Cross-denominational advice?

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Remember, when you get married in the Catholic Church you make promises. The biggest ones for me were the lack of birth control, and the promise to raise children Catholic. As an agnostic, I wasn’t able to make those promises so I did not get married in the church even though my parents begged me to. Don’t promise things that you won’t be able to deliver, because it will cause all kinds of strife in the family later on down the road when your kids aren’t making their sacraments.
 
We’re 50, so birthcontrol and shared children, including their upbringing, isn’t really an issue.
But you raise a good point, and I’ll track down and consider the full list.
 
Although i’m sad you weren’t able to reconcile those things, thank you for not committing to somethng you weren’t willing to go ‘all the way’ with… good on you!
 
SnowRose said:
My bf is making lets-get-married suggestions and keeps hinting at a quick civil service.
He’s cultural Catholic from a semi-devout family and I’m moderately-devout Lutheran. No impediments - single & widowed. Neither of us would ever convert, but happily acknowledge and ease mass attendance on either side.
But here’s the catch which sends me querying:
For me a civil ceremony would have the binding force of a ’church wedding’ of any kind. But should I push and insist of a full Catholic ritual (bar the communion), dispensation etc knowing that to do otherwise would affect his future relationship w the church, regardless of how he feels atm?
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Re: your question,

I sense, you’re thinking Neither of you are particularly invested in your individual faiths…, is that fair to say?
If you’re concerned that he is insisting on a Catholic ritual sans Eucharist, then while an odd restriction put there (no Eucharist), I’m just asking, what’s going on with him atm?
 
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Yes and no. Probably I’m not clear enough due to cultural or language issues.
First, the major, practical questions, like the kids’ school, work, where to live etc are of greater importance to a marriage than any wedding formalia. Secondly, there isn’t a specific marriage rite that would affect my relationship with my own church, much less with God. I didn’t mean to sound flippant or disinterested, just that (besides not vowing what you cannot keep, as Qwerty noted) it is really of less importance.
If my bf truly prefers a civil ceremony, if he doesn’t care about his own future, possible standing with his own church, then that is what he wants and I respect that stand-point. It would make the marriage no less valid and sacramental in my eyes, although I’m aware the Catholic church disagrees.

However, if he’s suggesting this because of the hassle (on top of everything else), or not having researched the requirements or of a mistaken belief that it’s what I would prefer, it’s different. And it’s something we need to discuss. But if I’m ignorant of the Catholic side, that discussion might lead us wrong.

I asked here at CAF in order to learn more of what the options and conditions might be in our case. The upsides and downsides, if you wish.

Also, from a Scandinavian perspective ’moderately devout’ apparently means something quite different from the Catholic view, as represented on these forums. I used that phrase to indicate I’m neither froth-at-the-mouth anti-church or anti-Catholic. But I’m sure I don’t fit the standard, expected mould for a ’moderately devout’ middle aged widow. 😎

Edit: I’m not sure how not planning to convert reflects on caring less about faith. (If I understood you correctly). He may be a lukewarm, cultural Catholic but he’s not about to turn Lutheran, and I wouldn’t think to even ask that. And I’m not going to convert either, although I think the Catholic church is closer in many ways than some other, technically protestant, denominations. Guess I’m more of a bridge builder than a bridge burner.
 
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SnowRose said:
I’ll track down and consider the full list.
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I think it will be discussed during the pre-cana classes. I’d also recommend that you (both of you, actually) attend the Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults (RCIA) when it starts again in September. It is not a binding course (you don’t have to convert) but it will give you a good idea of what the Church is all about and be a good refresher for him, too.
 
SnowRose said:
Edit: I’m not sure how not planning to convert reflects on caring less about faith. (If I understood you correctly).
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I was just observing there appears to be no “must do” issues, religiously speaking among you two
 
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