Coping with depression

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vluvski said:
Yes, we’ve made an appointment for two weeks from now. He’ll be on vacation next week.

I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I’m mortified at telling our priest. I thought I was going to throw up after I called to make the appt. It’s pride, I know, and I shouldn’t be ashamed of an illness, but still.
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Your priest has SURELY seen this before. Think of it this way…do you think any less of the folks here who have told you about their struggles with the same illness? I’m betting not. You don’t think we’re weak, or spoiled, or crazy. You’re not either.

Depression can go hand in hand with anxiety. If that’s the case for you, don’t let it keep you away from things and people that can help.

You’re in my prayers,
 
vluvski said:
Maryam, thanks for the suggestions. I think the opposite is true for me. When I’m depressed, I could sleep all day just to avoid having to face my bad feelings. The feelings are still there when I wake up, plus I feel guilty for not having accomplished anything.

It really complicates treatment since the same symptoms (ie depression) can have such different causes and cures in different people.
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You are quite right in that each person may not respond in the same way to the different ways of handling depression… I guess I am the weird bird in the depression ranks for I am more a hyper live wire and don’t sleep enough. lol I can stay up for days at a time. (Can you say Major Insomnia :eek: ) But it is strange that although I don’t rest enough I still have that void of no motivation to do anything and have the emptiness of depression hanging over me all the time… go figure 🤷

Each person with depression is their own little universe unto themselves… In not knowing you personally I just thought something that helps me could help you… I wish I could sleep for long periods… Funny what one wishes they didn’t have the other desires (sleeping)… 😛

Take care and PM any time…

Your Fellow Comrade in Depression (24 years club membership and counting)

God bless
 
vluvski,

Forgive me if I’m projecting and this doesn’t apply to your situation, but I am wondering if it would help you a lot if your husband could “let go” a bit and allow you to go outdoors on walks by yourself. I know that this activity helps me so much when I am down (and helps me stay feeling good if I keep up with it daily). A very important component of my walks/jogs is being alone. If someone insists on going with me, I don’t feel refreshed after the walk. When I am alone outdoors, it brings me closer to God in prayer and I am more able to respond healthily to whatever life brings me. I would feel so very trapped if someone took my walks away from me.

Maybe you’re not like me in this way, but if you are, it might be worth the long discussion with your husband to get him to realize how valuable such outings could be for you.
 
JezuUfamTobie said:
vluvski,

Forgive me if I’m projecting and this doesn’t apply to your situation, but I am wondering if it would help you a lot if your husband could “let go” a bit and allow you to go outdoors on walks by yourself…
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Or get a dog that is big enough to look threatening;)

Malia
 
*Was looking around on the forums-came across yours.

Did the doctor diagnose you? When you say you are getting help does that mean medication or therapy or what? Don’t mean to pry but was not clear.

Can you at least walk up and down your street? What kind of neighborhood are you in that is so unsafe? Carry a stick (large).
Can you walk with a neighbor?

Can you goo to a mall or park to walk/skate then? Skating at a park is free.

Sorry so many questions when you need answers.*
 
You might try vitamin B-12. You only absorb about 2% from a swallowed pill, so it’s recommended to take them sublingually, under the tongue.

A health group that I’ve found to be very accurate recommends it for depression. I guess B-12 is hard to get in our diet today, our bodies can’t make it, and it’s crucial for our nervous systems. Our bodies do recycle it fairly well which is why it’s not obvious when we change our diet that reduces it. (Raw liver is the best food source. Yuck!) Vegetarians can not see a problem for as long as 5 or 6 years.

A friend, my son, and I have noticed that drinking kumbucha tea helps depression a lot. It has lots of B vitamins and other goodies. Some people sell a bottled kumbucha tea, but I’ve heard that bottling kills it and drastically reduces the benefits. You have to ferment you own. It’s really cheap after you get your “mushroom”. And if you know anyone that makes it, they’ll probably give you an extra. Look up kumbucha on the internet to find out more. When i first drank it, I held my nose and chugged it down (it’s like a sour/vinagary apple juice). Now it’s my preferred drink.
 
I was officially diagnosed in high school, and am not receiving medical care this time, only counseling. The meds I was on helped, sort of, but made me feel awful. Just edgy and hyper and not like myself. It was Effexor or something, which I later found out is primarily for anxiety, not depression.

I do know that right now, anxiety has a lot to do with it. We’re barely keeping our heads about water paying for the house since I had to quit my job, and unable to repay my grandfather. DH doesn’t ‘get it’ and insists he can still enjoy his small pleasures. He signed up for a 200 dollar hockey season, and guess where he is right now- golfing, 55 bucks. And oh, by the way honey, I HAVE to have new shoes and clubs or I’ll be too embarrassed to go golfing with my coworkers. If you suggest standing up to him or putting my foot down, you don’t know my husband. For the sake of charity, I won’t elaborate. He’s just… difficult.
 
cecilia97 said:
Depression can go hand in hand with anxiety. If that’s the case for you, don’t let it keep you away from things and people that can help.

You’re in my prayers,
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You sound more anxious (and have reason to be) than depressed.
It doesn’t sound like your doctor officially diagnosed depression but may have thought you were experiencing anxiety about what was going on in your life.

F’s wife wrote this:
Men are, by nature, “fixers”. So, when they come across a problem that has no easy solution, they get frustrated. Often that frustration comes out in the wrong ways and they themselves don’t know how to handle it.

Your husband doesn’t sound like he is a “fixer” or has a clue to your situation or about responsibility. He doesn’t sound frustrated, but wants to ignore the problem(s) and not deal with anything. He sounds like part of the problem. How old is he? He doesn’t sound very mature; more like self-centered. 😦 Hope the priest can help.

I’ll be praying for you both. Pray for yourself. If it’s a pretty day, get out and do something.
 
Even though you have a history of depression and/or a biological predisposition toward it, it seems to me that the marital dynamic (and other circumstances) you’re describing would make *most *women feel lonely, sad, and discouraged. As you know, depression can be situational, not just biological.

You can kick me if I’m intruding too much, but it appears that your DH has some things to work on. 😦 It’s going be quite difficult (though not impossible) for you to get back on your feet if he keeps on behaving in the manner you have described.

Please consider that in cases in which his preferences are not good for your health, you would be wise to care for your needs (physical, mental, spiritual) ahead of his preferences whenever possible. Most especially since he doesn’t seem to be looking out for your needs, given what you’ve described. If dialogue with your own spouse is impossible, this is a bigger problem than any health troubles you might be suffering. Again, I might be projecting too much of my own personality into your situation, but if I had a husband who shut me down when I tried to broach subjects of great importance, that problem would need to be solved quickly or I would be extremely unhappy.
 
He refuses to genuinely consider the possibility that his behavior is a contributing factor. He’ll go through these phases (lasting about 20 minutes) where he tells me how sorry he is about the times he hasn’t been understanding, yada yada. But he insists that I “have a problem” when it comes to money and frugality, and that he won’t contribute by behaving as if we’re poor.

I hate to talk poorly of DH, because he really is quite wonderful in many ways. He just doesn’t get it, though, when it comes to my feelings and practices regarding spending.

gabangel, I agree that my husband’s behavior is quite immature and self-centered at times. He just gets down on himself if I point it out to him, though.

Hopefully our priest will be able to mediate some of these conflicts. We were seeing a great Catholic counselor, but can’t afford it anymore.
 
You’re a newlywed, you’ve just moved to a new part of the country, bought a house, and are unemployed. That’s a lot of stuff to happen all at once. I think even if you did not have a tendency to fall into depression, you’d be having a hard time. Anyone would. I do realize that there are plenty of nice things associated with all of these changes, but even so all of these can be stressfull to deal with and having to deal with so much at once is probably what has you off balance.

My random little bits of advice from someone who seems to have a habit of collecting a lot of things on her plate and then feeling like shutting down would be:
  1. Eat a balanced diet with plenty of fresh green leafy vegetables. Drink plenty of water.
  2. Make sure you get out of the house every day. Going to daily Mass like you are doing is great. See if you can find one or two other things to add on to that each day.
  3. You live in an area that has lots of great stuff nearby that is free or nearly free. Why don’t you and your husband take some time being tourists on weekends. Places I like that are near you: The Inner Harbor, Fell’s Point, The Walters Museum, Ft. McHenry, The Smithsmonian (just pick one or two museums each time you visit - the National Arboretum there is beautiful), The C&O canal, Harper’sFerry (OK, this costs but once it really warms up try kayaking on the Potomac or Shenandoah – River & Trail Outfiter’s in Knoxville, MD makes it easy to do), Gettysburg, downtown Frederick is beautiful and easy going to walk around as is New Market, drive down to VA and visit Mount Vernon, or for a getaway weekend Monticello, drive the Blue Ridge Parkway, go pick your own fruits and veggies at Larryland Farms in Laytonsville…I’m sure I’ve left a lot of stuff off, but you’ve got the idea…
  4. Try to regularly think about something that you are worried about or are putting off doing, and just go and do it. It is so much easier to do something than it is to worry about it. This can be a real sense of freedom.
  5. Not that this should be last on the list by any means, but pray the rosary and go to adoration. I’m sure you already knew that though. Well, I’m praying for you, OK?
I’m not really sure what to suggest for your husband other than maybe letting him know that he is not resonsible for your moods.
 
I know you guys are newlyweds. I think your hubby is having a hard time adjusting from a single person who doesn’t have to answer to anyone how he spends his money to husband who has another person’s opinion and responsibilites he needs to consider. It’s not that uncommon in the first few years of marriage to have bumps in the road like this. It’s good that you are seeing a priest. Maybe you could try a marriage encounter weekend. They ask for a small deposit up front and then a donation of whatever you can if afford (if you can afford it) at the end of the weekend.

Effexor can be used for depression. My hubby was on that for a while but there are many more more different meds they can try, not all make you feel the same way. My hubby had to try three of four before we found one that worked for him. So just because one didn’t work or made you feel weird doesn’t mean they all will.

Question-do you handle the bill paying or does he? If you are the one writing out the checks for the money bills and keeping track of the money -give that responsibilty to him. I don’t say this to be sexist - I do the bills too and when the funds aren’t there the stress is enormous. Since your hubby doesn’t see a problem spending money you don’t have, give him the responsibilty of figuring out how he is going to pay for his expenditures. Let him deal with the consequences of his own behavior.

Being newlyweds can be hard. Two people adjusting to living as a couple under one roof, with all the changes marriage brings -it’s not all hearts and flowers, I definately would not want to go to those times. Keep working on your marriage -with counseling when you can afford it, counsel from your priest, marriage encounter if possible, any couple type presentations put on at your parish or even surrounding parishes. Years down the road you can tease your hubby about what an immature pain in a** he was. 😃 I do quite regularly.😉

Hang in there. I will keep you both in my prayers.
 
Hello. As one who has been suffering from clinical depression also perhaps I can offer some advice. Are you under the care of a psychiatrist? Sometimes depression is chemical or partly a chemical imbalance in the brain and you may need a medication. Having said that, medication and counselling works together. I strongly advise a Catholic counsellor or at least a Christian counsellor. Most insurance companies do pay for behavioral health. There shouldn’t be a stigma associated with going to a psychologist anymore.

There are other things you can do, for instance you mentioned exercise. How about water exercise? A lot of Y’s have water exercise, so do hospitals. I’m taking a water exercise/strenghtening class and I do notice it helping my depression as well as my arthritis and fibromyalgia.

You can take up some kind of hobby, beading or quilting? Or volunteering in the food pantry or hospital? It would get you out of the house and take your mind away from yourself.

Also, I recommend asking St. Dymphna (patron saint of nervous and mental disorders) to intercede with your depression. The phone # to the National shrine of St. Dymphna is 330-833-8478. (they also have a web site) The annual membership is only $2 and they will keep you in their prayers and masses. :gopray:
 
You are not alone been down that road but I can honestly say that I do not have that problem anymore and have not suffered from it in over a year. I am 32 years old and for 7 years I suffered with severe depression.

My depression started in 1998 when I lost my mother and 2 months later I found out my husband was cheating on me and he wanted a divorce. Had my first breakdown then was hospitalised and there after was on antidepressants for years and seen the Psychiatrist every six months etc. There were even times when I had chronic pain. Could not get out of the bed sometimes, could not walk was in agony. Went from one specialist to another. When back to Psychiatrist he said it is depression. During those years I had about 3 or 4 breakdowns. Then in 2005 I found out again that my husband was cheating on me with a 19 year old. I took a overdose and landed up in hospital. There after I decided this marriage was just not worth it. Even though I was in it for 12 years there was physical and emotional abuse. I thought staying because it is the right thing to do and also because it was wrong to get divorced. I stayed because of the childrens sake, because I did not want to be alone. I tolerated all the grief, hurt and pain that he dished out to me. He did not want me to have friends or to go anywhere. He was jealous of even my family. And the family and me had a falling out and we never spoke to each other for over a year. My job was even suffering because my depression affected my job. There were times when I could not even get to work not only because I was bruised up and beaten up but the depression was controlling me.

He left and went to stay with the teenager who is got pregnant. A month later I had my 4th Breakdown and landed back in hospital when I found out this young girl was pregnant.

The Psychiatrist said to me this cannot go on any longer the same problem over and over again, year in and year out. He recommended I go for Electroconvulsive Treatment. It is like shock treatment. I had three sessions down that was in 2006 since them I have not suffered from depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts nothing. But also my husband and I are no longer together so that was 80% of the problem.

The treatment does work I can honestly say that there are times when I feel a little down but the depression is not so severe anymore that I need medication to get me through. And also that I have made the decision to not be in that situation anymore. There comes a time in your life where you say enough is enough. And I am so blessed to have God in my life because he has shown me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and when you have faith and believe in him you can acccomplish anything and everything.
 
You are not alone been down that road but I can honestly say that I do not have that problem anymore and have not suffered from it in over a year. I am 32 years old and for 7 years I suffered with severe depression.

My depression started in 1998 when I lost my mother and 2 months later I found out my husband was cheating on me and he wanted a divorce. Had my first breakdown then was hospitalised and there after was on antidepressants for years and seen the Psychiatrist every six months etc. There were even times when I had chronic pain. Could not get out of the bed sometimes, could not walk was in agony. Went from one specialist to another. When back to Psychiatrist he said it is depression. During those years I had about 3 or 4 breakdowns. Then in 2005 I found out again that my husband was cheating on me with a 19 year old. I took a overdose and landed up in hospital. There after I decided this marriage was just not worth it. Even though I was in it for 12 years there was physical and emotional abuse. I thought staying because it is the right thing to do and also because it was wrong to get divorced. I stayed because of the childrens sake, because I did not want to be alone. I tolerated all the grief, hurt and pain that he dished out to me. He did not want me to have friends or to go anywhere. He was jealous of even my family. And the family and me had a falling out and we never spoke to each other for over a year. My job was even suffering because my depression affected my job. There were times when I could not even get to work not only because I was bruised up and beaten up but the depression was controlling me.

He left and went to stay with the teenager who is got pregnant. A month later I had my 4th Breakdown and landed back in hospital when I found out this young girl was pregnant.

The Psychiatrist said to me this cannot go on any longer the same problem over and over again, year in and year out. He recommended I go for Electroconvulsive Treatment. It is like shock treatment. I had three sessions down that was in 2006 since them I have not suffered from depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts nothing. But also my husband and I are no longer together so that was 80% of the problem.

The treatment does work I can honestly say that there are times when I feel a little down but the depression is not so severe anymore that I need medication to get me through. And also that I have made the decision to not be in that situation anymore. There comes a time in your life where you say enough is enough. And I am so blessed to have God in my life because he has shown me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and when you have faith and believe in him you can acccomplish anything and everything.
 
I, too, suffer from clinical depression. I have been fighting this diagnosis for a long time, and have just recently fully accepted that this is what I have - but it is not who I am.

All the advice others have posted is wonderful, and I agree with all of it.

Your husband seems to be projecting his own emotional loss from his childhood onto you. It seems he has you confused with his mother, and your illness confused with hers.

I think it would help him to talk to a therapist about this and see if he can come to a healthy acceptance and forgiveness of his mother’s illness. I think that will help him accept yours and be the support that you need.

I realize finances are a big problem, but the help you could receive from good counseling is priceless.

You may be able to find a Catholic therapist in your area by checking out www.catholictherapists.com
or just do a google search for Catholic or Christian therapists.

I will keep you both in my prayers.

Margie
 
Hi, I want you to know that you are in my prayers-I hope you will go to the doctor and get a check up-you might have a chemical imbalance which is a physical thing and can be helped with medication. I am a social worker who has worked with people with depression and it is amazing how this can help. I am very proud of you that you are getting up to go to mass in the mornings!! Jesus will lead you to what you should do, I will pray that you will be given energy and hope, and please remember that there are people out here who care about you and are praying for you.
 
oh, me again-I was just reading what people wrote to you and I don’t think they should be judging your husband…we don’t know the whole story, and I think that isn’t very encouraging to you for people to talk like that about him who they don’t even know…It can be hard to live with someone who is depressed, he probably feels helpless and doesn’t understand how to help you…men sometimes aren’t as sensitive, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you and he is probably mainly just worried about you. You are NOT alone, you have a husband and family and a church family who all care about you. I hope you feel better.
Here is a hug
HUG
 
vluvski said:
I have clinical depression, always have on and off.

How can you state you have clinical depression if you haven’t been officially diagnosed with it except for being given meds for anxiety as you said in a later post? Are you labeling yourself hence your D?H calling you bipolar…quite cruel and mean!

With all the stress going on, it has gotten really REALLY bad. No need to worry, I am not going to haul off and kill myself, and I am getting help. I do have a lot of stressful things going on in my life right now, but absolutely nothing to merit this despair and angst.
Most people would feel stress with all you have going on and not want to get up and face the world.
That’s what makes it so embarrassing- on a rational level, I know it doesn’t make sense. I’ve got a great family, great husband, great friends, great parish; we own a house and we’re making ends meet despite my lack of a job. I just can’t seem to feel good. The only thing keeping my from laying in bed all day is going to daily Mass each morning.You are being given a gift to be able to go to Mass daily…so many of us can’t! Use it to just let Jesus in the Eucharist take care of you and heal you of all stress. Ask for the Holy Spirit to help you use the gifts you were given.

How can I help my husband cope with my condition? Still not sure this is a “condition” or just a very distressing time for you.
He is worried and angry and resentful. He walks around all evening with his lips pursed, and seems less mad at me when I am acting depressed, and calls me bipolar when I try to be positive or think of something fun for us to do.
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Does he do this only when he thinks you are down or all the time you suggest something to do? He must not know you very well. Hope he doesn’t use this all of the time to hurt you and make you feel small. Counseling is in order as well as prayer. I will pray for you both.

I read further down you are going to see your priest. I hope he has lots of experience with talking to couples as some don’t. I think age and wisdom are important here so check around to see if there are priests who have counseling backgrounds. I also have feelings of dread to see my own priest about personal matters. I don’t even like to go to Confession to my own pastor.😊 Makes me feel awkward whether it’s right or wrong.

Good advice from others about watching your diet and exercise. B vitamins, Omega 3, echinacea,St John’s wort, and exercise often. Your body, mind and spirit are a temple of the Lord. Praying for you.:gopray:
 
vluvski,

I have dealt with both postpartum and chronic depression, the latter for 6 years now. What has helped me most is undoubtedly medication (!), honest communication with my doctor, trying to remove any feelings of failure on my part (and by that I mean there is still such a stigma attached to depression, it still being called a “mental” illness rather than a physiological condition) and asking my husband to be a partner with me in monitoring and controlling the depression. On a “good” day, I asked my husband to help me by gently pointing out when he felt things were “off” for me (if I was overly angry, sad, removed, etc.) or by gently asking if I had remembered to take my meds lately, which when I get busy I can forget. I, in turn, agreed not to take his questions personally or by reacting in anger when he does ask, since I am not the most objective at monitoring my condition. If your husband can be brought on board to be your ally, your partner in treatment, that might help quite a bit. Also, education, education, education. My husband did not know anything about clinical depression, but after reading about it and having me explain it to him in clearly medical terms (as an imbalance of neurotransmitters), he didn’t feel as helpless and was able to understand what he needed to watch out for with me. I now see my kids doing the same thing, such as when I get angry at them for something (appropriate anger, I might add), they ask me if I’ve taken my meds 🙂 They think it’s funny and it sure does diffuse the situation fast!

Hope this helps. As others have said, know that you are not alone! (My signature line below is my motto for a reason!)
 
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