Dating a Lukewarm Catholic?

[LookUpwards]

Thanks for giving your thoughts! Sorry my original wording was unclear. He disagrees with the Church’s teaching on marriage.
Also, welcome to the Church!

 

[LookUpwards]

you should discuss is views on contraception, NFP, as well as if you did get married (since you are talking about heading that direction), would he teach potential children in the faith? Meaning would he teach them his views on homosexual unions or would he teach the views of the Church?

Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut! My current understanding is that he agrees with the Church on contraception/NFP. We certainly will have to discuss what we would discuss potential children.

 

[LookUpwards]

While this may be a red flag, please talk to him some more.

I certainly will! Although my original post may have been poorly phrased, I have no intention of hastily making a decision. I value the relationship and am very grateful that he acknowledged this to me, though he knew I would disapprove. Thanks for taking the time to comment!

I think there is a fine line between supporting “same sex marriage” (as meaning they think nothing is sinful about homosexual acts) and supporting spousal benefits being granted to two people who live together.

Yes, he specifically supports “same sex marriage.”

 

[GospelOfMatthew]

In theory he doesn’t have to agree with everything the church teaches in terms of having a relationship. Plenty of Catholics marry non-Catholics or more “Sunday Catholic” types. But what matters is that he respects your views, will adhere to your views on morality related to marriage, such as no sex before marriage, no contraception, NFP… as well as teaching what is Catholic to children. But he personally doesn’t necessary have to agree 100% as long as he respects, does, and teaches what the Church (and thus you) want

 

[OnAJourney]

Ah I see. And no worries, you’re totally fine. Well in that case obviously there is certainly an issue. It would be one thing if he had a certain view regarding gay unions outside the Church but if he disagrees with Church teaching itself that could be an issue. However I still don’t think you should let it come between you and him. If you two make for a strong couple but disagree on certain things you can make it work. Just talk to him and be patient

 

[GospelOfMatthew]

“same sex marriage.”

This is actually problematic because in order to understand why homosexual acts immoral, we must delve into the morality of sex. Sex is ordered to pleasure and procreation. By definition homosexual acts are not procreative and thus disordered. This same logic is applied to contraception as well as non-intercourse acts being brought to completion. If he does not respect this logic, it is likely he doesn’t see how contraception or bringing non-intercourse acts to completion is immoral.

So this is actually quite critical that you talk with him about. He can have his views but his views on this most likely affect his views on other relevant things

 

[PetraG]

If you’re content with him if he stays just as he is or gets a bit worse, stay.
If you’re looking at him as a “fixer upper,” though, do everyone a big favor and do not marry him.

That goes whether he is Catholic or non-Catholic or hang-the-toilet-paper-backwards or whatever. Don’t marry someone who isn’t “good enough” for you just as he is. That is a big barrier to the respect and gratitude necessary for a good marriage.

 

[DisorientingSneeze]

He disagrees with the Church on same sex marriage.

Ok sorry to keep coming back to this. Does he think the Catholic Church should be marrying same sex individuals sacramentally or that we just shouldn’t be hindering people from legally seeking these unions or adopting? I’m not trying to take a soft stance on these issues, but there is a difference.

In either case all is not lost. If you’re both seriously considering marriage, marriage prep will yield discussions about the nature of marriage that should help you both gain some clarity on your vocation and whether it involves eachother.

In the meantime, would you consider doing a book study together on Father Mike Schmitz’s Made for Love: Same Sex Attraction and the Catholic Church?

I think the loving approach Father Mike takes in all things will appeal to your boyfriend who loves his friends who are gay, and his unyielding service to the truth will appeal to you.

 

[LookUpwards]

Thanks for your optimism. I’m trying to remain hopeful and optimistic myself.

 

[OnAJourney]

I do try to see the more positive things in people, even though I’m generally more a pessimist. It really does help sometimes though

 

[QwertyGirl]

I don’t know if this should be a dealbreaker for you. Only you can answer that.

I am the first person to always say don’t marry someone with the intention of changing them. Most reasonable people agree with that. However, there is a flip side. Make sure you will be able to love and live with the person you marry, even if they do change in ways that aren’t to your preference or liking. This is likely to happen, as we don’t “not change” over the course of 40 or 50 years. It would be unhealthy to stay stagnant that long.

Make sure you have enough glue between the two of you to withstand both change, and no-change over the course of a marriage.