Dating a baptist... help?

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forever_always

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So, i met this GREAT guy in August, and we started dating. I never wanted to date someone that I don’t see myself with for the rest of my life, so we talked about important things before we started “dating.” One thing about him… He was raised Southern Baptist! Was raised with the belief that all Catholics will go to hell, that we worship Mary… etc. He actually stopped going to church because he saw it all as hypocritcal. He knows how important my faith is to me, and decided to go to mass with me last weekend (his decision, i didn’t even invite him lol). I explained a few things to him beforehand, but he was still soooo lost on what was going on.

He is so curious, was asking about the rosary that I have in my car, and asked if someone that “is not yet catholic” can pray one.

We are both very similar in our beliefs and morals. He agrees that we would be married the in the Catholic church and that our children would be raised Catholic.

My question is this… do you know of any books, websites, or anything that would help explain the Catholic faith and Mass? I don’t want to misguide him on any of this and have him “turned off” to the faith.
 
Wow, believe it or not this isn’t a simple question to answer! I know, I have a fiance currently converting (RCIA) from (basically) S. Baptist evangellical to RC now. She asked basically the same exact question. The problem is, there is just a lot of data there regarding the mass, you could take a whole college course (and then some I think) just on the Liturgy of the mass! So… What I’ll recommend for starts is just typing him out a guideline of what to do when, stand/kneel/what to say/ how to properly handle communion.

If he wants deeper information (that’s great, for both of you) I have two books to recommend. The first is a 50 page paphlet. You should be able to get through it quickly enough, the auther basically pulls together a lot of sources of information for you, and boils it all down to a very breif synopsis. The second book is quite a bit longer, will require a lot of study, and is actually one of the books students in the (Catholic) semenary have to study.

Book 1
latin-mass-society.org/msshst.htm
I found this on amazon origonally, but I can’t find it there any more - but hey, now you can read it online for free as provided by the author!

Book 2
The Mass: A Study of Roman Liturgy
amazon.com/mass-study-Roman-liturgy/dp/B00087WUBC/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1256841282&sr=8-2
 
I feel for you. I’ve been married to a non-practicing <refrain from mentioning the denomination> for over 25 years. He was okay with raising the kids Catholic too but chose not to become Catholic. He even told me in the past that he hates Catholics because of - get this - the Inquisition. And he knows many others who do too.

Remember, though, that there’s the rest of his family who interact with the kids. My kids attended Sunday School and Sunday service with my in-laws when they went to stay during the summers. They were fed incorrect information by both their grandparents and my sister-in-law (a pagan) about the Catholic Church (CC). Also, there are “normal” things one does as a Catholic that aren’t necessarily done as a non-Catholic (I don’t know if it’s just my in-laws or all people in that faith) but fasting, abstaining from things, denying oneself stuff for a period of time, etc. are very foreign to my husband’s side. You marry more than just the spouse. You get the whole family and their friends.

As my kids got older my husband’s opinion of the CC became more pronounced. They’re on their own now and do not practice the Catholic faith. It really bugs me, and I pray for them daily.

You must be strong, as you will be the only one teaching your kids the Catholic faith. Don’t count on even the Catholic schools, as there are so many non-Catholics teaching and attending there that doctrine is not practiced or taught well. It’s become “inclusive” and non-denominational.

I even taught in a Catholic school that had 3 nuns teaching, but most of the kids were not even Christian! I wasn’t allowed to teach Catholic stuff to the kids! We didn’t have a Christmas concert.

I’ve lived all over the place as an adult and it’s pretty similar all around.

Just know you will be taking on a great burden. Divorce is not an option. Prayer and determination is.

Good luck, Sweetie. It can work if you work at it.

With Love in Christ,
  • K
 
I agree with the previous two posters. My sister is in the process of marrying a Baptist and I already see the confrontations and problems. Prayer is the only weapon I have since she never listened to my counsel. I wish you nothing but luck and appreciate the fact that he is willing to go to Mass with you. Mass is a beautiful yet complex thing to understand. There are Catholics that still have no clue what occurs during Mass and that the book of Revelations describes Mass that occurs in Heaven. I also agree that to carry this burden by yourself with no partner is a difficult thing to do. The lady who has been married for 25 years is a great example of that. Many have great intentions but at the end if you are not partnering in raising your children Catholic something always gets lost in translation. I myself am a product of a mixed marriage and can say that it definitely would be easier with two Catholic parents. You might want to give your boyfriend the booklet entitled, “Pillar of Fire Pillar of Truth”, which is a great introduction to the Catholic church. Being Catholic is not only beautiful but a difficult life to live. I believe that is why so many Catholics stray away. The true teachings of the Church are beautiful and if we lived them we would live in a better world. The only problem with this sect of protestats (Baptist) is that traditionally they are not even close to Catholicism. Therefore, it may take them a while to get to a primary understanding of the universal Church.
 
Thank you all for the advice! At church a few weeks ago they were talking about catholics come home! It seems so neat! I will look into that.

I am a product of a “mixed marriage” my Mom is Roman Catholic and my dad was raised Lutheran, but no longer practices. I am the eldest of five, and so far, none of us has strayed… which seems to be pretty rare, but some of my siblings are still pretty young. But i have seen how hard it was for her to raise us alone in the church 😦
 
Former Baptist / Presbyterian here…

Buy him the book “Born Fundamentalist, Born Again Catholic” by David Currie and “Home Sweet Rome” by Scott Hahn to get him started.

I was raised in a Baptist Church which was VERY anti-Catholic, Chick tracks everywhere, people talking about people going to hell etc… I left in High School and became a Presbyterian, eventually coming home at the Easter Vigil 08 with my former Baptist wife and our 4 children.

My mother, who is 65, has not yet joined the Church but I’m still working on her. As a life long Baptist it’s hard to change but she was never a hater anyway… that being said she definitely had some misunderstandings and Currie’s book made a big impact on her.

There are actually a lot of Baptist things which are truly very Catholic, they just don’t know it.

Check out www.catholicbridge.com as well, it’s a great site with easy answers for Protestants.

If you ever have any questions, feel free to send me a PM and I’ll do my best to answer.

Joe
 
I may be too late with this advice by now, but I don’t recommend marrying “unevenly yoked” as St. Paul put it. (He didn’t recommend it either!)

We have to recognize that we live in a culture that has raised romantic love (poorly defined as that tingly feeling inside) to the level of a false god. Idolatry.

That tingly feeling is NOT going to last, no matter WHO you are or how great he is. What’s left after the infatuation no longer masks each others warts and flaws is how much you have in common and how committed you are to loving one another. There quite simply is no substitute for a mate who knows God and loves him and has come to the same understanding of the Church as the fountain of Grace that you have.

It’s advice generally too late by the time the question is asked. If this one doesn’t work out, remember my advice NEXT time and simply avoid dating guys who aren’t catholic. It’s that important.

I will shortly get piled on with examples that worked out great. Big deal, even the Titanic had survivors…
 
manualman said:
I may be too late with this advice by now, but I don’t recommend marrying “unevenly yoked” as St. Paul put it. (He didn’t recommend it either!)

We have to recognize that we live in a culture that has raised romantic love (poorly defined as that tingly feeling inside) to the level of a false god. Idolatry.

That tingly feeling is NOT going to last, no matter WHO you are or how great he is. What’s left after the infatuation no longer masks each others warts and flaws is how much you have in common and how committed you are to loving one another. There quite simply is no substitute for a mate who knows God and loves him and has come to the same understanding of the Church as the fountain of Grace that you have.

It’s advice generally too late by the time the question is asked. If this one doesn’t work out, remember my advice NEXT time and simply avoid dating guys who aren’t catholic. It’s that important.

I will shortly get piled on with examples that worked out great. Big deal, even the Titanic had survivors…
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kage_ar said:
This is a good resource for Bible knowledgable non-Catholics:

catecheticsonline.com/apologetics_mass.php

Missionary dating is never a good idea. Find a nice Catholic boy.
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I’ll go against the grain here, what matters most is that they are truly sincere. I do see maybe a point if you end up getting married and they just aren’t going to join the faith, you’ll have to figure out how to explain the faith to your kids, and reconcile whatever differences of opinion are going to come up. That is a huge task.

But as far as dating, if they’re open and willing to at least take a look down the road you’re walking it might be worth a shot. Just keep your needs in mind, and be sure you’re ready to walk out if you if you feel like not doing so will compromise your core beliefs.
 
biblechristiansociety.com and scripturecatholic.com are both very good resources, as well… If you and your boyfriend are more of aural (hearing) learners, then Bible Christian Society has many free mp3’s of apologetic lectures to download. Scripture Catholic is great for visual learners… and a mixture of both is great a great way to learn and remember apologetics. Also this website has a wonderfully simple, yet profound, explaination of the Mass, and especially wonderful explainations on why Catholics do the things they do… I thought myself fairly educated in Catholicism, and I still learned quite a few things from this site.
 
forever_always said:
So, i met this GREAT guy in August, and we started dating. I never wanted to date someone that I don’t see myself with for the rest of my life, so we talked about important things before we started “dating.” One thing about him… He was raised Southern Baptist! Was raised with the belief that all Catholics will go to hell, that we worship Mary… etc. He actually stopped going to church because he saw it all as hypocritcal. He knows how important my faith is to me, and decided to go to mass with me last weekend (his decision, i didn’t even invite him lol). I explained a few things to him beforehand, but he was still soooo lost on what was going on.

He is so curious, was asking about the rosary that I have in my car, and asked if someone that “is not yet catholic” can pray one.

We are both very similar in our beliefs and morals. He agrees that we would be married the in the Catholic church and that our children would be raised Catholic.

My question is this… do you know of any books, websites, or anything that would help explain the Catholic faith and Mass? I don’t want to misguide him on any of this and have him “turned off” to the faith.
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Hi! I was raised Southern Baptist and converted shortly after marrying my husband. He got me to read a lot of books by Scott Hahn (or read them aloud to me) and that helped explain things and then after a while I started looking for books on my own and learning everything that I could.
 
Wow, now that I’ve looked at the comments way up above mine I feel even more lucky that my husband married me, non-Catholic at the time that I was. If he’d followed the advice you’ve gotten I would probably be a cynical agnostic who’d lost my faith and couldn’t figure out what I was looking for. If he’s genuinely interested in learning I’d do everything I could to encourage it.
 
I suggest “Rome Sweet Home” by Scott Hahn and “Surprised by Truth” by ??? When I first read “Rome Sweet Home,” I remember thinking for the first time that maybe the Catholic Church has something to it afterall. The second is a book of short autobiographies of converts to the Catholic faith. There is bound to be a story there that he can connect with.

I was raised a Methodist and met my now dh. Very glad he didn’t run the other direction. Instead he gently showed me the Catholic faith and God did the rest. I thought I would convert him to be protestant, but was wrong. 😉 I was baptised/confirmed/received first eucharist at Easter vigil a week after our engagement 6 years ago.

The two books I mentioned I am sure will make an impression on him. Even if you two don’t work out, shouldn’t we be evangelizing to whoever comes our way? If my dh had never told me about the Catholic faith, I would most likely still believe that Catholics think Jesus died and did not rise again. There are so many mistruths out there about the Catholic faith and most protestants just grow up being taught that way, not knowing anything else. Someone has to tell him, and it sounds like he wants to know the truth. If he’s really interested, there’s always the Catechism. Pretty much all the info is in there and you can pick what section you want to read, bit by bit.
 
Thanks guys… I own “Rome Sweet Rome” because my Mom is a big fan of Scott Hann and buys me alot of his books… so I’ll pass it along to him, or offer to read it with him.

We were talking again last night, and he said he wants to learn all he can about my faith. He is deployed right now, and said that the chaplains passed out rosaries and rosary booklets, so he has been teaching himself the prayers and how to pray the rosary.

I don’t want to tell him “you have to become catholic in order to be with me” because i want him to love me for who i am, and i want him to worship God as he feels right. Forcing a religion on someone (even if it is the right religion) will only cause them to grow to hate it… I want him to choose for himself.
Am i totally off? Or is that true? I’ve just seen relationships where the guy will only go to church for his gf or wife, but he doesn’t want to be there and hates it.
 
RedSoxWife said:
Wow, now that I’ve looked at the comments way up above mine I feel even more lucky that my husband married me, non-Catholic at the time that I was. If he’d followed the advice you’ve gotten I would probably be a cynical agnostic who’d lost my faith and couldn’t figure out what I was looking for. If he’s genuinely interested in learning I’d do everything I could to encourage it.
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I’m glad your husband didn’t give up on you just because you weren’t catholic 🙂
 
forever_always said:
Thanks guys… I own “Rome Sweet Rome” because my Mom is a big fan of Scott Hann and buys me alot of his books… so I’ll pass it along to him, or offer to read it with him.

We were talking again last night, and he said he wants to learn all he can about my faith. He is deployed right now, and said that the chaplains passed out rosaries and rosary booklets, so he has been teaching himself the prayers and how to pray the rosary.

I don’t want to tell him “you have to become catholic in order to be with me” because i want him to love me for who i am, and i want him to worship God as he feels right. Forcing a religion on someone (even if it is the right religion) will only cause them to grow to hate it… I want him to choose for himself.
Am i totally off? Or is that true? I’ve just seen relationships where the guy will only go to church for his gf or wife, but he doesn’t want to be there and hates it.
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I think you have the right approach. The posters who recommended only dating Catholics raised some important points to consider, but it’s not a universal norm. I don’t think you need to hurry up and dump the guy immediately simply because he isn’t Catholic. It’s a definite plus that he is open to learning more about the Catholic faith. If he wasn’t, that would be a severe roadblock.
 
Hi!

I am a candidate who is praying this will finally be my year to come in at Easter (annulment issues with DH sigh). Anyway…

The best thing I EVER did was join, and stay, with the RCIA class. It’s been 4 years, and I’ve seen the program change and grow to meet the needs of the Church’s ‘children’. Encourage him to join, if for no other reason than to be properly educated. Catechesis is a difficult journey to undertake, and what better way than to get to know each other than to grow in your faith together?

Remind him there’s no obligation to stay at all! But, there are SO many Baptists in my class that compare notes and really engage each other in awesome conversation!

And, praying the Rosary is a great start! Good luck!

Peace be with you 🙂
 
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