Costs of a wedding--a Christian view

[Fidelia]

The sacrament doesn’t cost money. You can have your wedding during a regularly scheduled mass for free. You are paying to rent out a building.

And btw, paying for a musician is not with the church— the musician gets paid for a service because they are providing a service…just as your florist or dj, or caterer. Just because they may be priced together, they still deserve a just wage for their services.

Pre-cana costs is not paying for the sacament, you are paying for the cost of pre-cana.

I don’t know if having it during a regular mass is done here. It was never mentioned, and is not in the parish booklet about weddings. They do weddings Saturday mornings and early afternoon. Sometimes Friday afternoon and evenings, and no Sunday afternoon or evenings.

Pre-cana is part of getting married in the Church though. You can’t exactly choose not to do it (not that we would).

The organist and cantor (at our parish) are already contracted to play at all parish weddings. Yet we still need to pay fees for them. We would even have to pay a “bench fee” if we had a friend who was an organist who would do it. By saying they are already contracted to do it, I think that implies that it is already part of their job description, isn’t it?

 

[agapewolf]

I don’t know if having it during a regular mass is done here. It was never mentioned, and is not in the parish booklet about weddings. They do weddings Saturday mornings and early afternoon. Sometimes Friday afternoon and evenings, and no Sunday afternoon or evenings.

Pre-cana is part of getting married in the Church though. You can’t exactly choose not to do it (not that we would).

The organist and cantor (at our parish) are already contracted to play at all parish weddings. Yet we still need to pay fees for them. We would even have to pay a “bench fee” if we had a friend who was an organist who would do it. By saying they are already contracted to do it, I think that implies that it is already part of their job description, isn’t it?

Its not mentioned because hardly anyone would choose to do that. You can always ask.

If you were to marry during a normally scheduled mass, there wouldn’t be extra fee for the musicians., just because its part of their job description does not mean they shouldnt’ get paid for their services. Some parishes do not pay the full time salary as their wedding fees are to suplement it. This is their profession, why do people have a problem paying people for their services? To suggest otherwise is insulting.

If you had monetary problems paying for whatever pre-cana you had to, you should tell the priest, and they can help you choose another path that doesnt’ cost as much, or help subsidize. But you better not be complaining about paying for pre-cana if you are paying for flowers. Pre-cana is WAY more important than flowers.

 

[Magickman]

I am thinking right now of all the expenses I have saved by never getting married. From priestly fees to church rental, to jewelers and formal wear stores, to organists and singers, to caterers and reception halls, to printers and florists, etc., etc.

The money I saved was enough to purchase my home.

And when a person is not married, the savings do not cease. They go on forever. No maternity bills, no pediatricians, no kid’s clothing or toys, no Catholic school or college tuition, no summer camp costs, and, of course, no divorce lawyers.

But for those folks who do want to get married, honestly, you can do it on the cheap.

Specially purchased clothes are not needed, nor a costly church rental. You don’t need a limo, a big party, hundreds of guests, nor any of the other junk.

None of the expensive things make for a better or happier marriage.

 

[Fidelia]

Its not mentioned because hardly anyone would choose to do that. You can always ask.

If you were to marry during a normally scheduled mass, there wouldn’t be extra fee for the musicians., just because its part of their job description does not mean they shouldnt’ get paid for their services. Some parishes do not pay the full time salary as their wedding fees are to suplement it. This is their profession, why do people have a problem paying people for their services? To suggest otherwise is insulting.

If you had monetary problems paying for whatever pre-cana you had to, you should tell the priest, and they can help you choose another path that doesnt’ cost as much, or help subsidize. But you better not be complaining about paying for pre-cana if you are paying for flowers. Pre-cana is WAY more important than flowers.

Nope, we are most likely staying away from fresh cut flowers because we see it as a wasteful expense. Or at least we would greatly limit them if we even do get them (I’m thinking of corsages for the bridesmaids, not bouquets, because they are simpler). I was in a wedding recently, and our bouquets were wilted by the end of the day. So not worth the expense. I totally agree with you on that.

We’re looking into inexpensive do-it-yourself ideas for centerpieces and and favors too. Our reception isn’t even going to be very large (under 100 people), and will only be a luncheon buffet with simple dessert. We hate seeing weddings that become the scale of theatre productions, and we most certainly do not want that for ourselves. We are not renting limos either.

He’s a phd grad student, and I just finished my masters and don’t have a job yet. So, yes, very tight budget, and we want to start off our marriage on the right foot financially.

We could possibly find out about the regular mass option, but since we have already set the date (a feast day with significance for us) and booked the reception hall because they gave us an affordable deal.

 

[tafan]

THey aren’t paying for the sacrament, they are paying for the use of the church, which is perfectly justified as it costs money to heat/cool/clean. Some historic churches are only still open because of the income from weddings. When someone is shelling out thousands for flowers, they place value on that item for a wedding. Its a justice issue.

-They can easily get married during a regularly scheduled mass with no hoopla and not owe a dime.

I have never heard of any one getting married at a regularly scheduled mass. I doubt if this would ever be acceptable by a priest or if it would be proper.
Other sacraments require the use of the church also. It costs money to heat/clean/cool the church for those sacraments. Why not sell tickets to get into sunday mass or to gain access to a confessional? It is not a justice issue at all. Not everyone has thousands to spend for flowers and not everyone has 1000-2000 to pay a parish to provide their sacrament for them.

I completely accept that someone should make a generous donation to the church and/or pastor when getting married. Just as someone should make a donation to the offatory basket on Sundays. I completely reject the idea that fees are legitimate for any sacrament.

Basic question: If someone declined to pay the fee, but met all other requirements for matrimony, would they be allowed to be married in a parish? If the answer is no, then you are charging for a sacrament. A big no-no.

 

[angelerulastiel]

I’d be surprised if we spent 2 grand on our wedding. We got married on the beach, my wife wore her grandmother’s wedding dress, the “catering” was done by my mother and grandmother and my sister, my dad and my grandfather built the dance floor and everything else, my wife’s sisters and my sisters decorated everything, the photographer was a friend of ours, and some friends of mine who have a band volunteered to play for free(jimmyandtheparrots.com/intropage.cfm).

Our only real expense was the honeymoon (and even much of that was free, since we have a family member in the travel agency business).

You can’t get married on the beach for a catholic wedding. And not all of us would fit their grandmother’s dress.

Also, when people say “We spent less than x because we did/built/cooked it ourselves” are you counting the cost of those items? Just because your mother cooked or sewed doesn’t make it free. You still have to pay for the ingredients/fabric. If you built your own dance floor how much did the wood cost? Also you have to consider how much you are asking of your family. It is your choice to get married and you are wanting others, often the mother, to spend hours cooking and sewing. How much is her time worth? I hope you spent a lot on a thank you gift for her/them.

 

[faithfully]

Nope, we are most likely staying away from fresh cut flowers because we see it as a wasteful expense. Or at least we would greatly limit them if we even do get them (I’m thinking of corsages for the bridesmaids, not bouquets, because they are simpler). I was in a wedding recently, and our bouquets were wilted by the end of the day. So not worth the expense. I totally agree with you on that.

We’re looking into inexpensive do-it-yourself ideas for centerpieces and and favors too. Our reception isn’t even going to be very large (under 100 people), and will only be a luncheon buffet with simple dessert. We hate seeing weddings that become the scale of theatre productions, and we most certainly do not want that for ourselves. We are not renting limos either.

He’s a phd grad student, and I just finished my masters and don’t have a job yet. So, yes, very tight budget, and we want to start off our marriage on the right foot financially.

We could possibly find out about the regular mass option, but since we have already set the date (a feast day with significance for us) and booked the reception hall because they gave us an affordable deal.

Seriously, just set your budget. List out what is important to you. Bargain shop ALL of it. Talk to your priest about the cost of classes and such. (I don’t remember how much mine was.) I bet you will find that you can cover what’s important to you. And might I suggest, if you want to save a bit more, Don’t get married at an hour that the reception falls at meal time. So maybe you get married at 1pm instead of 11am. Your guests will eat lunch before they come. Because MOST people realize they aren’t going to walk into a reception before 2:00 or even 2:30 by then. You can then serve Cake and champagne (or whatever). Unless of course that’s what you had your heart set on, and that’s where you will put your $$.

We should start a thread for Wedding planning… How to get different things at a great price. It’s a wonderful event that should be celebrated! But it shouldn’t break the bank…

Congratz!

 

[faithfully]

Flowers… I’d just like to add that I put more $$ into my bouquet, than the rest. And 14 years later, I STILL have my flowers. I found a beautiful glass box with a Silver Lid (which still needs to be engraved) I dried my flowers, and the box is filled with the petals. I love this momento 14 years later.

I should add that I still have the FIRST roses my DH cut from his mothers rose garden some 23 years ago! Flowers may die, but they can still hold sentiment. Somday I’m sure I’ll have just a bag of powder! Or maybe our grandchildren will…

 

[PatriceA]

I know I’m coming a little late to the thread, but my fiance and I are planning our wedding for next year and can’t believe the costs associated with the Church.

We are on a tight budget, want to be practical, and not begin our marriage by going into debt. We are conscioualy planning things to be simple, and not an ego-centric show of ourselves because that it not what we believe in doing.

Sure, we can cut corners on other things to lower costs, like not having an expensive reception, not buying an expensive dress, doing an affordable honeymoon, etc. But when the Church itself costs money, plus having to pay a fee for the organist and the cantor, the cost of pre-cana, etc. it feels like we’re trapped.

I don’t know of other sacraments costing money. Heck, if you had to pay for confession, no one would go.

It’s just that even though we are making conscious efforts not to be extravagant, and to keep it nice, tasteful and simple, it still becomes overwhelming when thinking about what things cost, and even more so when the our church surprisingly makes getting married cost more than we expected.

You can get married in husband’s childhood parish like we did, and most of his cousins have recently. It costs $250 tops: $100 contribution for the priest, $25 for the organist, $125 for the pre-cana instructions including materials. Anything else is up to your budget and how fancy you would like it.

 

[PatriceA]

Flowers… I’d just like to add that I put more $$ into my bouquet, than the rest. And 14 years later, I STILL have my flowers. I found a beautiful glass box with a Silver Lid (which still needs to be engraved) I dried my flowers, and the box is filled with the petals. I love this momento 14 years later.

I should add that I still have the FIRST roses my DH cut from his mothers rose garden some 23 years ago! Flowers may die, but they can still hold sentiment. Somday I’m sure I’ll have just a bag of powder! Or maybe our grandchildren will…

I did something similar with my bridal bouquet, its hung over our couch in the living room.

 

[Mrs_V]

We used silk flowers that were on the discount rack. I actually based the wedding colors around what flowers I could find on sale. We didn’t buy very many either. The tiny little chapel we were married in was so ornate with all of the hardwood, stained glass, statues, etc… that we didn’t feel the need.

 

[agapewolf]

I have never heard of any one getting married at a regularly scheduled mass. I doubt if this would ever be acceptable by a priest or if it would be proper.
Other sacraments require the use of the church also. It costs money to heat/clean/cool the church for those sacraments. Why not sell tickets to get into sunday mass or to gain access to a confessional? It is not a justice issue at all. Not everyone has thousands to spend for flowers and not everyone has 1000-2000 to pay a parish to provide their sacrament for them.

I completely accept that someone should make a generous donation to the church and/or pastor when getting married. Just as someone should make a donation to the offatory basket on Sundays. I completely reject the idea that fees are legitimate for any sacrament.

Basic question: If someone declined to pay the fee, but met all other requirements for matrimony, would they be allowed to be married in a parish? If the answer is no, then you are charging for a sacrament. A big no-no.

Just because you’ve never heard of it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist or isn’t proper. It certainly is proper, and makes a lot of sense, because of the community witnessing it.

Baptism can take part in a regularly scheduled mass (As they should). Confessions happen right before masses, when the church is already open. or in an office.

It is NOT about selling tickets, and it most certianly is a justice issue. One usually doesn’t rent out a hall for a baptism.

 

[BrokenFortress]

Granted I’ve only been Catholic for 4 years, but I have seen one wedding during a Mass. It was a bit odd, but if that’s what someone needs or wants, that’s their prerogative!

Yes the musicians and cantors are using their talent, but I do think to some extent they should really consider what they’re charging. Perhaps I’m wrong but for us, we’re having a Mass, so I see the cantor and organist as assisting in the Mass. I recently heard on Relevant Radio about choirs and musicians needing to be careful that they aren’t trying to be the center of attention. They’re there to assist at Mass and praise God. Not for financial gain. And that’s one thing that bothers me. I can totally understand a stipend. But, when you’re required to give someone something in tune of $300 for a one hour service I get a bit put off. Just my opinion though.

 

[Charlotte1776]

I can totally understand a stipend. But, when you’re required to give someone something in tune of $300 for a one hour service I get a bit put off. Just my opinion though.

I agree! My cantor charged $150 to sing the responsorial pslam. That was all she did. And she didn’t even have to practice beforehand because they only ones we were allowed to pick were ones she already knew. Sure she had to sit through the whole mass, but she basically got paid $150 for 3 minutes of work. And we HAD to pick her - the music director wouldn’t let us bring in outisde musicians. And we also couldn’t opt to have the responsorial pslam read as is done in daily mass. I thought it would have been really special to have a family member read the psalm rather than a stranger sing it.

 

[Fidelia]

Granted I’ve only been Catholic for 4 years, but I have seen one wedding during a Mass. It was a bit odd, but if that’s what someone needs or wants, that’s their prerogative!

Yes the musicians and cantors are using their talent, but I do think to some extent they should really consider what they’re charging. Perhaps I’m wrong but for us, we’re having a Mass, so I see the cantor and organist as assisting in the Mass. I recently heard on Relevant Radio about choirs and musicians needing to be careful that they aren’t trying to be the center of attention. They’re there to assist at Mass and praise God. Not for financial gain. And that’s one thing that bothers me. I can totally understand a stipend. But, when you’re required to give someone something in tune of $300 for a one hour service I get a bit put off. Just my opinion though.

I agree. Cantors and musicians are assisting at mass, similar to lectors and EMHC’s. They don’t get paid. Unlike lectors and EMHC’s, though, they are required, which makes it more unfair to have to pay such a large fee. Assisting at mass in a musical capacity is not meant to be a professional performance, i think.

 

[HouseArrest]

I agree! My cantor charged $150 to sing the responsorial pslam. That was all she did. And she didn’t even have to practice beforehand because they only ones we were allowed to pick were ones she already knew. Sure she had to sit through the whole mass, but she basically got paid $150 for 3 minutes of work. And we HAD to pick her - the music director wouldn’t let us bring in outisde musicians. And we also couldn’t opt to have the responsorial pslam read as is done in daily mass. I thought it would have been really special to have a family member read the psalm rather than a stranger sing it.

That 3 minutes of singing took a lot longer than 3 minutes to prepare for. There is a lot of time and expense involved in making oneself capable of singing for a wedding.

 

[PatriceA]

I agree. Cantors and musicians are assisting at mass, similar to lectors and EMHC’s. They don’t get paid. Unlike lectors and EMHC’s, though, they are required, which makes it more unfair to have to pay such a large fee. Assisting at mass in a musical capacity is not meant to be a professional performance, i think.

But yet it is customary to give donations to the altar servers in some sections of the country. It doesn’t seem to out of the ordinary to “pay” for the musicians within reasonable bounds.

 

[BrokenFortress]

I don’t know that that is what either of us are arguing. I have no issues paying my cantors and organist! But when they are asking for $300 I think it’s a bit much. If it were me, and obviously it’s not (although I do sing in the choir) I would not request that much. I would leave it up to the couple for what they felt called to give. I’m sure then that leaves you up to not getting much sometimes, but for those who are really Catholic, and not just getting married in a Catholic Church (as there are some like that), and who can afford it, they will stipend you with a reasonable amount.

Because a cantor and organist generally are not optional for a Mass. While the flowers and other decorations are.

 

[aicirt]

Nope, we are most likely staying away from fresh cut flowers because we see it as a wasteful expense. Or at least we would greatly limit them if we even do get them (I’m thinking of corsages for the bridesmaids, not bouquets, because they are simpler). I was in a wedding recently, and our bouquets were wilted by the end of the day. So not worth the expense. I totally agree with you on that.

We’re looking into inexpensive do-it-yourself ideas for centerpieces and and favors too. Our reception isn’t even going to be very large (under 100 people), and will only be a luncheon buffet with simple dessert. We hate seeing weddings that become the scale of theatre productions, and we most certainly do not want that for ourselves. We are not renting limos either.

He’s a phd grad student, and I just finished my masters and don’t have a job yet. So, yes, very tight budget, and we want to start off our marriage on the right foot financially.

We could possibly find out about the regular mass option, but since we have already set the date (a feast day with significance for us) and booked the reception hall because they gave us an affordable deal.

Personally, I’d nix the favors and put the money into something else…like really pretty centerpieces and you can let a person at each table to take it home. A long stem rose of whatever shade to match the dresses would be nice for the bridesmaids to hold. Gives them something to do with their hands walking down the aisle. Tie the rose with a long ribbon. Take pictures of all the guests and insert them in your “Thank You” notes. They’ll love it. Candid shots taken by friends assigned to the task are treasures and cheaper than a photographer. Or put instamatic cameras on all the tables to be returned to the bride.
A friend used potted geranimums on all the tables at graduated levels in clusters of five with votive candles in between.

 

[agapewolf]

I agree. Cantors and musicians are assisting at mass, similar to lectors and EMHC’s. They don’t get paid. Unlike lectors and EMHC’s, though, they are required, which makes it more unfair to have to pay such a large fee. Assisting at mass in a musical capacity is not meant to be a professional performance, i think.

As a full time music director of a Catholic church, I find this highly insulting.

If I wasn’t paid, I couldn’t afford to say yes to all the liturgies, ccd masses, first communions, 4 christmas masses, 5 holy week/easter liturgies and all the other many liturgies I play becasue I’d have to get a job.

It doesn’t take years and years of practice and lessons to lector or EMHC.

AND , to say someone should just come a play for YOUR personal wedding mass pro bono is absolutely astounding to me. Just because I’m paid does NOT mean that I think its a performance. I’m paid because my church values having quality music at their liturgies, and I lead worship well.

Geez, a florist gets paid. A caterer gets paid. Why in the world is it so hard to think musicians should get paid?