Crossdressing a sin?

[Guldenat]

Not to make generalizations here, but since your husband is an accomplished artist, artists in my experience tend to… have an easier time dispensing with social moreys. Perhaps he understands that the distinction between male and female clothing is purely a human construct, and since it is, in his mind he is simply making a decision of comfort. I disagree with some posts automatically assuming he is some sort of sexual deviant and has some emotional problems. If looked at in a purely logical and objective fashion (this only works if HE actually views it this way, if not… well then the posts I disagreed with are probably correct) then technically there would be nothing wrong with what he’s doing.

Having said all that, if it makes you and the kids uncomfortable, get him OUT OF THOSE CLOTHES!!

 

[maria_rose]

Hi Maria Rose,

I know this thread isn’t new, but I’d like to voice my thoughts to you. First thing I’d like to say is, there is a considerable difference between a Crossdresser and a Transvestite (unless you are going by European Psychology definitions, then two terms mean the same). Many people do not know the distinction between the two.

The term Crossdresser is generally taken to mean a person who wears clothing of the opposite gender. This is not always the case, and there are other forms of crossdressing that take place. This is an umbrella term and can apply to all forms of impersonation that seemingly cross some sort of social boundary or norm.

Not all Crossdresser’s are fetishists. Crossdressing is simply a term describing behavior and doesn’t necessarily pertain to dressing as the opposite gender. Crossdressing can include people who wear fursuits (mascot costumes), cosplayers, and even elvis impersonators.

Many Crossdresser’s dress because they have developed a psychological need to wear clothes of the opposite gender, another species, a fictional character, etc. Often this behavior is a means of reducing stress (sort of like a security blanket) and makes them feel secure.

Female/ Male Impersonator refers to a person who dresses as a member of the opposite sex for theatrical reasons.

The term Tranvestite refers to a person who crossdresses for fetish reasons (paraphillia), but doesn’t include people who feel the need to change thier gender. The term Transvestite is a more specific term that falls under the category of crossdressing. A Transvestite is a person who crossdresses for sexual gratification. It is considered a fetish.

Drag Queen/King refers to a fetishist who dresses as a member of the opposite sex in order to advertise their prefered role in the sexual act. Most Drag queens have same-sex attractions and actively participate in homosexual behavior.

The term Transgender means “Changing-Gender” and refers to people who desire to or are living as a member of the opposite gender, but are not going through the process needed for sexual reassignment surgery.

The term Transexual sometimes refers to people who are in the process of changing their gender: by taking hormones and sexual reassignment surgery. It can also refer to people who have already transitioned. The term was originally intended to refer to people who had been surgically assigned the wrong gender at birth.

These terms were designed to describe behavior and not psychological states. Other terms, like paraphillia or dysphoria, are used to describe the psychological make up of an individual.

For example, a person can not be a Transvestite. They can only exhibit behaviors that fall under the definition of Transvestite.

I do think you need to sit down with you husband and find out his reasons for his behavior. Your husband may be a Crossdresser, but he may not be a Transvestite. Your family needs counseling, because all this gender stuff causes confusion in the family environment, and if your husband gets the wrong messages from the wrong people (like the Gay Pride Community)… then it could result in big problems.

Remember, he is probably just as confused about his habit as you are… maybe even more so. That is why it is important that you and him make an effort to understand his motivations for his habit. Be patient and charitable, and ask Our lady and the saints to pray for him.

Crossdressing is not a sin, but it can be caused by sinful behaviors like Tranvestism and fetishes. That can be said about any habit.

God bless you.

Sonic, Thank you so much for your definitions of the separate terms. you seem to know much about this. Are you a mental health professional?
With my husband it is a habit to dress in satin feminine clothing for relaxation , stress relief and maybe some sexual gratification,I’m not sure. it does drive me nuts at times because it impacts the way I view him as a man.
Since he’s got a fulltime job again with decent pay the incidents of crossdressing have decreased a little bit.
Please kepp him in your prayers.

 

[AndyF]

Marie Rose:

Yes. The most serious component and always will be, is the influence to the children.

Your husband is being set up.

The act is clearly a deviation to the sanctity of God’s purpose and Holy union between man and woman. Satan first causes a person to appeal to his curiosity. At this stage the afflicted sees no harm has a result of it. The ruse is to get the person to submit to the temptation first. Once weakened by submission and having lost a measure of grace to assist him in the second onslaught, he is made ready for more serious sins.

The point to remember is not always will the consequences be seen as in this initial stage. NOT seeing the consequences should send up red flags of warning. Already he has influenced his children and they too will see “nothing wrong” in cross dressing later in life. The culpability that their cross dressing brings on themselves and the inevitable compounding of more serious sins they will incur later in life will be shared with their father.

The good news is the “stress” will pass and it is Satan’s persuader in this case. God doesn’t allow so much affliction that we cannot bare it, and He only allows a certain time for demons to tempt. To the relief of the afflicted, demons are forced to let up after a certain amount of time. Submission changes the time table, strength of temptation and weakening of the will. Demons can cause and emulate all forms of discomfort including illnesses.

Why not find a means to break the stress?. Take the family out for dedicated time togeather. The father should explain that he was wrong, and that the important thing is to correct the mistake. His resolve to break out of this will help restore the graces he has lost, but will only occur when he places his trust in God instead of the unknown as he is now. I think it is not too late at this stage.

Does your family practice the Faith?

AndyF

 

[Newbie2]

A man however… has no practical need for a skirt, hose, or any other “female” garment. The ONLY exception…(and this is a stretch) is if he is full blood Scot and might wear a kilt.

Whoh, there, pardner! Don’t confuse skirts and kilts…say that to a man in a kilt and you may get kilt! One does not need to be a Scot to wear a kilt, for the most part it’s a uniform or traditional wear, and most Scots in Scotland don’t wear one unless it’s an event.

Being a bagpiper, it’s a issue that comes up every now and then…

Anyway, to the problem at hand…“crossdressing” as a result of stress, isn’t normal behavior, and you are wise to bring it up at counceling. There may be deeper matters at hand and “stress” may only be an excuse to deflect dealing with other underlying problems.

 

[maria_rose]

Marie Rose:

Yes. The most serious component and always will be, is the influence to the children.

Your husband is being set up.

The act is clearly a deviation to the sanctity of God’s purpose and Holy union between man and woman. Satan first causes a person to appeal to his curiosity. At this stage the afflicted sees no harm has a result of it. The ruse is to get the person to submit to the temptation first. Once weakened by submission and having lost a measure of grace to assist him in the second onslaught, he is made ready for more serious sins.

The point to remember is not always will the consequences be seen as in this initial stage. NOT seeing the consequences should send up red flags of warning. Already he has influenced his children and they too will see “nothing wrong” in cross dressing later in life. The culpability that their cross dressing brings on themselves and the inevitable compounding of more serious sins they will incur later in life will be shared with their father.

The good news is the “stress” will pass and it is Satan’s persuader in this case. God doesn’t allow so much affliction that we cannot bare it, and He only allows a certain time for demons to tempt. To the relief of the afflicted, demons are forced to let up after a certain amount of time. Submission changes the time table, strength of temptation and weakening of the will. Demons can cause and emulate all forms of discomfort including illnesses.

Why not find a means to break the stress?. Take the family out for dedicated time togeather. The father should explain that he was wrong, and that the important thing is to correct the mistake. His resolve to break out of this will help restore the graces he has lost, but will only occur when he places his trust in God instead of the unknown as he is now. I think it is not too late at this stage.

Does your family practice the Faith?

AndyF

Yes we are very close to our faith. My husband has had this affliction since his early twenties and he is now 47yrs old.
God bless him, he is a good husband, providing for his family and struggling to do what’s right, but this is a tough nut for him to crack. Please continue to storm the heavens for him.
I am praying as well.

 

[hilde_the_dog]

Correct me if I’m wrong but did not Christ fulfill the OT so that we would not be subject to those rules?

 

[Sonic]

Sonic, Thank you so much for your definitions of the separate terms. you seem to know much about this. Are you a mental health professional?

(Part 1 of reply)

You’re welcome, Maria.

I moderate a small support and prayer group online. Crossdressing is one of the difficulties some of the members in the group have struggled with. It was also a subject I did research on in college.

With my husband it is a habit to dress in satin feminine clothing for relaxation , stress relief and maybe some sexual gratification,I’m not sure. it does drive me nuts at times because it impacts the way I view him as a man.
Since he’s got a fulltime job again with decent pay the incidents of crossdressing have decreased a little bit.
Please kepp him in your prayers.

I can understand why it might make you crazy. It’s okay to feel that way.

Most crossdressers are heterosexual men and many are married. We never here about them, because they do it mostly in private. The motivation to crossdress is not always associated with gender or sexuality. Your husband is no less a man for crossdressing then any other man who doesn’t. This is something you need emphasize to him in your relationship. Most gender confusion, associated with crossdressers, comes from the fact that people all of a sudden treat them differently (and because they see others treat crossdressers differently). The general public imagines crossdressers as outrageous drag queens prancing around at clubs and parades. Nothing could be further from the truth. Each crossdresser is an individual, and each situation concerning crossdressing is different. No two crossdressers have the exact same reasons for dong what they do.

It is a human tendency to try and make things fit into categories. People will treat a man as if he were a woman, a sissy, a homosexual, or a sexual deviant once they find out about his crossdressing. This just causes the person to become even more confused and isolated… and it polarizes the situation to the point that it may force the crossdresser to choose to fit into a category he may not have otherwise chosen.

To loosely quote Father Groeschel… sometimes it’s not always easy to figure out who is at fault in these situations. A lot of times, individuals feel they must conform to what society expects of them. Many crossdressers end up choosing to be homosexuals or involved in the homosexual lifestyle, because society expects them to act that way and won’t allow them to associate outside of those circles. It’s not always easy for a person to admit they are a crossdresser, but once they do… it can be even harder to find the right understanding and support.

Your husband is still your husband, and he is still the same man you married. Nothing has changed about his personality. Remind him of this, and don’t let him give into the idea that he’s a “fag”, “gay”, “sissy”, or a “girl” because of his habit. This is something he has had with him for a while, but it does not make him any less of a person or man to have an inclination toward “feminine” things. It doesn’t change his sexuality or gender. Some men do have personalities that are inclined towards feminine things.

 

[Sonic]

(Part 2 of reply)

The first thing you and him need to do is set boundaries concerning his habit. This is so your children will not experience any more confusion. For now, as far as they are concerned, your husband was simply costuming or playing dress up (if they are still young). If they are old enough to understand what’s going on, then it’s important that they also know that your husbands habit doesn’t make him any less of a man, a homosexual, or a sexual deviant.

More importantly, boundaries will help your husband realize that he is in control of his actions/ habit, and that his habit does not control him.

Arousal is a normal symptom associated with crossdressers. It often starts when they are young (before the age of reason or puberty) mainly because the individual is intensely focused on their pubic/genital area, and such feelings are usually connected with feelings of anxiety and not sexuality. Most crossdressers report that the arousal feelings eventually went away when they finally stopped obsessing and hiding about their habit.

The thing to remember is that crossdressing does not automatically make your husband a transvestite. Transvestism is a seperate behavior which involves crossdressing.

Transvestism is a fetish. To understand this better, you need to know what a fetish is. A Fetish is the sexual attraction to an inanimate object or symbol, which represents a person or a particular sexual situation. Fetishes usually develop after puberty… when a person is fully aware of the concept of sex. For a Transvestite, an article of women’s clothing represents a fetish or symbol associated with a person or situation whom they are or were sexually attracted to. A person uses a fetish to think about a person or sexual event and relive it over and over in their minds. This is a form of obsession, and is not usually related to gender identity or an affinity for feminine items. Transvestites do not usually crossdress because they want to look female or because they want to assume the identity of a female. This is why Transvestism is placed into it’s own category.

It’s important that you find out whether your husbands habit is a fetish or not. My guess is that it is probably not, because he is doing it openly in front of his family. If it is a fetish, then you can already understand why it is a serious problem (much more then the crossdressing itself).

I will continue praying for both of you. If you want to chat, then my IM is always open, and so is the prayer group I’m involved with. Take care and God bless you.

 

[AndyF]

maria rose:

Perhaps an initiative is expected of your family.

For starters and proof of intent is a charitable gesture as an initial offering to Jesus. Of course works of charity will need to be continuous to protect yourself(family) from Satan’s power.

Prayer is required. Devotions of various forms will show effect. The Holy Mother has already welcomed those who are in need through her many promises. What has helped me immensely is the Rosary. It should be said once a day every day preferably in the morning before breakfast as a sacrifice. A devotion to the Sacred Heart in the form of a Novena will also be a great help. There are many but I should not end without mentioning the help from that loved Apostle and cousin of Jesus, St. Jude, patron saint of seemingly hopeless causes. The number of miracles he has caused to occur are truly astounding. As a spokesperson for your family and your pressing proof of love for your family by wishing to resolve this problem, I am sure he would be receptive to your needs.

Your endeavors/prayers will also be credited to your husband as well due to you being bound as one to him in marriage. But it will be expected that he help himself as well. It is imperitive that he go to confession, even if he can’t see the sense in it now. It will give him graces to help him. The best receptive environment to receive assistance is one where you all make a concerted effort in various ways.

It will call on you to never give up and to persevere. There will be letdowns and successes along the way. The Rosary will eventually show gains, dry at first and seemingly useless. This is a test and you must never stop in your Rosary commitment. You will eventually love the Rosary and depend on it.

I wish you and your family well in your commitment.
I will certainly pray for you.

AndyF

www.theholyrosary.org

stjudenovena.org/stjudeprayers.html

 

[Holly3278]

I would strongly urge your husband to get involved in therapy with a Christian or preferably Catholic therapist.

 

[Sonic]

I would strongly urge your husband to get involved in therapy with a Christian or preferably Catholic therapist.

I agree. That’s very important, because there are too many therapists that are antagonistic or indifferent to religion… especially Christianity… specifically Catholicism.

 

[CalPiper]

Hi.

This is a question I’ve struggled with a lot, personally.

The difference, for me, is that I’m an actor and comedian, and use cross-dressing as a tool. A Jesuit, a few years back, assured me that it could be a legitimate ministerial tool, as long as “I don’t identify TOO much with my persona.” In other words, I write plays, direct and act, with cross-dressing as part of what I do.

At the school for which he taught, he and the other Jesuits on staff would dress in tutus for the final assembly, to entertain the students… all in good fun.

That being said, I take my chastity and sobriety seriously (I neither drink nor use drugs), so the traditional drag scene(s) within gay culture have not interested me much. I also identify as a straight man…

As for the presence of children, for me it would depend VERY much on one’s motivations. If my children (for the moment, I am childless) were to see me in drag, as a performer, I could explain it the same way I would if they saw me in any other costume.

In short, I would suggest that your husband consider his cross-dressing as a “personae”. Who knows? It could develop into an act, or could further fuel his creativity.

God bless

 

[Snowy]

What is a sin is to do something you probably realize is going to mess up your kids just because you feel like doing it. If I felt the compulsion to look like a 4-day-old cadaver in front of my children I wouldn’t need to look for a verse in the Bible that says “thou shalt not dress like a Goth” to stop myself.

 

[JPUSC]

I’m confused…how does crossdressing relieve stress? Is it because women’s clothes are silky or feel better?

I’ve never met anyone who crossdressed before so I’m having a hard time understanding this.

 

[CalPiper]

I am an adult convert. During my Rite of Initiation (which I did alone… weren’t many converts around that year), I explained to the priest that I was a cross-dresser. I wanted to know: a) is it a sin, in the eyes of the Church; and, b) if not, any suggestions regarding the practice?

This priest has a PhD in Moral Theology from Rome i.e. the horse’s mouth. He explained to me that, in and of itself, cross-dressing is not a sin, so I need not stop.

I placed my practice of cross-dressing before the Hierarchy of the Church, and received my answer.

Now, why do I do it?

For me, it is intimately connected to the reasons why I act (or write, or sing): experience of the Other. It is a relief, as an artist, to get out of myself and try to sympathize with the other. As a writer I can find myself identifying (artistically) with a 4 year old girl, a 70 year old black man, an adulteress woman, etc. Same, too, for acting.

Cross-dressing, for me, is the root of that experience of the Other. It gives me permission to explore some ‘modes’, as it were, that would normally be off-limits.

It’s unfortunate that, in some cases, cross-dressers perpetuate misogyny, if only because the world can still be misogynous.

Here are some of the gifts I’ve experienced:

1. enhanced creativity
2. enhanced ability to be emotionally intimate with people
3. greater comfort and acceptance of my own body
4. releases of laughter and joy
5. an ability to reach out to some deeply sinful people e.g. prostitutes and drug addicts

There are more.

By the way, I am delighted that this thread is continuing. I appreciate that it was begun, last year(!).

calpiper

 

[Snowy]

Calpiper, if I told you that I often wear a furry bunny suit, and that it helps me get in touch with my animal side, appreciate better all of God’s creations, enhances my creativity and helps me approach sinful crazy people, would you suspect that I have some issues that I’m trying to rationalize?

 

[CalPiper]

Snowy,

I’ll repeat: I placed my question before the hierarchy of the Church, and received my answer.

I assume that you are not an expert on Moral Theology?

Now, there are a few points in your “argument” I’d like to address:

1. If wearing a bunny suit helps enhance your creativity, then go ahead. I wouldn’t do it, but it sounds harmless enough. If I were writing “Watership Down”, where all the characters are rabbits, then perhaps, yes. Not uncommon for actors, for example, to imagine a character they are developing to be an animal, and see what comes to light. The “method” school uses it all the time.

If I start to believe that I’m a bunny, and lose sight of my identity as a human male, etc., then there’s a problem – an underlying psychological problem, it seems to me.

As a cross-dresser, I don’t believe that I’m a woman… I’m a man, and happy to be one. But I have a personae, that I have used on stage, and it is as if “she” has a life of her own.

Artists, even Catholic ones, often hang out with other artists for a reason… so they can be understood.

People often want to condemn what they don’t understand, even if it is not wrong.

By the way, have you ever tried cross-dressing? You might like it…

calpiper

 

[mic_murph]

Cross-dressing (from compulsion) is DEFINATELY a sin. I should know. I have been plagued by this vice for all my adult life. I am sick of it. It is demonic. There is a clear erotic element to this sin, and therefore it is mortally sinful.

St Thomas Aquinas addressed this… he said [paraphrasing] that wearing the attire of the opposite sex arouses sexual feelings in some people and therefore it is sinful to do so.

The devil will use ANYTHING he can to make you turn from God. Some men can dress up for a pantomime and feel stupid. The case can be made that such people are not sinning against purity, as it is never an occasion of sin for them.

However, the person who has a compulsion to cross-dress, does so for some sort of thinly disguised sexual release. In such cases, cross-dressing is a type of pornography. It is an occasion of mortal sin, and therefore must be avoided like any other occasion.

It is not a harmless vice. It falls basically under the category of “masturbation”.

One solution is to find good hobbies that one can do to enjoy recreation time; to avoid wireless internet, laptops etc.; to reduce time-alone; to say the daily Rosary and frequent confession persistently.

 

[aspawloski4th]

I dress in ‘men’s clothes’ all the time. I love practical hiking shoes, khaki pants, drivers shirts, etc. I guess I’ve always been a tomboy. I love LL Bean and REI. For some reason it’s more acceptable for a woman to dress like a guy than the other way around. I’m glad I can dress for comfort.

If my husband dressed like a woman I’d be concerned. I suppose that’s a double standard. I think it’s strange that he does it in front of your children.

Doule standards are wrong, all of them.

 

[aspawloski4th]

Cross-dressing (from compulsion) is DEFINATELY a sin. I should know. I have been plagued by this vice for all my adult life. I am sick of it. It is demonic. There is a clear erotic element to this sin, and therefore it is mortally sinful.

St Thomas Aquinas addressed this… he said [paraphrasing] that wearing the attire of the opposite sex arouses sexual feelings in some people and therefore it is sinful to do so.

The devil will use ANYTHING he can to make you turn from God. Some men can dress up for a pantomime and feel stupid. The case can be made that such people are not sinning against purity, as it is never an occasion of sin for them.

However, the person who has a compulsion to cross-dress, does so for some sort of thinly disguised sexual release. In such cases, cross-dressing is a type of pornography. It is an occasion of mortal sin, and therefore must be avoided like any other occasion.

It is not a harmless vice. It falls basically under the category of “masturbation”.

One solution is to find good hobbies that one can do to enjoy recreation time; to avoid wireless internet, laptops etc.; to reduce time-alone; to say the daily Rosary and frequent confession persistently.

I know people who crossdress and get nothing sexual out of it. You need to stop making blanket statements.