Daily Confession

[Irishgal49]

Good Morning all,

I just finalized a divorce one week ago. I was married while fallen away outside the Church and we were separated for over a year. The hearing was supposed to be a default judgement and he shows up with his new girlfriend holding her hand through the hearing and glaring at me. I had a gal pal from the church there, holding her rosary and praying and I totally appreciated that.

I struggle with an addiction and I have always had problems with how much culpability I have given that it’s an addition and whether or not I should take Communion. My priest and I had a MAJOR falling out months ago, and while we are on “decent” terms he doesn’t want to hear my Confessions or “help” me so I’m left with no one to talk to and I can’t even tell you how bad I’m hurting right now. It’s a very deep overwhelming sadness that seems to come and go and I keep falling into my personal impurity addiction over and over. I can’t even make 48 hours without falling again so I’m just not taking communion and skipping daily mass.

It’s getting hard to find a priest for Confession and the depth of my shame and embarrassment eats at me and I just sink into more sadness and shame. I want so much to stop hurting but I am afraid to talk to anyone for fear I will start up more church drama, which seems to follow in my wake lately. I just hate that I’m cut off from daily mass like this and finding a priest for Confession on Monday has about the same odds as hitting the Mega Millions lottery. I’m still going to try, but I miss daily mass and I hurt so bad and just want someone to hold me so I can really cry and let this out.

Please pray for me. Last night I almost fell totally back into this addiction, I was in my car on my way to really give into this sexual addiction when I kept seeing big, red words in my head saying, STOP STOP, don’t make it worse! So I turned around and went home. I’m just not sure about daily mass when I’m in this state and since Confession with my priest is not an option I guess I will have to go on the embarrassing “priest-hunt” to find a priest for Confession. I swear I could make a video game out of this…please pray for me. I don’t have anywhere else I can unload this shame, sorrow, and pain.

Thank you,

Lorrie

 

[Oneofthewomen]

snipped for space

I hurt so bad and just want someone to hold me so I can really cry and let this out.
I’m just not sure about daily mass when I’m in this state and since Confession with my priest is not an option I guess I will have to go on the embarrassing “priest-hunt” to find a priest for Confession. I swear I could make a video game out of this…please pray for me. I don’t have anywhere else I can unload this shame, sorrow, and pain.

Thank you,

Lorrie

Lorrie,
I am sorry that youare going through this.
I have had a similar situation with a priest, and I know how things can seem hopeless.

The line I bolded above is a “red flag” in my opinion.
This is not the “job” of the priest in the confessional, this is therapy.
Have you considered the possiblity that you need a counselor of some sort?
I suggest that you also find a spiritual director who will act as your confessor.
You can call you diocesean office and they should be able point in you in the right direction.

As far as Mass goes, keep going!
Even if you don’t receive communion, spend some time in adoration in front of the tabernacle, ask Jesus to help you carry your cross with the same couage & dignity that He did.

Keep praying and don’t give up hope!!

 

[Irishgal49]

snipped for space

Lorrie,
I am sorry that youare going through this.
I have had a similar situation with a priest, and I know how things can seem hopeless.

The line I bolded above is a “red flag” in my opinion.
This is not the “job” of the priest in the confessional, this is therapy.
Have you considered the possiblity that you need a counselor of some sort?
I suggest that you also find a spiritual director who will act as your confessor.
You can call you diocesean office and they should be able point in you in the right direction.

As far as Mass goes, keep going!
Even if you don’t receive communion, spend some time in adoration in front of the tabernacle, ask Jesus to help you carry your cross with the same couage & dignity that He did.

Keep praying and don’t give up hope!!

Thanks for your kind words, I didn’t expect a priest to hold me, I was talking more in a general way, a friend, etc. Sorry if I didn’t word that correctly. I can’t get counseling in my area. My income is too high, and I can’t afford it, I’ve been checking for some time. I’m not ready for that, but I may see about a support group down the road. Too raw right now.

Thank you so much for your kind words,

Lorrie

 

[michaelmas]

Do you know what the difference between Judas and Peter?

Judas gave up on hope and forgiveness from God and Peter didn’t even though he denied him not once but 3 times as his friend and lord was lead away.

I too struggle with purity. I recently went to confession because I had fallen and couldn’t stop. We need to trust in God’s mercy and not LIMIT him. When we ask for forgiveness we are forgiven. I need to learn that as well and to trust in that like Peter did.

I find that a priest refusing to hear a confession is downright shameful. It makes me angry to know that has happened.

Take hope that you continue to seek God that means the Holy Spirit is working in you and you have grace.

Depending on what your addiction is there are a number of 12 step programs out there ranging from A to Z. If there is not one that meets your specific need then attend a meeting for another addiction. What you will get by being in a group is a support system and the knowledge you are not alone. If there is no 12 step group in your area pick up the AA blue book and start reading. Addiction is all the same and this book helps you see that. If you would like a blue book let me know and I will be happy to mail you one.

Be like Peter

Mike

 

[Scoobyshme]

Good Morning all,

I just finalized a divorce one week ago. I was married while fallen away outside the Church and we were separated for over a year. The hearing was supposed to be a default judgement and he shows up with his new girlfriend holding her hand through the hearing and glaring at me. I had a gal pal from the church there, holding her rosary and praying and I totally appreciated that.

I struggle with an addiction and I have always had problems with how much culpability I have given that it’s an addition and whether or not I should take Communion. My priest and I had a MAJOR falling out months ago, and while we are on “decent” terms he doesn’t want to hear my Confessions or “help” me so I’m left with no one to talk to and I can’t even tell you how bad I’m hurting right now. It’s a very deep overwhelming sadness that seems to come and go and I keep falling into my personal impurity addiction over and over. I can’t even make 48 hours without falling again so I’m just not taking communion and skipping daily mass.

It’s getting hard to find a priest for Confession and the depth of my shame and embarrassment eats at me and I just sink into more sadness and shame. I want so much to stop hurting but I am afraid to talk to anyone for fear I will start up more church drama, which seems to follow in my wake lately. I just hate that I’m cut off from daily mass like this and finding a priest for Confession on Monday has about the same odds as hitting the Mega Millions lottery. I’m still going to try, but I miss daily mass and I hurt so bad and just want someone to hold me so I can really cry and let this out.

Please pray for me. Last night I almost fell totally back into this addiction, I was in my car on my way to really give into this sexual addiction when I kept seeing big, red words in my head saying, STOP STOP, don’t make it worse! So I turned around and went home. I’m just not sure about daily mass when I’m in this state and since Confession with my priest is not an option I guess I will have to go on the embarrassing “priest-hunt” to find a priest for Confession. I swear I could make a video game out of this…please pray for me. I don’t have anywhere else I can unload this shame, sorrow, and pain.

Thank you,

Lorrie

First of all, find another priest. Even if you have to drive a ways.

Second, and maybe even more importantly, start praying your Rosary daily. No exceptions! The Rosary is the preferred “small arms” of Our Lady’s army! Learn to use it well! It is the Prayer of the Gospel. It can defeat any sin.

Third, realize how addiction works. There is a pleasure center in our brain that is activated when we do something pleasurable (sex, drugs, alcohol, whatever). However, as we continue to receive pleasure, our brain requires more of the causing activity to achieve the same level of pleasure (caused by a chemical released by the brain). So, the more we do it, the more we think we “have to” do it.

Fourth, the late Archbishop Sheen said that it’s always best to “amputate” rather than “slowly curtail” when it comes to sin. In other words, stop cold turkey.

Fifth, go to Confession EVERY time you fall, without exception, as soon as possible. We are at war! War, not with flesh and blood, but principalities and powers. You’re getting your tail kicked right now by Satan. Time to fight back. The Rosary, as I said, along with frequent Confession, and hopefully daily Mass, will help you defeat him with God’s and Mary’s help!

Sixth, never give up. The difference between the Saints and those who end up in hell, isn’t that they never sinned. It’s that when they sinned, they got right back up (repented/went to Confession) and tried harder the next time.

 

[Pfaffenhoffen]

Good Morning all,

I just finalized a divorce one week ago. I was married while fallen away outside the Church and we were separated for over a year. The hearing was supposed to be a default judgement and he shows up with his new girlfriend holding her hand through the hearing and glaring at me. I had a gal pal from the church there, holding her rosary and praying and I totally appreciated that.

I struggle with an addiction and I have always had problems with how much culpability I have given that it’s an addition and whether or not I should take Communion. My priest and I had a MAJOR falling out months ago, and while we are on “decent” terms he doesn’t want to hear my Confessions or “help” me so I’m left with no one to talk to and I can’t even tell you how bad I’m hurting right now. It’s a very deep overwhelming sadness that seems to come and go and I keep falling into my personal impurity addiction over and over. I can’t even make 48 hours without falling again so I’m just not taking communion and skipping daily mass.

It’s getting hard to find a priest for Confession and the depth of my shame and embarrassment eats at me and I just sink into more sadness and shame. I want so much to stop hurting but I am afraid to talk to anyone for fear I will start up more church drama, which seems to follow in my wake lately. I just hate that I’m cut off from daily mass like this and finding a priest for Confession on Monday has about the same odds as hitting the Mega Millions lottery. I’m still going to try, but I miss daily mass and I hurt so bad and just want someone to hold me so I can really cry and let this out.

Please pray for me. Last night I almost fell totally back into this addiction, I was in my car on my way to really give into this sexual addiction when I kept seeing big, red words in my head saying, STOP STOP, don’t make it worse! So I turned around and went home. I’m just not sure about daily mass when I’m in this state and since Confession with my priest is not an option I guess I will have to go on the embarrassing “priest-hunt” to find a priest for Confession. I swear I could make a video game out of this…please pray for me. I don’t have anywhere else I can unload this shame, sorrow, and pain.

Thank you,

Lorrie

Big confusion.
You are going through hell. Now, if you are in hell, go forward…
Sexual addiction? Your trouble is find sexual addiction horrible.
Sexual addiction is sexual addiction but you are putting on top of it shame, guilt, feelings of worthlessness so it is more what you put on top of it than the addiction itself.
Just go to mass. Before going to communion, ask God for forgiveness. Don’t miss communion for that. God came to sinners not to saints.
When you have time and occasion, just go to confession.
But NEVER miss mass and communion for lack of confession.
If everybody were to miss communion for being sinner (and sexual sins are not more important than the others) than no one would go to communion. Not me. The Bible says that the Just sins 7 times a day !!!
Relax, God loves you.
Go through hell and fire with courage knowing that God is with you.
God Bless You.

 

[Cristiano]

…But NEVER miss mass and communion for lack of confession…

This statement in regard to reception of communion is fundamentally wrong and goes against the teachings of the Church.

 

[Oneofthewomen]

Thanks for your kind words, I didn’t expect a priest to hold me, I was talking more in a general way, a friend, etc. Sorry if I didn’t word that correctly. I can’t get counseling in my area. My income is too high, and I can’t afford it, I’ve been checking for some time. I’m not ready for that, but I may see about a support group down the road. Too raw right now.

Thank you so much for your kind words,

Lorrie

Lorrie,
Again, based on some of your other threads, I think you are looking for something from a priest (friendship, support, etc) that is not is not part of the “confession experience”.

As far as counseling, here is some"tough love"-
I get the money thing, I have no insurance, make too much for any subsidies and am the only wage-earner right now (hubby has been unemployed for over a year), so in order to get the therapy I knew I needed, I found the money.

For me, it was all about priorities-
Did I need that Starbucks every week?
Did I really need to buy the high-end hair products?
Is renting 3 movies a week really necessary?

Trust me, even with a limited income, I found a way to have enough money to see my counselor twice a month, when needed. Now, I see him about every 4-6 weeks.

I have learned (the hard way) that I am my own worst enemy, and that until I took control of my own life & situation, no one else was going to be able to help me.

I will pray for you!

 

[maryjk]

I struggle with an addiction and I have always had problems with how much culpability I have given that it’s an addition and whether or not I should take Communion. My priest and I had a MAJOR falling out months ago, and while we are on “decent” terms he doesn’t want to hear my Confessions or “help” me so I’m left with no one to talk to and I can’t even tell you how bad I’m hurting right now. It’s a very deep overwhelming sadness that seems to come and go and I keep falling into my personal impurity addiction over and over. I can’t even make 48 hours without falling again so I’m just not taking communion and skipping daily mass.

Is it that he doesn’t want to hear your Confessions or that he doesn’t want to hear them every day?

Could he be saying, “you are coming in here every day, with the same sin. I don’t see that you are trying to amend your ways, until you are ready to do that, please don’t come back for Confession?”

Not receiving Communion if you are in mortal sin is what you are supposed to be doing. Not attending Mass because you are in mortal sin is not a good idea.

 

[englishredrose]

I am so sorry
He may not be willing to hear confession but he may be willing to help you find a ocal priest who will? Have you asked?

Or contact the Bishop for your area and explain what it is you are wanting and they mgiht put you in touch with a spiritual director which may be of equal value to you as you ge tto throughly explore whats going of with you and God rather than just confess…?

 

[Cathryn]

Lorrie:

I don’t understand what you mean by daily Confession. However, all that is needed to forgive mortal sin is to go to any parish and look at the schedule. Just confess the sin, be repentant, and the priest will give you absolution. I get the impression you want to talk about your sin. Most priest will not want this extra information. They will ask for any information they need to know. If the priest decides he needs to give you some words of counseling, accept them. It would probably be best just to use a screen for Confession and make your Confessions as simply and to the point as possible. You could confess your sin of “impurity” and if the priest needs more information he will ask. You seem to want to label your sin as an addiction possibly out of your control. Maybe your priest doesn’t see it that way. You may have more control and culpability than you are accepting.

 

[agnes_therese]

But NEVER miss mass and communion for lack of confession.

“Big confusion” is right! This would be acceptable advice in the case of VENIAL sin. This is directly **against **the teachings of the Church in the case of MORTAL sin.

Are there no other parishes nearby where you could go to confession? There’s no requirement that we confess to the pastor of our own parish, you can confess to any priest.
It doesn’t need to be an “embarassing hunt.” Just call other parishes, and ask when confessions are scheduled.

Also, it sounds as though a support group would be a really good idea. You may not feel you’re ready for it, but then, addicts usually don’t. You need it anyway.

 

[OraLabora]

“Big confusion” is right! This would be acceptable advice in the case of VENIAL sin. This is directly **against **the teachings of the Church in the case of MORTAL sin.

Are there no other parishes nearby where you could go to confession? There’s no requirement that we confess to the pastor of our own parish, you can confess to any priest.
It doesn’t need to be an “embarassing hunt.” Just call other parishes, and ask when confessions are scheduled.

Also, it sounds as though a support group would be a really good idea. You may not feel you’re ready for it, but then, addicts usually don’t. You need it anyway.

The thing is, when we are dealing with an addiction, it most likely is not mortal sin as there isn’t full cooperation of the will. I suspect the priest was exasperated trying to explain that.

This thus becomes a case for therapy. While confession can complement the therapy, especially in reinforcing our belief in Divine Mercy and in opening our hearts to hope, too frequent confession can reduce our psychological issues to one of strict legalism.

The result, IMHO, is a vicious cycle of relapse/confess/relapse that eventually leads to loss of hope and works against inner transformation, which is required to break an addiction. I really think the advice above about therapy is the most sound advice we can give the OP. that, and keeping her in our prayers.

 

[michaelmas]

The thing is, when we are dealing with an addiction, it most likely is not mortal sin as there isn’t full cooperation of the will. I suspect the priest was exasperated trying to explain that.

This thus becomes a case for therapy. While confession can complement the therapy, especially in reinforcing our belief in Divine Mercy and in opening our hearts to hope, too frequent confession can reduce our psychological issues to one of strict legalism.

The result, IMHO, is a vicious cycle of relapse/confess/relapse that eventually leads to loss of hope and works against inner transformation, which is required to break an addiction. I really think the advice above about therapy is the most sound advice we can give the OP. that, and keeping her in our prayers.

I was one of those who sinned and kept coming back to confession as soon as I was able. Sometimes twice in 1 week. You are right that you can lose hope with the cycle of sin/confess/sin/confess on a daily basis BUT for me the graces of those confessions were the foundation to where I am at today.

As for the Rosary, what a great spiritual meditation during temptation and when you have fallen. It is hard to sin when you are praying the rosary. Pray, Pray, Pray… you may think it is getting you no where but it is.

 

[Cristiano]

The thing is, when we are dealing with an addiction, it most likely is not mortal sin as there isn’t full cooperation of the will. I suspect the priest was exasperated trying to explain that.

This thus becomes a case for therapy. While confession can complement the therapy, especially in reinforcing our belief in Divine Mercy and in opening our hearts to hope, too frequent confession can reduce our psychological issues to one of strict legalism.

The result, IMHO, is a vicious cycle of relapse/confess/relapse that eventually leads to loss of hope and works against inner transformation, which is required to break an addiction. I really think the advice above about therapy is the most sound advice we can give the OP. that, and keeping her in our prayers.

First we must remember that diminished culpability does not automatically imply that the sin is not mortal. Second only the priest at time of confession could determine if the culpability of the sin is diminished so much that it becomes venial. We are not to make that determination.

I understand your take and you might be right but unless th OP says that the priest said so we really cannot assume that.

 

[OraLabora]

First we must remember that diminished culpability does not automatically imply that the sin is not mortal. Second only the priest at time of confession could determine if the culpability of the sin is diminished so much that it becomes venial. We are not to make that determination.

I understand your take and you might be right but unless th OP says that the priest said so we really cannot assume that.

Diminished culpability does make the sin venial in that specific circumstance. That is of course up to the priest to make that call. We don’t have that info (nor should we, seal of confession and all that), but it does appear that the priest doesn’t think that daily confession is the right approach.

As I said above, confession does have a big role to play in addiction. But it might not suffice alone. It needs to be combined with therapy, and care must be take to avoid scrupulosity. I think less frequent confession where we focus on general progress rather than each specific occurrence, might be best, that is confess when progress stops or regresses but not when there’s a marked improvement. We have to remember While God rewards success, He also recognizes genuine effort leading to improvement even if the result isn’t always perfect.

True healing requires deep inner transformation, and learning to let go of the pain that our addiction tries to mask. Confession can help, but too frequent might hurt. It’s a question of balance. Often therapy is required, or at the very least sound spiritual direction. And finding a good therapist willing to work within or at least respect your Catholic boundaries isn’t easy.

I don’t like getting personal on these forums but all I can say is “been there, done that”.

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

I’m just not sure about daily mass when I’m in this state and since Confession with my priest is not an option I guess I will have to go on the embarrassing “priest-hunt” to find a priest for Confession. I swear I could make a video game out of this…please pray for me. I don’t have anywhere else I can unload this shame, sorrow, and pain.

I’ve not read all of the responses, so pardon me if I’m repeating.

Don’t stop going to Mass, even if you can’t receive Communion.

Have you looked into getting a spiritual director? If your priest isn’t communicating with you, contact the diocese for a referral. Ask for someone who ‘specializes’ in counseling addicts, if such a director is available.

Ask your physician and your diocese for a referral to a therapist who’s willing to see you on a sliding scale based on your income. It’s at least worth asking. Keep the info handy for when you’re ready.

If there a 12-step program in your area for your addiction? If you aren’t sure start with your local library. Librarians are masters as knowing this kind of stuff and are very discrete.

Luna

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

I’ve not read all of the responses, so pardon me if I’m repeating.

• Don’t stop going to Mass, even if you can’t receive Communion.
• Have you looked into getting a spiritual director? If your priest isn’t communicating with you, contact the diocese for a referral. Ask for someone who ‘specializes’ in counseling addicts, if such a director is available.
• Ask your physician and your diocese for a referral to a therapist who’s willing to see you on a sliding scale based on your income. It’s at least worth asking. Keep the info handy for when you’re ready.
• If there a 12-step program in your area for your addiction? If you aren’t sure start with your local library. Librarians are masters as knowing this kind of stuff and are very discrete.

Luna

 

[Cristiano]

Diminished culpability does make the sin venial in that specific circumstance. That is of course up to the priest to make that call. We don’t have that info (nor should we, seal of confession and all that), but it does appear that the priest doesn’t think that daily confession is the right approach.

As I said above, confession does have a big role to play in addiction. But it might not suffice alone. It needs to be combined with therapy, and care must be take to avoid scrupulosity. I think less frequent confession where we focus on general progress rather than each specific occurrence, might be best, that is confess when progress stops or regresses but not when there’s a marked improvement. We have to remember While God rewards success, He also recognizes genuine effort leading to improvement even if the result isn’t always perfect.

True healing requires deep inner transformation, and learning to let go of the pain that our addiction tries to mask. Confession can help, but too frequent might hurt. It’s a question of balance. Often therapy is required, or at the very least sound spiritual direction. And finding a good therapist willing to work within or at least respect your Catholic boundaries isn’t easy.

I don’t like getting personal on these forums but all I can say is “been there, done that”.

I completely agree with your comments. I also want to add that the “been there, done that” experience brings a lot of insight to the discussion.

 

[Irishgal49]

The thing is, when we are dealing with an addiction, it most likely is not mortal sin as there isn’t full cooperation of the will. I suspect the priest was exasperated trying to explain that.

This thus becomes a case for therapy. While confession can complement the therapy, especially in reinforcing our belief in Divine Mercy and in opening our hearts to hope, too frequent confession can reduce our psychological issues to one of strict legalism.

The result, IMHO, is a vicious cycle of relapse/confess/relapse that eventually leads to loss of hope and works against inner transformation, which is required to break an addiction. I really think the advice above about therapy is the most sound advice we can give the OP. that, and keeping her in our prayers.

Thanks everyone,

My parish priest and I had a major falling out. That’s why he doesn’t want me to make confessions with him. I was mad that he wouldn’t give me spiritual guidance about whether or not to take communion when I fall into my addiction. It was him that labelled it an addiction and he said, “it’s quite serious”. I said things I shouldn’t have and I apologized but I have to go elsewhere for Confession, it’s hard to find a priest who has time around here. I manage but it’s difficult. Therapy for this is a joke. Psychologists will tell you the problem is your religion and I have no Catholic therapists here. I will be blunt, masturbation is not considered a sin or even a problem with every therapist I’ve talked to so far.

I like the rosary–and I did find a priest who is willing to meet with me once a month this summer for spiritual direction. I never go into details about my sin, it’s shameful enough believe me. The priest I have lined up works at a college so it’s basically going to be over the summer but I really am hopeful he can help me sort some of this out and give me guidance on reading, prayers, etc.

I appreciate everyone’s thoughts. Your prayers mean a lot.

Lorrie