Considering Marrying a Protestant

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GoodME:
You are not “praying to a Saint”
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Sorry, I’m tired of hearing we don’t pray “to” a saint. Yes we do, and it’s perfectly fine to do so. Remember Jesus’s words, He prayed that they would be one with Him as He is one with the Father. When you pray to a saint you’re praying to God. Not “a” God but “the” God. Saints are “in” God not simply “with” Him. Read John chap 14.
 
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Tom:
Sorry, I’m tired of hearing we don’t pray “to” a saint. Yes we do, and it’s perfectly fine to do so. Remember Jesus’s words, He prayed that they would be one with Him as He is one with the Father. When you pray to a saint you’re praying to God. Not “a” God but “the” God. Saints are “in” God not simply “with” Him. Read John chap 14.
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I agree. To ‘pray’ does not mean to worship. That’s a modern slant to the word.

As I often point out to non-Catholics, in the legal world the word ‘pray’ is often used in documents presented to the courts. It is a request asking the court to consider their plea (request)…should sound familiar to those ‘praying’ to saints!!

SV
 
“go Leafs go”,

6 years ago I was in your situation. I married a Protestant woman. We were married in the Church, swore to God to raise our kids Catholic. She agreed to everything. But now 6 years later, she is a more ardent Protestant. My kid is Protestant. I am very troubled inside. Please remember that when you are blinded by love, both you and your girlfriend will compromise on anything to get married. When the love subsides and the daily routine family life kicks in, your eyes suddenly open wide and you will go in a tug-of-war for rights. Don’t be a fool, bro. Are you willing to double your holiness to bring her to the Faith ? Why take on the burden? If you really love her, let her marry another Protestant.

May God bless you with strength through the ordeal.
 
I know you don’t want to hear this, but you’re heading down a rocky road. Here’s the thing. Protestants are full of fear about Catholicism. Those who (like me) grow up protestant have a strongly anti-catholic bias drilled into them. They are warned about the dangers of catholicism. I was taught a load of **** about Catholicism, it took me ten years of reading and praying to get to the point that I realized the truth, and acted on it. I became a Catholic. That doesn’t happen at all for most protestants.

Right now, your girlfriend is being told by any well-meaning evangelical friend or family member that she should not marry you, because as a Catholic, you are possibly not even a Christian.

May I suggest you get her to read some books on Catholicism, Fundamentalism, Protestantism, and the history of the church. This opens up the eyes of many protestants (like me) to the reality that the Catholic Church is the one true Church established by Jesus Christ himself.

I did a similar thing to you. I was a protestant (anglican, but raised baptist) and married a catholic. She didn’t convert me. She never even tried, and in fact she was surprised when I wanted to enter RCIA and become a catholic. Sadly, she is now the one who does not go to church, and I am the one left to teach our children to live our Catholic faith, but mommy won’t go to church with us. Can I suggest something to you? If you want your children to be raised with faith, don’t take it away from them by raising them in an environment where faith is a matter of disagreement and discord. What do you think will happen? Odds are my kids will grow up with a very distorted view of their CHristian faith, because it matters to daddy, but not to mommy. Your kids will grow up conflicted between Daddy’s Version and Mommy’s Version of the Christian faith. Which one has lasted two thousand years? The catholic version. Which one is true? The catholic version. This isn’t about agreeing to disagree. This is about truth and error, and the souls of your children.

Finally, and its a tiny point, you’ll probably find it better if you refer to it as “praying to God through the saints” rather than “praying to the saints”, because it tends to confuse protestants who think by your language that you are not praying to God, when in fact you are. Your language which you are comfortable with, makes them uncomfortable. They do however see the value of intercessory prayer, and if you can help them to see that this is indeed what it means to ask a Saint to pray for you. (The fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much… If the gospel is true, those who are alive in heaven with God (the Saints) are just as alive, no more alive, than we are. So why can’t they pray for us? )

Peace,

Warren
 
  1. Visit Dovetail-it is a good resource for interfaith couples. Be sure to visit their links page.
  2. Try to locate an inter-faith family group(s) in your area-talk to interfaith couples and ask them questions. How do they raise their kids? How do they handle their religious differences? Are they happy? They have firsthand experience, so you might as well get their perspective on matters 🙂
  3. Don’t enter into a marriage expecting or hoping that your partner will change in any way, shape, or form-that is a bad way to enter into a life-long committment.
  4. Both of you need to talk to your pastors about this. They both have extensive training, and experience, so get their opinions.
  5. Newsweek did a cover story about this titled: “Who’s Faith for the Kids?” in their December 15, 1997 issue.
  6. The Dallas Morning News also did an article in the Today section called “Family Faith: Mixed religions or conversions in a family require some difficult adjustments” by Karen M. Thomas on December 23, 1997.
I would humbly suggest that the both of you read the two above articles.
  1. Agree to raise your children something, do not leave it to them to choose their own religion-they will end up confused.
  2. I know of some interfaith families that tried to practice both religions, and they got burned out. They go to Mass on Saturday night for Dad’s church and they go to Mom’s baptist church Sunday morning for worships and sunday school. Or they go to Temple Friday night and Mass on Sunday morning, etc., etc., etc. That can get pretty tough for the kids.
  3. Lastly, you could do what Malcom Forbes’ parents did. If memory serves his mom was RC while his dad was Presbyterian, and they were both very strong in their respective faiths. Their compromise was to rasie the first child Presby, the second RC, the third Presby, the fourth RC, etc., etc. Malcom was an even-numbered child so he was raised RC. (Hey, it worked for them!) I have also heard of a similar compromise: the girls would be raised in mom’s faith, and the boys would be raised in dad’s faith, and vice versa.
Take my :twocents: for what they’re worth!

God Bless Both of You,
Becky
👋
 
I suggest this man.

Go with her compromise and agree not to teach your future kids to pray to saints or mary. These things are not needed to be a good catholic anyway, you must believe in the reality of course but you dont need to pray to Mary or any other saint to be a good catholic, Christ is all that is needed for Salvation. However there prayers do help. In anycase go with this compromise and the more you grow in your faith and the more you pray for your wife’s conversion to the Catholic faith , eventually she will grow to accept all the Church teaches . You got a chance to Marry a Holy Woman , Most Protestant Women take there faith more seriously then Catholic Women, dont pass this Woman up. The truth will come out , if shes a woman that loves Jesus , Jesus will speak to her heart for you. A virtueous Woman is more precious then Jewels.

So go with the compromise, pray that God speak to her heart , dont make it something that divides , God will work this out in his timing . Be happy , your blessed , your marrying a Holy Girl who loves Jesus …your one lucky Bastid
 
Also If she gives you a hard time, Be a Man and take charge, dont be a wimp .She will respect that.

that with prayer logical arguments and truth will win out
 
Many couples begin their marriage deluding themselves that they can change each other along the way. This is not a good foundation. There does need to be total agreement in an area so important as religion and the raising of children.

And there is more to this than just Marian devotion and honoring the saints. It could become very complicated and painful in the future. Please look, before you leap.

First, encourage your girlfriend to attend a year of RCIA before you make your wedding plans, so that she fully understands all the teachings of the Church. With the grace of God, she may come to understand your Faith and accept Its precepts.

If not, consider a few future scenarios.

How will she feel about the Church’s teachings against contraception and sterilization? Will she always be open to new life as a gift from God, as your Church teaches?

Are you ok with missing (and having your children miss) every May Crowning? Not being given a patron saint? Perhaps not acknowledging the gift from God of their guardian angels?

What will your family do on August 15th, a holy day of obligation for Catholics, the feast of the Annunciation. Or on November 1st, another holy day of obligation, All Saints Day?

In order to begin a family with this wonderful girl who loves Jesus, you will have to reject much of your Catholic “family” who already lives in eternal happiness and whose prayers are powerful with Jesus.

What if tragedy strikes, and someone you love dies? Will your children be taught the doctrine of purgatory, and be permitted to pray for this person’s soul? Will they be allowed to pray for Gramma and Grampa when they’ve passed on?

It all sounds nice when you’re chatting an compromising, and looking lovingly into each other’s eyes. However, reality is quite another thing.

I’m sorry to burst your bubble. But you need to do much more preparatory work than you’ve indicated thus far, to be certain that this young lady is “the one” God has in mind for you.

Pray much for your future spouse. Be open to the counsels of those who’ve had similar hopes and and experiences. Pray unceasingly for guidance, as this is a lifetime x 2 you’re talking about.

Best wishes for a happy, holy, united, Catholic future family!

Pax Christi. <><
 
When children are raised in a mixed-faith household, the scandal of the parents’ disagreement nearly always results in agnostic or atheist children. Also, your chances of converting your wife to Catholicism are VERY poor. Most likely it will only cause strife and misery in your marriage. Believe me, marriage is tough enough without that.
And it is completely unfair to your intended to go into a marriage with the expectation of changing her core beliefs. If she is not good enough for you now - as she is - then don’t marry her.
Many young people today have a misguided notion that “all we need is love” or “love is enough”. Love is NOT enough. A couple must also have the same values, faith, goals and expectations. Without those things, the chance of a successful marriage is very remote. So many people think that conflicts will soften once they are wed. But the opposite is true. Anything that is a conflict or an annoyance or an irritant now - while you are dating and on your best behavior - will get a thousand times worse once you are living together and let your hair down.
Be afraid - be very afraid.
Paul
 
You sound as if you have already made up your mind and are looking to us to put our stamp of approval on this “compromise.”

She will never support your children in their faith, and will take no joy at their Baptism, First Communion, etc., unless she is a Catholic also. She will, in fact, undermine their faith in very subtle ways, if not overtly. Perhaps not intentionally, but her worldview is totally different, which will cause an inevitable and serious conflict.

She may even punish you for being Catholic and for raising the children “sort of Catholic” by withholding her love or approval.

Now it looks good – but wait till the ring is on her finger and reality sets in.

I know couples who pre-nup agreements on matters of faith didn’t last through the honeymoon. The minute kids enter the picture, agreements are out, and mama wants to raise the kids her way.

If you want a lifetime of sorrow and regrets, marry this girl.

I’ll pray for you.

JMJ Jay

If you want a lifetime of sorrow, marry this girl.
 
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SoulRebel777:
eventually she will grow to accept all the Church teaches.
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There is no guarantee she will accept any such thing. The results of this “chance” could be catastrophic.
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SoulRebel777:
Most Protestant Women take there faith more seriously then Catholic Women,
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What??? You obviously know different Catholic women than I. You have any documentation to back up this ridiculous claim?
 
go Leafs go, don’t let the difference in religion get in your way. Marriage will be rough, but not insurmountable. I was born into a similar family situation. My father is Catholic and my mom is Protestant. I went through the Catholic Sacraments, and was told basically what each church believed (as much as I would understand). They then let me decide what I believed. After many years of looking at both I decided to stick with the Catholic Church (it is hard to deny the truth).

Now I am dating a Protestant (you’d think I would learn 😉 ), and if things continue to go well I would love to marry her. My advice is to go ahead and marry her (inside the Catholic Church), but give your children a chance to sort things out for themselves, and trust God to give you the love and strength to handle your differences.
 
I understadn where you are, but I have to advise against this proposal. Been there, done that. Here’s soem things that your differences will affect:

Sex - Contraception
**Sunday ** - Obligation to go during vacations? Complaints about how the Catholic mass is “boring”. Your kids will someday voice the same objections.
Crisis - How you deal with it will be very different and it will drive a wedge between you and your spouse.
Authority - Part of the protestant idea is not having to submit to authority (sure the Bible is thought of as an authority but it is left to private interpretation which really means no authoirty). This will spill over to other authorities (you, for example).
Spiritual Bond - Your differences will abosolutely and definately keep you and your wife from spiritual union that will allow for meaningful prayer together, and the example this will set for your kids is not good.
Confusion - Don’t be naive…your kids will be confused about religion. This affects your ability to promise God you will raise your kids properly.
Your faith - It is dangerous ground to enter into this thinking you are invincible in you faith…you’re not. It is hard enough to be a god Catholic, but to have the constant pull within your own home eading you away from Catholocism is powerful.

I speak from experience. Do not enter marriage hoping love will conquer all. If you love this woman, then convert her now before you marry. If she converts, then wait another year before marrying her. Conversion on the lips so as to gain you as a husband will not last (again I speak from experience).

You may indeed love her. She may be a great person. But you are headed down a road you should not travel. I am sorry to tell you what you may not want to hear. 😦
 
I am the “child” of one of these mixed marriages.

My father is Catholic, and my mother is Reformed protestant. This has created a number of problems in our upbringing (me and my 2 brothers).

This is NOT a fun experience as a child. Shuffling from one church to another- learning things in one church that isn’t spoken about in another… And though we kids all recieved the sacraments according to the Catholic faith- I had no idea what I was doing. My mother couldn’t participate- and was defensive about that. It created a larger wedge between her and the Catholic Church.

When I had questions of faith, she would speak to me in a fundamentalist way, and my father as a Catholic. (If he spoke to us about religion at all- I suppose he eventually thought speaking about it was not worth the strife it would create.)

There are a number of people I meet, when they hear my mixed religious upbringing who say “How wonderfull, you had a well rounded experience” That is hooey. To this day, I don’t know my own faith as well as I could have if I would have had focused learning as a child.

I can remember one time in particular when I was at Mass, and the priest spoke of the gift of Mary as our heavenly mother. Scared me… I thought my ‘mom’ wasn’t really my mother. I had to talk to my Catholic gramma after Mass to clear it up. It was then that my dear gramma showed me the beauty of Mary and the rosary.

It really bothered my mom after that, that I had all the ‘iconography’ in my room. She didn’t like it, and I’m a little ashamed to say, I didn’t know what a lot of the stuff was, but by that time, I could use it to be a typical hurtfull teenager to my mom. Bigger wedge.

To this day, as I learn in the Faith, she and I do not have the ‘connection’ that many have with their mothers. I think a part of that has to do with our respective defense of our Faiths. It is sad, it is preventable.

Your children deserve a solid foundation. You wouldn’t make other decisions about your marriage that could undermine their trust and faith in you. Why deliberately set this up for your family?

JMHO, I will pray for your clarity in this matter.
 
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Tom:
Sorry, I’m tired of hearing we don’t pray “to” a saint. Yes we do, and it’s perfectly fine to do so. Remember Jesus’s words, He prayed that they would be one with Him as He is one with the Father. When you pray to a saint you’re praying to God. Not “a” God but “the” God. Saints are “in” God not simply “with” Him. Read John chap 14.
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I suppose this depends on your definition of the word “prayer”.

Given your definition above, I am in full agreement with the concept you have stated above, while perhaps using different words to get there.
 
My fiance and I are beign married in a protestant church. This is because I am not yet catholic, and am not baptised, and he’s pentacostal so we can’t marry in a catholic church anyway. By the time i am confirmed, I will probably be married already and will have to get our marriage blessed by a catholic priest, which I have no problem with and neither does he.

Raising kids is challenging. We haven’t quite discussed religion and children because my fiance says he doesn’t want kids btu he is open to having them if they come along. This is because he is scared to bring children into such a messed up world. From what we have talked about, he knows my desire to have kids so I know we will one day. Also, i doubt he’ll have a problem raising the children catholic. I’ve heard him say that it is better to raise a child in some form of christianity whether it be protestant or catholic, then not at all.

Maybe I will discuss these things with him tonight.
 
Thanks everyone. I’m not necessarily looking for support, just opinions, and I see there is a range of opinions. Hearing about your personal experiences truly does help.

Mostly, I all ask you for you prayers first and foremost.

Thanks
 
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raphaela:
My fiance and I are beign married in a protestant church. This is because I am not yet catholic, and am not baptised, and he’s pentacostal so we can’t marry in a catholic church anyway. By the time i am confirmed, I will probably be married already and will have to get our marriage blessed by a catholic priest, which I have no problem with and neither does he.

Raising kids is challenging. We haven’t quite discussed religion and children because my fiance says he doesn’t want kids btu he is open to having them if they come along. This is because he is scared to bring children into such a messed up world. From what we have talked about, he knows my desire to have kids so I know we will one day. Also, i doubt he’ll have a problem raising the children catholic. I’ve heard him say that it is better to raise a child in some form of christianity whether it be protestant or catholic, then not at all.

Maybe I will discuss these things with him tonight.
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Please go speak to your priest!

You say your fiancee doesn’t want kids…do you understand the Church’s teaching on contraception, have you discussed this with your fiancee, is he willing to not use artificial birth control?

I’m a bit puzzled how he can not want children but at the same time be open to having them.

It’s a concern to me that his stance right now of not wanting children could cause you to have an invalid marriage to begin with.

SV
 
St Veronica:
That’s a tough situation. I definately recommend alot of sincere discussion with your girlfriend/fiancee about these issues and alot of prayer as well.

Depending on their ages it will be hard to explain why mommy doesn’t do X. You will have to figure out ‘age appropriate’ responses. When they get older it will be more challenging because you don’t want to create the idea that their mom is ‘lessor’.

Have you discussed birth control with your girlfriend/fiancee? Is she accepting of using NFP?

I think it will be hard to base a relationship on ‘what if’ there are no guarantees she will ever convert and you have to be willing to accept that.

Have you tried going thru some of these issues and explaining the real beliefs of the Church as opposed to any misconceptions she may have?

Will pray!

SV
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Hi St. Veronica,
I’m the girlfriend, yes, we have discussed birth control, and yes he thoroughly agrees and encourages it’s use. Thank you for asking about an area that is private and completely out of context.
 
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SoulRebel777:
I suggest this man.

Go with her compromise and agree not to teach your future kids to pray to saints or mary. These things are not needed to be a good catholic anyway, you must believe in the reality of course but you dont need to pray to Mary or any other saint to be a good catholic, Christ is all that is needed for Salvation. However there prayers do help. In anycase go with this compromise and the more you grow in your faith and the more you pray for your wife’s conversion to the Catholic faith , eventually she will grow to accept all the Church teaches . You got a chance to Marry a Holy Woman , Most Protestant Women take there faith more seriously then Catholic Women, dont pass this Woman up. The truth will come out , if shes a woman that loves Jesus , Jesus will speak to her heart for you. A virtueous Woman is more precious then Jewels.

So go with the compromise, pray that God speak to her heart , dont make it something that divides , God will work this out in his timing . Be happy , your blessed , your marrying a Holy Girl who loves Jesus …your one lucky Bastid
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Hi, the girlfriend again! I just wanted to say thank you for your optimism. Since I began this forum, all I have seen is self-righteous attitudes towards my faith. You have been smart to look at the real meaning of what it is to be a Christian. God di not call us to live for Saints or his mother, but for Him. “I am the way, the truth, and the light, no one comes to the Father except by me.” You are a good person, hold fast to the core of your faith, something that has been forgotten by most. God bless.
 
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