Cuddling during Mass

[ac_claire]

I can’t believe I’m jumping back into the fray here, but it occurs to me that when we got married, my husband and I became “one flesh”. So, I just can’t see how holding hands with him during Mass is inappropriate. **When we pray together at home, we often sit very close together and hold hands. How is this different? ** And more to the point, what exactly is it that is so distracting?

Hi kristie,

It’s awesome that you and your husband are so affectionate and that you pray together. But the difference you ask about is right there in your own statement. You’re at home in your example- not at Mass. At Mass it’s about God, not about your relationship with eachother.

 

[Leonius]

Hi kristie,

It’s awesome that you and your husband are so affectionate and that you pray together. But the difference you ask about is right there in your own statement. You’re at home in your example- not at Mass. At Mass it’s about God, not about your relationship with eachother.

And I would like to add you are supposed to be worshipping as part of the whole community during mass not just as a couple.

Also what you do in the privacy of your own home is up to you but at mass you have to consider those around you.

 

[pnewton]

I can’t believe I’m jumping back into the fray here, but it occurs to me that when we got married, my husband and I became “one flesh”. So, I just can’t see how holding hands with him during Mass is inappropriate. When we pray together at home, we often sit very close together and hold hands. How is this different? And more to the point, what exactly is it that is so distracting?

I have to weigh in with you on this. Distracting? Come on. If a husband having his arm around his wife is a distraction to you, tend to your own prayer life and don’t pick the nits on anothers “prayer posture”. Second, liturgy is not a nonstop prayer that requires folded hands for an hour. We are attentive to the readings and the homily. We sing and we pray. Obviously too much PDA can make people feel uncomfortable in any situation, not just Mass. But I love my wife as Christ loves the Church and people want to bellyache about distraction? I think some people miss what marriage is. I do not turn my marriage off at Mass.

 

[ac_claire]

I have to weigh in with you on this. Distracting? Come on. If a husband having his arm around his wife is a distraction to you, tend to your own prayer life and don’t pick the nits on anothers “prayer posture”. Second, liturgy is not a nonstop prayer that requires folded hands for an hour. We are attentive to the readings and the homily. We sing and we pray. Obviously too much PDA can make people feel uncomfortable in any situation, not just Mass. But I love my wife as Christ loves the Church and people want to bellyache about distraction? I think some people miss what marriage is. I do not turn my marriage off at Mass.

You shouldn’t, pnewton. Just the PDAs. Like I said before, I think the “holding hands” thing is a red herring because that’s not really the kind of PDA we’re talking about being distracting.

 

[BamaRider]

Dang. So I have my arm on my wife’s shoulder during the homily and some of y’all are gonna get upset?

 

[Galnextdoor]

I don’t think a man should his arm around his wife’s shoulder during mass because… …it makes me jealous that I don’t have anyone to put their arm around me.

 

[Through_Anyone]

during the Act of Penance (we believe that our most grave sins are usually committed against each other)

I don’t understand this. This may be a semantics thing though. He seems to have said they believe they commit their most grave sins against EACH OTHER and also apologize to EACH OTHER during the Act of Penance. Sin, however, is an offense against God, not against another person. You can certainly act towards another person in a way that is a sin against God. If you directly hurt someone by committing a sin, it’s certainly right to apologize to them, but why would you do that at this particular moment in Mass when you’re supposed to tell God you’re sorry for sinning against Him. You wouldn’t bring the people you hurt (by sinning) into the confessional with you. If the couple committed grave sins, I assume they both went to confession and were absolved before Mass and have nothing to worry about at this point. I imagine a lot of people miss out on making a good confession nowadays because they focus so much on “I hurt other people” and forget that the whole point is “I hurt God, I’m sorry, and I’m not going to do it anymore.” Truth be told, I have no problem with handholding during this moment (became one flesh after all), but I disagree with spouses using this moment to ask each other for forgiveness because it’s NOT about that. Mass is all about God–it’s really that simple. A married couple should be at Mass as one entity before God coming to commune with God, which is a truly beautiful thing that I don’t necessarily think handholding will ruin (unless you personally know it’ll make you unable to focus on God). Probably more than a few of the non-cuddling couples are living out the fullness of their marriage vocation and are very romantic with each other, but are reserving Mass as a time solely for God. Unfortunately, if your affectionate actions happen to distract you from God, you’re wrong (and I think you know it). If they really don’t, that’s great. This all depends on being honest with ourselves, i.e. just because the handholding at Mass isn’t a problem for SOME people, doesn’t mean it isn’t a problem for YOU. Other people can’t know what’s in your heart at these moments, but YOU do, so do the right thing…

 

[Through_Anyone]

…and on second thought, isn’t it Act of Penitence (not penance)?

 

[jkarp]

To the OP: Yes, you are off base.
To those who claim that cuddling distracts a couple from Mass: You are also off-base. By the way, what are you doing paying attention to the people around you at Mass? It sounds as if someone else may be distracted.

I put my arm around my wife at Mass. As a married couple, our souls are bound to each other, to say that husbands should sit apart from their wife during the source and the summit of their faith demonstrates a profound misunderstanding of the sacrament of matrimony.

As a side note, I also kiss my wife during the Sign of Peace; I also put my arms around and kiss my children as well. By some people’s logic, I guess this means I’m a child molester also.

 

[ac_claire]

To the OP: Yes, you are off base.
To those who claim that cuddling distracts a couple from Mass: You are also off-base. By the way, what are you doing paying attention to the people around you at Mass?

That’s the point…we don’t want to be paying attention to anything but the Mass. That’s the nature of distracting things- it distracts our focus against our will. That’s why distractions are usually seen as bad things. Especially at Mass. Yes, our own willpower plays a part, but all we’re asking is for a show of respect and restraint. For one hour. Please.

As a side note, I also kiss my wife during the Sign of Peace; I also put my arms around and kiss my children as well. By some people’s logic, I guess this means I’m a child molester also.

Don’t be ridiculous.

 

[pnewton]

Yes, our own willpower plays a part, but all we’re asking is for a show of respect and restraint. For one hour.

No. That is the direct answer from me.

I read what jkarp said and if that is distracting, then my answer will be that I will not. The Church does not teach a no-touch rule in Mass as any sort of precept. It is not considered rude or inappropriate by anyone I have ever met. I was raised where such things were commonplace. Maybe its cultural, but it is not a Church teaching.

Perhaps it might help if I knew why this sort of simple things are so distracting?

 

[Lil_Cat]

…someone feels lonely…

 

[jkarp]

That’s the point…we don’t want to be paying attention to anything but the Mass. That’s the nature of distracting things- it distracts our focus against our will. That’s why distractions are usually seen as bad things. Especially at Mass. Yes, our own willpower plays a part, but all we’re asking is for a show of respect and restraint. For one hour. Please.

It is ridiculous that people consider a **slight **difference in posture distracting. If a person is totally focused upon the Mass, he/she won’t notice. This is one of the major problems I have with modern church architecture, I am completely distracted by the people sitting on the side opposite me. However, do I ask those people to stop doing whatever it is that their doing? No, I resolve to try to focus on the Mass. It is pretty easy to blame others for our own lack of focus and attention.

Don’t be ridiculous.

I’m only extending the logic that has been presented by others.

 

[jkarp]

No. That is the direct answer from me.

I read what jkarp said and if that is distracting, then my answer will be that I will not.

Amen!

The Church does not teach a no-touch rule in Mass as any sort of precept. It is not considered rude or inappropriate by anyone I have ever met. I was raised where such things were commonplace. Maybe its cultural, but it is not a Church teaching.

Preach on brother!

 

[Blade_and_Blood]

Does anyone else notice this? Maybe “cuddling” is too extreme to describe what these people are doing, but does anyone else find it inappropriate when a wife is resting her head on her husband’s shoulder while he has his arm wrapped around her? There are other similar things that go on too. I guess I would be OK with holding hands or something, but sometimes there is a little too much physical contact. We are suppose to be worshiping the Lord not having a husband/wife moment. Go on a date! Maybe I am being and crusty, old prude. Am I totally off base here? I admit, sometimes I can be.

Uh… I don’t think it’s that bad. Now, if it’s something that you usually find in a movie theater, then, we’ve got a problem.

Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood

 

[MarcellusW]

I think the OP should pay attention more at Mass and not at the other people during mass. Not only is this scrupulous, it is judging others because you are basing it on the premise that they cant focus on God as well. That is the judging we are not allowed to do.

I dare ask what you think when the Bride and Bridegroom kiss during their wedding. If that is appropriate in Church, then I think your argument is just plain silly.

 

[StatCrux]

The original post was in 2007. How the person who kicked the thread back up to the top found it in the first place is beyond me.

If someone really wants to open another thread, go ahead. Otherwise let this one die.

 

[jkarp]

The original post was in 2007. How the person who kicked the thread back up to the top found it in the first place is beyond me.

If someone really wants to open another thread, go ahead. Otherwise let this one die.

Why should someone start a new thread on the same topic? If you don’t want to be involved with this one anymore, unsubscribe from it.

 

[ac_claire]

No. That is the direct answer from me.

I read what jkarp said and if that is distracting, then my answer will be that I will not.

The Church does not teach a no-touch rule in Mass as any sort of precept. It is not considered rude or inappropriate by anyone I have ever met. I was raised where such things were commonplace. Maybe its cultural, but it is not a Church teaching.

Perhaps it might help if I knew why this sort of simple things are so distracting?

Well it’s really NOT the very simple things that are distracting.
This is the problem with this thread, and what I meant before by a red herring. People are defining “cuddling” so many ways, so really the discusssion is pointless. Holding hands, an arm around your wife? These are not the things that I am thinking of when I responded to the OP. We’re talking distracting PDAs. Not any kind of no-touch rule.

As to what constitutes distracting…I could be wrong but I think common sense can dictate that. Any kind of prolonged or very obvious PDAs-- touching, kissing, rubbing, whispering in ears, etc., etc. is out of place. I’ve been around all these things and they are distracting and disrespectful. You want to reach for your husband’s hand in the pew next to you, go for it, that’s not the same thing, and anyhow it’s between you and God.

 

[jkarp]

Well it’s really NOT the very simple things that are distracting.
This is the problem with this thread, and what I meant before by a red herring. People are defining “cuddling” so many ways, so really the discusssion is pointless. Holding hands, an arm around your wife? These are not the things that I am thinking of when I responded to the OP. We’re talking distracting PDAs. Not any kind of no-touch rule.

As to what constitutes distracting…I could be wrong but I think common sense can dictate that. Any kind of prolonged or very obvious PDAs-- touching, kissing, rubbing, whispering in ears, etc., etc. is out of place. I’ve been around all these things and they are distracting and disrespectful. You want to reach for your husband’s hand in the pew next to you, go for it, that’s not the same thing, and anyhow it’s between you and God.

The OP defined what he/she was talking about very plainly:

when a wife is resting her head on her husband’s shoulder while he has his arm wrapped around her

This is what I’m posting in response to. I still haven’t heard a compelling argument as to why this is distracting or how it can cause a couple to lose focus during Mass. To all those posters who believe that it is inappropriate to touch one’s spouse during Mass, I would recommend finding some good books on the subject of the sacrament of matrimony.