courtship infidelity

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capricacity

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I have been in a very healthy long distance relationship for the last 3 months. This weekend I made a stupid mistake. I went to a party and had a little too much to drink and kissed a girl (I am a guy). It was very brief and I immediately felt terrible. I went to confession the next day and spoke to a lady at church as how bad I felt and I asked her if I need to tell my girlfriend and she told me that I don’t have to because we are not in a marriage commitment and that I am being too hard on myself and that I am human and made a mistake. I do agree but I am being eaten up by guilt and fear telling her, or her finding out, and I felt that after confession I would be fine but I cant stop this guilt. What should I do?
 
I have to ask, is this a long distance relationship where you have actually physically met the girl, or entirely online?
 
Each woman is different. Personally, if I were your gf, I would need an amendment from you, not just an apology. A way to make it right for me and to feel secure. I would probably ask you to cut that girl you kissed from your life even if it means changing emails and phone numbers (if she has them). And yes, I will greatly appreciate your honesty to me, to know you are filled with regret and remorse because of how much you love me. After you make it up for it and amend, I would be able to forget about the incident. But that’s just me.
 
we have met we used to live in the same city then she moved…i hope to move when its all said and done to where she lives…i just told her…she is not happy and she said she is going to call me back…i feel so terrible…
 
capricacity said:
we have met we used to live in the same city then she moved…i hope to move when its all said and done to where she lives…i just told her…she is not happy and she said she is going to call me back…i feel so terrible…
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Remind her that God has forgiven you through the sacrament of confession and ask her what can you do to earn her forgiveness and trust again. Listen to her request and finish by praying together.
 
Honestly, this sounds more like a “stop drinking” event than an “infidelity” event. You said you had too much to drink and that makes people do all sorts of silly things. Just a thought.
 
capricacity said:
we have met we used to live in the same city then she moved…i hope to move when its all said and done to where she lives…i just told her…she is not happy and she said she is going to call me back…i feel so terrible…
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This was 300% the right thing to do.
 
Oh please.
You’re human.
You hardly know either of them.

If you would like to MAKE a commitment to the first girl, then do it.

I feel more sorry for the second girl.
 
are you saying its not a bad thing? i just feel so awful… i messed up…but i cant live in this guilt and despair anymore…
 
capricacity said:
are you saying its not a bad thing? i just feel so awful… i messed up…but i cant live in this guilt and despair anymore…
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I’m saying at the 3 month mark, you are WAYYYYYYYY to wound up with this first girl .

Despair???
Guilt?

Did you all make a promise to be exclusive?
Did you say you were looking to get married?
Or are your emotions going 0-60 over the internet?

Something to ask yourself.
 
we have known each closer close to coming a year and lived next to each other for a while before she moved…we are exclusive and its not just an internet thing…we met in real life when she lived next to me.
 
capricacity said:
we have known each closer close to coming a year and lived next to each other for a while before she moved…we are exclusive and its not just an internet thing…we met in real life when she lived next to me.
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So you’re actually dating? You’ve gone on a date?
Well then I guess you have no business kissing other girls then.
🤷

Still, despair is a pretty strong word for something like this.
 
yes we are dating… ok maybe not despair…that was not the correct term…i just feel GREATLY sorrowful…esp now that she may not want to take me back…you know?
 
capricacity said:
yes we are dating… ok maybe not despair…that was not the correct term…i just feel GREATLY sorrowful…esp now that she may not want to take me back…you know?
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And if she doesn’t, then live and learn. I don’t know how old you are, but if you are drinking enough that it causes you to kiss someone that is not your girlfriend, you need to stop drinking.
 
capricacity said:
yes we are dating… ok maybe not despair…that was not the correct term…i just feel GREATLY sorrowful…esp now that she may not want to take me back…you know?
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Well, I disagree with those who said it was OK to tell her.
You did something hurtful. And then you told her…which hurt her. You could have simply learned a hard lesson, repented, and moved forward. In confession, we don’t have to tell everything we’ve done to other people, only to God.
Change yourself, and try not to hurt her any further by belaboring it with drama and angst.
Sincerity. Now is the time for sincerity, remorse, yes, but keep a calm head.
**Ask her how you can start over and hope for the best. **

Good luck!
 
i told her because she may have found out from another friend because the girl knows some of her friends and i felt it would be much worse and it would hurt her more. I did not want to tell her, but this was a situation in which if i told her…it would be bad, if i did not tell her.she may have found out from someone else and it would have been much worse…it has just been such an awful choice to make…i did not want to make this choice at all…
 
Experiencing sincere sorrow for an act is not a bad thing- it’s a key part of the repentance process. Yes, it is dark in the tunnel of your wrongs right now, but that is only temporary for the light coming.
 
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