Thank you very much. I really appreciate your saying that!
After much personal struggle, I have determined that my suffering is a “sunk cost” and have resolved to improve the lives of disabled or otherwise vulnerable people in whatever capacity I can for as long as I am physically able. After encouragement from my parents and a few family friends, I am in the beginning stages of writing a book about my experiences.
Yes, the upcoming surgery is indeed daunting. The most sinister force right now is the few months separating me from the operating table. (I suppose you could say “the anticipation is killing me.”) However, I have sought medical advice from specialists in a number of states and have gone through a thorough, rigorous evaluation of the benefits and risks of such a procedure. Even though there is a chance of paralysis, I must accept it given the risks if I were to postpone it. In the meantime, my adorable puppy will keep me in a sufficiently happy mindset. <3
My parents have been agnostic for quite some time; certainly, at minimum, they were not actively practicing their respective faiths when they married. As an early child, my mother was raised Catholic. Her own mother (my grandmother) was born into a Catholic family and remained a practicing Catholic until she began to question – and ultimately reject – the Church’s stance on contraception and the traditional role of women. My mother’s father, meanwhile, was raised Protestant but agreed to raising my mother and her siblings in the Catholic faith. When my grandmother fell away from the Church, my grandparents decided to go “faith shopping.” They eventually settled on a denomination of Protestantism. While my mom attended church with her family as a minor, she opted to discontinue her church attendance when she entered college. Despite her current beliefs, she holds religion in some degree of regard and refers to it as a collection of “wisdom traditions.” Meanwhile, my father and his siblings were raised as cradle Catholics. However, my father decided that Catholic teachings were contrary to some of his social stances and that faith in any religion was simply illogical and unnecessary. Nonetheless, he still occasionally refers to himself as “culturally Catholic,” a nod to his belief in the sanctity of life.
As a child, I was never compelled to attend church at all. Oddly enough, I began to reject organized religion when I first recited the Pledge of Allegiance in the first grade. I found the phrase “under God” to be divisive and unnecessary, as I did not believe that faith in a supernatural deity was mandatory to being a decent person. Consequently, I determined that such a phrase subtly implied that “godlessness” was immoral and resented the government’s attempt to unify people through faith when I did not subscribe to any particular religion. Any residual faith I had shattered during 9/11. I believed in the good will and nature of people, in my country’s vows to bring terrorists to justice, in humanity’s fundamental resilience… but not in “God.” I reasoned that no benevolent “God” would permit such an atrocity. That disbelief was cemented even further after I began to develop more severe symptoms relating to my spine disease while simultaneously reading up on philosophy, religion, and science. As a young adult, I was swept up by Richard Dawkins’ convincing arguments and prolific rhetoric and resented organized religion. Years later, I accepted that I could not persuade the majority of religious folks to embrace agnosticism or atheism, as faith oftentimes plays an intricate role in one’s upbringing and personal identity. Moreover, the vast majority of religious people do not have malicious motives; rather, they are simply attempting to understand the implications of their existence – even though I disagree with many of their social stances. I still believe that organized religion, however “mild,” can frequently ignore, enable, or permit radical, militant sects. I also believe that faith neither insures nor is necessary for a sound moral foundation. As an agnostic, I continuously re-examine and improve upon my moral code. I have donated a substantial amount of money to charity, volunteered as an assistant teacher for disabled students, and assisted elderly relatives. I believe in myself, that the fundamental goodness in human beings will eventually override humanity’s more negative tendencies, in the value of human and animal life (I am trying to fully commit to being a vegetarian), that pacifism should always be embraced unless lives are in peril, in society’s commitment to the disabled and vulnerable, in personal responsibility, etc.
). My cycle is wonky now, so NFP is a bit more challenging now, but Holy Mother Church teachers what She teaches, so we obey.