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Catherine_S
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I agree with you :yup: but I think that this thread may go off in a whole different direction…sometimes reality is difficult to take
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Island_Oak
Guest
Let’s say, f’irnstance, one of you grabs the other’s overcoat, scarf and leather gloves as you’re running out the door late to work–because it’s cold and you have no time to look for your own winter garb…no problem. Say you have pj’s/sweats you love to relax in that are interchangeable (not that I can imagaine this since my husband is a foot taller and twice my weight) no big deal…Thanks for the quote. But that brings me to another question> It is acceptable for women to wear more and more masculine types of clothing. I haven’t heard the church make an issue of that.If it is asin/mental disorder for men, wouldn’t wearing men’s clothing as a woman be a mental disorder as well?What do you guys think?
But if your husband is prancing around after work in your lingerie, undergarments, and fuzzy high-heeled slippers smoking a cigarette to relax–let’s just say he’s crossed a line of normal/modern androgeny in relaxation. If it were my husband–after I recovered from my laughing convulsions–it *would *concern me…but I agree with an earlier poster who said he’s probably been engaging in this for years. If it doesn’t bother you and your intimate life together is healthy–perhaps he’s just a standard deviation from average on the sexuality continuem–and probably not that uncommon. If it bothers you…would he consider talking to a professional about it? However you deal with it–I would not expose your kids to it–if for no other reason than your own privacy–you don’t want something like this coming out during show and tell!
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maria_rose
Guest
Thanks for all your posts.
Yes, he has been doing this for years. I don’t know how to keep him from wearing stuff in front of our kids except by throwing out the nighties and satin shirts/pants.
But do I really want to deal with the panic attack that will cause him?
I agree , I will talk to our marriage counslor about it.
Now don’t worry! Our marriage is not in deep trouble. We’re just working on some other couple issues.
My question is now, how do I explain his crossdressing to my children? My daughter says" daddy is playing dress up".
My boys(10 yrs and 8yrs ,both with Autism) haven’t said a word about it.
But I’m sure they’re wondering. AAH, What’s a woman to do ?
Yes, he has been doing this for years. I don’t know how to keep him from wearing stuff in front of our kids except by throwing out the nighties and satin shirts/pants.
But do I really want to deal with the panic attack that will cause him?
I agree , I will talk to our marriage counslor about it.
Now don’t worry! Our marriage is not in deep trouble. We’re just working on some other couple issues.
My question is now, how do I explain his crossdressing to my children? My daughter says" daddy is playing dress up".
My boys(10 yrs and 8yrs ,both with Autism) haven’t said a word about it.
But I’m sure they’re wondering. AAH, What’s a woman to do ?
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Katie1723
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blessedtoo
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Tell him to STOP! Tell him he is doing great emotional harm to his children, ESPECIALLY his two very young, impressionable boys! There is no way to explain this to your children other than to tell them that your husband is very ill, and needs help. Anything else you tell them will confuse them and possibly “normalize” this behavior in their minds.
What about the emotional distress it is causing your children and yourself? A panic attack, if it were even to occur, is not fatal. The man needs therapy ASAP. Your children should probably receive counseling as well.
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Mirdath
Guest
I may be being a little naive here, but if it’s just pajamas (I’ve only seen that mentioned specifically), have you considered that maybe yours are just more comfortable than his? I know which I’d take given a choice between silk and flannel. There are plenty of makers with high-quality pajamas for both sexes – wintersilks.com is one I’d recommend.
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StCsDavid
Guest
The New American Bible reads in Deuteronomy
"A woman shall not wear an article proper to a man, nor shall a man put on a woman’s dress; for anyone who does such things is an abomination to the LORD, your God.
Now we could take the passage and all point our fingers and maybe toss stones at your husband if we lived before Christ came to fulfill the law. Jesus would likely tell your husband to examine his will that compels him towards this disordered behavior and work on that. He will likely need professional counseling to overcome this habit. It’s not a great influence for the kids. IMHO, I suspect the women’s clothing is more a return to his mother or a desire for a mother.
How’s his relationship with Blessed Mother?
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Katie1723
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JLSacred
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Deutoronomy has many edicts that even Jews don’t observe today.
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alice2
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Exactly what she said. There is no way to properly explain away this behavior. And to say that he is going to have an anxiety attack if he doesn’t get to be all dolled up? What about your’s and the children’s emotional status? Does that matter?
As an parent and a spouse there are all kinds of things that I “REALLY WANT” to do. But I can’t, because I have to think about what’s best for my children and my marriage. It’s called adult responsibilty. Because he “really wants” to dress up and pretend he’s a petite little flower of femininity doesn’t make it alright. Doesn’t it matter that you find it offensive? Doesn’t it matter that the children shouldn’t be seeing this? He needs to see a counselor ASAP to find out that he is seeking comfort or whatever it is, in very inappropriate manner and how to correct it. And firstly he needs to stop dressing up in front of all of you.
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maria_rose
Guest
Thank you for all your posts.
My husband is very active in his faith; he prays every day.
Sometimes I think though that this compulsion to crossdress is an expression his artistic temperament as well. He is a brilliant artist, has worked for a variety of studios., but I’m getting off the point.
At least from your posts I surmise that it isn’t necessarily a sin, but needs to be treated. Are there any spouses out here dealing with this?
Please share your story. You can private message me.
My husband is very active in his faith; he prays every day.
Sometimes I think though that this compulsion to crossdress is an expression his artistic temperament as well. He is a brilliant artist, has worked for a variety of studios., but I’m getting off the point.
At least from your posts I surmise that it isn’t necessarily a sin, but needs to be treated. Are there any spouses out here dealing with this?
Please share your story. You can private message me.
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aspawloski4th
Guest
I think less should be focused on the sin, and more focused on why the need to crossdress. its therapy time for your husband.
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aspawloski4th
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just wondering how is the starter of this thread doing now? isanything good happenening? got the ball rolling on anyting?
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ocuinn
Guest
I would recommend the work of Conrad Baars and Anne Terruwe who have looked extensively at emotional and sexual maturity from a thoroughly Catholic perspective. Their work is in full harmony with the magisterium of the Catholic Church and Conrad Baars daughter Suzanne is regularly featured and promoted on EWTN.
His work is probably the answer you are looking for and to find a therapist who is sympathetic to this maturing process. I would recommend all of Baars books though in particular I suggest “Born Only Once” as an introduction then “Feeling and Healing your emotions” and “Psychic Wholeness and Healing”. They also have a yahoo members group and you can read more about them on the website www.conradbaars.com
It is possible there is some underlying reason why your husband feels compelled to wear these clothes. This reason can be discovered and processed in a healthy way on the road to sexual and emotional maturity. I wish you all the best in the future.
AP Quinn
His work is probably the answer you are looking for and to find a therapist who is sympathetic to this maturing process. I would recommend all of Baars books though in particular I suggest “Born Only Once” as an introduction then “Feeling and Healing your emotions” and “Psychic Wholeness and Healing”. They also have a yahoo members group and you can read more about them on the website www.conradbaars.com
It is possible there is some underlying reason why your husband feels compelled to wear these clothes. This reason can be discovered and processed in a healthy way on the road to sexual and emotional maturity. I wish you all the best in the future.
AP Quinn
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maria_rose
Guest
Things right now are status quo! Nothing has changed. He still wears and Seems quite comfortable doing it. My Husband doesn’t see it as an emotional maturity issue. He feels doing it is a great stress releaser as it doesn’t hurt anyone. And he says:“why is it such a problem?”
He doesn’t seem to get that doing it is not healthy for him as a man. What’s a woman to do?
Thanks for all your thoughts and recommendations. I will take them to heart.
He doesn’t seem to get that doing it is not healthy for him as a man. What’s a woman to do?
Thanks for all your thoughts and recommendations. I will take them to heart.
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ocuinn
Guest
It is possible that this could be more of an issue of emotional health rather than emotional maturity. It is possible that your husband sees this action as stress relieving because he is in fact satisfying a desire that has long been repressed. In other words he had a desire when he was younger which he may have considered wrong or sinful. Whenever this desire emerged he may have pushed it away because of his fear or through an act of willpower. However this desire did not go away. Instead it was pushed into an area of the mind which is no longer accessible to awareness. This is the unconscious area of our mind. Instead of getting rid of the desire he merely hid it deep down in his mind where over the years it has grown in intensity. Eventually the desire became so intense that it has forced itself into awareness but in a very different form than what it originally was. In this case it has taken the form of a compulsion to cross dress.
Baars and Terruwe have written extensively on this in “Feeling and Healing your Emotions”. If this is indeed the case your husband must come to realise that what he is doing is not in fact wrong or sinful but rather an act which is being forced upon his consciousness by an intense repressed emotion. There are ways of discovering what this repressed emotion is, to bring it into awareness where it can be guided by the reasoning mind.
This may be all gibberish to you. If it is please don’t hesitate to ask but as I’ve said this work is covered very well in the work of Conrad Baars and Anne Terruwe.
All emotions that we have are good and healthy as they have been given to us by God. However all emotions must be guided by our reasoning minds to ensure they don’t spiral out of control. Very often if a person is told as a child that certain emotions are wrong and sinful they tend to push them away, down into the unconscious at a young age. Many times this is a sexual desire. The sexual desire is a good and healthy emotion when guided by reason. It is given by God. However in the culture we have been brought up in many times this desire is presented as evil. In fact the desire is not evil or wrong at all. The sexual desire must be allowed to develop to full maturity in the life of an individual guided by reason.
If however this sexual desire is pushed into the unconscious by fear or courage it is no longer accessible to reason. It therefore can play havoc in your life and you have no control over it. This may be the case with your husband who may be manifesting a repressed desire in a certian way. To be aware of this is the first step to emotional health.
May the Lord be with you on your journey. You are in my prayers.
AP Quinn
Baars and Terruwe have written extensively on this in “Feeling and Healing your Emotions”. If this is indeed the case your husband must come to realise that what he is doing is not in fact wrong or sinful but rather an act which is being forced upon his consciousness by an intense repressed emotion. There are ways of discovering what this repressed emotion is, to bring it into awareness where it can be guided by the reasoning mind.
This may be all gibberish to you. If it is please don’t hesitate to ask but as I’ve said this work is covered very well in the work of Conrad Baars and Anne Terruwe.
All emotions that we have are good and healthy as they have been given to us by God. However all emotions must be guided by our reasoning minds to ensure they don’t spiral out of control. Very often if a person is told as a child that certain emotions are wrong and sinful they tend to push them away, down into the unconscious at a young age. Many times this is a sexual desire. The sexual desire is a good and healthy emotion when guided by reason. It is given by God. However in the culture we have been brought up in many times this desire is presented as evil. In fact the desire is not evil or wrong at all. The sexual desire must be allowed to develop to full maturity in the life of an individual guided by reason.
If however this sexual desire is pushed into the unconscious by fear or courage it is no longer accessible to reason. It therefore can play havoc in your life and you have no control over it. This may be the case with your husband who may be manifesting a repressed desire in a certian way. To be aware of this is the first step to emotional health.
May the Lord be with you on your journey. You are in my prayers.
AP Quinn
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KathleenElsie
Guest
I have thought about mens and womens clothing alot.
In the strict sense I wonder if this means women should not wear a “cup” (not sure what the ancient item would have been but I’ll bet it was available) for sports and out door use (my men folk use them) or items meant to hold male parts and such. There is an internet site that makes custom briefs for men that are well endowed if you get my drift . There were also traditional religious dress ceremonial garb that women were not to wear.
Then on the contrary a man should not wear a bra, or other personal items meant only for women. In ancient times these items were not over the counter purchases so they were not exactly traded and barterd for so our knowledge of this would be limited.
I love wearing skirts and dresses for most of my daily routine. But when mountain biking, swimming (some suits don’t let you swim LOL), playing on the trampoline or other things of this ilk some form of split skirt or pants are more modest. Yes I’m sixty years old not dead
. So the use that the item has is of major importance.
As to two kinds of material this comes from the strict kosher law of mixing meats and plants in a simple way of explaining it.
In the strict sense I wonder if this means women should not wear a “cup” (not sure what the ancient item would have been but I’ll bet it was available) for sports and out door use (my men folk use them) or items meant to hold male parts and such. There is an internet site that makes custom briefs for men that are well endowed if you get my drift
. There were also traditional religious dress ceremonial garb that women were not to wear.Then on the contrary a man should not wear a bra, or other personal items meant only for women. In ancient times these items were not over the counter purchases so they were not exactly traded and barterd for so our knowledge of this would be limited.
I love wearing skirts and dresses for most of my daily routine. But when mountain biking, swimming (some suits don’t let you swim LOL), playing on the trampoline or other things of this ilk some form of split skirt or pants are more modest. Yes I’m sixty years old not dead
. So the use that the item has is of major importance.As to two kinds of material this comes from the strict kosher law of mixing meats and plants in a simple way of explaining it.
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KathleenElsie
Guest
Get him a silk robe and other uni-sex coverups. This won’t change much excep provide a better atmosphere for yourself and your children.
God Bless
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maria_rose
Guest
Thanks for the clarification. i will mention this to our marriage/family therapist.
My husband does have some emotional and anxiety issues, but for obvious reasons I can’t go into details. Please keep him in your prayers.
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Sonic
Guest
Hi Maria Rose,
I know this thread isn’t new, but I’d like to voice my thoughts to you. First thing I’d like to say is, there is a considerable difference between a Crossdresser and a Transvestite (unless you are going by European Psychology definitions, then two terms mean the same). Many people do not know the distinction between the two.
The term Crossdresser is generally taken to mean a person who wears clothing of the opposite gender. This is not always the case, and there are other forms of crossdressing that take place. This is an umbrella term and can apply to all forms of impersonation that seemingly cross some sort of social boundary or norm.
Not all Crossdresser’s are fetishists. Crossdressing is simply a term describing behavior and doesn’t necessarily pertain to dressing as the opposite gender. Crossdressing can include people who wear fursuits (mascot costumes), cosplayers, and even elvis impersonators.
Many Crossdresser’s dress because they have developed a psychological need to wear clothes of the opposite gender, another species, a fictional character, etc. Often this behavior is a means of reducing stress (sort of like a security blanket) and makes them feel secure.
Female/ Male Impersonator refers to a person who dresses as a member of the opposite sex for theatrical reasons.
The term Tranvestite refers to a person who crossdresses for fetish reasons (paraphillia), but doesn’t include people who feel the need to change thier gender. The term Transvestite is a more specific term that falls under the category of crossdressing. A Transvestite is a person who crossdresses for sexual gratification. It is considered a fetish.
Drag Queen/King refers to a fetishist who dresses as a member of the opposite sex in order to advertise their prefered role in the sexual act. Most Drag queens have same-sex attractions and actively participate in homosexual behavior.
The term Transgender means “Changing-Gender” and refers to people who desire to or are living as a member of the opposite gender, but are not going through the process needed for sexual reassignment surgery.
The term Transexual sometimes refers to people who are in the process of changing their gender: by taking hormones and sexual reassignment surgery. It can also refer to people who have already transitioned. The term was originally intended to refer to people who had been surgically assigned the wrong gender at birth.
These terms were designed to describe behavior and not psychological states. Other terms, like paraphillia or dysphoria, are used to describe the psychological make up of an individual.
For example, a person can not be a Transvestite. They can only exhibit behaviors that fall under the definition of Transvestite.
I do think you need to sit down with you husband and find out his reasons for his behavior. Your husband may be a Crossdresser, but he may not be a Transvestite. Your family needs counseling, because all this gender stuff causes confusion in the family environment, and if your husband gets the wrong messages from the wrong people (like the Gay Pride Community)… then it could result in big problems.
Remember, he is probably just as confused about his habit as you are… maybe even more so. That is why it is important that you and him make an effort to understand his motivations for his habit. Be patient and charitable, and ask Our lady and the saints to pray for him.
Crossdressing is not a sin, but it can be caused by sinful behaviors like Tranvestism and fetishes. That can be said about any habit.
God bless you.
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