Contrition/confession questions

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Im often worried my contrition or repentence isnt valid when I go to confession. I go knowing I want to be free from sin and I go wanting to be fully honest but I don’t really know if its true contrition or if Im repentent. I go with the intention to not sin again but I always know in the back of my mind its almost inevitable. I take comfort knowing that i can always go back to confession.

I also after reading some of these post feel afraid that maybe one of my old old confessions might not have been fully valid because I was iffy about the amount of times something happened and gave an amount that I believe was a bit less than it really was though i did/do not recall any exact amount. I don’t tend to keep a tally of them.
I tend to use words like a few a couple or several times. Is that a cop out? I guess what Im asking is if its really important to try and remeber the exact number of times you commited something?

Im afraid that that old confession was invalid and thus makes all subsequent confessions which is many invalid on top of many sacrileges by receiving the Eucharist and everything. I have no Idea how im supposed to remember all those old confessions now, or how im supposed to work this mess out if thats what it is.

I want to make a perfect confession with perfect contrition and full repentance.

Help please.

Bless you.
 
I have the exact same questions. I wonder if it is something that should be asked in the “ask questions” forum. I did, but I got no response.
 
You say, Im often worried my contrition or repentence isnt valid when I go to confession. I go knowing I want to be free from sin and I go wanting to be fully honest but I don’t really know if its true contrition or if Im repentent. I go with the intention to not sin again but I always know in the back of my mind its almost inevitable. I take comfort knowing that i can always go back to confession.

So you know you’re human and may sin again, but you do wish and intend to avoid sin and this is what God expects, that you sincerely intend to try.

You say I also after reading some of these post feel afraid that maybe one of my old old confessions might not have been fully valid because I was iffy about the amount of times something happened and gave an amount that I believe was a bit less than it really was though i did/do not recall any exact amount. I don’t tend to keep a tally of them.

Dear friend, you are perhaps a little over scrupulous. If you are unsure of how many times you might have sinned, simply tell the priest you aren’t certain if it’s the exact number, and that way you are not subjecting yourself to the possibility of scruples, and the priest can advise you himself without your later being subject to lack of peace.

If you have commited serious sins but not sure how often tell him so. If you are being deliberately careless, tell him that also. If not, you have to have some trust…Just be honest with the priest and get these scruples out of your mind.

In your next Confession, you may find it helpful to explain what you have in your post and ask him how you should regard and handle this issue. Be as honest and straightforward as you can be about your difficulty, so you can walk away knowing that if the priest has any doubt about your right to absolution or the need for further clarification, he’ll let you know.
It’s not the mess you fear that it is.

You say…I want to make a perfect confession with perfect contrition and full repentance.

We all would like that, but as human beings we do the best we can manage. The truth is that we can only try. Only God can put any kind of perfection in us and God is the judge of what actually is perfect in us and in our efforts, not ourselves…and maybe for God, for us to be perfect in his eyes is our trying the best we can manage with the best intention we can manage, and trust the rest to His mercy.

Please don’t tie yourself in knots like this. God bless you and give you peace…Trishie
 
I go knowing I want to be free from sin … I go with the intention to not sin again
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These indicate sufficient contrition for the validity of your confessions. Most of us know we will fall again, but desire not to.
I was iffy about the amount of times something happened and gave an amount that I believe was a bit less than it really was though i did/do not recall any exact amount. I don’t tend to keep a tally of them. I tend to use words like a few a couple or several times. Is that a cop out? I guess what Im asking is if its really important to try and remeber the exact number of times you commited something?
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It is perfectly OK to “use words like a few a couple or several times,” as long as you are not intentionally misleading the priest. Nobody keeps a tally sheet. The priest will ask you if he needs more information.
  • Im often worried my contrition or repentence isnt valid when I go to confession.
  • I also … feel afraid that maybe one of my old old confessions might not have been fully valid
  • Im afraid that that old confession was invalid and thus makes all subsequent confessions which is many invalid on top of many sacrileges by receiving the Eucharist and everything.
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All these worries are signs that you might be suffering from scrupulosity, a disordered state of conscience in which a person sees sin where there is none, or exaggerates in his mind the seriousness of his sinful acts, or doubts that forgiveness has been received. (It is often related to obsessive-compulsive disorder.)

What you need to do is to find ONE priest-confessor whom you trust, describe to him the doubts you have described here, go ONLY TO HIM for confession, and follow his advice with obedience.

And it would probably be a good idea to stop reading posts about sin and confession in forums like this, since that is probably adding fuel to your anxiety. Trust your priest, not a bunch of strangers online. (A person who does NOT suffer from scrupulosity can probably handle reading this kind of stuff, but someone who is scrupulous should avoid it.)

Turst in God’s mercy!
 
newone said:
Im often worried my contrition or repentence isnt valid when I go to confession. I go knowing I want to be free from sin and I go wanting to be fully honest but I don’t really know if its true contrition or if Im repentent. I go with the intention to not sin again but I always know in the back of my mind its almost inevitable. I take comfort knowing that i can always go back to confession.
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your contrition may be weak or strong, sincere or lukewarm, perfect or imperfect, but the word valid applies only to the sacrament itself and the matter and form as observed by the celebrant, not to your contrition. Your confession is valid as long as you have confessed all the serious sins you can recall, you express your sorrow in whatever degree possible, and fully intend not to sin again. It is valid by virtue of the sacramental action, not by virtue of your emotions and sentiments about contrition. In any case your emotions are not a reliable way to guage your contrition.
 
Newone Listen CAREFULLY to Puzzleannie and PhilotheaZ. No Priest will deny you absolution because you use the words “few, couple, several and many”. Just don’t try to mislead or obfuscate.****
 
well i went to confessions and tried to explain this all but the priest was obviously in a hurry though there was 30 min before mass. I was rushed he kept jumping to give me my pennence before I was done I got all uptight at that and just tried to rush everything out after i got out of the confessional I realized I had listed my sins but gave absolutely no idea about the amount of times.

I did explain my concern about my old confession possibly being invalid do to not saying an exactly accurate number of times and he said is that your confession and I said yea part of it. I asked him if i needed to re confess all subsequent sins from all my other confessions and he said no. he said once they are said they are dead in the past never to be reflected upon again.

I left the church feeling more frustrated than before. I wish I could just be baptized again.
 
newone said:
well i went to confessions and tried to explain this all but the priest was obviously in a hurry though there was 30 min before mass. I was rushed he kept jumping to give me my pennence before I was done I got all uptight at that and just tried to rush everything out after i got out of the confessional I realized I had listed my sins but gave absolutely no idea about the amount of times.

I did explain my concern about my old confession possibly being invalid do to not saying an exactly accurate number of times and he said is that your confession and I said yea part of it. I asked him if i needed to re confess all subsequent sins from all my other confessions and he said no. he said once they are said they are dead in the past never to be reflected upon again.

I left the church feeling more frustrated than before. I wish I could just be baptized again.
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Jesus has forgiven you…When the priest absolves you, Jesus absolves you–period. You hid nothing and in fact went further to try to explain— Jesus understood BEFORE you went to confession! The Lord begs you to trust Him! Relax … My confessor explained to me that sainthood only happens AFTER you get to heaven. We are called to sainthood slowly but surely over a lifetime. Only saints are free from sin. You cannot be a saint here on earth, sin is a part of life… keep trying to walk with Jesus and keep going regularly to confession. You are already WAY AHEAD of the game!! God bless you!
 
newone said:
well i went to confessions and tried to explain this all but the priest was obviously in a hurry though there was 30 min before mass. I was rushed he kept jumping to give me my pennence before I was done I got all uptight at that and just tried to rush everything out after i got out of the confessional I realized I had listed my sins but gave absolutely no idea about the amount of times.

I did explain my concern about my old confession possibly being invalid do to not saying an exactly accurate number of times and he said is that your confession and I said yea part of it. I asked him if i needed to re confess all subsequent sins from all my other confessions and he said no. he said once they are said they are dead in the past never to be reflected upon again.

I left the church feeling more frustrated than before. I wish I could just be baptized again.
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I am searching for another priest to go to confession to. I would suggest that you either make an appointment with this priest for an hour allotted time, or find another priest. You need more than just to list your sins, you need piece of mind also that you have made a good confession. When you feel rushed, that causes anxiety, and therefore you forget things, or can’t explain the sin in order to fully confess it. Example: “I fornicated. Well, the circumstances are that, I was living with this guy and went to Confession before Mass and then went to confession…but then I went home and fornicated again.” The content of the sin changes. First off, I put myself continuously in the occassion of sin. Second, I fornicated. Third, I presumed that God would allow me to go to Confession the next weekend, and not let me die before then. Fourth, I didn’t really have a firm purpose of ammendment because I knew I was going to continue to live with the man I was fornicating with. Fifth, how many weekends did I do this? Sixth, question of whether any of the sins I committed at the time and confessed were really forgiven. Did I give a valid confession. Seventh, did I commit a sacriledge if recieving Communion at the time? Eight, how do I make a valid confession about all of those past sins if I cannot remember them now?

See, it goes out to eight points which need to be included in that confession. If I am rushed, how can I be sure that the points are being given the consideration that they NEED******?

And, how many things about it contain more sins than I haven’t already thought of, that the Priest should, by his experience as a priest who hears confession and counsels people on a regular basis, could help me identify to make my confession more complete?

And I am left with the question: "If the priest was rushing me, though I went with the full intention of confessing completely, am I still forgiven for all of it, or not…and if not, doesn’t the priest hold some of the responsibility because he rushed me and thereby I didn’t get the chance to make a full and complete confession?

These are the things that I must bring to a priest…just in case I am held responsible for them when I meet Jesus at the moment of Judgement. I cannot let it go until it is resolved. So, I am seeking out another priest…one who has more time to devote to my confession and counsel.

Let me further state this: I am aware that priests in todays world, especially those who shepherd in a parish are EXTREMELY busy. If I have not made it abundantly clear that I need to make an appointment for a counseling session, it is more than likely he will think I need to go to through a quick Reconciliation. I believe that if I explain to him what I am in need of…a counseling session…then I have to expect that he is taking aside only a few moments to spend with me, and may have other important obligations to attend to…even though hearing a souls confession and giving Absolution should be a most high priority. Still, we must remember that a priest is only human. When he doesn’t live up to our expectations, we must pray for him. We don’t know his circumstances, and to judge him is to judge Jesus.

I hope this helps. Ask Jesus to lead you to the right priest and time for this very needed Sacrament and counseling session. He will lead you. He is just waiting for you…and me…to ask.
 
I have read in the Ask an Apologist forum that, when you are given absolution, that all your sins are forgiven, even ones you forgot to mention. That’s the grace of the sacrament.

You are not deliberately hiding any sins, just having memory problems. Don’t worry; you have been forgiven. :yup:

Ruthie
 
Ruthie said:
I have read in the Ask an Apologist forum that, when you are given absolution, that all your sins are forgiven, even ones you forgot to mention. That’s the grace of the sacrament.

You are not deliberately hiding any sins, just having memory problems. Don’t worry; you have been forgiven. :yup:

Ruthie
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I was discussing something totally different. Things forgotten, yes, if you gave a valid confession. If the confession wasn’t valid, then no, nor are any of the sins of that confession absolved because the sin of omission invalidated the whole Sacrament. And also, if you are rushed, and are worried about whether or not you understand the sin, which can also bring about the realization of other sins committed because of and through that one serious sin, it presents a problem. You are aware that the sins are there, you were just rushed through the process and were unable to give a “good” and “total” confession…which is a condition of whether or not it is valid. And, if you remember a couple of months later about a serious sin that you had honestly not remembered, that sin is not forgiven…you still have to confess it the next time you go to confession. It is better to be sure at any rate, the state of your soul is what is at stake.🙂
 
I have had it where the priest didn’t ask me to say the act of contrition.so I ended up leaving without saying it. I ended up saying it after what does that mean?
 
What if one goes to confession but doesn’t confess certain mortal sins due to embarrassment but intends to confess them to another priest. Then he puts it off a while and forgets the kinds of mortal sins. What should he do? Can he just go and confess that he doesn’t remember them anymore and tell the priest what happened.
 
Joe_Brown said:
I have had it where the priest didn’t ask me to say the act of contrition.so I ended up leaving without saying it. I ended up saying it after what does that mean?
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According to the rules of the Sacrament, it is required. That is a very good question. Is there someone out there who knows the answer? Anyone know where Deaconed is, or PAX?
 
onmyknees said:
What if one goes to confession but doesn’t confess certain mortal sins due to embarrassment but intends to confess them to another priest. Then he puts it off a while and forgets the kinds of mortal sins. What should he do? Can he just go and confess that he doesn’t remember them anymore and tell the priest what happened.
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If you purposefully fail to confess especially mortal sins, the ******entire **confession is invalid. There is no absolution granted. Please do not recieve Communion until you discuss this with a priest!!! You would be committing a sacriledge according to the CCC.
 
I do have a question. Why is it that at a certain parish they have confession for 30 minutes…between 4:00 and 4:30 on Saturday and the pastor will lock the door on you and tell you to go away at 4:31 (he did it to me this past Saturday , yeah right before First Friday!) yet at all of the Masses it takes 15 minutes for people to get through the Communion line with 6 ministers and the priest distributing Communion?

Am I the only person that sins or does everyone nowadays think confession is a joke, including the priests?:mad:
 
Mike_Searson said:
I do have a question. Why is it that at a certain parish they have confession for 30 minutes…between 4:00 and 4:30 on Saturday and the pastor will lock the door on you and tell you to go away at 4:31 (he did it to me this past Saturday , yeah right before First Friday!) yet at all of the Masses it takes 15 minutes for people to get through the Communion line with 6 ministers and the priest distributing Communion?

Am I the only person that sins or does everyone nowadays think confession is a joke, including the priests?:mad:
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I have q question or two for you before I answer. What time was the next Mass, and was he going to be the presiding priest for said Mass? If he had to hurry to get back to the Sacristy to dress and prepare himself for Mass, I could understand. Maybe also, he was in desperate need of a bathroom. That happens. However, for either of those things, he should have invited you to see him after either Mass, or he got out of the bathroom.

Many times in my life when I have a mortal sin on my soul:bigyikes: I will tell the priest before Mass that I have a mortal sin on my soul which will not allow me to recieve communion…can I make a very quick cofession. I haven’t heard one say no yet…even when you can tell that they want to.

No, I am NOT recommending you do this unless it is imperative!!!

However, the priest is obligated to give the parishoners enough time to go to Confession every single week. For confession to be only one half of one hour on a Saturday afternoon, and then he closes the door one minute after when there are still people waiting to go would be a horrible thing.

I recommend you to PRAY FOR THE PRIEST !!! And when he does hear your confession, thank him very much for doing so. So many times priests have a thankless job…and they are at the job for 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. We make it easy for them to forget how very important they are to us. It is most imperative that we 1) Pray for them, 2)remind and thank them often.

I don’t know where you live, if there are other parishes to go to. You might try going to another priest if it is available. Also, you might try calling the rectory and asking to make an appointment to go to confession.

As for your question, please pray for him. Go to Mass every Thursday if possible, and offer the Mass for the priest. That is what the Blessed Mother is requesting that we do. And we are never to talk badly about a priest. It was Jesus Who chose him, it was Jesus Who ordained him through the Bishop. Jesus commands us not to talk badly to them or about them. So, please pray for them and try not to talk badly about them…even if what you would be saying is the truth.

May Jesus bless you in this endeavor.
 
To everyone on this thread:

Mike responded to me in a PM, and I realized that the post prior to the one I am posting right now gave the impression that I thought he was the problem, and not the priest. This is my reply to him. I think it is important that everyone is able to see this, since I believe that if I gave him the wrong impression, others might have recieved it the same way he did.

***NO, NO, NO!!!. I apparently mistakenly implied to you that you are the problem. I am so sorry I did not proof read my reply to you. I was so wrong…and now it seems as though I have unrightously attacked you. I am soooooo sorry.

The truth is, the priest was in the wrong. I hate to attack a priest. But, I am doing that just then to tell you that you were TOTALLY in the right!

You had the right, given by Jesus Himself when He instituted the Sacrament of Reconciliation, to go to Confession. It tears at my heart that you were refused, and that you had to beg.

You did ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong. You did everything right. There doesn’t even seem to be a valid reason for your being refused.

I am so sorry for my part in making you think that it was you in the wrong. I cannot say that enough.

Unfortunately, for us and for the Salvation that God so freely offers to us all, it will probably be your problem to deal with…not through your own fault, but because of the negligence of the other party.

I know how it feels to have to beg. It is no fun at all, especially when the sin we have to confess is a mortal one. It is humiliating enough. But we do what we have to and humble ourselves, as Jesus gave us the Sacrament to do. They should not deny us.

Next time, for your own sake, let the priest know it is needed desperately because of a mortal sin. If we pray, and let him know, maybe he will be more generous next time.

Once more, I can never express my sincere sorrow at having given the wrong impression. I am going to post this on the thread in order to straighten up anyone else’s ideas.***
 
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