Courtship Vs. Dating

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My ideal dating for that age and even now is friends only. No physical affection that you wouldn’t do with one of your guy buddies. If and when you both realize there may be more, you can talk about what you would both like to do in terms of becoming a couple. Plan things publicly to avoid temptation and/or go on double dates. Treat her kindly, respect her body and stay chaste 🙂
I’m not sure I was always quite as well behaved but I completely agree.
 
I think you gotta be very careful about how you proceed. I wish you all the luck in the world.

Otherwise, in a couple years you may be posting about how women only want to date “bad boys.”
 
I think you gotta be very careful about how you proceed. I wish you all the luck in the world.

Otherwise, in a couple years you may be posting about how women only want to date “bad boys.”
Almost had to wipe my screen! Funny!

I actually think our OP is enough of a go-getter that other nice Catholic boys will think of HIM as a “bad boy.”
 
Hi all!

There’s a girl I would like to ask out; but I’m having a slight dilemma. My friends are saying I should get to know her more before asking her out: hang out, become friends etc. I have “hung out” with her quite a bit by now and I think I should invite on a “date” so that I may propose a courtship: Basically saying we agree to get to know one another with a clear understanding of what we want out of the relationship (Marriage? fling? discernment?).

Dating:
-Go on dates
-Allow natural chemistry to decide where the relationship goes (we feel strongly about each other = increased commitment)
-attraction towards each other is necessary
-Can end whenever
-No clear rules for what is appropriate (kissing, cuddling etc.) just whatever is natural at the moment

Courtship:
-Understanding of what each other wants (eg: I am looking for a spouse)
-Based on agreement NOT emotions
-agreed upon timeframe (eg: We agree to court for 4 months. I could find out she is evil after day 1 but I will still stick with her for 4 months)
-agreed upon rules for physical behavior (kissing allowed? cuddling allowed? permission required? eg: May I kiss you?)
-engage in everyday activities that may even be boring (work, volunteer, go to mass together etc). Dates are ok but just not the focus.

I know what I show here isn’t the precise traditional courtship model but it is my own very similar adaptation.

Context: I am 18. I am a bit young to be concerned over marriage but what can I say; its not going to stop me from rabidly chasing beautiful girls. I do however want to proceed with noble intentions. I intend to be the knight in shining armor for whomever God wills my bride to be.

Lets have a discussion.
I’m sad to say you display way more maturity then many of the guys I’ve dated and most of them are twice your age. Good for you. Too bad you way to young for me but I greatly admire someone who knows what they want and isn’t afraid to say it. You won’t have much trouble finding a girl. Just don’t throw marriage in the mix just yet. Just say you want to court with the understanding of having a serious relationship. If you mention marriage at your age you might scare her off. Best of luck.😃
 
Well met friends!

Bad boys you say? I eat bad boys for breakfast.

Anyways great discussion

I wish you all the best.

Marcellino
 
What’s the difference? In Catholic belief, dating must lead to marriage. It cannot be twisted to some other purpose. Dating is not for “hooking up”, “exploring options”, “questioning sexuality”, “having a no-strings good time”. Catholics should always be up-front that dating equals courting for us. Especially in these modern times, where the concept of dating is so perverted and twisted that it is unrecognizable.
Well, dating can also be used to gain yourself a reputation as a gentleman and a mensch, the sort of fellow that someone has just got to marry before a lesser woman grabs him. When a woman finds a very nice guy she does not see herself marrying, she has been known to find a friend to set up with him. If a woman you think a lot of “friend zones” you, by all means don’t feel bashful about asking her to keep an eye out for you. Don’t think she won’t, either. Decent fellows are not easy to find, and decent women can be shy about going out to look for them. Both tend to like someone who “comes with papers”–that is, who has been vetted by their friends as someone with some character.

This works the other direction, too, although for some reason guys have been known to get protective of women they think are superior marriage prospects, but just not for them. They start acting like your brother, and don’t think anyone is good enough for you, LOL! Women are a bit more likey to see their friends as someone they’d happily hang on another friend as his wife! 😃
 
Well, dating can also be used to gain yourself a reputation as a gentleman and a mensch, the sort of fellow that someone has just got to marry before a lesser woman grabs him. When a woman finds a very nice guy she does not see herself marrying, she has been known to find a friend to set up with him. If a woman you think a lot of “friend zones” you, by all means don’t feel bashful about asking her to keep an eye out for you. Don’t think she won’t, either. Decent fellows are not easy to find, and decent women can be shy about going out to look for them. Both tend to like someone who “comes with papers”–that is, who has been vetted by their friends as someone with some character.

This works the other direction, too, although for some reason guys have been known to get protective of women they think are superior marriage prospects, but just not for them. They start acting like your brother, and don’t think anyone is good enough for you, LOL! Women are a bit more likey to see their friends as someone they’d happily hang on another friend as his wife! 😃
It can also just be an opportunity to practice social niceties–being a good host, thinking of one’s guest’s comfort, polishing one’s small talk, practicing taking an interest in others and asking good questions without being intrusive or inquisitive, learning to be a good judge of character, speaking up for oneself as needed, etc.

There are many good things that one can learn via dating.
 
One of the great mysteries of life is how so many men who are utterly incapable of small talk or exchanging thirty words with anybody who isn’t a bosom friend still manage to get married and have families. Many of them manage to get married, but it is an obstacle to having a happy marriage.

Ideally, dating should polish off some of those rough edges and make both spouses more socially accomplished.
 
One of the great mysteries of life is how so many men who are utterly incapable of small talk or exchanging thirty words with anybody who isn’t a bosom friend still manage to get married and have families. Many of them manage to get married, but it is an obstacle to having a happy marriage.
That is exactly why I don’t stress over being single. 🙂
 
It can also just be an opportunity to practice social niceties–being a good host, thinking of one’s guest’s comfort, polishing one’s small talk, practicing taking an interest in others and asking good questions without being intrusive or inquisitive, learning to be a good judge of character, speaking up for oneself as needed, etc.

There are many good things that one can learn via dating.
Exactly. It also gives people without brothers or sisters some experience with the variety of thinking and acting that is to be found in the opposite sex. An adult, even someone destined for Holy Orders or religious profession or vowed virginity, should have had a chance to have some one-on-one conversations with members of the opposite sex. It doesn’t have to be on a date, but the opportunity to talk to adults of the opposite sex ought to be among our experiences when we reach adulthood, if we’re going to understand other people in more than a one-dimensional way.
 
Honestly, back when I was dating, a talk about where the relationship is heading by the third or fourth date would have sent me screaming for the hills. By the fourth date, I hardly knew what a man’s favorite ice cream flavor was, let alone whether I saw THIS relationship developing into something more long-lasting. That seems a more than a little premature to me. I could tell whether I wanted to spend more time to get to know him better, but not much more than that.

A man could be a good marriage prospect, of good character and a nice guy, but that wouldn’t have meant he was MY nice guy. That was something I could only have discerned by spending much more time together and learning whether his strong points complemented my shortcomings, whether his quirks and foibles were ones I found endearing or annoying, and whether I tired of him or grew to want to spend more time with him. For me, having had a talk about whether I was actively considering a man as a marriage partner would have made it extremely awkward and uncomfortable if I found that he wasn’t the person with whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life, which is more than likely going to be the case with most dating relationships.

I found I learned a lot from dating, even if some of it was what I didn’t want in a spouse. And, as my dear mother always said, “Maybe you’ll meet one of his friends, and he’ll be the right one.”

And I could usually tell whether the person I was dating was interested in a serious relationship leading to marriage or just wanted to enjoy female company. Most people who are capable of judging a person’s character, which is part of the dating process, usually can figure that out without a formal discussion on the subject.
 
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