F
faithsmind
Guest
I second LCN, and I think her response is right on!
I don’t believe love is covering over sins. I believe love is having mercy for your beloved, it’s identifying problems and overcoming them together in respect, tenderness and support, but it is not ignoring hurtful sins. This is called “enabling”.
I agree we need to take responsibility in a relationship, but we also need to draw the line as far as when to let the other person take responsibility for his or her actions if they are over-stepping important personal boundaries. You have every right to let them know and be upset if this happens. They are in charge of their behavior. Not you.
Dividing yourself from this behavior can be helpful.
I think we need to be careful with what Lady Love has said. As I said, I faced the same situation as you. There was also physical violence etc. which caused me to finally leave, but won’t get into it here. But I realized earlier this year, he told me he was sexually abused by a man when he was an adolescent. There is nothing I could have done as a wife to change this interior struggle within him. I’m not saying your husband was abused, but no amount of kindness and love from me was going to change this man’s experience or feelings. I watched videos, read books, we went to years and years of counseling, but I finally realized I had to stop taking responsibility for his abusive behavior. I’m pretty sure your husband is not extremely abusive, but you have every right to feel hurt. But I don’t think blaming yourself for his behavior is particularly healthy. Finding new avenues and goals for yourself is!
I don’t believe love is covering over sins. I believe love is having mercy for your beloved, it’s identifying problems and overcoming them together in respect, tenderness and support, but it is not ignoring hurtful sins. This is called “enabling”.
I agree we need to take responsibility in a relationship, but we also need to draw the line as far as when to let the other person take responsibility for his or her actions if they are over-stepping important personal boundaries. You have every right to let them know and be upset if this happens. They are in charge of their behavior. Not you.
Dividing yourself from this behavior can be helpful.
I think we need to be careful with what Lady Love has said. As I said, I faced the same situation as you. There was also physical violence etc. which caused me to finally leave, but won’t get into it here. But I realized earlier this year, he told me he was sexually abused by a man when he was an adolescent. There is nothing I could have done as a wife to change this interior struggle within him. I’m not saying your husband was abused, but no amount of kindness and love from me was going to change this man’s experience or feelings. I watched videos, read books, we went to years and years of counseling, but I finally realized I had to stop taking responsibility for his abusive behavior. I’m pretty sure your husband is not extremely abusive, but you have every right to feel hurt. But I don’t think blaming yourself for his behavior is particularly healthy. Finding new avenues and goals for yourself is!
(((( I hate divorce!!! Take little steps to heal your marriage… you can get creative by sleeping separately (just to try to figure out what type of balance will cool the flammation) one on couch or floor… (they’re better anyway!) every other day. I highly suggest definetly sleeping separately if you married too fast and without keeping in Catholic doctrine… because you need time to figure out the importance of purity, however it seems you probably knew about it… so maybe I am speaking for someone else-- without the info I don’t know. Eating homemade meals together does wonders. God Bless