Cooking experiments gone bad

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Sorry I can’t comment. My husband never, compliments me on my cooking…but if his mother made (******) it would be the best he ever tasted.

or his talented ex-wife. She was the perfect cook, perfect mother and kept a spotless house, but couldn’t keep a job.
 
renatas said:
Sorry I can’t comment. My husband never, compliments me on my cooking…but if his mother made (******) it would be the best he ever tasted.

or his talented ex-wife. She was the perfect cook, perfect mother and kept a spotless house, but couldn’t keep a job.
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Oof. Sounds like your husband needs to cook all his own meals from now on.
 
Oh, can I play? I have a horror story but it’s funny and was so mortifying.

The first time I ever tried to make bread, I tried Irish soda bread because it looked easy. The recipe said to bake it in a rectangle cake pan. I have no idea what I did, but it came out of the oven sort of grey, hard as a rock and weighed about 45 pounds. So my brand-new husband, who I was trying so hard to impress, made sympathetic noises and put it in the trash. Later that night he put the trash in the back yard for the trash guys. The next morning we woke up to find this grey, 45 pound rectangluar thing sticking up out of the ground like a tombstone. The dog had gotten into the trash and tried to bury it…it was a very long time before I tried to make bread again…
 
renatas said:
Sorry I can’t comment. My husband never, compliments me on my cooking…but if his mother made (******) it would be the best he ever tasted.

or his talented ex-wife. She was the perfect cook, perfect mother and kept a spotless house, but couldn’t keep a job.
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Oh, I’m sorry renatas.😦 I know things have been tough between you and your husband. You are in my prayers. :console:

I bet you’re a great cook, something just tells me that. :o
 
FickleFreckled said:
Oh, can I play? I have a horror story but it’s funny and was so mortifying.

The first time I ever tried to make bread, I tried Irish soda bread because it looked easy. The recipe said to bake it in a rectangle cake pan. I have no idea what I did, but it came out of the oven sort of grey, hard as a rock and weighed about 45 pounds. So my brand-new husband, who I was trying so hard to impress, made sympathetic noises and put it in the trash. Later that night he put the trash in the back yard for the trash guys. The next morning we woke up to find this grey, 45 pound rectangluar thing sticking up out of the ground like a tombstone. The dog had gotten into the trash and tried to bury it…it was a very long time before I tried to make bread again…
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:rotfl: You win for the funniest cooking story–EVER!

It’s okay to laugh, right? 😊 😃
 
I should add…to this day, I still can’t figure out how to make jell-o. You’d think this would be super easy, but it must be between turning the stove on, and boiling water, that completely throws me. :rolleyes: Really…It is a frustrating mystery to me.

God is a good matchmaker. He brought my husband and I together, he’s the cook…I’m the baker…I really think that while I could learn how to become a better cook, through classes, and what not…there is a talent that my husband and sister, and people like Paula Deen, etc just…have. Are born with.

I dunno. 🤷
 
whatevergirl said:
I have made chicken in a crock pot…and it came quite good, but tell me, why doesn’t cream of mushroom soup work…does it burn and stick to the sides? :confused:
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Smells terrible and does something to the chicken that is on par with mummification.
 
whatevergirl said:
ramen …from scratch? :ehh: Bragger! 😃

No, that is really outstanding.:yup: I’d love to learn how to make that. I don’t make very good soup, actually. I stopped trying a while ago. I do make a very good chili, and most italian dishes. I also make great stuffed cabbage. But, like you, JW–sometimes my stuff is too bland.
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Ramen from scratch (serves four):

6 oz stewing pork, cut into small cubes
3 or 4 long stems of green onion, chopped
8 to 10 mushrooms, sliced (optional)
1/4 cup mild soy sauce
2 Tbsp chili pepper paste (I suppose you could use powder)
2 Tbsp Tabasco or Louisiana hot sauce
2 or 3 fresh red and green chilis, chopped (optional)
a handful of very finely chopped veggies (optional)
salt and pepper to taste
6 to 8 cups of water
fresh or dried ramen noodles (without the flavour packets)
four soft-boiled eggs, cut in halves (optional)


  1. *]Fry the pork, onions, and mushrooms in the bottom of a fair-sized saucepan. (The pork I use is fatty enough not to need oil. Use oil if you’re using lean pork.)
    *]Add the soy sauce, pepper paste, hot sauce, chilis, veggies, salt, pepper and water. Let it simmer for a good 15 minutes or so. Use a spoon to taste it, and adjust the flavouring to taste - you might need more soy sauce or water. If it’s bland, you could add a cube of that soup stock stuff, or one or two of the ramen flavour pouches if you’re using dried ramen noodles.
    *]About three or four minutes before you’re ready to eat, add the ramen noodles and soft-boiled eggs. Cook until the noodles are done - two minutes or so for fresh noodles, and three to four minutes for dried noodles.
    *]Enjoy!
 
I can’t bake to save my life and am so jealous of people who can. And I hate most breaded things so never learned to make fried chicken, either. I know! And me, a southerner! It’s blasphemy! But I do like to experiment. Give me an avacado, an onion, a little seafood and some strange peppers and I can have a field day.

(Yes, whatevergirl - PLEASE laugh at the bread story…)
 
FickleFreckled said:
I can’t bake to save my life and am so jealous of people who can. And I hate most breaded things so never learned to make fried chicken, either. I know! And me, a southerner! It’s blasphemy! But I do like to experiment. Give me an avacado, an onion, a little seafood and some strange peppers and I can have a field day.

(Yes, whatevergirl - PLEASE laugh at the bread story…)
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You know, I learned how to make fried chicken this year, too. My boyfriend loves homemade fried chicken. I never really had fried chicken growing up - I’m from Western Canada, and my mom is British - it just wasn’t part of our heritage. Apparently I haven’t perfected the recipe (or maybe I just don’t like it enough to put the effort in), because my boyfriend has offered to be the one to cook fried chicken in future. 😉

The thing with baking is that you have to have a feel for how things should look at various stages of baking. It helps to learn from someone who’s good at it. Also, you have to be willing to eat the mistakes! One of my coworkers is always asking me for advice about how to improve her bread and cookies, but it’s hard to describe what the texture of the dough should be like… you just need to see it and feel it yourself.
 
peregrinus_WA said:
Smells terrible and does something to the chicken that is on par with mummification.
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Maybe your soup is bad…🤷 …or the brand is odd…

I use Campbells cream of mushroom soup in the crockpot and have never had a problem - with chicken, beef, or pork…🤷
 
My most embarrassing cooking faux pas was when I was probably about 16 or 17. It was Thanksgiving, and I was in charge of making the mashed potatoes. I boiled the potatoes, salted them, peppered them, added the milk and mashed them. I guess they did not cook thoroughly, because they were very fibrous. So I added more milk, thinking it would help moisten the potatoes and make them creamier. No dice. More butter, more milk. It became too runny, so I boiled more potatoes and added them to the mix. You’d think that would help, but noooooo. After boiling, mashing, and mixing in the new potatoes, all of a sudden, there was just this big pot of PASTE!! It actually tasted ok, but the consistency was horrendous.
The brother of my mother’s best friend was in town, so Mom invited him for Thanksgiving dinner. Mr. Bill was blind, so we passed him all the dishes as he asked for them. When he got to the potatoes, I told him they weren’t quite up to par, and in fact he could skip them if he didn’t like paste. 😊 He just smiled, said “I’m sure they taste just fine”, and helped himself to a good size portion. He made my day. I had wanted to cry because they were so bad, but he made me feel good just by trying them even after I described them.
 
There was the time I tried to make fried rice - by frying uncooked rice! Yeah - I was 16.

And the time I tried to reproduce some yummy thing I had had in a restaurant. It involved English muffins, cheese, and mushrooms; I forget what else. So I sauteed the mushrooms and other stuff, then added the cheese.

I hadn’t realized that it was a cheese sauce, and didn’t know how to make one, anyway. Plus, it was a light colored cheese, like Jack. It picked up all the browned and burnt bits, which looked awful. And it didn’t pull everything together, but just made blobs of stringy cheese. It was truly one of the most awful-looking dishes I have ever seen.

But, being poor, I stuck it on the English muffins and ate it. It turned out to be yummy - as long as I didn’t look at it!

That may have been when I discovered that cheese, especially Jack, is good when burnt just a wee bit, enough to make it crispy!

I think I’ve already told the tale of the Mexican casserole from scratch, and the “cumin”…

God bless us all!

Ruthie
 
Just_wondering said:
You know, I learned how to make fried chicken this year, too. My boyfriend loves homemade fried chicken. I never really had fried chicken growing up - I’m from Western Canada, and my mom is British - it just wasn’t part of our heritage. Apparently I haven’t perfected the recipe (or maybe I just don’t like it enough to put the effort in), because my boyfriend has offered to be the one to cook fried chicken in future.

.
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my foolproof recipe, even the side of the family from Kentucky love it, buy it in the red bucket, put it on a baking sheet and warm it in the oven at low, low heat, 200, for about 15 minutes. this gives you enough time to make instant mashed potatoes and open a jar of gravy and heat it. mmmmm

I also made something that should have been good, red cabbage with raspberries and raspberry vinegear and sugar, but yeeechh. what a waste of good rasberries.
 
you need chickens. whenever I make a terrible meal, it (or at least the leftovers) goes right out to the chickens. they love it all and I don’t waste it that way! lol, and get eggs out of the deal! 🙂

but yeah, I have made some doozies too. Thank God DH has a sence of humor and chokes it down with me as the smoke detector is going off…
 
The one thing I really had problems with when I was first learning to cook was soup. There was one time I went to make a phone call, which took a lot longer than expected, and came back and the soup had burnt 😦

Then there’s the time I made pumpkin soup, forgot to take the seeds out of the pumpkin, and just blended it seeds and all … what WAS I thinking! :o
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by FickleFreckled forums.catholic-questions.org/images/buttons_cab/viewpost.gif
*Oh, can I play? I have a horror story but it’s funny and was so mortifying.
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The first time I ever tried to make bread, I tried Irish soda bread because it looked easy. The recipe said to bake it in a rectangle cake pan. I have no idea what I did, but it came out of the oven sort of grey, hard as a rock and weighed about 45 pounds. So my brand-new husband, who I was trying so hard to impress, made sympathetic noises and put it in the trash. Later that night he put the trash in the back yard for the trash guys. The next morning we woke up to find this grey, 45 pound rectangluar thing sticking up out of the ground like a tombstone. The dog had gotten into the trash and tried to bury it…it was a very long time before I tried to make bread again…*
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:rotfl: You win for the funniest cooking story–EVER!
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It’s okay to laugh, right? 😊 😃
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FUNNIEST COOKING STORY I’VE HEARD!!!

I second the motion, Whatever Girl, to unanimously declare this to be the winner!!!:yeah_me: (I just can’t get that image of the
loaf in the ground out of my mind!!!):rotfl::rotfl:

(P.S. Hope you’re not offended Fickle Freckled) 😊
 
babesinarms said:
FUNNIEST COOKING STORY I’VE HEARD!!!

I second the motion, Whatever Girl, to unanimously declare this to be the winner!!!:yeah_me: (I just can’t get that image of the
loaf in the ground out of my mind!!!):rotfl::rotfl:

(P.S. Hope you’re not offended Fickle Freckled) 😊
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LOL–The trophy smiley is perfect for this occasion!

Fickle Freckled…we are laughing with you, not at you. lol 😃 Really, that’s a priceless story.:o
 
Laugh away…that’s why I posted it! It’s been 30 years; I still can’t make bread worth a hoot but the memory still cracks me up.
 
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