Dating a Lukewarm Catholic?

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@0Scarlett_nidiyilii hey 🙂 let me make the niddly diddly comment: " No one asked her if she loves him !!!
 
TK421 said:
As the father of the family, these ideas will inevitably be transferred to any children as well. Even if a spouse isn’t vocal about their views, they have a way of making an impression either way, and since there is widespread conditioning of fictional ideas of marriage in society, without a strong rooting in the home, it’s very unlikely any future children won’t get swept away with pop culture.
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These are excellent points.
 
I think the larger issue and more relevant one that you should discuss is views on contraception, NFP, as well as if you did get married (since you are talking about heading that direction), would he teach potential children in the faith? Meaning would he teach them his views on homosexual unions or would he teach the views of the Church? These are highly important and these are what really matters
 
Our view on issues which are contrary to Church
teaching could be affected by (a) what our parents instilled
(b) what our peers growing up (c) what our present friends
and influential circumstances… affects our conscience.
I, myself grew up in a VERY permissive home, but my
peers growing up in the “If it feels good, do it” nevertheless
frowned on gays, but nowadays, I have essentially accepted
SSA orientation as a valid form of attraction and is caused
by the lack of intimacy w/ parent/sibling while growing up.
 
As already mentioned, he’s probably not Catholic in belief on other matters regarding sexuality, marriage, chastity, and so on.

My question is this. If you found this out on the second date, would you have continued seeing him?

What happens when we start dating and over look things, we continue forward, become attached to each other, and then we look at these things and wonder ‘what the heck do I do now?’. If you would not have continued past a second date knowing what you know now, that would have a lot of weight in making a decision.
 
PennyinCanada said:
he’s probably not Catholic in belief on other matters regarding sexuality, marriage, chastity,
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This is rather a big assumption unless the man has been directly asked and has answered questions regarding sexuality, marriage, chastity etc.

The fact that a person supports same-sex marriage doesn’t automatically lead to the acceptance of every so-called “liberal Catholic” position out there. The only way you will know what a person thinks and believes is to ask them and get a straight answer. Not make assumptions.

For example, there hasn’t been any indication based on the OP’s posts that this man was expecting his girlfriend to be unchaste with him before marriage, though they’ve been seeing each other for a pretty long time now, nor that he thinks it’s okay for spouses to violate chastity within a marriage.
 
Is that a real reason for splitting up? Are you sure you truly love him if you’re not ready to share his beliefs? I mean you always have a chance on dating site like meetville.comcatalog, etc, but is it what you really want?
 
LookUpwards said:
Dating a Lukewarm Catholic? … I’ve tried to help him get to know the teachings of the Church better. … Do I stay and continue to pray for his conversion in this belief? Do I try to acknowledge his points and then explain why the Church teaches the way it does? (I do feel as though ignorance is a large part of this.)
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I once told a priest that I thought I was more religious and had stronger faith than my wife. He responded gently that my wife may be more religious and faith-filled than I think. His remark humbled me, and because of his insight, I am a better husband and a better faith partner to my wife.

It’s time for a humility check – in case this thread hasn’t already brought you to that point. You have a mental checklist of Catholic doctrine. You know where you stand. You wonder where he stands. Those are not insignificant points, but there is so much more to being a good Christian. Go back to basics: Does he have Christian faith, hope, and love? What else for you defines a good Catholic man? Give that some thought. (I don’t know him, or you, so I cannot answer or give specific advice.)
No matter what advice you end up leaving, I beg you please pray for him.
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I am praying pray for him. Not only that, I am praying for you! 💖 May the Holy Spirit assist and guide him and you, whether your futures be separate or together, always toward greater faith, hope, and love.
 
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Beryllos said:
I once told a priest that I thought I was more religious and had stronger faith than my wife. He responded gently that my wife may be more religious and faith-filled than I think. His remark humbled me, and because of his insight, I am a better husband and a better faith partner to my wife.
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I know I was definitely more “religious” than my husband.
I am not sure which one of us had stronger faith. I think he had a huge amount of trust in the Lord because he was basically coming at it from OSAS.
I also think in terms of living our lives, in many ways he was a better and kinder person than me. He definitely inspired me to become a better person on several occasions, often through the patient way he dealt with the worst sides of my own behavior.

There’s definitely different ways of being holy.
 
LookUpwards said:
cussed the future to some length including some day getting married, having a family, etc. We’re both practicing Catholics. Recently, a discussion came up about homosexuality. I staunchly affirm the Church’s teaching on human sexuality and neither support the union of persons with SSA nor the opportunity for same sex couples to adopt children. He has since told me that he was afraid of my reaction but went ahead and revealed that he doesn’t see anything wrong with same sex couples adopting children or getting “married.”
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While this may be a red flag, please talk to him some more.

I think there is a fine line between supporting “same sex marriage” (as meaning they think nothing is sinful about homosexual acts) and supporting spousal benefits being granted to two people who live together.

Some people feel that it’s wrong to prevent a same-sex couple the same next-of-kin rights that married people can receive.

Personally, while I’m against “same sex marriage,” I do believe that any roommates should be allowed to apply for “spousal benefits” if they decide to permanently live their lives together. This would include two older siblings living together, an adult child with a parent, two widowed best friends, etc. (NOTE: these are currently somethings that are not allowed)

So please continue to discuss with him. However, if he refuses to acknowledge the sin, then that would big issue.
 
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You love him where he is at and let him know your opinion as well which is in line with church teaching. I’d bet it’s hard to find a single Catholic who doesn’t struggle or think differently from some teachings of the church. I think the biggest issue for most is coming to terms with accepting the teachings of the church as good, true, and authoritative - despite their inclination to believe differently after witnessing and growing up in a culture that isn’t always in line with the same beliefs. Value his honesty and keep having good discussions.

If you consider breaking up with someone over every disagreement, I think the relationship might need re-evaluated too. Just a thought.
 
I totally agree.
Since she just found out about his thoughts on this, I was putting it out there for her to have more of a conversation with him. I did not make that clear though, thank you.
 
Thanks for your reply! That’s a good point. I’ll keep that in mind.
 
Thanks for sharing your own story! I think he may be in a similar boat as your wife. He has a good friend who is gay and lives with a partner. They also want to adopt in future which is partly where this whole conversation arose.
Apart from his lack of orthodoxy here, I would say, yes, he is a good Christian man.
 
DisorientingSneeze said:
We shouldn’t assume this. Her wording didn’t explain if he actually disagrees with the church or if they just disagree as a couple about how a secular government should approach the subject. I just don’t understand why he is being cast as lukewarm over this when all clues in their dating life up to this point had him painted as practicing.
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I’m afraid I may have poorly worded my initial post. He disagrees with the Church on same sex marriage.
 
TK421 said:
If he feels this way about same-sex marriage, it’s doubtful that he conforms to the Church on contraception either, and so this is something that will be very relevant when you’re married and living together. As the father of the family, these ideas will inevitably be transferred to any children as well. Even if a spouse isn’t vocal about their views, they have a way of making an impression either way, and since there is widespread conditioning of fictional ideas of marriage in society, without a strong rooting in the home, it’s very unlikely any future children won’t get swept away with pop culture.
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It is my current understanding that he actually do conform to Church teaching on contraception. However, we’ll definitely discuss further/deeper all these things. And I agree with other posters that you bring up good, valid points about a spouse having impressions on children. Thanks for taking your time to share your thoughts!
 
Norseman82 said:
Is it possible he has family members or close friends that are homosexual? Do you?
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He has a very close gay friend who lives with his partner. I wouldn’t really call the relationship with this person a “friendship” but he has become good friends with many of my mutual friends so he is around a lot. Aside from him, I don’t have any friends or family who are homosexual. My boyfriend despises conflict and has a big heart so I think part of his reasoning comes from his desire to avoid hurting his friend.
 
LookUpwards said:
I wouldn’t really call the relationship with this person a “friendship”
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Sorry I mean MY relationship with this person. Not my boyfriend’s. My boyfriend is definitely friends with him.
 
Wampa said:
especially contraception and child-rearing.
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Currently, my understanding is that he conforms to Church teaching on contraception. But yes, child-rearing is a good point! Thanks for bringing that up. We’ll definitely talk about whether we think we can pull together on that front.
Wampa said:
Now, on the other hand, my wife has disproven everything I just said in the last paragraph. When we first dated, I was essentially a secular atheist and I railed against the Church’s teaching on human sexuality all the time. I was so hard on her, I don’t know how she put up with me! 😖 But in the end, she converted me and I conformed my beliefs to the Church.

I doubt that helps, but that’s my experience with it! My wife would say “keep praying for him, keep working on him, and trust that, if he’s the right one for you, then God will bring him around” 😃
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That’s a great story haha! Thanks for sharing 😃 I’ll be sure to keep your advice and your wife’s advice in mind.
 
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