Cuddling during Mass

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patches said:
I would agree. I have trouble imagining Jesus telling John to remove his head from the Lord’s shoulder at the Last Supper.

My wife and I lost a son to cancer a few years ago, and we leaned on each other a lot, even-- and sometimes particularly-- during mass. Much more like a leaning post than a PDA, I assure you.

That said, a showy display of affection intended to call attention is another matter…
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God bless you both and your entire family. I’m truly sorry you have this kind of heartache.

I know of a couple who lost their son in an accident… a close friend of a friend, really. I know I can’t truly know what that is like, but it takes my breath away to ponder it. I have made it a point to try to carry parents who have lost children to Mass every time I go. Please know that you will be in my prayers.
 
I have not had time to read through all the posts, but I wanted to say something on this topic.

My husband and I are “one of those couples”. We were just recently married in the Catholic Church (had been married by a JP prior) and also just recently returned to the faith. We hold hands during almost the entire mass during the week (we attend daily) and not usually on Sunday (too many people). Occassionally, if the homily involves something we are dealing with (whether it be drama, or comedy, or whatnot) I will squeeze his hand or tap his leg or lay my head on his should for just a few moments and he will do the same for me. It reminds us of how we must constantly be open to God’s Word and to each other. And it brings us closer together outside of mass. We feel that we share it more intimately.

We are there to worship God and to adore Christ, but we are there as a team and as individuals. We are partners in life in everyway in every place at all times, and that includes church. We discuss our faith everyday and we are there to support each other’s faith, not just our own. Prayer is actually strengthened with physically contact; we feel united and strong. Husbands and wives are meant to be connected on all levels (emotionally, spiritually and physically) by design of our creator. I would see a couple in this situation as a model for other couples who are not in the best place. It has done WONDERS for my marriage.

I completely understand those who see affection as distracting to others, and I would agree when it is overt and prolonged. But I would say that is 1% of the population. We never cease to be each other’s bride and bridgegroom just as Christ never ceases to be the Chuch’s bridgegroom and the Church His bride. Love is always appropriate and we should judge each other less in situations such as these.

My humble opinion. :hug1:
 
As a newlywed who shows affection with her husband, let me add my little bit here too…🙂 I’ve seen different kinds of couple behavior in my 22 years of attending Mass. There were two kinds of behavior that I found disruptive–the making out couples (clarification: constant whispering and liplocking) and the estranged couples (no help or concern from one spouse for another). The couples that showed loving, G-rate affection, though, were never disruptive in that they did not take my thought from God–rather they encouraged me to hope that my spouse was out there waiting for me and that he would be as caring of a husband as those other women’s. As a newlywed, I try to be one of the lovingly affectionate couples. Hubby and I will hold hands walking out of church. We often hold hands during the sermon and smile “I love you” when our priest says something that has particular bearing on our lives at that moment. And during the kiss of peace, we will exchange a brief, sweet kiss on the lips. I think one thing that helped me determine what was or was not appropriate, was if our actions turned us away from God. Holding hands during a sermon doesn’t involve turning from the priest–it involves sitting together as a married couple listening to your pastor. A kiss during the sign of peace doesn’t involve turning from God–it involves inviting Christ into your marriage just as you did on your wedding day. :love:
 
sarahraegraham said:
… We never cease to be each other’s bride and bridgegroom just as Christ never ceases to be the Chuch’s bridgegroom and the Church His bride. Love is always appropriate and we should judge each other less in situations such as these.

My humble opinion. :hug1:
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And a darn good one too I might add. Very well put ! 👍

Kathy
 
sarahraegraham said:
I have not had time to read through all the posts, but I wanted to say something on this topic.

My husband and I are “one of those couples”. We were just recently married in the Catholic Church (had been married by a JP prior) and also just recently returned to the faith. We hold hands during almost the entire mass during the week (we attend daily) and not usually on Sunday (too many people). Occassionally, if the homily involves something we are dealing with (whether it be drama, or comedy, or whatnot) I will squeeze his hand or tap his leg or lay my head on his should for just a few moments and he will do the same for me. It reminds us of how we must constantly be open to God’s Word and to each other. And it brings us closer together outside of mass. We feel that we share it more intimately.

We are there to worship God and to adore Christ, but we are there as a team and as individuals. We are partners in life in everyway in every place at all times, and that includes church. We discuss our faith everyday and we are there to support each other’s faith, not just our own. Prayer is actually strengthened with physically contact; we feel united and strong. Husbands and wives are meant to be connected on all levels (emotionally, spiritually and physically) by design of our creator. I would see a couple in this situation as a model for other couples who are not in the best place. It has done WONDERS for my marriage.

I completely understand those who see affection as distracting to others, and I would agree when it is overt and prolonged. But I would say that is 1% of the population. We never cease to be each other’s bride and bridgegroom just as Christ never ceases to be the Chuch’s bridgegroom and the Church His bride. Love is always appropriate and we should judge each other less in situations such as these.

My humble opinion. :hug1:
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Hi Sara 🙂

I don’t think what you described is what anyone here would consider out of place. Heck, I don’t think most would even call it “cuddling.” I wouldn’t. I think we’re pretty much talking about “overt and prolonged,” like people watching a video in the family room kind of cuddling.
 
BTW - Has anyone here ever been to Mass, or anywhere else for that matter, without their beloved, and held them close “in their hearts?” I have, and the feeling of closeness at times has exceeded even those times when we were physically side by side. My point is that marital union doesn’t require physical contact 24/7. In fact, one could have constant physical contact and have no real spiritual bond whatsoever.

To imply that couples that aren’t in contact are somehow surrendering closeness is just silly. Prayerful union, and focussing on Christ as one flesh, doesn’t require that we are even in the same building, much less wrapped around one another. The more I think about it, the more the “we’re married and we’re one” argument in support of “cuddling” at Mass seems untenable.
 
Conciliar said:
BTW - Has anyone here ever been to Mass, or anywhere else for that matter, without their beloved, and held them close “in their hearts?” I have, and the feeling of closeness at times has exceeded even those times when we were physically side by side. My point is that marital union doesn’t require physical contact 24/7. In fact, one could have constant physical contact and have no real spiritual bond whatsoever.

To imply that couples that aren’t in contact are somehow surrendering closeness is just silly. Prayerful union, and focussing on Christ as one flesh, doesn’t require that we are even in the same building, much less wrapped around one another. The more I think about it, the more the “we’re married and we’re one” argument in support of “cuddling” at Mass seems untenable.
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Bingo!
 
I am positive that DH and I kissed each other during our wedding ceremony. I waited 6 years after that for him to join me in the faith. I know that many others can appreciate this. I can’t describe the feelings I had as I watched my husband receive the sacraments of initiation, especially knowing that at the moment of his baptism, we both received the sacrament of matrimony. It is the most wonderful thing to be one with him during the Mass. Almost 2 years ago, prior to a deployment, I was very upset at the thought of not receiving our Lord together for such a long period of time. DH assured me that because we are one in the Lord, every time we receive Him, we are receiving Him together.

We are bound in Christ. I will hold his hand or enjoy his arm around me while we are bathed in His word. (Aren’t husbands supposed to “to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word?”) I will say that during the liturgy of the Eucharist, we are not touching each other, except for the sign of peace when we do share another kiss.
 
sarahraegraham said:
Love is always appropriate and we should judge each other less in situations such as these.
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I don’t think you really mean that. Sex can be about love and it is not appropriate during Mass. I suggest we all be little more precise when we write. Blanket wishy-washy statements are dangerous and should be avoided. Thanks for the :hug3:, but please not in Mass! :rotfl:
 
Conciliar said:
God bless you both and your entire family. I’m truly sorry you have this kind of heartache.

I know of a couple who lost their son in an accident… a close friend of a friend, really. I know I can’t truly know what that is like, but it takes my breath away to ponder it. I have made it a point to try to carry parents who have lost children to Mass every time I go. Please know that you will be in my prayers.
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Thank you so much for your kindness and prayers!. God has made many incredible things happen through that awful trial in our lives, in many ways using our wounding to His purposes (and toward our salvation). I understand better now how He can take an imponderable tragedy like the death of a child and bring a greater good from it. The story of Jesus’ holy cross and the Father’s love for Him is now written very deeply in our hearts. And as ironic as it sounds, despite it all we are now better able to experience *real *joy and peace.
 
patches said:
Thank you so much for your kindness and prayers!. God has made many incredible things happen through that awful trial in our lives, in many ways using our wounding to His purposes (and toward our salvation). I understand better now how He can take an imponderable tragedy like the death of a child and bring a greater good from it. The story of Jesus’ holy cross and the Father’s love for Him is now written very deeply in our hearts. And as ironic as it sounds, despite it all we are now better able to experience *real *joy and peace.
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You’re an inspiration, even here in this venue. I’m certain that God is touching the hearts of many through you. Thank you for your wonderful witness of faith. 🙂
 
cuddling and scratching each other’s back to show their affection for each other during mass is just weird.
 
Since so many people on this forum are self described Traditionalists, perhaps they could start a movement to sequester the women and children behind a screen at Mass in keeping with the early (traditional) practice of Jewish Christians. This would ensure better attentiveness to prayer on the part of the men (the reason for this arrangement in the synagogue) and eliminate the “touchy-feely” practices which would never have happened in a Catholic church before the second Vatican Council.
Right!

Matthew
 
From Standup4Truth: I come from a very affectionate family, so hugging and kissing each other in public is really no big deal to us. .
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If I didn’t put my arm around my wife during the homily so she can “cuddle” in, it would be alot more distracting to her. The more important the event, the more natural it is for us to be touching each other.
KathleenElsie said:
Yes I very much agree. But, I also think that God wants us focused on him and not eachother.
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I know what you are saying and don’t disagree. But I don’t think that God ever is sad if my focus is on my wife. When I express my love for my wife, it is an expression of my love for God. They are not mutually exclusive but mutually complementary.
KathleenElsie said:
sandraladeda- peoples actions silently ask us to make decisions on what their motives mean. It is called body language and most humans use it in everyday situations to make decisions on others behavior. Right or wrong it is how humans are hard wired.
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If they see anything inappropriately sexual in my having my arm around my wife during the homily or her holding my hand during the Act of Penance (we believe that our most grave sins are usually committed against each other) to make a physical act to say to me as well she is sorry, it is more a reflection of what is in their heart than ours.
 
drafdog said:
Since so many people on this forum are self described Traditionalists, perhaps they could start a movement to sequester the women and children behind a screen at Mass in keeping with the early (traditional) practice of Jewish Christians. This would ensure better attentiveness to prayer on the part of the men (the reason for this arrangement in the synagogue) and eliminate the “touchy-feely” practices which would never have happened in a Catholic church before the second Vatican Council.
Right!

Matthew
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It has nothing to do with Traditionalists or others, it is simply about cuddling during mass. 😉

I have never attended a Latin mass, but it is a common sense not to do certain things during a Holy Mass.
 
water said:
It has nothing to do with Traditionalists or others, it is simply about cuddling during mass. 😉

I have never attended a Latin mass, but it is a common sense not to do certain things during a Holy Mass.
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Seems to me this whole thread is less about Theology than personal preferences regarding behavior in public places. There are lots of things at mass that can distract, and whenever you get a large group of people together, there are bound to be a signifcant number that conduct themselves in a manner that we might not be crazy about. But if we concern ourselves too much about such things, and set about trying to eliminate the crying baby/touching couple/coughing/sneezing/inappropriately dressed/etc., we’d have an empty church except for ourselves and the priest. (sometimes I wonder if some wouldn’t prefer it that way) But God’s people are an unruly bunch, and always have been. As for me, I think I’ll let someone ELSE tell St. John to get his darn shoulder off the Lord while he’s trying to institute the Eucharist! 😉
 
patches said:
But if we concern ourselves too much about such things, and set about trying to eliminate the crying baby/touching couple/coughing/sneezing/inappropriately dressed/etc., we’d have an empty church except for ourselves and the priest.
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Not at my church, the people, the priest care about these little things, and the church is still packed - more than 1000 people attend each mass and there are 6 masses on Sunday. 😉
 
water said:
Not at my church, the people, the priest care about these little things, and the church is still pack - more than 1000 people attend each mass and there are 6 masses on Sunday. 😉
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So none of these things ever go on? Wow, I need your church address! I was just joking about the possibility of having *too *much concern over such things, which, no matter how much you fuss over them, are not going to disappear completely. I agree that there are appropriate ways to behave oneself in public, and that good behavior should certainly be encouraged to avoid distraction as much as possible. Still, I can’t imagine having a few social grace “sinners” mixed in with the well behaved “saints” being such a terrible thing. (after all, once we get things perfect, the church militant will be out of a job! 😉 Even so, if there are 1000 very well-behaved people in your parish at each mass, maybe I should get the telephone number too. I might make it 1001! 😉 Pax Christi!
 
Obviously there are a lot of people responding to this thread who just don’t pay suffucient attention to the Mass and are therefore distracted by periferal events involving the other members of the congregation. Let’s keep our eyes on the ball here. This is the Mass. Eyes on the altar and pray along with the priest.

This thread also brings to light in an oblique fashion the prinicipal problem with the Mass as community prayer. The Mass cannot be prayed attentively from start to finish (this includes the priest) since the attention span required is not possible in most people. The only ones who can attend that closely suffer from Asberger’s Syndrome, although not all of them can manage to concentrate for a half hour or more. This brings us of course to the problem of children at Mass who have a much shorter attention span than their parents. All of us must learn to be accommodating to persons of whatever age whose minds wander during the liturgy. According to the psychologists, we can’t help ourselves. Our attention spans are not that long.
Question: Is the Church correct in constructing a communal prayer and demanding attendance at that prayer when no one can concentrate long enough to pray the entire prayer? Is it just to demand the impossible?

Matthew
 
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