Contraception in Marriage

[Kthanksbuy]

I am pretty well versed in catholic sexual ethics and understand why the church has always stood against contraception, but I have run into a dilemma.

What would you do if you were married, have a set of kids close in age to each other well in their teens already, and were a woman in your late 40s or 50s (at such an age where a pregnancy would seriously endanger your life as well as significantly increase the risk of a new child having a mental disorder). And to boot, your menstrual cycle is out of whack so NFP is out of the question. Wouldn’t it seem necessary to use condoms, for instance, For your safety? Or would you and your husband be forced to live celibate lives? Which would probably harm the relationship (we can’t be idealistic here).

Your opinion is appreciated!

 

[Sillara]

The ends do not justify the means.

 

[Kthanksbuy]

Harming someone in self defense.

 

[Sillara]

Harming someone in self defense.

“Harming” someone is not an intrinsic evil. There are circumstances where harming, even to the point of killing, is not necessarily an evil.

Contraception is an intrinsic evil. There are no circumstances wherein it is acceptable.

Thus, the ends do not justify the means.

 

[hannajomar]

You and your husband might have legitimate reasons to not have another child - financial/emotional/medical strain from your other children, for example. NFP is not out of the question for you. There are several methods of NFP, and some do cater to women with irregular menstrual cycles. It would be definitely worth it for you to research this.
Also, If you and your husband choose to abstain from sex to avoid pregnancy and you are in your late 40’s/early 50’s, that would not be an indefinite period of time. In a few years you will no longer be able to conceive, and would not need to abstain then. Would that be easy? Definitely not, it would take a lot of restraint and learning how to love each other in new ways.

Whatever you choose, condom use (and other forms of artificial birth control) for the reasons you describe is prohibited by Catholic Church teaching.

 

[Marc_Anthony]

I thought there was a type of NFP for irregular cycles. Critendon model or something (I probably have the name wrong).

 

[thewanderer]

I am pretty well versed in catholic sexual ethics and understand why the church has always stood against contraception, but I have run into a dilemma.

What would you do if you were married, have a set of kids close in age to each other well in their teens already, and were a woman in your late 40s or 50s (at such an age where a pregnancy would seriously endanger your life as well as significantly increase the risk of a new child having a mental disorder). And to boot, your menstrual cycle is out of whack so NFP is out of the question. Wouldn’t it seem necessary to use condoms, for instance, For your safety? Or would you and your husband be forced to live celibate lives? Which would probably harm the relationship (we can’t be idealistic here).

Your opinion is appreciated!

Just some things to think about, but, a) being in your 40’s or 50’s is not a factor that would seriously endanger the life of the mother, although it would increase the risk of your child having a mental disorder b) NFP can work perfectly well for women with irregular cycles. It is not the rythm method and does not require regular cycles to be implemented succesfully. Perhaps you could rethink the use of NFP in light of these facts?

 

[ADiosgracias]

Try the ovulation method . From Mercedes Arzu de Wilson. Doesn’t matter if you are irregular or in pre menopause time. Is Perfect for everyone .

 

[1ke]

And to boot, your menstrual cycle is out of whack so NFP is out of the question.

NFP is NOT “out of the question”. It works perfectly fine in late 40s to 50.

You observe your fertility every day. It does not matter if your cycle is “out of whack”-- what does that mean anyway?

Wouldn’t it seem necessary to use condoms, for instance, For your safety?

No.

Both because they are mortally sinful and unreliable, they are a poor choice on the part of the couple.

Or would you and your husband be forced to live celibate lives?

Celibate means unmarried. I presume you mean continent.

Perhaps continence may be in the mix, but at late 40s or early 50s it is quite temporary. Menopause will take care of the situation in short order.

Which would probably harm the relationship (we can’t be idealistic here).

This is what is called a “red herring” in logic.

Your opinion is appreciated!

NFP is the only moral option unless the couple wants to abstain completely until menopause.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

NFP is NOT “out of the question”. It works perfectly fine in late 40s to 50.

You observe your fertility every day. It does not matter if your cycle is “out of whack”-- what does that mean anyway?

No.

Both because they are mortally sinful and unreliable, they are a poor choice on the part of the couple.

Celibate means unmarried. I presume you mean continent.

Perhaps continence may be in the mix, but at late 40s or early 50s it is quite temporary. Menopause will take care of the situation in short order.

This is what is called a “red herring” in logic.

NFP is the only moral option unless the couple wants to abstain completely until menopause.

Also, don’t assume that if a woman decides to not avoid pregnancy at an “older” age, that she is endangering her life. The state of a woman’s health varies by woman (although getting pregnant in your 50’s is indeed rare).

 

[JRKH]

I am pretty well versed in catholic sexual ethics and understand why the church has always stood against contraception, but I have run into a dilemma.

What would you do if you were married, have a set of kids close in age to each other well in their teens already, and were a woman in your late 40s or 50s (at such an age where a pregnancy would seriously endanger your life as well as significantly increase the risk of a new child having a mental disorder). And to boot, your menstrual cycle is out of whack so NFP is out of the question. Wouldn’t it seem necessary to use condoms, for instance, For your safety? Or would you and your husband be forced to live celibate lives? Which would probably harm the relationship (we can’t be idealistic here).

Your opinion is appreciated!

Discuss this with your confessor and be guided by his (name removed by moderator)ut…

Peace
James

 

[McDale721]

You and your husband might have legitimate reasons to not have another child - financial/emotional/medical strain from your other children, for example. NFP is not out of the question for you. There are several methods of NFP, and some do cater to women with irregular menstrual cycles. It would be definitely worth it for you to research this.
Also, If you and your husband choose to abstain from sex to avoid pregnancy and you are in your late 40’s/early 50’s, that would not be an indefinite period of time. In a few years you will no longer be able to conceive, and would not need to abstain then. Would that be easy? Definitely not, it would take a lot of restraint and learning how to love each other in new ways.

Whatever you choose, condom use (and other forms of artificial birth control) for the reasons you describe is prohibited by Catholic Church teaching.

Agreed, not easy. And to refer back to yesterday’s gospel, Christ tells us to pick up our crosses and follow him.

 

[LJN21]

Morality aside, if you really need to avoid pregnancy Condoms are not a safe choice. Failure rate of Typical condom use, depending on where you looking for you info, is between 15-28%.

The only way to 100% avoid pregnancy is complete abstinence. Every act of sex has some ‘risk’ of pregnancy.

 

[PaulinVA]

Okay, I am going to ask a larger question. Now, I am a faithful Catholic, but the situation Kthanksbuy is talking about is applicable to all couples at some point in their marriage, unless other circumstances intervene.

What happens when your family is “built out”? You have as many children as you can possibly handle. That number could be 8, it could be one, it could be three. Whatever. But, you are done. You have more than a decade of fertility left.

Is it a “serious or grave” reason that you are done having babies, and it’s time to move on? Yes, I know, you should evaluate your decision to avoid every month. I am talking practical application in the real world. Is this using NFP in an inappropriate way?

Can a Catholic couple never say they are done adding to their family?

 

[LJN21]

Can a Catholic couple never say they are done adding to their family?

If there is a serious health, financial reason they can say, “Lord, unless you let us know otherwise, we are following the gifts of prudence and reason you have given us and not adding to our family right now.”

 

[PaulinVA]

If there is a serious health, financial reason they can say, “Lord, unless you let us know otherwise, we are following the gifts of prudence and reason you have given us and not adding to our family right now.”

So your view is that you can never say, “Our family is complete”? That the couple in their late forties or early fifties have to have serious health or financial reasons and not just be done?

 

[Ophelia23]

Honestly, I think something you are struggling with is an age-old problem: letting go of your wants and grabbing hold of God’s will. There comes a point where faith and trust must play a role in our actual lives. Not just in our spiritual self, not just in our mind, but in how we conduct our daily lives. Contraception is intrinsically evil, and it is in no circumstances comparable to killing in self defense. This is your fear speaking to you, not God’s grace.

NFP is not out of the question for you at all. It is perfectly effective even for women with irregular periods and cycles, because it is a day by day observation. She will observe her mucus signs, her morning temperature, and even the status of her cervix if she is able. It doesn’t matter how irregular she is. I would suggest taking another course on it to learn the benefits.

Even if you are coming at this strictly from a health perspective and not one of morality, NFP is the healthiest thing for your wife. There are no side effects, no negative impact on her fertility, no risks of anything except for the side effect of living a pure, full, complete and open love life with your spouse as God fully intended. These are side effects worth holding on to.

 

[Em_in_FL]

So your view is that you can never say, “Our family is complete”? That the couple in their late forties or early fifties have to have serious health or financial reasons and not just be done?

I agree that it’s not a fair statement to say “our family is complete”… actually, in all reality - IS IT? No, eventually there will (hopefully) be nieces and nephews and grandkids and lots and lots of future kin. “Complete” just sounds so harsh, in the overall tone.

Is God not bigger than serious health and financial issues? Could they not (miraculously) be resolved?
“Complete” says that’s impossible.

I say it’s improbable, for sure. NFP is totally valid for reasons that are improbable to resolve.
And NFP is perfectly suitable to erratic cycles and changes into menopause. Don’t shut the door before learning this valuable tool.

 

[Brendan]

I And to boot, your menstrual cycle is out of whack so NFP is out of the question. !

Actually NFP is not out of the question.

NFP has very little to do with timing of the cycles, but rather when ovulation occurs.

After each of my wife’s pregnancies, Lactational amenorrhea, or rather, post L-A, through my wife’s cycles ‘out of wack’. But NFP was still able to identify the ovualtion times.

So we were able to space births to give her body sufficent time to recover. It invovled some longer periods of abstinence that we would have at other times, but it still works.

 

[LJN21]

I agree that it’s not a fair statement to say “our family is complete”… actually, in all reality - IS IT? No, eventually there will (hopefully) be nieces and nephews and grandkids and lots and lots of future kin. “Complete” just sounds so harsh, in the overall tone.

Is God not bigger than serious health and financial issues? Could they not (miraculously) be resolved?
“Complete” says that’s impossible.

I say it’s improbable, for sure. NFP is totally valid for reasons that are improbable to resolve.
And NFP is perfectly suitable to erratic cycles and changes into menopause. Don’t shut the door before learning this valuable tool.

I couldn’t have said it better.

Your family is never complete, but that doesn’t mean your going to have any more kids