Daily Confession

  • Thread starter Thread starter Irishgal49
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
One more thing…I should have said this. I finalized my divorce last Monday. The pain is horrendous, I cry non-stop at times and then other times I feel fine. I cannot believe it ripped me up this bad. It was supposed to be a default hearing but he showed up holding hands with his new girlfriend and made some statement to the court about how stupid I am before the judge cut him off. I feel I have no purpose, no point in life except to work to pay bills. I’m falling behind every month and have managed to juggle but the student loans (that can’t be deferred anymore) are killing me. Money is simply not an option. I did find a divorce support group and feel that I can start there.

There is one sex addicts group and it’s co-ed. I can just see how that could be an occasion for sin…not interested in anything co-ed about a sex addiction. I feel this recent relapse is my way of medicating the horrific pain I’m in.

Anyway, it’s hard to know what to post to give people adequate info and I appreciate that all you can offer is based on what you read and I’m totally impressed. You are very giving and I appreciate your compassion and challenges.

Lorrie
 
Here is international group that I would strongly recommend to you. They follow the 12 steps and abstinence.

sa.org/

When I first attended I was surprised and comforted by the wide range of people suffering from the same deal. There were folks from all walks of life. The rich accountant, the middle class office worker, the stay at home Mother, etc. All ages as well from 18 all the way to the 60’s. You are not alone.

This group is also good but they believe that recovery is what you think it should be.
saa-recovery.org/OurProgram/

For me, this was the next step from confessing all the time. Once I started to attend and became accountable changes started to occur. I credit the graces of Confession for bringing me to these meetings.

Mike
 
Here is international group that I would strongly recommend to you. They follow the 12 steps and abstinence.

sa.org/

When I first attended I was surprised and comforted by the wide range of people suffering from the same deal. There were folks from all walks of life. The rich accountant, the middle class office worker, the stay at home Mother, etc. All ages as well from 18 all the way to the 60’s. You are not alone.

This group is also good but they believe that recovery is what you think it should be.
saa-recovery.org/OurProgram/

For me, this was the next step from confessing all the time. Once I started to attend and became accountable changes started to occur. I credit the graces of Confession for bringing me to these meetings.

Mike
Awesome, thank you so much I will check these out.
 
On the meetings,

The one SAA group is the co-ed group only here in my area. I could call and see if there’s a woman who might meet and talk to me but I won’t go to co-ed meetings for my problem. Let’s just say that’s a road I’ve trod before. On the other group the closest meeting is 2 hours away but I could go if I was off work and check it out—again see if maybe I can meet a woman who might work with me as a sponsor until I could find something or a meeting comes to this area. I will call both hotlines though, maybe there’s a group that isn’t listed too, I know groups start and stop all the time.

Thanks again,

Lorrie
 
Diminished culpability does make the sin venial in that specific circumstance. That is of course up to the priest to make that call. We don’t have that info (nor should we, seal of confession and all that), but it does appear that the priest doesn’t think that daily confession is the right approach.

As I said above, confession does have a big role to play in addiction. But it might not suffice alone. It needs to be combined with therapy, and care must be take to avoid scrupulosity. I think less frequent confession where we focus on general progress rather than each specific occurrence, might be best, that is confess when progress stops or regresses but not when there’s a marked improvement. We have to remember While God rewards success, He also recognizes genuine effort leading to improvement even if the result isn’t always perfect.

True healing requires deep inner transformation, and learning to let go of the pain that our addiction tries to mask. Confession can help, but too frequent might hurt. It’s a question of balance. Often therapy is required, or at the very least sound spiritual direction. And finding a good therapist willing to work within or at least respect your Catholic boundaries isn’t easy.

I don’t like getting personal on these forums but all I can say is “been there, done that”.
I would go so far as to say that it should be assumed that confession should *never *be expected to suffice alone in the treatment of addiction, or even of habitual sin. If there is an exception, I will bet everything that it proves that rule. Confession and the Eucharist are necessary in our struggle against sin, but that does not mean that confession and Mass alone are sufficient.

I think the OP would do well to make an appointment to talk to a priest about her issues at length, resolving that she will not consult with more than three different priests. At some point, she has to take what they tell her at face value.
One more thing…I should have said this. I finalized my divorce last Monday. The pain is horrendous, I cry non-stop at times and then other times I feel fine. I cannot believe it ripped me up this bad. It was supposed to be a default hearing but he showed up holding hands with his new girlfriend and made some statement to the court about how stupid I am before the judge cut him off. I feel I have no purpose, no point in life except to work to pay bills. I’m falling behind every month and have managed to juggle but the student loans (that can’t be deferred anymore) are killing me. Money is simply not an option. I did find a divorce support group and feel that I can start there.

There is one sex addicts group and it’s co-ed. I can just see how that could be an occasion for sin…not interested in anything co-ed about a sex addiction. I feel this recent relapse is my way of medicating the horrific pain I’m in.

Anyway, it’s hard to know what to post to give people adequate info and I appreciate that all you can offer is based on what you read and I’m totally impressed. You are very giving and I appreciate your compassion and challenges.

Lorrie
You went to court expecting a non-event and instead had your ex very emphatically rub his rejection of you into your wounds. You’ve been emotionally abushed. Don’t punish yourself for being torn. Spiritually and emotionally, you’re a burn patient! Don’t think of pain control as if you had a mild sun burn. Rather, look for any legitimate thing you can find to soften the blow and give yourself some much-needed comfort and self-care.

When the Lord was finally alone with the woman caught in adultery, he said two things: Neither do I condemn you and go and sin no more. Of course you remember that. Remeber that He DID NOT say, neither do I condem you, but I’m going to the next time I see your dragged in front of me.

The Lord will never leave you. Even if you can’t find a confessor, even if you can’t find a place to go to Mass, even if everyone you know turns their back on you, the Lord will never leave you. When I was going through my bad time, I hung this on my bathroom mirror, printed in big letters. It is still there. If you read the whole psalm, it was written in lament of being forced to watch the evildoers, having their day:

*If the LORD were not my help,
I would long have been silent in the grave.

When I say, “My foot is slipping,”
your mercy, LORD, holds me up.

When cares increase within me,
your comfort gives me joy.*

Psalm 94:16-19

Hang in there. God is with you, God advocates for you, and God is not looking for a technicality to catch you with. God only wants you sound and whole and entirely belonging to Him, with no blemish holding you back. You cannot come to Him “good enough”; making you perfect is what God will do for you, not the other way around! So keep up your pursuit of holiness, but remember always that the work is God’s, and try as you might your perfection will have to happen in God’s time. It will happen. Trust God about that.
 
Just fyi, there are catholic therapists out there. My roommate has gone to one a few times. You can check with them to see if they are in line with the Church’s teachings as they should be. But hopefully you can find one.

And like it has been said previously, don’t stop going to mass even if you can’t receive communion. There are great things to be gained from abstaining from the Eucharist when no in a state of grace. What better motivation to stop sinning than the ability to receive our Lord body, blood, soul, and divinity in the Eucharist?

Spend time in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament. Pray the rosary daily. Invoke the help of St. Michael. Get all the help you can. You can get through it.

I’m really sorry to hear about your divorce. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.

Just know that through all of these crosses, you are more united to the passion of Christ. And remember that our Lord did not stay on the cross forever. =)
 
“Big confusion” is right! This would be acceptable advice in the case of VENIAL sin. This is directly **against **the teachings of the Church in the case of MORTAL sin.

Are there no other parishes nearby where you could go to confession? There’s no requirement that we confess to the pastor of our own parish, you can confess to any priest.
It doesn’t need to be an “embarassing hunt.” Just call other parishes, and ask when confessions are scheduled.

Also, it sounds as though a support group would be a really good idea. You may not feel you’re ready for it, but then, addicts usually don’t. You need it anyway.
I am right. I do not not what “Big Confusion” is.
Do you have a mortal-sin-meter? Are you sure when you are in grace and in a state of mortal sin?
It is Church doctrine that no man can say he is in a state of grace. So the opposite must be true.
As for me, I do not have the meter, so, sorry, I never know whether it is a mortal sin or not. I know all the theory, OK, but the practice is quite hard. Jesus advised us not to judge. He said, the way you judge the way you will be judged.
God alone and His son, Jesus Christ, can judge man.
Your ideology has meant that many people go to Mass and start doubting and then they go not to communion, missing God, who is the best food to avoid sin !!!
Look up right on the Groups. Which is the most numerous?
Exactly, the “OCD/Scrupulosity Group”, which becomes a disease.
Imagine in Africa, where I was born. In the old times, the priest would come once a year and they would have consecrated hosties. Now, I guess, people would go to communion once or twice and would have to wait one year to be in a state of grace.
Moreover, if they died, hell with them !!!
I do not think this rigid way, nor I think Christ came to give His Body and His Blood to be wasted and rotten without being eaten and drank…
The Church teaches that if you say an act of contriction, your sins are forgiven and you must go to private confession when you have possibility.
 
…The Church teaches that if you say an act of contriction, your sins are forgiven and you must go to private confession when you have possibility.
I think that you keep misquoting the Church teachings and thus create confusion for a lot of people. What you say is correct but it applies only to very limited and specific cases.
 
No, it is not and does not go against the teachings of the Church.
Please be so kind to provide a reference to a document of the Church that states that: “…But NEVER miss mass and communion for lack of confession”. The Church and the NT are quite clear that we must go to confession before receiving communion if we are in a state of mortal sin.
 
((Hugs)) to you OP.

I am sorry to read about that your priest simply doesn’t want to hear your confessions anymore due to your sins. Also, sorry that your ex husband is making things more difficult on you as well with the legal side of things.

Can you look up your local diocesan website as they do have information on counseling and therapy that is Catholic in nature & low cost to you too. Also, perhaps on the website, search out other churches in your area, and make an appointment for a private visit with the priest - go to several different ones until you get to one that you have no issues with for Confession & spiritual guidance. Explain your issues to the priest and that you are also seeking out private help & support groups too, hopefully you will find one that will be understanding & willing to work with you no matter how much you stumble.

Remember Jesus said he came for the sinners not the righteous and that the healthy do not need doctors but the sick do. You may not have a physical illness, but mental ones cannot be seen by others.

Daily Mass, Bible/Scripture Study, Confession, Devotions like the Rosary, and attending Eucharistic Adoration and/or Benediction if you can go are very helpful to bring focus from what is going on in your private life. No need to neglect those things, and by making time outside of work to attend to those things can keep you busy & less likely to fall into the bad things. Many churches welcome non parishioners to these various things, and are free with the exception of a Scripture Study class which are low cost.

Lastly, look into reading about St Augustine, a great Doctor of the Church. He struggled with sins of the flesh prior to his conversion after many prayers from people like his mother St Monica and the man who had a lot of influence on him: St Ambrose (another Doctor of the Church). For a female perspective on purity, read about the young girl St Maria Goretti.
 
I am so humbled and appreciative of everyone’s comments. I went to Confession and there was a priest there I really like. He doesn’t really give advice, which in my case is probably good. I get too caught up in gabbing/explaining sometimes. I confessed and he hears Confessions with his eyes closed and then talks about what the death of Jesus did for us and how it frees us from sin and empowers us to live a holy life. It was very powerful and I left feeling a WHOLE LOT LIGHTER. I actually felt a lifting off of me when he said the words of absolution. It was really powerful.

I have lined up a priest (he serves at a college campus) for the summer and will work with him on these issues. I’m not going to rail about the other priest, just talk about spiritual direction and spend the summer getting a “lesson plan” if you will, for the remainder of the year so I can focus on growth, healing, and not on whose hurt me.

Just before I went to Confession I was feeling ashamed and embarrassed and I got a call to interview for a possible promotion at my county job which, if I get it, will relieve a TREMENDOUS amount of stress from my life. God was giving me a big emotional boost and the excitement from that made me forget all about being ashamed about confessing this same stupid sin again. I performed my penance and now I’m standing firm in not falling again. This makes 4 times in 2 weeks I had to go to Confession.

I am so looking forward to what my future can be and the Deacon is going to help me with my annulment this Thurs. “Failure to follow form” and he said it was pretty much a document thing so now time to chase paper.

I love and appreciate your support and please keep me in your prayers.

Lorrie
 
I am so humbled and appreciative of everyone’s comments. I went to Confession and there was a priest there I really like. He doesn’t really give advice, which in my case is probably good. I get too caught up in gabbing/explaining sometimes. I confessed and he hears Confessions with his eyes closed and then talks about what the death of Jesus did for us and how it frees us from sin and empowers us to live a holy life. It was very powerful and I left feeling a WHOLE LOT LIGHTER. I actually felt a lifting off of me when he said the words of absolution. It was really powerful.

I have lined up a priest (he serves at a college campus) for the summer and will work with him on these issues. I’m not going to rail about the other priest, just talk about spiritual direction and spend the summer getting a “lesson plan” if you will, for the remainder of the year so I can focus on growth, healing, and not on whose hurt me.

Just before I went to Confession I was feeling ashamed and embarrassed and I got a call to interview for a possible promotion at my county job which, if I get it, will relieve a TREMENDOUS amount of stress from my life. God was giving me a big emotional boost and the excitement from that made me forget all about being ashamed about confessing this same stupid sin again. I performed my penance and now I’m standing firm in not falling again. This makes 4 times in 2 weeks I had to go to Confession.

I am so looking forward to what my future can be and the Deacon is going to help me with my annulment this Thurs. “Failure to follow form” and he said it was pretty much a document thing so now time to chase paper.

I love and appreciate your support and please keep me in your prayers.

Lorrie
Don’t you just love that feeling! I remember leaving church after confessing many impure things and I felt so alive and happy.

Now let me warn you. The evil one is going to come after you with even more now that you are back in a state of grace. I hope you don’t fall but from what I have experienced you probably will. I don’t mean this in a negative way I only mean it as advice and for hope. Remember this, GOD forgives. Don’t limit him by thinking you are 2 ashamed or not worthy. That is HogWash!!! That is was the biggest thing for me to overcome, limiting God’s forgiveness.

Stay focused. Take small steps. Get into a healthy routine and keep to it. Whenever I got lazy from my routine I was already on the slippery slope. Don’t worry about being perfect! Just live and trust in God.

Mike
 
I think that you keep misquoting the Church teachings and thus create confusion for a lot of people. What you say is correct but it applies only to very limited and specific cases.
Would you mind to tell the limited and specific cases, please?
I will help: with the lack of priests todays, OR, in most of the countries where Church is growing fast (nor NAmerica or Europe), from your knowledge of what is going on in Africa, South America and Asia, do you think it easy to find a priest?
Is it the exception or is it the rule?
 
Please be so kind to provide a reference to a document of the Church that states that: “…But NEVER miss mass and communion for lack of confession”. The Church and the NT are quite clear that we must go to confession before receiving communion if we are in a state of mortal sin.
Do not go that way.
Otherwise I will ask you to quote a document for every statement you make. We are not robots or parrots.
Of course that we must go to confession if we are in a state of mortal sin. 100% agree.
BUT: how sure are you that you are in a state of mortal sin. I am not young and I have never felt that I was in a state of mortal sin. Anyhow, I do not have a mortal-sin-meter.
If the church states clearly that you cannot be 100% sure that you are in a state of grace, the contrary must be true.

What I said is that, if you are in mass, you had no occasion to confess, though you wanted to, just say an act of contrition and go to communion. Jesus was made for sinners not the those who do not need salvation. Jesus is there to feed the sinners not a recompense for good behavior. Jesus came to save the sinners, even if it is one lost sheep…
 
Do not go that way.
Otherwise I will ask you to quote a document for every statement you make. We are not robots or parrots.
Of course that we must go to confession if we are in a state of mortal sin. 100% agree.
BUT: how sure are you that you are in a state of mortal sin. I am not young and I have never felt that I was in a state of mortal sin. Anyhow, I do not have a mortal-sin-meter.
If the church states clearly that you cannot be 100% sure that you are in a state of grace, the contrary must be true.

What I said is that, if you are in mass, you had no occasion to confess, though you wanted to, just say an act of contrition and go to communion. Jesus was made for sinners not the those who do not need salvation. Jesus is there to feed the sinners not a recompense for good behavior. Jesus came to save the sinners, even if it is one lost sheep…
First when you make such strong statements that go against the basic teachings of the Church you have a moral responsibility to show where the Church affirms that. If you want to ask me to do the same I am fine with that, go ahead post the documents and then ask me what you would like to know. It is not about being robots or parrots but it is about being faithful and thus learning what the Church teaches, otherwise we could become protestants or idolaters because we start to believe in a God that is the creation of our wishes. To know if we are in a state of mortal sin is quite simple, we just stick to the three basic rules. Our conscience is a mortal-sin meter and that it is why we have to properly form it, feeling that we are in a state of mortal sin often is just a pseudo rationalization to avoid doing a deep and frequent examination of conscience. Finally St. Paul made it clear in his letters that we are rewarded according to our good behaviors or lack of, that is true because Jesus is not only our savior but also our Lord. As a Lord He gives us orders directly and through the Church and we must obey them, when we obey we show good behaviors.

If you were simply living according to your opinions I would discuss the situation in a different way, but here you tell people to act against what the basic teachings are. When it comes to specific cases of canon Law the individuals must go to the pastor, the bishop or a canon lawyer to understand the exceptions.
 
Would you mind to tell the limited and specific cases, please?
I will help: with the lack of priests todays, OR, in most of the countries where Church is growing fast (nor NAmerica or Europe), from your knowledge of what is going on in Africa, South America and Asia, do you think it easy to find a priest?
Is it the exception or is it the rule?
Code of Canon Law Canon 960 and Canon 987 are quite clear about our obligations. Being easy has nothing to do with it, the words possibility or impossibility are the of the essence.
 
Do not go that way.
Otherwise I will ask you to quote a document for every statement you make. We are not robots or parrots.
Of course that we must go to confession if we are in a state of mortal sin. 100% agree.
BUT: how sure are you that you are in a state of mortal sin. I am not young and I have never felt that I was in a state of mortal sin. Anyhow, I do not have a mortal-sin-meter.
If the church states clearly that you cannot be 100% sure that you are in a state of grace, the contrary must be true.

What I said is that, if you are in mass, you had no occasion to confess, though you wanted to, just say an act of contrition and go to communion. Jesus was made for sinners not the those who do not need salvation. Jesus is there to feed the sinners not a recompense for good behavior. Jesus came to save the sinners, even if it is one lost sheep…
Why would he not go that way? We have been given the gift of trustworthy, authoritative, and very articulate teachers, after all. If I’m going to pass something off as the teachings of the Catholic Church instead of my personal opinion, I’d better hope I can quote some instance where the Magesterium has attested to that position. I fully believe that you are well-meaning, but you need to admit that if you can’t find where the Church teaches something, it is altogether possible that you are just making stuff up. Making stuff up and calling it the teaching of the Church is not acceptable.

To know moral law and follow it does not make a person into a robot or a parrot, and to be blunt I cannot imagine how a reasonable person could say that it is. How can you say it is impossible to know when you’ve done something seriously wrong, or that you did it on purpose and with full knowledge of what you were doing? That’s preposterous. Rather, any person with a normal compliment of faculties and access to basic catechesis and moral formation can do it as soon as they’ve emerged from early childhood!

The Church has explicit teachings which require more that you imply. For instance, the Church teaches that you do have a “mortal-sin-meter.” It is called your moral conscience. Your moral conscience requires formation and can be erroneous, but you are morally bound to follow it to the best of your ability, nevertheless. Also, the Church teaches that it is necessary to have mortal sins forgiven prior to receiving Holy Communion and that the ordinary ways to have a mortal sin forgiven is not an act of contrition, but rather the Sacraments of Penance or Baptism. There are exceptions to this, but these cases are extraordinary, not ordinary.

It is important to be clear about this, so the Church includes it in her most basic of teachings.

From the Compendium of the Catechism of the Catholic Church (italics mine):
395. When does one commit a mortal sin?
1855-1861
1874
One commits a mortal sin when there are simultaneously present: grave matter, full knowledge, and deliberate consent. This sin destroys charity in us, deprives us of sanctifying grace, and, if unrepented, leads us to the eternal death of hell. It can be forgiven in the ordinary way by means of the sacraments of Baptism and of Penance or Reconciliation.
376. Can a moral conscience make erroneous judgments?
1790-1794
1801-1802
A person must always obey the certain judgment of his own conscience but he could make erroneous judgments for reasons that may not always exempt him from personal guilt. However, an evil act committed through involuntary ignorance is not imputable to the person, even though the act remains objectively evil. One must therefore work to correct the errors of moral conscience.
291. What is required to receive Holy Communion?
1385-1389
1415
To receive Holy Communion one must be fully incorporated into the Catholic Church and be in the state of grace, that is, not conscious of being in mortal sin. Anyone who is conscious of having committed a grave sin must first receive the sacrament of Reconciliation before going to Communion. Also important for those receiving Holy Communion are a spirit of recollection and prayer, observance of the fast prescribed by the Church, and an appropriate disposition of the body (gestures and dress) as a sign of respect for Christ.
Now, could the OP have an erroneous conscience, mistaking an act committed out of compulsion for an act committed with full consent? Yes, of course she could. If her confessor told her that, then she ought to believe him. In that case, though, she does not need to make an Act of Contrition prior to receiving Holy Communion at Mass. The Penititial Act within the Order of the Mass suffices for that, and her reception of Holy Communion would wipe away the venial sin. Her continuing confession of her habitual venial sins–venial because the ingrained nature of the habit or a stong organicly-based compulsion seriously compromises her ability to choose to avoid the act–is still strongly encouraged by the Church, since as the* Compendium *says, this “helps us to form a correct conscience and to fight against evil tendencies. It allows us to be healed by Christ and to progress in the life of the Spirit.”
 
To the OP…

Have you considered memorizing the Prayer for Purity and praying it when you feel tempted?

Prayer for Purity

Jesus, Lover of chastity, Mary, Mother most pure, and Saint Joseph, chaste guardian of the Virgin, to you I come at this hour, begging you to plead with God for me. I earnestly wish to be pure in thought, word and deed in imitation of your own holy purity.

Obtain for me, then, a deep sense of modesty which will be reflected in my external conduct. Protect my eyes, the windows of my soul, from anything that might dim the luster of a heart that must mirror only Christlike purity.

And when the “Bread of Angels becomes the Bread of me” in my heart at Holy Communion, seal it forever against the suggestions of sinful pleasures.

Heart of Jesus, Fount of all purity, have mercy on us.
 
To the OP…

Have you considered memorizing the Prayer for Purity and praying it when you feel tempted?

Prayer for Purity

Jesus, Lover of chastity, Mary, Mother most pure, and Saint Joseph, chaste guardian of the Virgin, to you I come at this hour, begging you to plead with God for me. I earnestly wish to be pure in thought, word and deed in imitation of your own holy purity.

Obtain for me, then, a deep sense of modesty which will be reflected in my external conduct. Protect my eyes, the windows of my soul, from anything that might dim the luster of a heart that must mirror only Christlike purity.

And when the “Bread of Angels becomes the Bread of me” in my heart at Holy Communion, seal it forever against the suggestions of sinful pleasures.

Heart of Jesus, Fount of all purity, have mercy on us.
Thank you so much for that prayer! I have never seen that before but I’m going to print it out and carry it with me.

I talked to the parochial vicar and told him about my panic I’m having and how I feel I have no purpose and no direction since the divorce. He pointed out I also turned 50 within one month of the divorce and that both things are probably putting me in a “crisis”. He talked about his struggles with panic and anxiety and affirmed my place in the church. He told me that I may not feel like I know my place in life but that I am a daughter of God. We were starting a study group so we didn’t have a lot of time to talk but I feel I got more affirmation and spiritual direction in that 20 minutes and through these postings than I could have ever hoped for…I am so grateful. I also feel I’m off the compulsive relapse mode and that is a big relief. Sometimes when I fall back into the addiction it can trigger a major compulsion and I’m off and running for weeks, going to Confession 3-4 times a week before it gets back in check again. It’s been three days and it’s about one day–today. I’m very blessed to have the parochial vicar…he’s so amazing and is more than willing to hear Confessions. It was nice to talk to him last night and honestly say, “Nope don’t need Confession, just need to talk.”

I try to “earn people’s love” by diving into church activities. I push myself to keep up with the 15-20 year crowd and I’m newly back in the church (last June). It’s good to hang with those who are walking close to the Lord but I push myself and get mad when I’m not put in leadership positions like others and this distraction keeps my focus off the fact that I am horribly lazy with my personal devotions. I haven’t developed personal devotional practices in any significant way and I fully told Fr this yesterday. I think that’s why God takes people/things out of my life, to get me so I have to listen and follow Him more closely.

Great thread–so many excellent comments,

Lorrie
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top