Costs of a wedding--a Christian view

[angelerulastiel]

You don’t understand. In the culture I grew up in, this is just the way things are done. It isn’t a matter of putting parents through aggravation, it’s a matter of the parents coming up with the idea and offering to do it.

Actually, you’re the one getting nasty by mocking me and my family. I think I’ve tried very hard to remain respectful to you, in spite of your insults.

Second, neither of those things have to be expensive.

When did I ever mock anyone? So far, the only person I see mocking anyone is you.

And just so you know. many women consider it a cherished tradition to wear their mother’s or grandmother’s wedding dress.

When have I mocked you? I haven’t. You just want to be insulted, that’s all. Saying that not everyone can fit their grandmother’s wedding dress isn’t mocking. It’s saying that everyone can’t save money that way. It feels like a lot of people on this thread think you should re-wear a dress, invite as few people as possible, shouldn’t feed them a meal, should make your own cake, shouldn’t rent a reception hall, otherwise you are being irresponsible with your money. If you want a wedding like that and your family wants to do it that way, that’s fine, I don’t care. But don’t expect everyone else to do it your way.

 

[faithfully]

When have I mocked you? I haven’t. You just want to be insulted, that’s all. Saying that not everyone can fit their grandmother’s wedding dress isn’t mocking. It’s saying that everyone can’t save money that way. It feels like a lot of people on this thread think you should re-wear a dress, invite as few people as possible, shouldn’t feed them a meal, should make your own cake, shouldn’t rent a reception hall, otherwise you are being irresponsible with your money. If you want a wedding like that and your family wants to do it that way, that’s fine, I don’t care. But don’t expect everyone else to do it your way.

I think part of the issue is that the article presents weddings as if they can’t be pulled off nicely unless you take out a small loan. I suspect the ideas that all of us have thrown out there are because none of us had 20k to spend or were willing to spend on a wedding… Additionally, I think most everyone (except maybe a handful) want the nicest wedding they can afford. (or can’t afford as the case may be)…

I don’t know about anyone else… I personally think you should set your budget… and figure it out from there. Sadly some people set budgets that put either themselves or parents into the poor house. Which is when a person SHOULD scale back.

That all said. My DH is a pro chef. And you won’t be having a party that he caters without breaking the bank or dipping into a trust fund somewhere! And quite frankly, that’s pretty well fine with me. He’ll bust his bootie making it gorgeous. The food will be fab, and my kids probably won’t see him that day AT ALL! You’re not paying just for food… You get quality, service, skill, and pc. of someone’s life so you can have your day! It should be paid for… and if you don’t like the price… move on. I’m happy to have DH home for the evening… (lots of us Chef widows think the same!)

 

[aicirt]

That sounds very lovely!

Yes, it really was but they could walk to everything too.

Reading that you can get married during a regular Mass, I’m thinking most Catholic Churches could offer the Church hall for the same type of reception at a charge much less than a full blown dinner somehwere for 100 people.

Or get married during a morning Mass then off to a wedding brunch or breakfast which would be less expensive than a dinner and you could probably get the date you want as most halls cater dinners and not a breakfast.

 

[tafan]

Just because you’ve never heard of it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist or isn’t proper. It certainly is proper, and makes a lot of sense, because of the community witnessing it.

Baptism can take part in a regularly scheduled mass (As they should). Confessions happen right before masses, when the church is already open. or in an office.

It is NOT about selling tickets, and it most certianly is a justice issue. One usually doesn’t rent out a hall for a baptism.

Perhaps I have not been clear. I have nothing against a parish charging a rent for a parish hall to be used for a wedding reception. I have a big problem with a parish charging a fee for the wedding itself. One of the primary reasons for a parish to exists is to provide the sacraments. It is wrong, absolutely wrong, to charge for any sacrament. It may have become common place in the last 30 years or so to do so for weddings, but it is wrong. It is a recent novelty that needs to go the way of the dustbin.
Sometimes, certain practises become so common, that everyone just assumes they are good and just and noone ever steps back and says “wait a minute, what the h$%l are we doing”.

And I am almost certain it would not be within the litugical norms to have a wedding in the middle of a normally scheduled sunday/daily mass.

 

[agapewolf]

Perhaps I have not been clear. I have nothing against a parish charging a rent for a parish hall to be used for a wedding reception. I have a big problem with a parish charging a fee for the wedding itself. One of the primary reasons for a parish to exists is to provide the sacraments. It is wrong, absolutely wrong, to charge for any sacrament. It may have become common place in the last 30 years or so to do so for weddings, but it is wrong. It is a recent novelty that needs to go the way of the dustbin.
Sometimes, certain practises become so common, that everyone just assumes they are good and just and noone ever steps back and says “wait a minute, what the h$%l are we doing”.

And I am almost certain it would not be within the litugical norms to have a wedding in the middle of a normally scheduled sunday/daily mass.

Perhaps I have not been clear. You aren’t paying for a sacrament. You are paying for the use of the church building that you invite 200 people in, heat/AC for 3+ hours, and need a clean up crew after, just for your event.

You are wrong about it not being in a regular mass. That is actually the ideal, but it never happens because everyone always wants their own mass done and bring way too many people to fit. Just like a baptism happens during mass, so can a wedding.

 

[tafan]

Perhaps I have not been clear. You aren’t paying for a sacrament. You are paying for the use of the church building that you invite 200 people in, heat/AC for 3+ hours, and need a clean up crew after, just for your event.

You are wrong about it not being in a regular mass. That is actually the ideal, but it never happens because everyone always wants their own mass done and bring way too many people to fit. Just like a baptism happens during mass, so can a wedding.

You are being clear. But since the proper place to celebrate the sacrament of marriage is in the church, charging for the church is wrong. That’s why the parish has a church, to provide a sacred building for the celebration of sacraments. Using your logic, it would be perfectly fine to sell tickets to get into mass on Sunday, since the building has to be heated and air conditioned, etc.

Please provide reference on the regular mass being the ideal place. If that is the case, why does the lectionary even include readings for a funeral mass and why are there specific instructions for a wedding mass? I am just skeptical, as to my knowledge this has never been common in the history of the church, whereas baptisms have been. I could be wrong on this point, but I am not on the other.

 

[agapewolf]

You are being clear. But since the proper place to celebrate the sacrament of marriage is in the church, charging for the church is wrong. That’s why the parish has a church, to provide a sacred building for the celebration of sacraments. Using your logic, it would be perfectly fine to sell tickets to get into mass on Sunday, since the building has to be heated and air conditioned, etc.

Please provide reference on the regular mass being the ideal place. If that is the case, why does the lectionary even include readings for a funeral mass and why are there specific instructions for a wedding mass? I am just skeptical, as to my knowledge this has never been common in the history of the church, whereas baptisms have been. I could be wrong on this point, but I am not on the other.

No, that logic doesn’t cross over to selling tickets.

Again, the wedding can be celebrated during a regularly scheduled mass…so no extra time is needed to use the building. It’s simple math.

 

[tafan]

No, that logic doesn’t cross over to selling tickets.

Why not. Your reasoning is that it is okay to charge to have a wedding in the church because of the costs associated with upkeep of the church. Does not the same apply for a sunday mass?

I have never, in my life been to a normally scheduled mass where there was a wedding. Do you know of any parishes that allow this?

 

[Fidelia]

You are being clear. But since the proper place to celebrate the sacrament of marriage is in the church, charging for the church is wrong. That’s why the parish has a church, to provide a sacred building for the celebration of sacraments. Using your logic, it would be perfectly fine to sell tickets to get into mass on Sunday, since the building has to be heated and air conditioned, etc.

Please provide reference on the regular mass being the ideal place. If that is the case, why does the lectionary even include readings for a funeral mass and why are there specific instructions for a wedding mass? I am just skeptical, as to my knowledge this has never been common in the history of the church, whereas baptisms have been. I could be wrong on this point, but I am not on the other.

I would also be interested in seeing a reference or citation of where it can be found.

 

[agapewolf]

Why not. Your reasoning is that it is okay to charge to have a wedding in the church because of the costs associated with upkeep of the church. Does not the same apply for a sunday mass?

I have never, in my life been to a normally scheduled mass where there was a wedding. Do you know of any parishes that allow this?

Just because you haven’t experienced it doesn’t mean it can’t or shouldn’t happen. Of course you don’t experience because everyone wants their own wedding mass with all the hoopla.

All churches allow it, or should. I haven’t been to one either, but I know we had one at my church a few years ago.

You are completely missing the point.

The logic does not cross over because Sunday morning is not a private mass (I’m using the term loosely, I know that the public can come, but in essence, it is more of a private affair), for the sole purpose of the couple, with additional costs just for them.

I cannot in my life understand why this simple math is so hard to understand.

Many old churches are extremely expensive to heat and a/c, as well as clean up after.

 

[tafan]

agapewolf:

The logic does not cross over because Sunday morning is not a private mass (I’m using the term loosely, I know that the public can come, but in essence, it is more of a private affair), for the sole purpose of the couple, with additional costs just for them.

I cannot in my life understand why this simple math is so hard to understand.

Many old churches are extremely expensive to heat and a/c, as well as clean up after

.

It makes no difference if it is private or not, it is a sacrament, the church building is built and maintained in order to provide a place to celebrate the sacraments. The church building is the proper place for the celebratino of the sacraments. You shoould not charge money for a sacrament, period. Costs do not matter.

 

[agapewolf]

.

It makes no difference if it is private or not, it is a sacrament, the church building is built and maintained in order to provide a place to celebrate the sacraments. The church building is the proper place for the celebratino of the sacraments. You shoould not charge money for a sacrament, period. Costs do not matter.

But they DO matter. This is laughable… if the church doesn’t have the money to put the heat on, the heat won’t go on.

 

[BrokenFortress]

I have never, in my life been to a normally scheduled mass where there was a wedding. Do you know of any parishes that allow this?

I have. As I said, it was a bit odd, but it wasn’t my normal Parish either. It was an older couple, probably late 40’s and the woman just wore a simple white dress while the man wore nice Sunday clothes. They just then had two attendants.

It was just inserted into the Mass, much like a Baptism is.

 

[PatriceA]

But they DO matter. This is laughable… if the church doesn’t have the money to put the heat on, the heat won’t go on.

I don’t see how a wedding mass, an hour or 90 minutes more on Saturday than a normal Saturday at a parish, is really going to make that much of a difference in their bills. Most parishes I know have a Saturday morning mass, confessions sometimes twice on a Saturday and a Saturday vigil mass. There is usually upteen stuff going on at our parish on any given Saturday in the actual church building, whether a wedding is scheduled or not. I would be outraged if I had to spend anything over the typical donations given to the priest, the musicians and the altar servers if I wanted to get married in a parish that charges a substantial fee for a wedding, when the building is already being utilized for other activities that day.

 

[tafan]

But they DO matter. This is laughable… if the church doesn’t have the money to put the heat on, the heat won’t go on.

Of course costs matter, I deal with parish financial matters on a daily basis. That is why we are all required to provide financial support for our parish, that is a church law. But we do so, so that the sacraments will be freely available to all.

 

[tafan]

I don’t see how a wedding mass, an hour or 90 minutes more on Saturday than a normal Saturday at a parish, is really going to make that much of a difference in their bills. Most parishes I know have a Saturday morning mass, confessions sometimes twice on a Saturday and a Saturday vigil mass. There is usually upteen stuff going on at our parish on any given Saturday in the actual church building, whether a wedding is scheduled or not. I would be outraged if I had to spend anything over the typical donations given to the priest, the musicians and the altar servers if I wanted to get married in a parish that charges a substantial fee for a wedding, when the building is already being utilized for other activities that day.

That is exactly right. I will add that making a donation to the parish and priest for providing a wedding is a very good thing to do. Also, I see nothing wrong with paying chior members for their time. But the parish and/or priest, cannot charge a fee for the sacrament.

 

[Auburn88]

angelerulastiel:

But don’t expect everyone else to do it your way.

When have I ever said that everyone else should do it the way we did it? All I said was that I come from a different generation and culture than most people here and that this was how we did it.

Frankly, I don’t care what anybody else does. I was just relating our own experience.