courtship infidelity

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i told her because she may have found out from another friend because the girl knows some of her friends and i felt it would be much worse and it would hurt her more. I did not want to tell her, but this was a situation in which if i told her…it would be bad, if i did not tell her.she may have found out from someone else and it would have been much worse…it has just been such an awful choice to make…i did not want to make this choice at all…
The last man I was a relationship with was filled with sorrow and despair when he did something like this…every. single. time. However I can’t blame him for all of it, I kept believing it.

When a man or woman makes a commitment to another, they don’t put themselves in situations where something like this can happen. I know I sound harsh but it is the reality. I think your sorrow may not be so much that this happened but it happened when there is an opportunity for her to find out.
 
I think you did the right thing in telling her.

I will say a prayer for you.
 
thank you so much please please please pray…Only a miracle straight out of the throne of heaven is going to save this relationship now…
 
My sorrow actually was because this happened, because this girl loves me. I felt terrible…She really may not have found out, I just felt bad, also this was purely a one time meaningless non passionate kiss. it was just a mere few seconds on the lips…no tongue…nothing…but it was still wrong…
 
And if she doesn’t, then live and learn. I don’t know how old you are, but if you are drinking enough that it causes you to kiss someone that is not your girlfriend, you need to stop drinking.
This.
 
A quick kiss doesn’t sound like much. Really, the physical act of a brief kiss is harmless, like kissing your aunt or grandmother. The entire problem has to do with the circumstances and your feelings at the time. If you were intoxicated, out of control to some extent, and felt some attraction or lust, those are the sorts of things you need to deal with.

The guilty feelings you are now experiencing do not necessarily mean you did something gravely wrong. It could be a kind of scrupulosity.

I recommend that you try to figure out and reconcile as much of this as possible on your own. It is unfair to your girlfriend to recruit her to be your confessor and psychotherapist. What you need to do is think and figure out for yourself, perhaps with a trusted and neutral advisor, what sorts of words and acts should be reserved for a girlfriend, what behavior is appropriate around attractive young women other than your girlfriend, and how to moderate your drinking and stay in control of your behavior at parties. Resolve to do better in the future.

When you speak of this with your girlfriend, keep it short and simple. Don’t be dramatic. Don’t hyper-analyze yourself or the situation. And remember, it’s not all about you. Make it about her, and how you feel about her. And keep it short and simple. Best of luck!
 
This may not be helpful now, but I have followed a rule for years that helped me avoid this kind of situation. When I was dating my now wife, I made the rule that if I was going to drink at all, I would only do so if I was not going to be around women I know. I made some female friends angry with it for what ever reason, but knowing myself and my own weakness it was something that worked out for me. I will pray for you and hope it all works out according to God’s will!
 
i told her because she may have found out from another friend because the girl knows some of her friends and i felt it would be much worse and it would hurt her more. I did not want to tell her, but this was a situation in which if i told her…it would be bad, if i did not tell her.she may have found out from someone else and it would have been much worse…it has just been such an awful choice to make…i did not want to make this choice at all…
Yes, better hear that from your lips than others’. Try to make amends and conquer her again and earn her trust. Pray to St. Raphael, really. Read the book of Tobit in the Bible. Don’t despair. To despair is to sin. It is what it is, may God bring a greater good out of it.
 
The real issue is the drinking. If you drank to the point that you’re kissing random women, that’s the root issue. If there was a sin, it was allowing yourself to get so drunk - not infidelity. That being said, did you fully intend to get that drunk or was it a mistake? If the latter, all you need to do to move forward is avoid whatever situation led you to drink to such excess.
Early in my marriage my father-in-law took me to a party with his friends and my brothers-in-law in my wife’s home country. They’re all heavy rum drinkers. I’m not used to rum. The rum was mixed with juice and before I knew it I was drunk out of my mind (I operated as if it was the beer or wine or even whiskey that I’m used to - rum with all that sugar had a very different effect). I blacked out but I vaguely remember a woman grabbing my hand at one point. I’m sure nothing happened beyond that… but regardless the only lesson that I took away from that was to avoid drinking rum with my inlaws. Done. Move on.
 
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