Costs of a wedding--a Christian view

[rapunzel77]

Whaaaaat?! Why on earth would the church take advantage of young engaged couples like that? I needed a convalidation because during my conversion process, it was discovered that I was baptized in the Catholic church as an infant, so my marriage wasn’t seen as valid. The convalidation was absolutely free! We just went to the church at the time the priest and my husband arranged, had our new friends and witnesses join us, along with our children, and got hitched…again. Can’t engaged couples do this, too?

Nope. Engaged couples have to attend pre-cana or engaged encounter which costs money. Then there is the FOCCUS test and then there is the NFP classes that are not required in my diocese. That cost us about 200 dollars. Sadly, the Church can be just as bad as other wedding vendors. Again, look at my previous post. The going rate at my parish to get married is $1,000. Other parishes might charge $1,200. Its sad .

 

[mommamaree]

Nope. Engaged couples have to attend pre-cana or engaged encounter which costs money. Then there is the FOCCUS test and then there is the NFP classes that are not required in my diocese. That cost us about 200 dollars. Sadly, the Church can be just as bad as other wedding vendors. Again, look at my previous post. The going rate at my parish to get married is $1,000. Other parishes might charge $1,200. Its sad .

Is this even for active members of the parish - attending mass each Sunday, tithing using the envelope system or checks?

 

[mommamaree]

We also had to pay for the CCL materials, but that was not a requirement for convalidation, nor is it for engaged couples marrying in the parish.

 

[agapewolf]

Nope. Engaged couples have to attend pre-cana or engaged encounter which costs money. Then there is the FOCCUS test and then there is the NFP classes that are not required in my diocese. That cost us about 200 dollars. Sadly, the Church can be just as bad as other wedding vendors. Again, look at my previous post. The going rate at my parish to get married is $1,000. Other parishes might charge $1,200. Its sad .

How much would it be to rent another site for the same amount of time, invite all your friends and family into it, decorate it and have it for your personal use? I don’t understand why people have such a hard time with this cost. One could get married at an already scheduled mass without all the hoopla for nothing.

People put their value where their money goes.

 

[tafan]

Our parish does not charge for use of church for parishioner’s weddings. A catholic parish has a very important responsibility to provide the sacraments to people. This is NOT a service it can charge for. Period. It is a bad practise that somehow got started and spread everywhere. Our pastor put a stop to it on these grounds and he is correct.

Simple question: if someone wanted to get married at your parish and declined to pay the fee, would they be refused? If yes, that is a very bad state of affairs.

 

[jilly4ski]

Including church/prep costs our wedding and reception for just over 100 people was about $8000 or a little under. (I think, my memory is a little fuzzy, since I despised wedding planning). This is including the things that people generously paid for us and things we paid for ourselves. My parents had said they would pay for the church and dh’s parents said they would pay for the booze (ah priorities ). But when it actually came down to it, I think my parents actually paid for the church, my dress and veil and dh’s parents gave us a large sum for the reception and the homemade invites. But initially we had been responsible for paying for everything.

-We did this by having a buffet style dinner, the free center pieces that the hall provided, no coverings on the chairs, no extra decorations in the hall, among other things. This freed up money to offer a keg of beer for our guests free of charge (which my FiL offered to pay for, because it was very important for that side of the family ).

-We got a photographer from craigslist, who instead of keeping the rights to our photos gave us the electronic copies of our photos so we could get prints where ever we wanted.

-We limited the time of the DJ to when people would actually dance.

-I made all the bridesmaids bouquets and other flower things. (I did get a real bouquet for myself, but if you are only getting one, it is pretty affordable. )

-My dress was rather expensive, though an “off the rack” about $700. I bought a veil but used my SiL’s underskirt, and I used an old pair of shoes that I already owned. (I also didn’t need much alterations, just the bustle, because I got a lace up dress, and used “high” heels in order to avoid the hemming).

-We (well my Mil) bought blank invites and printed them off ourselves so that the postage was more expensive than the invites.

-we got a small(ish) cake, with a sheet cake to actually feed the guests. $300 total, but it was yummy, with a strawberry filling.

-The music for my wedding was kind of expensive. $150 for the coordinator/pianist and 2 other musicians for $75 each. My SiL sang for free.

-$100 gift/donation for the priest

-The Church and prep was also expensive. I think all together it was $800, but I would have to ask my mom for sure (600 for the church for members), this was one expense they decided to help us with.

A lot of expense though is dependent on where you live. I got married in the midwest, but near a major metropolitan area. I am sure it was a lot cheaper than if I had done the same things in NYC or LA. If you get married in the rural areas it is even cheaper.

Other expenses are cultural or family expectations. This isn’t bad per se. I have a large extended family and it is “custom” in our family to invite and entertain, with food and music, all the aunts, uncles, cousin’s and cousin’s kids if they choose to come. Because of that, we only invite a small sampling of our friends to keep costs down and to keep the awkward factor down. (all my friends sat at 1 table seating 8). Weddings in my family (mom’s side) are de facto family reunions.

 

[aicirt]

1915 Grandma and Grandpa got married in St. Pat’s NYC and went home to celebrate with their attendants and family. Friends stopped by for cake.

1941 Mom and Dad got married in Church followed by reception at bride’s home. Grandma made wonderful shrimp salad (so I was told not being there) and other foods with help from family and friends. Honeymoon was a week in FL driving down in a borrowed car.

1965 Got married in same Church as Mom with dinner, dancing, and cake after for 100 people at cost of $650 for all including liquor and live music. My dress was used in a fashion show and,therefore, was marked down to $10. Regular price was $160…WOW! Hubby was gainfully employed going to college nights on his own and I was nine months out of college. Didn’t owe a dime. Had nothing.

Having sons doesn’t afford one the information re. the cost of the events. Both were modest compared to the over the top things one sees today.

The second of the two was paid for by the groom as he was older and established in business. Best wedding we were ever at!! Just lovely.

I would not, under any circumstances, go into debt for a kid’s wedding where I had to give up any thought of retirement. That is so selfish.

 

[HouseArrest]

We had what would be considered an expensive wedding according to the chart in the article. I have a really big family, was close to my cousins growing up, and wanted them all at the wedding. I don’t believe we focused too much on the reception, though, we prepared for the marriage just as much as we prepared for the party afterward. We decided on our date, location, photographer, band, flowers, etc., paid the bill and that was that. There is really not a whole lot to do unless you’re one of those people who obsess over song lists and the like.

We got married a little older, I was 27 and had been working a few years as was my husband. We were engaged for a year, so we just paid as we went. Sure we had car loans, student loans, and we each had rent to pay - but basically that is what our extra money went towards for the year. Not much debt at all.

I’d do it all over again. We also have big parties for our kids’ FHCs. We like to make big deals out of sacraments. If you’re not going to celebrate those, what are you going to celebrate??

 

[rapunzel77]

Is this even for active members of the parish - attending mass each Sunday, tithing using the envelope system or checks?

Yes. It is around here.

 

[agapewolf]

Our parish does not charge for use of church for parishioner’s weddings. A catholic parish has a very important responsibility to provide the sacraments to people. This is NOT a service it can charge for. Period. It is a bad practise that somehow got started and spread everywhere. Our pastor put a stop to it on these grounds and he is correct.

Simple question: if someone wanted to get married at your parish and declined to pay the fee, would they be refused? If yes, that is a very bad state of affairs.

THey aren’t paying for the sacrament, they are paying for the use of the church, which is perfectly justified as it costs money to heat/cool/clean. Some historic churches are only still open because of the income from weddings. When someone is shelling out thousands for flowers, they place value on that item for a wedding. Its a justice issue.

-They can easily get married during a regularly scheduled mass with no hoopla and not owe a dime.

 

[zz912]

A catered meal for 200 guests is still going to run $20,000 after taxes and service for just food, even at a reasonably priced place. That’s just what it costs to feed people, whether at a wedding or an office party.

Nonsense. It does NOT cost $100 per person for food.

 

[aicirt]

Nonsense. It does NOT cost $100 per person for food.

Going price around here. Think it is pretty much like that anywhere especially around a metropolitan area. Don’t understand it either considering you don’t spend that when you go out to eat on one person. And that price might include a drink. And not the cake, nor the band and not the flowers.

 

[PatriceA]

Granted its been 12 years since I got married, but back then, very very few of my friends were paying for their own weddings. Most of the expenses, were split by the parents of the couple. Most couples I knew went into debt because they hadn’t a clue about finances and had to have the latest model or newest whatever right after the wedding. Their families could give them all the nest eggs they ever wanted instead of a big wedding and those couples STILL would have gone into debt.

I don’t think having a smaller wedding or a bigger wedding with all the whistles and bells means anything to how successful the marriage is going to be either. I’ve been to really frugal weddings that didn’t last past the first year. Been to really lavish ones that the couples are celebrating 2 decades of wedded bliss.

I personally don’t want to see people getting married at a daily mass or a regularly scheduled Sunday mass. There is something truly beautiful and special about the nuptial mass. You can spend the rest of your life as a married couple at daily or Sunday mass, but you only get one shot at planning your wedding mass (hopefully).

 

[Petergee]

I had a friend when I lived in Louisiana who was always being asked to be a bridesmaid. She did this time and again. What finished it for her was a very expensive wedding for a friend of hers. (The bridesmaids traditionally bought their own dresses, etc.) The bridesmaids had to have these antebellum dresses with the big hoops and hats and matching lanterns, etc. All this hoopla, and the marriage didn’t even last a year!

Yep there’s a law that says the cost of the wedding is inversely proportional to the length of the marriage.

Nothing makes me madder than cohabiting couples who say they haven’t got married yet because "we can’t afford a wedding". A wedding costs, in principle, NOTHING!

 

[Julianna]

DH and I were married in 1981.

Pre-Cana was free and we attended the 6 week course, every Wednesday night.

That was it. No retreats, no costs. Done.

There were 4 weddings ahead of us at the Church. Ours was last.

Flowers (including bouquet, corsages, and Church) $100.00

Keep in mind by our wedding, the Church was over flowing with flowers from the 4 previous weddings. (think on that)

We donated $25.00 to the Church.

We paid $25.00 for the musician.

My dress was on clearance, veil and all $150.00

My matron of honor paid for her dress, $60.00 (she was the only attendant)

My two aunts and my mother made all the food and set it up (reception was at my parents house).

My mom’s friend made the cake $60.00.

We bought basic liquor and beer. Half gallon each of Seagrams VO, Smirnoff vodka, Canadian Club, and about 3 cases of beer. (Hey, it was an Irish-Italian event ) Lot’s of ice. No champagne, since neither of us like it.

We paid for the food, the booze, the cake, my dress, DH tux.

I don’t think we even came close to $800.00.

My cousin had a 10K wedding in '79 at the Hibernian, and they were divorced in less than 10 yrs.

Big weddings are over rated.

 

[AngelRS]

Ooh! The wedding day topic! I’ve been saying for years that its a pity that people go over the top and into deep debt for the wedding day and don’t invest as much time and resources into marriage preparation and reinforcement after the day is done.

The Christian wedding **doesn’t need **all the extravagance that seems to be the norm now. Aren’t weddings supposed to be the celebration the visible sign of the love of God (Trinity) expressed in the union of the husband and wife with said God in the marriage sacrament? How can burdening one’s parents or oneself with unnecessary debt be a sign of love?

My husband and I had a beautifully memorable wedding Mass and a simple reception with under 50 guests (big family and many dear friends). We kept it is simple as possible yet I had a stunning dress that cost waaaaay below the going rate (my husband still talks about it),we had photos taken and the event recorded on film. While I understand it is one’s special day I think no one should go overboard and one should always work within one’s means with an eye on the future.

A wedding is for a day, a marriage is for a lifetime.

 

[CoffeeHound]

Nonsense. It does NOT cost $100 per person for food.

$60 per person for food + service fee + taxes = $100 per person. For that price around here, you’d get no alcohol and two basic courses (fried chicken + salad). If you want to service a “fancy” meal (say, salmon or skirt steak), you’re up to $150 per person. Add alcohol and you’re at $200 per person after taxes and fees. I quoted 35 different caterers in my not-so-expensive city and that’s the minimum. Even only service hors d’ oeuvres and punch will run $80 per person after taxes.

You could make the food yourself… but really, cook for 200?

The only way around that is to invite less people (which we did but we still wanted family there) or to not feed people. We felt like we had to feed people since everyone traveled from out of town. It wouldn’t really be appropriate to ask people to fly to your wedding then not feed them. I’m not complaining, just saying that it’s not always possible to have a $1500 wedding.

 

[mommamaree]

Here’s the thing (IMO):
A church should not be able to charge money for a sacrament. If they do, the people responsible at the parish level should be corrected and disciplined if necessary.
In our parish, you may NOT reserve the church for a wedding that is only open to invited guests. At Catholic weddings, mass is celebrated. Therefore, no one is allowed to bar non-invited guests from entering and participating in the mass and receiving communion. And, there are only certain times that it is allowed for a wedding to be scheduled. Basically, at our parish, ANYONE could walk in off the street and witness the sacrament, participate in mass, receive communion, and celebrate with the other Christians present that two Christians are joining their lives in holy matrimony. I strongly believe that the church should always be open and unlocked and welcoming in just such a way. Private receptions are where invited guests may retire for refreshments and socializing after the sacraments have been performed.
Similarly, a church may NOT be reserved for private baptisms. The entire Body of Christ has the right to witness the sacrament of baptism being conferred upon a new Christian. Therefore, our parish will only allow baptisms during regularly scheduled Sunday masses. Also, any couple wishing to wed may say their vows during a regularly scheduled mass, and therefore, the whole parish may witness, including any extra family and friends who wish to attend.
So why parishes need to charge $$$ for reserving the church and all the extra hoopla is beyond me. The church should not be in the wedding $business$.
With regards to paying money for NFP classes, or for the premarital evaluation (can’t remember what they are called), or to go on a retreat…those are NOT wedding costs. Those are the costs to prepare for the marriage. Those dollars will probably end up being the most well-spent of all the money spent leading up to actually marrying your fiance(e).

 

[jilly4ski]

$60 per person for food + service fee + taxes = $100 per person. For that price around here, you’d get no alcohol and two basic courses (fried chicken + salad). If you want to service a “fancy” meal (say, salmon or skirt steak), you’re up to $150 per person. Add alcohol and you’re at $200 per person after taxes and fees. I quoted 35 different caterers in my not-so-expensive city and that’s the minimum. Even only service hors d’ oeuvres and punch will run $80 per person after taxes.

You could make the food yourself… but really, cook for 200?

The only way around that is to invite less people (which we did but we still wanted family there) or to not feed people. We felt like we had to feed people since everyone traveled from out of town. It wouldn’t really be appropriate to ask people to fly to your wedding then not feed them. I’m not complaining, just saying that it’s not always possible to have a $1500 wedding.

Like I said it varies depending on where you are geographically. I got married not downtown, but in a metropolitan area in the midwest and it was $18 dollars per person for a chicken buffet. If you wanted to go really fancy you could be paying up to $30 per person. We did pay for beer but no other alcohol, which pushed it up a few dollars more and then there was a cheese an cracker platter for $35, and then service fees decorations and stuff it came to less than $50 a plate. Since our entire reception bill was less than $5000 with more than 100 people.

 

[crazzeto]

For us the worse expense was…The Church. Between the retreat weekend, the donations, and all the fees for the wedding coordinator and the music coordinator (Which we had to pay for even if we didn’t have them do a thing) the Church broke our budget and made us feel awful in the process.

My father wanted me to get married in the parish I attended as a child and that my parents were married in. Since my mother passed away a year before this was very important to him. And boy if the Church didn’t use that to their advantage…

We jumped through every hoop they asked and did everything they asked and still got talked down to the entire time. I loved my wedding day as did my husband but we both felt the Church really took advantage of two young adults that wanted to do the right thing.

I’m so sorry to read this, no church should treat their parishiners like this!!! Our church is currently facing a gigantic financial crisis, yet they were still the biggest blessing in our wedding. If it wasn’t for our church, quite frankly, we couldn’t have had a wedding!