Contrition/confession questions

[PhilotheaZ]

I’m thinking I need to go see the Bishop on this one.

I’m sorry you experienced this. But I would go to the pastor first. Sometimes priests don’t know what a “good” job their administrators are doing of keeping their parishioners away from them.

Call his office and ask to speak to him; leave him a message to call you back if he isn’t there (you don’t have to leave any further details in the message, nor do you need to tell the secretary what it’s about).

 

[Mike_Searson]

I’m sorry you experienced this. But I would go to the pastor first. Sometimes priests don’t know what a “good” job their administrators are doing of keeping their parishioners away from them.

Call his office and ask to speak to him; leave him a message to call you back if he isn’t there (you don’t have to leave any further details in the message, nor do you need to tell the secretary what it’s about).

This “priest” is the pastor.

Except he is not very pastoral when it comes to this sacrament.

I called him an administrator, because he does a good job of paying the bills and asking for money.

 

[Joe_Brown]

I had problems with this also. I had problems with scruples and would always end up going back to confession when I didn’t have to. I think that you do not have to, although you should pray to God to help you with this.

I don’t want to diagnose you with anything , but I found out that my terrible scruples were from a form of OCD. This is definitely worth talking to your doctor about, because it really helped me.

 

[EvelynEVF]

Mike, I think it’s time you make an appointment for Confession, to make sure it happens. Tougher if you want anonymity, though.

In our parish, there is a short communal prayer preceding the individual confessions, which gives the priest a good idea of how many people are there. I don’t know if it makes a difference to him or not. We’ve never had terribly long lines, but I’ve also never heard anyone shy away from just making an appointment or grabbing Father after a weekday morning Mass.

You might bring it up with your priest, without accusing the “lackey” or complaining, just asking what you can do to make sure you are able to make your confession. How frustrating for you! Nothing like trying to do the right thing and being foiled.

 

[Mike_Searson]

Mike, I think it’s time you make an appointment for Confession, to make sure it happens. Tougher if you want anonymity, though.

In our parish, there is a short communal prayer preceding the individual confessions, which gives the priest a good idea of how many people are there. I don’t know if it makes a difference to him or not. We’ve never had terribly long lines, but I’ve also never heard anyone shy away from just making an appointment or grabbing Father after a weekday morning Mass.

You might bring it up with your priest, without accusing the “lackey” or complaining, just asking what you can do to make sure you are able to make your confession. How frustrating for you! Nothing like trying to do the right thing and being foiled.

A few things…
I don’t have the luxury of attending a weekday morning Mass, I have to work for a living.
I am not “shy” about asking for an appointment, but why should I? In this case I showed up at 3:30 on a Saturday afternoon and waited over an hour while he BSed with 7 other people. A priest with a touch of common sense would realize the crowd and/or asked penitents for updates. Plus he is the pastor and damn-well knew he was the only one in the Church. He wasted an hour of my life I will never get back and didn’t even have the common decency to let people know that confession would not run until 5:00PM or send out his lackey at say 4:00 PM to say:“Father is a real Chatty Cathy and can’t give absolution in under 5 minutes, please get up and go to another Church which has normal priests”
That man is not my priest.
He never will be.
Truth is, I should have said, “Not this one…the one who slammed the door in my face last time.” Instead I gave the benefit of the doubt, did the charitable thing and “turned the other cheek” only to have that one sliced open, too.
I have decided to take this to my Bishop, ironically, the last time I went to Confession was to the Bishop, himself…face-to-face.
Again…this must be a Sainted Area for him to hear 7 confessions on a Saturday and today an army of Extraordinary Ministers will help distribute Communion to the parishoners numbering in the thousands. The real tragedy is that some or most of the 15 people behind me, will receive any way. The greater tragedy will be one or two of them turning away from the Church alltogether because of this indifferent priest.
Makes me mad enough to want to kick a puppy.

 

[EvelynEVF]

Nope, this isn’t the way it should be, and you shouldn’t have to waste time in a line that never ends up going anywhere. I think we all agree on that.

But the fact of the matter is, if you want to be guaranteed confession, you’re going to have to be the one to make it happen. If you go right to calling the bishop, the first thing he’s going to want to know is what else have you done to solve the problem at the local level. Have you graciously (and more than once) called the priest to let him know that scheduled times are not working out? Have you asked him what he thinks could be done? I wouldn’t assume he’s BSing. From what I’ve read on these boards, there are a lot of people who don’t know that you’re supposed to be in and out quickly during scheduled times, and just get right down to business immediately.

The guy sounds pretty thoughtless, and it may get you nowhere to talk to him, but I know for sure that if you approach him before you can do it without anger, he’s going to resist you. He’ll tell himself you’re just another whiny crank. Invite him to be part of the solution. If he won’t do it, then you’ll need to find another way, another parish, something.
And then you will be justified in going to your bishop, because you will have done everything you could at the parish level.

 

[Mike_Searson]

Nope, this isn’t the way it should be, and you shouldn’t have to waste time in a line that never ends up going anywhere. I think we all agree on that.

But the fact of the matter is, if you want to be guaranteed confession, you’re going to have to be the one to make it happen. If you go right to calling the bishop, the first thing he’s going to want to know is what else have you done to solve the problem at the local level. Have you graciously (and more than once) called the priest to let him know that scheduled times are not working out? Have you asked him what he thinks could be done? I wouldn’t assume he’s BSing. From what I’ve read on these boards, there are a lot of people who don’t know that you’re supposed to be in and out quickly during scheduled times, and just get right down to business immediately.

The guy sounds pretty thoughtless, and it may get you nowhere to talk to him, but I know for sure that if you approach him before you can do it without anger, he’s going to resist you. He’ll tell himself you’re just another whiny crank. Invite him to be part of the solution. If he won’t do it, then you’ll need to find another way, another parish, something.
And then you will be justified in going to your bishop, because you will have done everything you could at the parish level.

Maybe I was not clear, apologies if I wasn’t.

The first time this happened, last July…this man literally slammed a door in my face and screamed, “GET OUT! NO! GO!” like I was some kind of leper.
The fact that he was a priest is the only reason he got away with that ****.

This is not my local parish, this is just a Church centrally located in the middle of town that’s convenient to get to and to their credit, they usually have 3-4 priests hearing confessions. It was close to my old job so it was usually my “backup church”.

I had gone to my local parish yesterday where there were 20 people in line with one priest already at 3PM, and I knew there was a wedding at 4, so I bailed and drove 20 minutes to this other one.

In all honesty, when I left the gym I should have gone home and had a protein shake…almost two hours had lapsed between my workout and when I finally ate at 4:30. So my gym session for that day was mostly for nothing. I missed confession anyway and still being in mortal sin, I’m going to forgo Mass today and probably next Sunday as well and the Sunday after. Heck, why miss Heaven by an inch…might as well miss it by a mile!

 

[EvelynEVF]

So you went out of your way to make it to confession, hungry and with low blood sugar, and get treated rudely. Now I’ve got it, and I understand your anger. Context matters

Please don’t skip Mass. Just skip Communion. Who knows what God may have for you to hear, or you might run into someone, or something.

 

[jmcrae]

So you went out of your way to make it to confession, hungry and with low blood sugar, and get treated rudely. Now I’ve got it, and I understand your anger. Context matters

Please don’t skip Mass. Just skip Communion. Who knows what God may have for you to hear, or you might run into someone, or something.

Amen, I agree. Don’t take your anger out on your own soul - that’s like poisoning yourself and then hoping your enemy will drop dead - it doesn’t work very well. Go to Mass anyway, and receive what graces you can from it. Pray to God to show you how to handle this situation to everyone’s benefit.

And do let the priest know how upset you were. Just say something like, “I was very upset and disappointed that you didn’t have time to hear my Confession on Saturday. I arrived on time at 3:30, and someone came and told fifteen of us to go away at 4:30. I think that either you need to get more priests to help you, or else you need to not let people talk for such a long time in the Confessional.”

 

[didymus]

I have a little different question: is your confession valid w/o a “firm purpose of amendment”?

I ask because I backslide so easily into the usual sins, how can I really claim that I ever had a “firm purpose of amendment” it looks about as firm as overcooked spaghetti seeing as how actions speak louder than words.

Btw, does anybody else feel like priests give out light penances these days? A couple months ago a priest told me to say one Our Father – I wondered if he had been listening.

 

[Mike_Searson]

I have a little different question: is your confession valid w/o a “firm purpose of amendment”?

I ask because I backslide so easily into the usual sins, how can I really claim that I ever had a “firm purpose of amendment” it looks about as firm as overcooked spaghetti seeing as how actions speak louder than words.

Btw, does anybody else feel like priests give out light penances these days? A couple months ago a priest told me to say one Our Father – I wondered if he had been listening.

I know I try, but feel like Homer Simpson’s old line: “Trying is the first step to failure.”

My biggest sins are anger and my filthy mouth. I have been to the point where I knew my Traditional Priest was going to throw me out of the Confessional and excommunicate me.

But he never did.

My Trad priest gives Rosaries as Penance, the other priests usually tell me to “read the Second reading, think about how much God loves you”, etc. Even the Bishop just gave me an act of Contrition and asked me to say a prayer for him.

Sometimes, I think the real Penance is owning up to what you’ve done and laying it out there and asking for forgiveness. That’s the real hard part.

 

[Mike_Searson]

Amen, I agree. Don’t take your anger out on your own soul - that’s like poisoning yourself and then hoping your enemy will drop dead - it doesn’t work very well. Go to Mass anyway, and receive what graces you can from it. Pray to God to show you how to handle this situation to everyone’s benefit.

And do let the priest know how upset you were. Just say something like, “I was very upset and disappointed that you didn’t have time to hear my Confession on Saturday. I arrived on time at 3:30, and someone came and told fifteen of us to go away at 4:30. I think that either you need to get more priests to help you, or else you need to not let people talk for such a long time in the Confessional.”

I was joking.

This priest does not care, either. He might if I was a different nationality, but I’ll let it go at that.

I think he knows and doesn’t care, I’ll pray for him, but am sure he will have t answer to a Higher Authority for his lukewarm attitude toward the sacraments and encouraging people to receive Him with unclean souls. Men like this are as bad as any other cause of grave scandal in the Church, maybe worse because they refuse to see it and most others pay it no mind.

 

[AHapka]

The real tragedy is that some or most of the 15 people behind me, will receive any way.

Let’s hope that they were only there to confess venial sins, then.

 

[thevickinator16]

I have a little different question: is your confession valid w/o a “firm purpose of amendment”?

I ask because I backslide so easily into the usual sins, how can I really claim that I ever had a “firm purpose of amendment” it looks about as firm as overcooked spaghetti seeing as how actions speak louder than words.

Btw, does anybody else feel like priests give out light penances these days? A couple months ago a priest told me to say one Our Father – I wondered if he had been listening.

Tow of the priest i go to for confession give real different penances than the “older” days. Both give me something to go think about while I sit after confession. One is most likely to say–Spend a few minutes in the peace of our Lord.

At first I thought these were not valid penances, then I realized I get more out of this, then if I said 15 Our Fathers or a host of Rosaries.

It gives me quiet time to reflect, in church, what diffulties i am expierencing and why I commit the sins I do. That is harder than prescribed prayers for me.

God Bless!

 

[ComputerGeek25]

Amen, I agree. Don’t take your anger out on your own soul - that’s like poisoning yourself and then hoping your enemy will drop dead - it doesn’t work very well. Go to Mass anyway, and receive what graces you can from it. Pray to God to show you how to handle this situation to everyone’s benefit.

And do let the priest know how upset you were. Just say something like, “I was very upset and disappointed that you didn’t have time to hear my Confession on Saturday. I arrived on time at 3:30, and someone came and told fifteen of us to go away at 4:30. I think that either you need to get more priests to help you, or else you need to not let people talk for such a long time in the Confessional.”

Me three.

I think that it’s subtle ways like these the devil can drive a wedge between God and yourself - trying to make it harder for you to recieve the sacaraments and make you start doubting them.

I think the important thing to remember is to stay on top of things and not get discouraged. Also, please try to remember that all priests are human and have faults of their own, and the priest shortage (at least in my area) doesn’t make it any easier.

You may want to write a letter with what jmcrae mentions - mention that you patiently waited an hour for him to hear your confession and there were several of you in line. One of the things that really irks me is when people get too chatty in the confessional (the priest or the pentient) when there is a long line during scheduled times. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes some good healing occurs during confession - but if it has been a long time or one needs some specific spirtual direction, please make an appointment.

 

[AHapka]

One of the things that really irks me is when people get too chatty in the confessional (the priest or the pentient) when there is a long line during scheduled times.

Actually, I have mentioned however many people who are remaining, even if I’m done.

There have been times when it’s getting close to Mass and when I open the door to the confessional I’ll say something like “you have four more waiting” or “I’m your last one.”

There have been times where our discussion has veered to non-confession topics and I know there are a lot of people waiting so I’ll say “I saw three more out there.”

My priest seems to really appreciate being given an idea of how many more are waiting, especially as it gets close to Mass. I’d suggest doing the same to everyone. He might hold off on the extraneous talk he might otherwise give if he knows there is a long line.

 

[jmcrae]

Actually, I have mentioned however many people who are remaining, even if I’m done.

There have been times when it’s getting close to Mass and when I open the door to the confessional I’ll say something like “you have four more waiting” or “I’m your last one.”

There have been times where our discussion has veered to non-confession topics and I know there are a lot of people waiting so I’ll say “I saw three more out there.”

My priest seems to really appreciate being given an idea of how many more are waiting, especially as it gets close to Mass. I’d suggest doing the same to everyone. He might hold off on the extraneous talk he might otherwise give if he knows there is a long line.

I’ve had priests ask me how many are there, too.

The place where I usually go to Confession, I’m the only one who ever actually arrives on time. When I go in, I’m the only one in the church, and when I come out, there’s a line-up of five-six people, and by the time I’m done my prayers, the line-up is all the way out the door.

 

[Mike_Searson]

Me three.

I think that it’s subtle ways like these the devil can drive a wedge between God and yourself - trying to make it harder for you to recieve the sacaraments and make you start doubting them.

I wholeheartedly agree. I remember one weekend it was terrible. My regular Church was hosting an EWTN Marian Conference, so I drove to my favorite church which was closed for rennovations that day…I tried navigating the busy streets durring a Downtown Reno Event which took 30 minutes and with 20 minutes to go got stuck waiting for what had to be the world’s longest freight train. That day I ended up in a church where the priest just sat and stared at me because confession was over and it was “social-call” before Mass.

These things always seem to happen before First Friday, a wedding, a First Communion, even once before a night I was getting into a ring to box! I often wonder if some of these priests have lost their Faith or encourage people to not revere the sacramnets by this blase’ attitude.

Still don’t see how they can reason it takes one priest to hear confession for an hour or 2 and it takes 4-8 people to distribute Communion at each Mass.

 

[Mike_Searson]

You may want to write a letter with what jmcrae mentions - mention that you patiently waited an hour for him to hear your confession and there were several of you in line. One of the things that really irks me is when people get too chatty in the confessional (the priest or the pentient) when there is a long line during scheduled times. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes some good healing occurs during confession - but if it has been a long time or one needs some specific spirtual direction, please make an appointment.

I wrote a letter to the Bishop.

On the chatty thing…I had a mortal sin to confess and even detailing it out, I said the whole thing from “Bless me Father” to the Act of Contrition in 2 minutes and 15 seconds to see if I was nuts, with someone using a stop watch.

I don’t see why any confession should be longer than 5 minutes unless you’re a serial killer or been a lapsed Catholic for 25 years etc. I did a General Confession once and listed all Ten Commandments and then some…I think I was still done in 8 minutes.

Those are the people who should be making appointments, not the people who just need absolution so they can receive the next day.

 

[jmcrae]

I wrote a letter to the Bishop.

On the chatty thing…I had a mortal sin to confess and even detailing it out, I said the whole thing from “Bless me Father” to the Act of Contrition in 2 minutes and 15 seconds to see if I was nuts, with someone using a stop watch.

I don’t see why any confession should be longer than 5 minutes unless you’re a serial killer or been a lapsed Catholic for 25 years etc. I did a General Confession once and listed all Ten Commandments and then some…I think I was still done in 8 minutes.

I know what you mean. Other than First Confession, I don’t think I’ve ever taken longer than about 30 seconds to tell my sins, unless the priest wanted extra detail for some reason.