Cuddling during Mass

[water]

Obviously there are a lot of people responding to this thread who just don’t pay suffucient attention to the Mass and are therefore distracted by periferal events involving the other members of the congregation.

Matthew

That could be true. Maybe I am one of them.
So, as you can see, if someone who has a little charity for not distracting those who seem to have this problem can be appreciated.

 

[patches]

Be real. There are always some ignorant people out there, and that is why there are certain things people need to be reminded of.

But you would like to visit our parish, here is the address:
saintwilliams.org/

It is hot down in Texas - I warn you.

That’s OK, I’ve got to train for an extended stay in purgatory anyway. And I *was *trying to be real–being offended by a husband’s arm around his bride’s shoulder or some other subtle gesture (not display) of affection between two people strikes me as unreal. When I consider the sad shortage of intact families, seeing something like this is far more likely to make me smile than frown. Maybe we can agree that behavior that might be objectionable to one person may not be so to another? I’m far from an “anything goes” kind of guy, it’s just that there’s a speck in brother’s eye, log in mine kind of quality to this thread. I think I’ll go get my chansaw and hack away a bit at my log now…

 

[beckers]

That’s OK, I’ve got to train for an extended stay in purgatory anyway. And I *was *trying to be real–being offended by a husband’s arm around his bride’s shoulder or some other subtle gesture (not display) of affection between two people strikes me as unreal. When I consider the sad shortage of intact families, seeing something like this is far more likely to make me smile than frown. Maybe we can agree that behavior that might be objectionable to one person may not be so to another? I’m far from an “anything goes” kind of guy, it’s just that there’s a speck in brother’s eye, log in mine kind of quality to this thread. I think I’ll go get my chansaw and hack away a bit at my log now…

As a child of divorce how i would have loved to see my parents share any affection for each other and celebrate mass togther…

 

[rwoehmke]

Wow 122 plus posts about what is usually a trivial action and probably not even observed at most Masses unless you sit behind the same couple every week. Yes, things can sometimes get a bit too out of hand, but leaning a head on a husband’s or even a boy friend’s shoulder for a few jiffs? I once heard a priest compare receiving Our Lord to sexual intercourse between married couples. Now I thought that was a little much at Mass. He probably bailed from the priesthood. Things were really crazy in the early 70’s.

 

[plant]

I made the original post. It is interesting that people who themselves hold hands or put an arm around a shoulder are the ones who are so defensive. The real question was that the excessiveness of the people was distracting since they sat directly in front of me. This is a continuing thing, not a once in awhile happening. I am seated first by the way so don’t seek them out and then complain. I hold my husbands hand and even sit very close to him. Nothing greater at mass. I love to see this. If someone sat in front of you and talked to each other constantly during mass would that be different. Or combed their hair or anything that drew your attention be different. The focus is on the cuddling which is my fault for saying I guess, but that is what they were doing. What about respecting others around you who are coming to mass to focus on Christ.

 

[ElizabethPH]

I don’t know if it bothers me as much as the persons arm hanging over the back of the pew while he pets/caresses her shoulder or back right in front of me during the whole of Mass. Or a mother doing the same thing to the back of the neck of her child. I know there is something wrong with me that this should bother me. I pray about it and avert my eyes/or keep them closed. Please feel free to set me straight!!!

 

[NewUlm1976_2000]

Does anyone else notice this? Maybe “cuddling” is too extreme to describe what these people are doing, but does anyone else find it inappropriate when a wife is resting her head on her husband’s shoulder while he has his arm wrapped around her? There are other similar things that go on too. I guess I would be OK with holding hands or something, but sometimes there is a little too much physical contact. We are suppose to be worshiping the Lord not having a husband/wife moment. Go on a date! Maybe I am being and crusty, old prude. Am I totally off base here? I admit, sometimes I can be.

Notice it? I have actually done it with my ex-girlfriends. Usually it is just a hug and a peck on the cheek during the Sign of Peace, but often hold hands quietly in the pew.

It is not uncommon to see similar in most parishes no matter what the age of the couple, from teenagers to old retired couples still deeply in love.

 

[kristie_m]

It’s interesting…there’s a couple at my church who hold hands, or have their arms around each other every time I see them (which would be at daily Mass). I find it rather endearing. They kiss at the sign of peace, but it’s not as if they’re playing tonsil hockey, or anything. They’re simply married, and accustomed to physical contact. It is a sign of their love and affection for one another, and that’s something to be celebrated.

Now, if they were necking or groping one another, I could see a problem there. But laying her head on his shoulder? Lovely.

Besides, as one of the other posters pointed out, you have no idea what’s going on in their lives. If they’ve been touched by the sermon, if they’ve recently suffered a loss and have need of that contact…you just don’t know.

I heard a great piece of advice that I need to use more often…

“Always try to consider the most generous reason for people’s behavior.” Remembering this and putting it into practice can only make you a more compassionate person. At least that’s what I’m hoping will happen to me.

 

[SoulRebel777]

I went to Mass with my Girlfriend and had my arm around her shoulder as we sat.

but then I Thought to myself …Church is a time for her to be with God . So I Took my arm off her and didnt even hold her hand .

Then when we left church , she said I liked when you put your arm around me but I understood why you took it off .I said why? …because in our culture couples dont touch or hold each other during mass for its a time for us to focus alone on God and pray.

 

[whatevergirl]

It’s interesting…there’s a couple at my church who hold hands, or have their arms around each other every time I see them (which would be at daily Mass). I find it rather endearing. They kiss at the sign of peace, but it’s not as if they’re playing tonsil hockey, or anything. They’re simply married, and accustomed to physical contact. It is a sign of their love and affection for one another, and that’s something to be celebrated.

Now, if they were necking or groping one another, I could see a problem there. But laying her head on his shoulder? Lovely.

Besides, as one of the other posters pointed out, you have no idea what’s going on in their lives. If they’ve been touched by the sermon, if they’ve recently suffered a loss and have need of that contact…you just don’t know.

I heard a great piece of advice that I need to use more often…

“Always try to consider the most generous reason for people’s behavior.” Remembering this and putting it into practice can only make you a more compassionate person. At least that’s what I’m hoping will happen to me.

i agree with your post…excellently put!

 

[hasikelee]

Does the OP believe that holding a child is different and therefore not under the same argument?

Is this about sex?



Someone did not get enough hugs as a kid.

 

[whatevergirl]

Does the OP believe that holding a child is different and therefore not under the same argument?

Is this about sex?



Someone did not get enough hugs as a kid.

sounds like it’s more of a married/dating couple type thing…showing too much affection perhaps during mass.

 

[hasikelee]

sounds like it’s more of a married/dating couple type thing…showing too much affection perhaps during mass.

I’m married and the only time I touch my husband is during the sign of peace.



If the OP can post the same exact original post directed towards parents touching/holding their children, then I suppose it’s not about sex.

 

[Geremia]

Does anyone else notice this?

Yes, it is not only distracting to the people cuddling but also to others during mass, too. The Holy Sacrifice of the Mass is not a spectacle like a movie in a movie theater. To prevent distractions like this is probably one reason why men and women used to sit separately at mass.

Related to this: one must love God first then one’s neighbor as thyself second (cf. Matthew 22:37-39), not neighbor as an equal to God.

 

[Leonius]

Last I checked cuddling was not a suitable posture for prayer, which is what you are supposed to be doing at Mass not just sitting watching a move.

You should not be getting intimate at mass, and yes cuddling is a form of intimacy you wouldn’t sit there with your arm around just anyone for that very reason. Have some modesty and respect for where you are and those around you please.

 

[Desert_Dancer]

keeping the church congregation segregated, women on left side, men on the right, would completely solve this horrible crisis of PDA’s we face in our churches. moral depravity holds its proud head high everytime a womans head is placed on a man’s shoulder.

no wait, i’m just kidding. the original OP and all those who agree… yes, you are being a tad over the top. not just a little bit. a whole lot.

Can the kids sit on the right side, too?

 

[brigid12]

Since marriage is one of the 7 sacraments of the Church, G-rated “cuddling” is fine with me, however 1) when it goes beyond being G-rated (making out, etc) or 2) when the couple is known to be not married, then it is not appropriate at all.

 

[ac_claire]

Feeling at mass is fine. But trying to make it the focal point is not. Such focused physical contact is focusing on the wrong person. Can you not watch with him for one hour?

It is hard top know where to draw the line however.
Holding hands during the whole mass and leaning on each other cannot be conducive to prayer. We are not there to focus on each other but to focus on God.

Exactly, and very well put.

No, we shouldn’t police what others around us are doing, but please people…stop with the sarcasm towards the OP. The OP asked a sincere question in a respectful manner, so let’s not pretend that we’re dealing with some ridiculousness which we aren’t.

Cuddling, hugging, kissing, hand-holding, etc…it’s distracting and it’s a form of very exclusive fellowship that downplays the sense that we are all brothers and sisters together at the Lord’s table during Mass. (Unless of course, you’re prepared to be that affectionate to every stranger around you… )

 

[kristie_m]

I can’t believe I’m jumping back into the fray here, but it occurs to me that when we got married, my husband and I became “one flesh”. So, I just can’t see how holding hands with him during Mass is inappropriate. When we pray together at home, we often sit very close together and hold hands. How is this different? And more to the point, what exactly is it that is so distracting?

 

[ac_claire]

I can’t believe I’m jumping back into the fray here, but it occurs to me that when we got married, my husband and I became “one flesh”. So, I just can’t see how holding hands with him during Mass is inappropriate. When we pray together at home, we often sit very close together and hold hands. How is this different? And more to the point, what exactly is it that is so distracting?

Well, like others have said…there is a line. Simply holding hands I don’t think would be that distracting. As to your one flesh comment, that’s very true. But we are talking here about public displays of affection, which are --generally speaking-- not appropriate at Mass.