Cry Room Reform?

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In my “dream parish:”
  1. The cry room would be for ages 2 and under. Children need to learn how to behave in Mass, sure, but they’re not going to learn much while they’re little bitty tots.
  2. Some form of religious-oriented childcare, a luxury available to us at the later Mass in my old parish. Our program actually started at 18 months and went to age 4, but something at least for the 3-4-year-old set is optimum.
This makes Church a positive learning experience for them, but they’re not wrecking havoc and spilling juice boxes among nursing mothers or babies needing a cry room wind-down session.

By age 5, I have no problem with parents teaching them by example the ins-and-outs of Mass participation.
 
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That is too bad. Maybe it could be used as a choir loft or a extra seating area again?
 
Amerigirl08 said:
We are actually planning on getting rid of our cry room.
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Our current church building was designed maybe 10 years ago and finally built and completed about 8 years ago. The original plans had 2 cry rooms that sat maybe 8-12 people each. When our current pastor came in and saw the plans he put big red Xs over both of them. He said he was not going to build rooms that “look like holding cells” where you “banish” families just because they have kids. Instead he had the relatively large narthex opened up and added windows with direct view of the altar. We also use it to add 150 extra chairs for overflow seating at Christmas and Easter.

Normally the area has a couple pews along with a handful of rocking chairs so that parents can sooth their children or nurse if that is their desire. Since it’s not enclosed, parents can also walk with their children to calm them down. His intent was for the area to be used to sooth children so that they and their parents could return to the nave, rather than where people went to avoid others in the nave glaring at them.
 
I think the idea of an age limitation on the cry room is a good one, also its temporary use to sooth a kid who is actually starting to cry, or a baby in arms, as opposed to being a “holding cell” for rambunctious kids who are old enough to be running around or bringing in a lot of play toys and snacks.
 
I can’t believe how many people are saying that their parish has a cry room. I thought those went out of favor at least twenty years ago. I haven’t seen a dedicated cry room since the eighties. All I’ve seen in recent years are open areas like @Usige described.
 
At my church, the chapel functions as the cry room during Mass held in the church.

A sound system and microphone means that the Mass can be heard through the speakers and seen through the windows - good idea if you ask me.
 
In the newer churches, when Mass is not going on, cry rooms can double as various types of all-purpose rooms. One church I frequently attended had a sign on the old confessional alerting people that “Confessions will be heard in the Cry Room” rather than in the old confessional box. I pictured penitents crying over their sins.
 
My church doesn’t have a cry room, bit I would appreciate reminders to be made that we do not eat or drink or bring toys to mass.

Whole generations of us were raised without being entertained by IPads and toys, goldfish crackers and sippy cups. Because we were raised to behave, we learned to. Parents stepped out to the narthex to correct little ones as needed…not to entertain, but to either soothe if it was an infant, or gently correct in the case of toddler’s and older children. Kids learn quickly when the boundaries and expectations stay the same.

Providing children a good breakfast before mass eliminates the need to eat at church. Other than infants, nobody needs food or drink at mass.

We do have childcare available for infants 6 months+ and toddlers, and children’s liturgy of the word for grade school children who wish to go for part of mass. Not all parents use it but enough do to really cut down on chaos, and also meet the needs of the children.
 
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The last thing we did with the kids before leaving for Mass was a bathroom visit. That insured we wouldn’t have to leave in the middle of Mass for a pee break. The only one who got to drink in church was the nursing infant, and that only rarely because I usually nursed just before leaving the house. No toys, just their blankie and some books until they were old enough to really pay attention to what was going on.

Though, I must say that they pay attention very young if given a chance to. One Sunday when the choir was not present, I was sitting in front of a family with a child who wasn’t much more than 18 months old. She’d been at Mass every Sunday since birth, always in the 2nd or 3rd pew, with Nanny whispering explanations in her ear. When Father started to process from the altar to the ambo with the Gospel Book there was no singing of the Gospel Acclamation. That’s when we heard this little voice say “Alleluia? Alleluia?”

I must say that my parents never took us out of church to correct us. My father’s Vulcan knee squeeze, unseen by anyone in neighbouring pews, was all that was necessary to keep our behavior in check. And the knowledge that the consequences of misbehaving we’d face when we got home were simply not worth it.
 
Peonies said:
@mrsdizzyd If an earlier Mass time is feasible for you, you might find the cry room empty and a usable space for worship
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An earlier mass time isn’t feasible at this time, but I will definitely keep this suggestion in mind.
 
Usige said:
Our current church building was designed maybe 10 years ago and finally built and completed about 8 years ago. The original plans had 2 cry rooms that sat maybe 8-12 people each. When our current pastor came in and saw the plans he put big red Xs over both of them. He said he was not going to build rooms that “look like holding cells” where you “banish” families just because they have kids. Instead he had the relatively large narthex opened up and added windows with direct view of the altar. We also use it to add 150 extra chairs for overflow seating at Christmas and Easter.

Normally the area has a couple pews along with a handful of rocking chairs so that parents can sooth their children or nurse if that is their desire. Since it’s not enclosed, parents can also walk with their children to calm them down. His intent was for the area to be used to sooth children so that they and their parents could return to the nave, rather than where people went to avoid others in the nave glaring at them.
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I love it! Children need to be part of the congregation, not banished. I also have issues with the kids being sent off for the Children’s Liturgy of the Word. I know, it’s cute seeing them being prayed over and it is good that they get to have it explained to them at their own level, but they are part of the Church. Some say they are the future of the Church, but I disagree, they ARE the Church.
 
It is very difficult to change the “culture” of a parish cry room. I think it takes some conscientious effort from the pastor. There shouldn’t be any toys (I knew one parish that kept a toy box in their cry room). It’s helpful if there is regular seating and not wide open spaces.

A pastor does have to be careful about how he goes about it, though. Making young parents feel like they and their children are not welcome is a good way to drive people away from the Church.

I have a love/hate relationship with cry rooms. From the day my kids were born, it was important to me to not use the cry room because I didn’t want them to think that Mass was a place to play. We sat in the first pew every Sunday. Of course, then I had a son who is non-verbal autistic. We started using the cry room when he was 7 because we moved to a parish with a different lay out and because he was getting too heavy for me to hold the entire time. Thank you, Lord, for opportunities for humility. 🙂
 
Tis_Bearself said:
I’ve seen one church that actually has two rooms: a cry room, which is for kids who cry and rush around, and a quiet room, for anyone of any age who needs less stimulation (the day I was there, two parents were in the quiet room with their young adult child). This par
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What a wonderful idea! My (autistic) teenage daughter often needs to leave the church for a few minutes due to overstimulstion and this would be very helpful for her.
 
Joe_5859 said:
Thank you, Lord, for opportunities for humility. 🙂
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Yes! We get plenty of those, too. This past Sunday we made it to the Our Father before he broke out into an uncontrollable fit of giggles. My husband got up to take him to the Narthex only to see him wiggle free and go running and flapping to the back door. He was having a grand ole time. My husband and I were just trying to disappear into the walls.
 
babochka said:
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Tis_Bearself:
I’ve seen one church that actually has two rooms: a cry room, which is for kids who cry and rush around, and a quiet room, for anyone of any age who needs less stimulation (the day I was there, two parents were in the quiet room with their young adult child). This par
Click to expand...
What a wonderful idea! My (autistic) teenage daughter often needs to leave the church for a few minutes due to overstimulstion and this would be very helpful for her.
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That is a great idea! I missed that suggestion!
 
I know that feeling. 😑 Hang in there! While there are always going to be some people that look on disapprovingly anytime a child makes a peep, I’ve found that most people are very sympathetic and understanding.
 
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