Contraception

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KellyK

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Hello everyone,
This is my first time posting. I am in need of some advice. My husband and I are both practicing Catholics. We adhere to the teachings of the Church, in all but one area. That area is the issue of contraception. We do not want any children. The reason we do not want children is because I suffer from multiple mental illnesses, and caring for a child would be next to impossible for me. I did have issues with mental illness before getting married, but it was mild enough that I could function and lead a relatively normal life. But my conditions have escalated to the point where there are stretches of time when I can barely take care of myself. I have been on multiple medications, seen psychiatrists, and prayed for a cure. But regardless of all of this, I still suffer greatly from this. When we first got married, we wanted children, but since my illnesses have gotten so bad, we realize that I would be incapable of raising a child. We have begun using contraception to prevent a pregnancy, and I feel guilty about this. I know it is wrong, but at this point I feel I have no other choice. This makes me sad to know that I will never be a mother because of my mental illnesses, but I also know that it wouldn’t be fair for any child to have a mother like me. A child needs someone who will be there for them, and there are times when I am useless to everybody due to my illnesses. My husband agrees with me on the contraception issue, because he knows how things get with me, and how I mentally “check out” for long stretches of time. I want to follow the Church on this issue, but I am so lost right now. If someone could offer some guidance, I would really appreciate it.
Kelly
 
Kelly, it is up to you, your husband, and the Holy Spirit to determine if you should have children. You must take into account the factors ( ie: your own health) and whether this is a realizable thing or not. If your health doesn’t allow this, you are not contracepting since to contracept, it also behooves a mental assent too.

God Bless
 
Um, HailMary would you mind providing some sort of authoritative reference where mental health dispenses you from moral law on contraception?

Kelly, this is a great burden for you and I am sure that there will be many praying for you.

I would suggest that you go take an NFP class. NFP is just as effective as every contraception except sterilization and the pill when done correctly. The pill can cause an abortion when it (rarely, but it happens) fails to prevent conception.

Since you and your husband are both fully aware of Church teaching, you can’t rationalize yourselves out of it.
 
The good news - NFP is not rocket science, the Couple to Couple League is a good place to start.

Prayers for you!
 
I did use NFP for a while a few years ago. I consulted with a Catholic doctor because my cycles were not normal, and after many tests and examinations, he concluded that I do have fertility problems (yes, I know, my health is pretty bad overall). The chances of me getting pregnant are about one in a billion, I probably have a better chance of winning the lottery. But there is still that chance that a pregnancy could occur. And although it pains me to prevent the possibility of a miracle occuring, I know I do not have the means to take care of a child. Although I am familiar with NFP, it was always very hard for me to use because of my crazy cycles.
 
KellyK said:
But there is still that chance that a pregnancy could occur.
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Kelly, Pregnancy can occur using contraception. It is false security to believe that contraception is a good option, the only option, or the best option, when you have a serious reason to avoid a pregnancy. This is a lie fed by our culture.

The only 100% sure way to not get pregnant is to not have sex. If your illness is that serious, then you should consider it.

The next best option, with low to no risk of pregnancy, is to use conservative rules of NFP, having relations only in the post-ovulatory phase-- called “Phase III” in Sympto-Thermal or “post peak” in Creighton.

Adding non-fertile Phase I, or pre peak, days would give more days of intercourse but that is where a slightly higher chance of conception occuring lies.
KellyK said:
Although I am familiar with NFP, it was always very hard for me to use because of my crazy cycles.
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Then I urge you to investigate another method of NFP and/or find a more knowledgeable instructor. “Irregular cycles” are NOT an impediment to successfully using NFP.
 
HailMary said:
Where did I make that claim?
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You wrote this: If your health doesn’t allow this, you are not contracepting since to contracept, it also behooves a mental assent too.

And,this statement is **not **based in church teaching AT ALL.
 
1ke said:
You wrote this: If your health doesn’t allow this, you are not contracepting since to contracept, it also behooves a mental assent too.

And,this statement is **not **based in church teaching AT ALL.
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If “your health” doesn’t allow what: what do you think I am referring too?
 
When we did use NFP, it showed when I was ovulating. Sometimes my charting would indicate ovulating multiple times throughout one cycle. After going through tests and examinations, it was determined that I was not ovulating at all, even though my charting indicated that I was ovulating. After this, I abandoned the NFP method because it didn’t seem very accurate. I have a book about it that was given to me by my doctor, and I’m most certain that I did the charting correctly. Also DH and I did not have sex for almost a year, partly because of the chance of getting pregnant, and partly because we did not want to go against Church teaching by using contraception. But I do not think it is fair to deny my husband intercouse.
 
KellyK said:
I have a book about it that was given to me by my doctor, and I’m most certain that I did the charting correctly.
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I would suggest you take a class-- if you have not done that, then you are **not **trained in NFP.

Look into all three methods: Sympto-Thermal, Creighton and Billings. One may be easier for you than another.
KellyK said:
Also DH and I did not have sex for almost a year, partly because of the chance of getting pregnant, and partly because we did not want to go against Church teaching by using contraception. But I do not think it is fair to deny my husband intercouse.
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Your DH married you for better or worse, and all circumstances. Abstaining is not the end of the world (although using conservative NFP it would not be necessary to abstain totally). If you were bedridden,paralyzed, had Alzheimers, etc, your husband would be in the same boat.
 
HailMary said:
If “your health” doesn’t allow what: what do you think I am referring too?
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Perhaps you can explain what you meant by your statement. As it reads, it implies you are telling her she can use contraception.
 
Creighton is what my doctor suggested. A nurse had a session with me prior to my appointment with this doctor to teach me the Creighton method. I do not know what Sympto-Thermal or Billings are, but I am interested in finding out. If anyone could offer some links explaining these methods, I would be very appreciative.
As far as my illness goes, I hate living like this, and I’m angry that it has affected my life in this way. I can’t hold down a decent job because of it, and I know that I can’t take care of children because of it. I wish so badly that I could just live a “normal” life. I’ve gotten so desperate that I have seriously considered consulting a priest about having an exorcism to rid my body of these mental afflictions. I know it sounds absolutely crazy, but you really have no idea how terrible it is to live with this.
 
Sympto-thermal from Couple to Couple League (takes a few months of classes with teaching couple)
ccli.org
Billings (takes a few months of classes from a teaching couple, I think)
boma-usa.org
Creighton (I think it takes more than 1 session to learn this method!!!)
creightonmodel.com

omsoul.com
resources about contraception and also a way to find an NFP practitioner in your area (you can also look at the links above for teachers)

God bless,
Jennifer
 
Thanks for the links. I will look into it. I would also like to ask that everyone who reads this to please pray for me. Please pray that I may overcome my illnesses, and that DH and I will have the courage to be faithful to the Lord. Thank you.
 
other younger members can give more authorotative advice and experience with NFP but as someone who has been married ever since ABC first became a reliable option, and has seen the results of dependence on contraception in destruction of marriages and families, as well as a member of a family with its share of mental health issues, all I can offer is this thought:
a large factor in your mental health is of course the health of your marriage, and the use of artificial contraception destroys the foundations of a healthy marriage, altering the intimate nature of the marriage relationship for the worse, and in itself because of this could very well be posing a threat to your well-being. Just this thought for you to consider as you grapple with this cross you are bearing. We will be praying for you of course.
 
KellyK said:
Creighton is what my doctor suggested. A nurse had a session with me prior to my appointment with this doctor to teach me the Creighton method. .
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You may have had an introductory session in Creighton, but you were not trained if you had one meeting. Creighton has a full year of instruction-- starting with every two weeks in the beginning, and then going to once-per-month, and then once per quater as you progress. Creighton is one-on-one instruction and is very thorough with the follow ups and interpreting the charts.

I use Creighton.
 
Dear Kelly,

I just wanted to let you know I will be praying for you and your husband. Someone in my family suffers from mental illness and I know how tormenting it can be. Please try not to give up hope. New medications are being introduced all the time and one of these could bring the relief you are looking for. I know this will be a life long battle for you, and one you are weary from already. But please do not give up hope. You could make a lot of progress and reach the point of being able to have children. That is up to you, your husband, and to God.

I am single and am not an expert in NFP. But from what I have learned on this thread, it is just as reliable as contraception, but does not carry any of the side effects. I am sure you are already aware of the side effects some contraception methods can cause. But the guilt of knowing you are committing a mortal sin will not help you fight your mental illness. You need to focus all your efforts on getting well, and staying well, and being in a state of grace will give you the strength to do this.

I know you are looking for answers to help make things easier, but using contraception is not the solution. You came to the right place however! I will be praying for you and your husband, as well as many others on this thread.

Sincerely,
Maria1212
 
I understand your feelings. 20 years ago…I was in your place. Young married, wanting a “normal” life, but severely dibilitatingly mentally ill. We were using NFP. I became pregnant. We considered giving the child up for adoption, I was in such a bad way.

But…we decided to hang in, and I had the baby, and raised him. And had two more and now they are all teens. I am so much better. Having kids gave me the courage to face my issues at levels I never had before. There were meds, therapy, even hospitalizations…but we made it through. And I am sooo much better now. I never would have come this far if I hadn’t had the joys ,pains and responsibilities of parenthood to motivate and “grow” me.

I am not advocating having kids as a “cure” for mental illness, but just want to point out that we can’t/don’t know what life has in store for us. Many people thought I was an utterly hopeless case. A counselor at Catholic charities told me I was being a bad parent by opting to keep my child rather than give it up for adoption to a healthy family.

But believe me…we have a very healthy family. No one could have predicted this all those years ago. And my first child is autistic and was by no means “easy”!

God may have things in store for you that you could never have imagined. There may be more “normal” waiting for you than you dare to dream. I just want to offer hope.

Life is risky, and there are never guarentees, but we can choose to trust and live boldly, and take the challenges and riches that life gives us.

Best to you, no matter what. Just be determined to meet each challenge, and you will grow and have riches of experiences beyond what you can imagine.

cheddar
 
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