thread about the neighbor dogs.

Given that “threat” wouldn’t your children be safer away?
 
I’m not sure what the quotation marks around “threat” are, but yes, we have definitely considered that into the equation. Although, the dogs have not been left outside alone since the incident in question, we are concerned that a nanny might not be as diligent about bringing the kids in if they come out. We are also concerned about the possibility of being held liable if the dog attacks the nanny or the nanny’s children.
 
Allegra said:
I’m not sure what the quotation marks around “threat” are, but yes, we have definitely considered that into the equation. Although, the dogs have not been left outside alone since the incident in question, we are concerned that a nanny might not be as diligent about bringing the kids in if they come out. We are also concerned about the possibility of being held liable if the dog attacks the nanny or the nanny’s children.
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You would need to see what the premises liability is in your state.

Laws are also very different for visitors vs employees.
 
I’m pretty sure we’d be liable if they were our dogs, but I’m not sure since they are the neighbor’s dogs. I suspect it could be one of those deals where we could be held liable and then be able to go after the neighbors later. That’s a question I don’t want to deal with though.
 
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