Cry Room Reform?

[babochka]

jrgmercado:

Our parish doesn’t call it a “Cry Room” , sign says “Mother’s room” and it doubles as a “Bride’s room” for weddings.

Where is the Fathers’ Room?

Exactly. My husband is just as likely as I am to take a restless kid out of Mass. Especially in the days when we always had a newborn and a toddler, I was either nursing or had a sleeping baby in my arms. My husband would take out the toddler when necessary.

 

[bassmansteiny]

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[paperwight]

It’s not often I disagree with you, Jharek, but actually, I don’t think it’s a good idea to encourage children to scribble on church property. . They can easily move on to scribbling in the hymn books if not closely supervised. It would only take a minute’s inattention by a parent.

 

[JanR]

In our church, there are people who voluntarily clean the carpet in the cry room. They pick up the snacks and put away the playthings. They make it a point to keep it maintained, along with the rest of the church.

Yes, it is sort of a playroom for very small kids, but it’s soundproof and parents can still watch the Mass through the large picture window in front. It’s in the balcony.

Even so, it’s better than just sitting in a pew and letting kids scream. The problem is our church is that most parents won’t even use the cry room.

The main purpose is for kids too young to know how to behave at Mass. It gives them a place to go where they can’t disrupt the services, until such time as they can be taught about the Mass and how to comport themselves in the main church. After that, it’s a matter of parents enforcing discipline.

 

[JanetF]

My parish doesn’t have a cry room. Father is adamant that children stay with the congregation during mass. Parents can take them outside the main church area (I guess it’s a lobby) if necessary.

IME, most cry rooms in other parishes I visited are exactly like you described which defeats the entire purpose IMO.

 

[tafan2]

Cry room reform should consist of getting rid of cry rooms. All kids are different, but in general, kids who go to cry rooms as babies and toddlers are years behind other kids with regards to good behavior in church.

Your pastor is spot on.

 

[mrsdizzyd]

IME, most cry rooms in other parishes I visited are exactly like you described which defeats the entire purpose IMO.

Yes, that is my impression. It seems a culture shift would have to occur in order for things to change, and culture shifts are hard to pull off.

I was hoping someone would have a success story to share. Apparently, cry rooms either remain totally unusable or they end up closed.

 

[mrsdizzyd]

All kids are different, but in general, kids who go to cry rooms as babies and toddlers are years behind other kids with regards to good behavior in church.

Yes, but I can see a scenario in which they would be very useful for a mom of a fussy baby or a parent with a special needs child.

 

[Joe_5859]

I was hoping someone would have a success story to share. Apparently, cry rooms either remain totally unusable or they end up closed.

I do feel like the cry room at my parish is utilized relatively well. There are weeks where the cry room is quieter than the main body of the Church.

When people are used to treating it as the place to play without care or concern for anyone else, it’s hard to change that dynamic.

 

[Shasta-Rose]

My mother wouldn’t have taken me into church at a super young age, when I couldn’t understand directions like “quiet!”. After that, I did go into church with my parents, knowing (being told in advance) that if I made a peep, I was going to pay for it big time when we got home. My mother was one who didn’t make empty threats and I knew she would follow up on this if I was bad in church. I never made a peep. Most of children my age were also pretty good in church. Just how it was back in the Late Bronze Age.

I go to the earliest Mass, hoping to miss most of the noise. We still have some people come in with kids, and a few of them are disruptively loud. The general attitude seems to be, “Oh, dear, oh dear, well…what can we do?” We do have a nice cry room but, you can count on it, those who can benefit from it the most are the very ones who will never use it.

No, I don’t enjoy the noise, but from a different viewpoint, I have to say that my hat’s off to people who get up sometime before dawn and get five kids dressed and off to the early Mass. It shows a certain amount of determination if nothing else. We have a man who comes with five kids—one very good six-year-old (I’m estimating), one infant, and three that are about three years old (maybe triplets?). He comes in after the Collect or even after the Gloria, sits in the front which seems to be saved for him, and a certain amount of noise is inevitable. Still, I have to admit that just getting them there is probably not easy for him. So I mentally give him some points for that.

 

[mrsdizzyd]

We do have a nice cry room but, you can count on it, those who can benefit from it the most are the very ones who will never use it.

Is it nice? Have you been in there during mass?

Our looks nice enough. Big windows, clear view, pews, etc. But, walk in there during mass. You’ll want to get out of there as soon as possible.

 

[babochka]

Shasta-Rose:

We do have a nice cry room but, you can count on it, those who can benefit from it the most are the very ones who will never use it.

Is it nice? Have you been in there during mass?

Our looks nice enough. Big windows, clear view, pews, etc. But, walk in there during mass. You’ll want to get out of there as soon as possible.

Ours is nice, but rarely used. The moms who retreat there quickly return.

 

[blackforest]

I would still greatly appreciate a nursery space for running, climbing, all-out wild tots. I could talk a crying baby to the narthex and breastfeed while stilling hearing Mass through the loudspeaker. (And to be clear, I do this for the noise of the baby disturbing others. I don’t give a rat’s patooey about breastfeeding in public - someone would have to look close to even know I’m doing it! But that’s a whole other “fun” topic that’s been beaten to a pulp on CAF).

But the way toddlers run around and make noise, a “kid zone”/preschool class is ideal. I couldn’t have thanked my last parish enough for having one, and it makes a lot more sense than a “cry” room packed with families trying to hear the Mass.

 

[Shasta-Rose]

Have to admit, I haven’t been there during Mass. Been there for a few various meetings–with our catechist and for chat time with some other weekday Mass attendees. Very nice room–large with big windows and tables and chairs.

 

[tafan2]

Most toddlers can learn to behave in Church for an hour. But if you give them a cry room/nursury soac to run wild in, they will still be misbehaving in church when they are 5 or 6 years old. Between my own kids and lots of nieces and nephews and observing kids at mass, I am certain of what I stated abive, kids who spend there time in mass in a cry room are years behind kids who are taught to go to mass with regards to behavior in church.

 

[TC3033]

My parish doesn’t have a cry room. Father is adamant that children stay with the congregation during mass.

OMG, I would have been staying home with my 2 year old rather than going to Mass. He could make it about 10 min before he needed to be up and moving. I could log 2K-3K steps with him in an hour.

Most toddlers can learn to behave in Church for an hour. But if you give them a cry room/nursury soac to run wild in, they will still be misbehaving in church when they are 5 or 6 years old.

I guess my n=1 experience is different…¯_(ツ)_/¯

Two of my three kids were very active. Around 4 our oldest was really good about sitting, our middle son was earlier, and our 3 year old is still a “wild card”. For our oldest and now youngest it wasn’t/isn’t the terrible 2’s but the terrible 3’s. Having a place to take them is a need.

The two oldest rarely had problems once they got to that kindergarten age. Kids are different…

 

[blackforest]

Between my own kids, kids in my mega-parish, and many nieces and nephews . . . . well, we’ll just have to agree to disagree.

No, I don’t enjoy the noise, but from a different viewpoint, I have to say that my hat’s off to people who get up sometime before dawn and get five kids dressed and off to the early Mass.

For me, the earlier Mass is more a matter of getting the husband out of bed and dressed . . .

 

[tafan2]

I agree that kids are different and there are exceptions to the rule. I had some kids who were very active. By the time they were 2 they knew how to behave in mass. We had to come up with some tricks at times. For example, we would typically promise a treat after mass if everyone behaved, and the treats were never bought for any kid if anyone misbehaved. That typically did the trick, as even a two year old did not want the other kids on his case as to why they didn’t get their ice cream or candy. Also, we found that taking away a reward seems to be a much more memorable/effective means than some type of punishment.

We had a one year old who would not sit still in mass with his mother, but he would with me. We sat on opposite sides of a crowded church for a couple of months.

But I have two siblings who always had a cry room they used and their kids did not behave even when they were 5 or 6 in mass. Our kids and my sibling who also did not have utilize a cry room had kids who would behave by the time they were three.

Watching other young families in church, I am sure I am typically correct. And I have a grandson who is now almost 4 and he behaves very well in mass. Has for the last couple of years.

 

[TC3033]

Eh, I guess I’d have to disagree. We had to utilize the “gathering space” with our oldest and now youngest. Oldest didn’t have an issue by the time he was 4ish. Our middle son never needed to step out once, at any age. Our youngest, who’s 3 now, can do OK. Most of the time he can behave for an hour, but he’s getting into his terrible 3’s where I think we’re going to start having issues.

I don’t agree that the issue is the availability of a “cry” room but difference in parenting style and the kids.

 

[JanetF]

OMG, I would have been staying home with my 2 year old rather than going to Mass. He could make it about 10 min before he needed to be up and moving. I could log 2K-3K steps with him in an hour.

There were different stages of childhood when we tag teamed if we had too, i/e., one of us stayed home with the toddler while the other went. I didn’t start taking my baby until she was 6 months old. She was a winter baby and I was trying to keep her healthy as much as possible. At 6 months old she was great, depending on the time of day. That’s something else that was always being adjusted…the time we went to mass was generally not the time of day that she was bouncing off the walls, wanting to play.

Caveat: I only have one child and she wasn’t hyperactive. There were times when I took her to Sat 5pm and she fell asleep in the pew. Mostly we went to 9am after she was fed and if I took a bag of things too occupy her, it was fine. coloring books, etc that she didn’t see except during church (so she wouldn’t be bored with them). Each family has to figure out what works best for them and run with it. Kudos to the families that are multi-kid and attend every week together! That’s patience for sure!