Cuddling during Mass

[kage_ar]

We always sit in Mass with DS between us. Just habit, I guess… I often hold my son’s hand or put my arm around his shoulders during the homily. I realize in each and every Mass that the day is fast approaching when my boy will be going to Mass somewhere else, I also realize that there are many many mom’s who have teenagers who have left the practice of the faith - and I want my son to know how much it means to me that he is there.

 

[Conciliar]

Just read through from page one…

The assumption here seems to be that the cuddlers are a married couple. Does it change anyone’s opinion if they are highschool sweethearts? What if they are unmarried adults? Just wondering since some of the “pro” arguments keep mentioning the bonds of marriage in support of their position…

Secondly, even the “pro” people here draw a line at “making out” as someone said. Why? Let’s assume it is husband and wife. If it is simply a sign of affection, why isn’t making out OK? Tone it down a notch or two to just a few kisses. Is this OK? My point is there is a point at which the “pro” argument seems to become untenable.

Clearly, there is a line that can be crossed for all of us. Where it lies, I guess, is a matter of opinion. I would suspect that even cuddling could cross that line for pretty much everyone depending on who was doing it and exactly how.

Lastly, I find the response to these kinds of discussions “if you were properly focussed on the Mass, you wouldn’t be so concerned about…” entirely disingenuine.

 

[ElizabethAnne]

It’s one thing to give someone a quick hug, but that rubbing thing that couples do gives me the willies. A arm will go out to the other person’s back and the rubbing up and down begins. To me that’s not affection, but a sexual act. Save it for the car when you leave.

snowgarden,

A bit of a “back rub” is not sexual. It can be meant only for comfort. My husband only does this when I am very upset, usually crying.

Can we show respect. Showing respect is a sign that we focus on someone or something other than self. When we are in church for that one hour ----our very demeanor—should reflect every ounce of respect we can muster for our Lord.

I agree with you, Walking_Home, that there are some actions which are unacceptible at Mass. If a couple is truly “making out,” that is wildly inappropriate! But the things you are talking about are not on that level. Last Sunday I put my head on my husband’s shoulder at Mass because I was tired and unwell. I’m sure I look young and perfectly healthy.

I guess I am just unsure of how this action, to you, looks like I am not focusing on the Lord and respecting Him. The most beautiful part of being married to my faithful Catholic husband is that I have found that his best interests and God’s interests are never in conflict. My husband does not distract me from Christ, he brings me closer to Him! I have learned so much about Christ’s love and loving as Christ does through my relationship with my spouse. I have never in my life been so focused on God.

 

[thechrismyster]

keeping the church congregation segregated, women on left side, men on the right, would completely solve this horrible crisis of PDA’s we face in our churches. moral depravity holds its proud head high everytime a womans head is placed on a man’s shoulder.

no wait, i’m just kidding. the original OP and all those who agree… yes, you are being a tad over the top. not just a little bit. a whole lot.

 

[Walking_Home]

keeping the church congregation segregated, women on left side, men on the right, would completely solve this horrible crisis of PDA’s we face in our churches. moral depravity holds its proud head high everytime a womans head is placed on a man’s shoulder.

no wait, i’m just kidding. the original OP and all those who agree… yes, you are being a tad over the top. not just a little bit. a whole lot.

---

Right you are. Why should we be without the creature comforts–even in church.

 

[Newbie2]

I see two things in this thread:

1. “cuddling” can be a matter of degree i.e. arm around spouse vs. back rub
2. While it’s preferable to try to ignore such behavior when you can, it’s not always possible. It’s easier for some than others, and easy to say, “just ignore it and focus on Mass”.

Sometimes easier said than done. We had an unmarried couple sitting directly in front of us a couple of months ago pushing the limits of “cuddling”. Mass was full, so moving wasn’t an opition.
Distracting? You bet.

I don’t want to hijack the thread, but recall a year or so ago when we had two men, twins, who were literally giants were sitting 4 or 5 rows in front of us. I’m about 6’1" and barely came up to their armpits. They were dressed identically in suits, presumably for a baptism after mass. They were so tall and big that they had to have a chair space in-between them.

Of course, moving wasn’t an option at that mass either, and added to that fact was that we literally couldn’t see the Priest, altar and most of the sanctuary. I guess it was like being 6 or 7 years old again, at least the same view.

Anyway, while it was distracting, I imagined them as being the Amorites (?), the race of giants that occupied part of the promised land…or maybe angels.

Point is, there are some things one can ignore, and some things that for whatever reason, you can’t.

 

[beckers]

---

Can we show respect. Showing respect is a sign that we focus on someone or something other than self. When we are in church for that one hour ----our very demeanor—should reflect every ounce of respect we can muster for our Lord.

Well tell me how you believe one shows respect? Is it just by sitting still and following all the perscribed vocalizations and such? What if the person is sitting there have a horrible sexually fanasty but not vocalizing anything. To everyone they look “respectful” but I don’t think they are being respectful towards God.

 

[DanB]

Certainly there are limits to expressing those touchy feely moments. I don’t think MTV moments are appropriate in any church, let alone most social environments. However, simple handholding and small moments of affection shouldn’t be so distracting you are loosing sight of the altar. Some churches still have everyone holding hands during the Lord’s Prayer, even though its been recently discouraged…all in good time. Certainly inappropriate touching and googly eyes and failure of a couple to realize their in Church vice the back row of the movie theater is something that you need to address directly.

What I find more offensive is the dress of some people. Provactive tops, dresses and painted on pants. Also slobs and those that think they’re at the beach.

Yet, I’ve been told my eyes should be on the altar. Ahh…ahhh, but they just “stick it in your face!”

 

[beckers]

keeping the church congregation segregated, women on left side, men on the right, would completely solve this horrible crisis of PDA’s we face in our churches. moral depravity holds its proud head high everytime a womans head is placed on a man’s shoulder.

no wait, i’m just kidding. the original OP and all those who agree… yes, you are being a tad over the top. not just a little bit. a whole lot.

I think your on to something. We should all wear robes so no one is distracted by our clothing. then we can segergate people based on age and sex. Women to the left, men to the right and childern in the cry room. All old people and injuried to the front so that no one is slowed down by them in communion. We will have ushers go around and keep tabs on those who don’t knell properly or say their responses loud or correctly. By george mass will be perfectly quiet and no one will be distracted by anyone.

 

[beckers]

Just read through from page one…

The assumption here seems to be that the cuddlers are a married couple. Does it change anyone’s opinion if they are highschool sweethearts? What if they are unmarried adults? Just wondering since some of the “pro” arguments keep mentioning the bonds of marriage in support of their position…

Secondly, even the “pro” people here draw a line at “making out” as someone said. Why? Let’s assume it is husband and wife. If it is simply a sign of affection, why isn’t making out OK? Tone it down a notch or two to just a few kisses. Is this OK? My point is there is a point at which the “pro” argument seems to become untenable.

Clearly, there is a line that can be crossed for all of us. Where it lies, I guess, is a matter of opinion. I would suspect that even cuddling could cross that line for pretty much everyone depending on who was doing it and exactly how.

Lastly, I find the response to these kinds of discussions “if you were properly focussed on the Mass, you wouldn’t be so concerned about…” entirely disingenuine.

How would know if the couple is married or not? Did you ask them or do you know them personal? I have friends who don’t wear jewlery or she has a ring and he doesn’t so to others they may not look like they are married.

I don’t think anyone would consider a quick peck on the cheek or on the lips as “making out”. I think when we talk “back row at the movies, making-out” as something that involves lots of kissing and lack of a better term “inappropriate petting”.

 

[Walking_Home]

Well tell me how you believe one shows respect? Is it just by sitting still and following all the perscribed vocalizations and such? What if the person is sitting there have a horrible sexually fanasty but not vocalizing anything. To everyone they look “respectful” but I don’t think they are being respectful towards God.

---

The same can be said of those who are cuddle. A person --as you said—could be having some horrible sexual fantasy–but no one is being distracted by it since there is no outward action.

One spouse could be ill and need the support of the other—but what may be coming across as an example (especially to the teenagers) is that cuddling in Mass is generally acceptable behavior.

 

[stbruno]

At least it was a married couple. I had a couple of teens sitting in front of us…who had their hands in each other’s jeans back pockets…that’s not appropriate even outside of mass.

 

[Lucania]

There have been times I have leaned my head into my Husband, with his arm around me. Mass is often emotional for me and as a married couple it brings us close together. Focusing on Jesus together at Mass is beautiful and deepens us as Husband & Wife. Also a time that comes to my mind is when my Dear Mother passed away on a Friday. Sunday we were at Mass and the whole time we sat, my head was against my DH shoulder, his arm around me. The pain & sacrifice of Jesus, the promise of the Eucharist and life with him in Heaven after our earthly death, the separation & loss of my Dear Mother made Mass very over whelming to me. I needed to be there with Our Lord and I needed my DH’s arms around me. If the OP would have been there I guess he/she would have been offended? Sorry. I wasn’t paying attention to others, I was trying to focus on Jesus & my DM. I could understand being upset if a couple were making-out , but that is not what we are talking about is it? Bottom line, don’t be too hasty to judge, we don’t know what a person or a couple is going through.

 

[pprimeau1976]

I think that the original thread is over the top and if stuff like that is bothersome, there is always the front row. You can’t see what’s going on behind you if you sit in the front.

 

[CarrieH]

It’s one thing to give someone a quick hug, but that rubbing thing that couples do gives me the willies. A arm will go out to the other person’s back and the rubbing up and down begins. To me that’s not affection, but a sexual act. Save it for the car when you leave.

I’m with you. A wife’s head resting on her husband’s shoulder is one thing, but when the groping starts, that’s too much. One time I was visiting a neighboring parish and there was a couple who looked to be in their 30’s sitting directly in front of me. It was summertime and the woman had on a sleeveless sundress. The man went from caressing to nibbling up and down her bare shoulder, right there in church! I’m sorry, but it’s pretty hard not to be distracted and offended when there are love-bites taking place just inches away from your nose and you are trying to pray. The man didn’t go up for communion, so perhaps he was not Catholic and didn’t know how to behave during Mass, but PDA of this nature in ANY public place is in poor taste.

 

[JimG]

keeping the church congregation segregated, women on left side, men on the right, would completely solve this horrible crisis of PDA’s we face in our churches. moral depravity holds its proud head high everytime a womans head is placed on a man’s shoulder.

no wait, i’m just kidding. the original OP and all those who agree… yes, you are being a tad over the top. not just a little bit. a whole lot.

I realize you are just kidding about segregated congregations, but for a bit of historical perspective, there were some ethnic parishes in the 1950’s and earlier which in fact did seat women on one side of the church and men on the other.

 

[DanB]

I think your on to something. We should all wear robes so no one is distracted by our clothing. then we can segergate people based on age and sex. Women to the left, men to the right and childern in the cry room. All old people and injuried to the front so that no one is slowed down by them in communion. We will have ushers go around and keep tabs on those who don’t knell properly or say their responses loud or correctly. By george mass will be perfectly quiet and no one will be distracted by anyone.

Pilots learning to fly Instrument Flight Rating (IFR), use special head gear that keeps them focused on the instruments, so they can’t see out the windows. Maybe we could require special goggles that would make only the altar visable while in church.

 

[beckers]

Pilots learning to fly Instrument Flight Rating (IFR), use special head gear that keeps them focused on the instruments, so they can’t see out the windows. Maybe we could require special goggles that would make only the altar visable while in church.

Lets do it! Can we have a translater attached that will translate the mass into Latin? That would solve a few complaints that i see on these boards.

 

[sandraladeda]

Pilots learning to fly Instrument Flight Rating (IFR), use special head gear that keeps them focused on the instruments, so they can’t see out the windows. Maybe we could require special goggles that would make only the altar visable while in church.

Yes, this would definitely bring back the reverence…

 

[sandraladeda]

We could start distributing score cards to all attendees, so they can observe the demeanor of other attendees, and rate them on a their level of reverence - on a scale of 1 to 5, with 5 being “very reverent” and 1 being “not very reverent at all”…

Attire

Physical contact with others

Reciting in unison with others at appropriate moments

Paying attention

Receiving the Eucharist on hand vs. tongue

Kneeling

Behavior of children

Punctuality/leaving early

As long as we are getting silly…