I stand by my response. The question was “What is the right thing for her to do?” The right thing is to marry the father of the child and live a good and holy life. There are reasons why apparently she may choose not to do the right thing. But choosing not to do the right thing is what got a 34 year old woman pregnant by a man who she just wants to be friends with.
Marriage means subordinating your own selfish interests for your spouse and for the good of the marriage. Ideally, marriage provides the healthy spousal relationship that then evolves into healthy parental relationships where the parents subordinate their selfish interests for the benefit of the child. I am a Catholic and I believe that the best thing for children is to have loving married parents.
I think the best thing for this soon-to-be-mother is to do what is best for her child. Ideally, that would be to marry the child’s father and provide the best family possible for the child and her own well-being…
I understand your sentiments, but we’re talking about a non-Catholic man who (from the context) seems to have pressured the woman into sex. It sounds like perhaps this man might not be the best choice for a spouse and father. If she marries him, she’ll be having more kids, all of whom will have
no father to guide them in the Faith, even if they do have a man in the house.
It’s sad when a person has extramarital relations. But such a person shouldn’t just blindly marry the partner when a pregnancy results. This woman is indeed called to
consider marrying this guy, but she should only do so if he could be a good husband and father. Under Church teaching she is under absolutely no obligation to marry him if she believes he would be an unfit spouse or father. In fact, she has the responsibility to choose a spouse who will help raise the children in the Faith and with good morals… so in my book, his non-Catholic state would be a deal-breaker, in addition to the fact that he wants to shack up.
It’s great when marriages work out after a child is conceived between the pair, out of wedlock… but as far as I know, just as often they do
not work out. Anecdotal evidence aside, I agree that this is a decision that needs to be with heavy consideration for the best interests of the child. I just also want to emphasize that a bad father is no better than no father at all… so “the right thing to do” really depends on the individuals involved.
Plus, she obviously already thinks there’s something amiss there, or she would be officially dating him. I agree with JimG that she shouldn’t just be following her feelings. But sometimes our intuition informs us of a person’s character before our mind can logically arrive at the same conclusions.
OP: if this woman is a serious Catholic who made a mistake and has repented, you might discuss Theology of the Body with her, or provide her with a book on the subject. If she is just a casual/cultural Catholic, you’re going to have a harder time getting through to her… but it’s worth a try.
I think what you’re looking to communicate to her is that you care about her and want to see her providing the best example and environment possible for her child (as well as respecting her own body by living chastely). She’ll have to evaluate herself whether that means marrying the father or not. I’ll join you in praying for wisdom and guidance for your cousin.
