Contraception for difficult circumstances

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I am in a difficult situation and would like some advice on how to apply the church’s teaching on contraception in my situation. My situation is the following:

My wife has given birth to 4 children in 6 years, with a fifth pregnancy that ended in miscarriage. We are an extremely fertile couple and it never required more than one time to conceive for all our children. We are also quite young; my wife is 32 so she many more years before menopause arrives.

In addition my wife has spent the last 2 years psychologically traumatized from having so many children in such a short period of time. Se feels panic and severe anxiety when thinking about having another baby, and feels extremely uncomfortable around infants and babies. She continues to visit a psychologist to help her with this, but even to this day she will not discuss having another baby.

Also, pregnancies have been very difficult for my wife. From only a couple of weeks after conception, she would start waking up 5-6 times per night. Throughout the last pregnancy she had to take anti-vomit medicine just to be able to eat in the mornings. Luckily the vomitting ended with the pregnancies, but the repetitive waking at night continues two years after. She also suffered nerve damage in her neck due to the unnatural position while breastfeeding, which has caused her pain for many years.

We informed ourselves about NFP after our third child, but due to our extreme fertility my wife will not consider it an option for us (and I don’t blame her) - since we would probably end up with more children than we can handle. I have proposed that we try and cultivate the virtue of chastity, but since she does not believe that we are commiting a sin when using contraception she refuses to consider it. And since we have had this discussion several times, she is threatening that my position is breaking us apart and she is only with me because of the kids.

It obviously takes two to decide this, and don’t feel I am respecting her if I force my opinion on her. But at the same time in order to keep her happy, I don’t see another way but to surrender my values. Certainly contraception in our case is a lesser sin to divorce??

Apart from praying, any suggestions on how I could sort this out? Am I in mortal sin if I comply with using contraception (ie. condoms) in order keep my wife happy? Is there any situation whereby contraception is not sinful?
 
Contraception might sound like a nice easy way out, but perfect use Contraception as the about the same failure rates as NFP. The only way to be completely sure you want get pregnant is complete abstinence. I’ve said this already in a thread today but, I know a woman who was told after her first she would likely die if she got pregnant again. She took the contraception route and is now 27 weeks pregnant with a very hard, high risk pregnancy. As easy and effective as it looks on paper its not wroth betting your life on.
 
As I understand it, even if your wife uses contraceptives, so long as you do not help her to use them (ie, buy them for her, remind her to use them etc) and express your opinion to her that you do not think it is something she should be doing, then if she uses contraceptives that is not your sin, but only hers. In other words, you can continue to have relations even if she insists on using contraceptives without yourself being guilty.
 
I am in a similar situation as your wife. I am in my sixth pregnancy in seven years. I have had two miscarriages and am expecting my fourth child this winter. I have had about one aggregate year of not gestating or lactating in these past seven years.
Lactation ammenhorea method, or LAM, combined with NFP, is all I use to space births.
It is physically very demanding, and it makes me feel pushed to the edge sometimes. With that said, I would trust NFP over contraceptive methods. There are conservative methods of NFP that are very effective. I hope those who are familiar with those methods will explain further for your benefit. But condoms and diaphragms, besides the moral problem, feel gross, so it isn’t any wonder why married couples hate using them. And oral contraceptives are Class 1 carcinogens. IUDs don’t actually prevent conception, if I understand properly. Rather they work by not allowing embryos to implant, so they are abortifacients. So, contraceptives are just a horrible set of options, even if you don’t examine the morality of them.
Try getting ahold of the book, Taking Charge of Your Fertility, which teaches a fertility awareness method, or FAM. It does at times conflict with Church teaching, but it demonstrates that even non-Catholics and non-Christians are abandoning contraceptive methods and relying upon a form of natural family planning. Reading that book was my first step toward a Catholic view of sexuality, and it set me on the path to NFP.
I hope what I said helps. You are in a tough place as a couple. Consult your priest and try to love your wife through this.
 
Contraception is not option. Such is a grave sin and seriously contrary to ones marriage…(call the Catholic Answers appologists line --this sort of thing is better addressed --personally)

Keep reading though through to the bottom:

Compendium of the Catechism issued by Pope Benedict XVI
  1. What are immoral means of birth control?
2370-2372

Every action - for example, direct sterilization or contraception - is intrinsically immoral which (either in anticipation of the conjugal act, in its accomplishment or in the development of its natural consequences) proposes, as an end or as a means, to hinder procreation.
  1. Why are artificial insemination and artificial fertilization immoral?
2373-2377

They are immoral because they dissociate procreation from the act with which the spouses give themselves to each other and so introduce the domination of technology over the origin and destiny of the human person. Furthermore, heterologous insemination and fertilization with the use of techniques that involve a person other than the married couple infringe upon the right of a child to be born of a father and mother known to him, bound to each other by marriage and having the exclusive right to become parents only through each another.

vatican.va/archive/compendium_ccc/documents/archive_2005_compendium-ccc_en.html
Serious reasons do not by the way mean per se life or death …they can be financal, psychological. medical etc etc…all sorts of things can come up in life.

One has to judge such (can seek advice too…say from a good Priest) if one so judges – the way to do this can vary – different “methods” of natural Family Planning to use to avoid a new conception

As to the way of such – not all methods are the same --one can contact the Paul VI institute --they are extremely scientific etc in their method – so they would be ones who could help with such – they are in the area of “experts”:

www.popepaulvi.com/ncfwh_Home.htm

creightonmodel.com/

They have instructors etc all over the country…
 
As married people we are not guaranteed that marriage will include sex. Illness, disability, risk, mental impact – many reasons may prevent us from having sexual relations with our spouse.

You need to consider that perhaps your cross is that you and your wife need to abstain from that aspect of marriage for as long as necessary, out of a necessity to avoid pregnancy AND mortal sin.

Marriage & Love = Sacrifice

~Liza
 
thewanderer said:
As I understand it, even if your wife uses contraceptives, so long as you do not help her to use them (ie, buy them for her, remind her to use them etc) and express your opinion to her that you do not think it is something she should be doing, then if she uses contraceptives that is not your sin, but only hers. In other words, you can continue to have relations even if she insists on using contraceptives without yourself being guilty.
Click to expand...
Willfully having sex even though you know she’s using contraceptives, thus sort of aiding her in a sense and in another sense using them yourself, would at least be a venial sin.

In response to the original post: Preferring to divorce rather than observe chastity shows a great deal of lust on her part. This lust alone is mortally sinful even without the element of contraception. Inform her of this as well as the Church’s teaching on contraception and the reasons behind it. If all else fails, maybe try to have your parish priest mediate between the two of you.
 
LJN21 said:
For something to be contraception it requires action making the act of having sex sterile. There is no contraception in simply not having sex.
Click to expand...
NFP is not “not having sex”. It is having sex when the woman is not fertile.
 
ze100 said:
I am in a difficult situation and would like some advice on how to apply the church’s teaching on contraception in my situation. My situation is the following:
Click to expand...
Bookcat said:
Contraception is not option. Such is a grave sin and seriously contrary to ones marriage…(call the Catholic Answers appologists line --this sort of thing is better addressed --personally)

Keep reading though through to the bottom:

Compendium of the Catechism issued by Pope Benedict XVI
  1. What are immoral means of birth control?
2370-2372

Every action - for example, direct sterilization or contraception - is intrinsically immoral which (either in anticipation of the conjugal act, in its accomplishment or in the development of its natural consequences) proposes, as an end or as a means, to hinder procreation.
  1. Why are artificial insemination and artificial fertilization immoral?
2373-2377

They are immoral because they dissociate procreation from the act with which the spouses give themselves to each other and so introduce the domination of technology over the origin and destiny of the human person. Furthermore, heterologous insemination and fertilization with the use of techniques that involve a person other than the married couple infringe upon the right of a child to be born of a father and mother known to him, bound to each other by marriage and having the exclusive right to become parents only through each another.

vatican.va/archive/compendium_ccc/documents/archive_2005_compendium-ccc_en.html
Serious reasons do not by the way mean per se life or death …they can be financal, psychological. medical etc etc…all sorts of things can come up in life.

One has to judge such (can seek advice too…say from a good Priest) if one so judges – the way to do this can vary – different “methods” of natural Family Planning to use to avoid a new conception

As to the way of such – not all methods are the same --one can contact the Paul VI institute --they are extremely scientific etc in their method – so they would be ones who could help with such – they are in the area of “experts”:

www.popepaulvi.com/ncfwh_Home.htm

creightonmodel.com/

They have instructors etc all over the country…
Click to expand...
Opps I grabbed wrong sections in my haste to go to dinner (wife was calling…)
  1. When is it moral to regulate births?
2368-2369
2399

The regulation of births, which is an aspect of responsible fatherhood and motherhood, is objectively morally acceptable when it is pursued by the spouses without external pressure; when it is practiced not out of selfishness but for serious reasons; and with methods that conform to the objective criteria of morality, that is, periodic continence and use of the infertile periods.
  1. What are immoral means of birth control?
2370-2372

Every action - for example, direct sterilization or contraception - is intrinsically immoral which (either in anticipation of the conjugal act, in its accomplishment or in the development of its natural consequences) proposes, as an end or as a means, to hinder procreation.

vatican.va/archive/compendium_ccc/documents/archive_2005_compendium-ccc_en.html
 
Bookcat said:
it is not.
Click to expand...
Per The Free Dictionary

contraception
Intentional prevention of conception or impregnation through the use of various devices, agents, drugs, sexual practices, or surgical procedures.
 
ze100 said:
I am in a difficult situation and would like some advice on how to apply the church’s teaching on contraception in my situation. My situation is the following:
Click to expand...
I answered in haste before – had to go to dinner…wife was calling.

But I wanted to add that it is good your seeking to apply the Churches teaching and to live faithfully…yours is yes a very painful situation…but please there are moral solutions to it…

and professionals to help you out…your not on your own 🙂
 
ConstantineTG said:
NFP is not “not having sex”. It is having sex when the woman is not fertile.
Click to expand...
This is completely false.

Say a couple decides to chart and has a serious ned to avoid pregnancy. Now, let say it just so happens that the husband and wife have busy conflicting work schedules and buisness trips such that the only times they are alone together they are either completely exhausted or it is their fertile period. Because of this they spend their whole time desiring to avoid a pregnancy abstaining. Would you really say that this couple is not practicing NFP to avoid just because they didn’t have sex while avoiding? They did all the charting and temps, and abstained when it was necessary because the chartss told them they were fertile. It would be utterly ridiculous to claim that they were not using NFP, yet, they didn’t have sex throughout the whole time they were trying to avoid. How is this possible? It is because having relations is not intrinsic to using NFP to avoid. 🤷
 
ConstantineTG said:
Per The Free Dictionary

contraception
Intentional prevention of conception or impregnation through the use of various devices, agents, drugs, sexual practices, or surgical procedures.
Click to expand...
Sure – none of the above applies here.

Periodic Continence is simply periodic continence --not contraception.

And it is to be noted that this is a Catholic Moral Theology Forum -so “free dictionary” definitions are not really those that pertain to this science.

Here is the Teaching of the Catholic Church --simply stated in the Compendium issued by Pope Benedict XVI
  1. When is it moral to regulate births?
2368-2369
2399

The regulation of births, which is an aspect of responsible fatherhood and motherhood, is objectively morally acceptable when it is pursued by the spouses without external pressure; when it is practiced not out of selfishness but for serious reasons; and with methods that conform to the objective criteria of morality, that is, periodic continence and use of the infertile periods.
  1. What are immoral means of birth control?
2370-2372

Every action - for example, direct sterilization or contraception - is intrinsically immoral which (either in anticipation of the conjugal act, in its accomplishment or in the development of its natural consequences) proposes, as an end or as a means, to hinder procreation.

vatican.va/archive/compendium_ccc/documents/archive_2005_compendium-ccc_en.html
 
ConstantineTG said:
NFP is not “not having sex”. It is having sex when the woman is not fertile.
Click to expand...
To be contraception it has to be an act that work counter to conception in a positive way, (hence the term Contra-ception). Not having sex does nothing to actively inhibit procreation. If there is nothing there to to cause conception it is impossible to act counter to it.
 
ConstantineTG said:
Per The Free Dictionary

contraception
Intentional prevention of conception or impregnation through the use of various devices, agents, drugs, sexual practices, or surgical procedures.
Click to expand...
Sexual practices would be things you do during sex to prevent conception, namely pulling out.

Not having sex is again, not a sexual practice since no sex is occurring.
 
thewanderer said:
This is completely false.

Say a couple decides to chart and has a serious ned to avoid pregnancy. Now, let say it just so happens that the husband and wife have busy conflicting work schedules and buisness trips such that the only times they are alone together they are either completely exhausted or it is their fertile period. Because of this they spend their whole time desiring to avoid a pregnancy abstaining. Would you really say that this couple is not practicing NFP to avoid just because they didn’t have sex while avoiding? They did all the charting and temps, and abstained when it was necessary because the chartss told them they were fertile. It would be utterly ridiculous to claim that they were not using NFP, yet, they didn’t have sex throughout the whole time they were trying to avoid. How is this possible? It is because having relations is not intrinsic to using NFP to avoid. 🤷
Click to expand...
Tell me this, why do they go through all the trouble of charting and all just to not have sex? Yes, there is SOME abstinence, but the entire point of NFP is to HAVE SEX and NOT GET PREGNANT. And anytime you have sex with the intention to avoid pregnancy is contraception. Don’t overcomplicate it to justify the act. Avoiding conception is avoiding conception. If you want to abstain, then abstain. Why go through all the charting and getting temperatures and checking discharges if you are not going to have sex anyway? Who are we kidding here if not ourselves?
 
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